Visiting Her More Than She Can Visit Me

[scammy]

Going to the gym saved me when I was going through my divorce.

I met alot of people, I may not be buddy buddy with them but ...

I got out and I did not drink...

 

Trust me when your husband has an affair and then marries his boss,

and the new boyfriend you decided on gives you a std and leaves you to go back to his ex..

 

Girlfriend YOU WanT TO DRINK...

You are not stupid, you are depressed,and isolated.

If you had friends you would have ignored them or possibly cut off the frienship.

I was warned years ago about my ex and I terminated my frienship with both people who spoke up about my relationship with him.

My opinion...

first go to the baeuty salon get your hair cut and a manicure.

Quit wasting your money on booze...

Invest in a little time and money on youself. Sounds like you are a giver.

 

second remember all of this was beyond your control

now you are free of him

you are in control.You had the power to control him all along.

Just become him,Don't call him, don't return his calls.

If he happens to catch you be short in time and very superficial and hang up quickly.

Don't look for a continued friendship.

Don't look to explain.Just slide out of his life.

Always be nice.Being nice is important for your spirit, to keep you feeling good.

I know what I am saying

been there,

done it ,

hope to never do it again,

probably will

but I use these methods for "damage contol"

They work..

I got a call two-three weeks ago from my ex.

A booty call whatever at work because I shut my phone off.

I had the power to control him all along. I became him.

I opened up my heart to another man who although not perfect fufills my need much better than that guy.

If my ex only had a brain, Id say your was the same he he.

I am rhyming now, ok i will stop sorry guys lol.

I hope this helps, I have been through what you are going through.

[FoolishDriver]

Originally posted by radhattr

yeah, but EMPOWER yourself. you are so much better off without this jerk!

Your post was empowering and helpful earlier in the day, but as the night goes by, I am feeling worse and worse and have even written up an apologetic email that I am contemplating sending to him to patch things up.

 

Last week I felt stronger and better, but today everything has been so awful and I wish we were back together. I can't function mentally knowing he's no longer in my life. it just hurts that he hasn't called or emailed once, after all this time. That's the only thing that is keeping me from sending the apology email, because the thought of him not missing me as much as I'm missing him is messing with my head and is hurting me even more.

 

i just dumped my boyfriend on friday, and a big reason was for the same damn thing......i was ALWAYS going to his house and he was never coming to mine.......

I'm sorry you broke up too and you must be going through a rough time as well. I don't know how I am going to get through this period.

 

I have called in to work and notified them that I will not be able to come in the rest of the week. I have never done that before, but I can't do anything but cry and curl up and feel sick and full of regrets that we are no longer together. I am checking my email every 10-15 minutes throughout the day hoping he has written and even get up in the middle of the night to check. How could he do this to me?

 

Scammy, you say that - " remember all of this was beyond your control"

I am thinking about that, if it was really beyond my control or if I could've done anything differently. I feel like if I get another try and be more assertive with what I want from him things will be different. I don't know if he would give me another try. He doens't like it when I get upset and this time I was scared he'd leave me when I got upset so I initiated things to end with a wish that he would plead that he'd treat me better but instead I have not heard from him. Maybe I hurt his feelings and he is too upset to talk so I have to contact him? I can't understand the situation anymore.

 

In the mornings I feel angry towards him the moment I wake up, then as the day goes on I start missing him and feel guilty for everything and wish we were back together. Maybe who cares if I am the one driving to see him and all the other things that bother me? Maybe that's the price I pay for being with him, since without him I feel miserable but with him, yes, I am upset a lot of times, but not to this extent where I have to drink and not go to work. I can't take being in this situation. I did make a hair appointment for tomorrow, I hope I do go to it just so I get out of the house, i haven't left the house in almost five days now and feel so down it won't go away. Thanks for your replies.

 

I don't know if I'm going to end up sending the apologetic email to him tonight. For a few reasons:

1. that he may not respond to this email either and I'll feel worse.

2. he'll respond negatively like he doesn't want me anymore and again I'll feel worse.

3. I shouldn't send it because it's wrong to send it.

4. things will be better he'll forgive me (yes, i know it SHOULD be him asking for forgiveness but I'm dealing with how the situation is and knowing he's not going to ever ask for that)

 

OR he'll respond wih forgiveness and things will get better. That is the only hope I have, but the risk is that there is a big possibility that things will end up even worse and I'll feel even worse even though I can't imagine that I could.

 

Judging from JazzyFox's post, I am co-dependent but i can't change that overnight and have no treatment for it, I am doing and feeling and experiencing all of the awful things of a co-dependent and I can understand why I want to be back with him now. I hope I do the right thing.

[radhattr]

DON'T send it! give yourself at least three days before sending it, and then, if you do, be prepared for the worst.

 

 

have you ever read the book "he's just not that into you?"

 

if not, you should get it.

 

go to bed, and get a good night sleep, tomorrow is a new day............

*hugs*

[FoolishDriver]

Thanks, ur the best for being there right now! I'll just keep it in my draft box for now and maybe shut down my computer so I don't get up and send it. That's a good idea, to keep it for a few days to think about it and the thought of the worse that will come of it.

thnk u and nitey nite.

[radhattr]

good, yeah, give it a bit more time.......

time to sink in a reassess....

 

feel free to comment to me tomorrow if you need it, i work at home and will be online on and off throughout the day.....

 

 

 

 

STAY STRONG! and use this time to better yourself......

it doesn't matter if you do or don't get back into the relationship, the more you better yourself during this time, the better off you'll be no matter what the outcome!

 

g'night!

[blackendangel13]

Foolish,

 

Here is my take on things and I hope this makes you feel better. To be honest, I don't think this guy used you in that sense. I think that, like my ex, he was just that selfish. A lot of younger ( I am assuming this) guys and girls are this way. There just have not seen the world yet and had to realize there are other people in it. My ex was 24 and still lived at home and I am 21 and have been on my own for 2 years so I am far more mature than him. We had the same problem. I felt he loved me in his way but he was very selfish and really didn't know how to love me. I think this is where your guy fits in. It isn't ANYONES fault. Things like this happen. Some people are not ready to give us what we need from him and there is nothing you can do to change that. Maybe someday after he grows up he will come back realizing you were the best thing that ever happened to him. Maybe he won't. Either way the only thing in this situation that you can control is how YOU feel. If you are upset, be upset. Let it all out. But the others on this post are making a good point that you need to start moving forward. Sending the email will only take you five steps back, because you can never force anyone to grow up or change.

[radhattr]

to blackenedangel:

 

yes! i actually think you are very right on this! and i think this is the case in my current situation as well...............

this totally hit home.......

[blackendangel13]

I just recently had to deal with a lot of this myself. My ex had no intention of growing up, no intention of moving out, getting a real job, etc. It came down to whether or not I wanted to put up with this for years and after very little thought the answer was "hell no". I tried to change him and make him realize he was messing up. I even told him he was messing up, but nothing ever changed so I had to bounce. We are still friends and I am sad about it because I cared about him, but it came down to caring about myself more. I am sure after some time, Foolish you will relaize you are worth more too. Everyone is.

[FoolishDriver]

Originally posted by blackendangel13

Here is my take on things and I hope this makes you feel better. To be honest, I don't think this guy used you in that sense.

You have no idea how much better that makes me feel. It's so upsetting to think he would have used me, I guess in a weird way it's more comforting to think of it as him being selfish. It hurts so bad that he hasn't contacted me though.

 

radhattr, I am so thankful of your advice last night. I woke up this morning thinking if I had sent the email, how much I would've regretted it, but like yesterday, as the day goes on I feel like I miss him more and more and by tonight I'm scared if I'll be feeling like last night, all desperate to be with him.

 

This is so nice to talk to others here, I have nobody to share anything with. Let's see, I did go to get my hair done this morning (before I start drinking and can't drive. I can't stop the drinking just yet otherwise I feel dangerously depressed).

 

I asked for my roots to be highlighted to match my hair, she totally bleached everything and now I have a new look. I'm nervous for my co-workers to see me all different, but it does look good and it was nice to have my mind distracted for a couple of hours, look at other girls in the salon and all that. She had to use the toner twice so I got an extra shampoo and it felt good to focus on myself for a while.

 

I'm back home checking my email obsessively again Oh well, I have to live this out and see where it takes me. Being online, I'm doing way too much online shopping though. ahh, the thought that he is going about his daily life without even thinking of me while I'm devestated is killing me.

 

 

Thanks girls for being there.

FD

[radhattr]

haha

 

it's normal.

 

I DID the dumping and I am actually checking my email and answering machine all the time too, hoping he will email or call to apologize for being so rude and insensitive, but no matter what, i know we need time apart, whether it's forever or temporary for a couple of weeks...............

[JazzyFox]

Ever had a tooth pulled out?

 

At first, it hurts like hell and then eventually the pain becomes numb. Right now, you are in the "hurts like hell" stage, and I assure you the pain will eventually go down. But be prepared for it to stick by you for a long time.

 

It's been 6 weeks since my break-up and I still think about calling him and trying to start over. But I know it's not in my best interest. Every day it gets a little bit easier.

 

Baby steps.

 

What has helped me is family, friends and my hobbies. The distraction that my hobbies give me are a god-send. I have a little foal that was born a month ago, and I have poured all my energies and loving into this foal. It keeps me busy, and I stop sitting at home fretting about living the rest of my life alone.

 

You need to do the same. Find something you love to do, whether it be creative, sports, or just plain walking the dog. Sometimes I make dozens of jars of jams and then give them away. The cooking keeps me busy, and the giving keeps me social. ;-)

 

If you need any help thinking of activities you could do, let me know. But you could start thinking about what gets you really excited, or what you used to do when you were a kid. Maybe start your own business? Just ideas.

[FoolishDriver]

Thanks for the support JazzyFox, I guess I'm not alone as far as you being tempted to contact your ex as well.

 

I feel better than yesterday, but I wish i felt 100% one way or the other. I have too many doubts of whether or not I should apologize.

 

That is so nice that you have a foal, make jam, and all those hobbies. I can't believe that as an adult I have absolute no hobbies! None at all. I can't cook, I don't have pets, all I do is work work work, then my bf was my 100% social life, so without him it is difficult to be happy in any way.

 

I am attractive, smart and all those things, but then I don't have a single friend. I don't go to bars and all those fun stuff, I would hate to go out all alone, so I feel like I'm going to be alone for a very long time. I'll try to think of a hobby, because while at the hair saolon my mind was off my problems, so if I find something to do, I won't be so focused on being alone w/o my bf and all depressed.

[JazzyFox]

Here are some ideas from eHow, on how to find a hobby

 

-Collect something by going to flea markets, antique shows or auctions

-Go for an adrenaline rush - scuba dive, sky dive, rock climb.

-Stay healthy - play tennis or golf; join a basketball, softball or volleyball league; bicycle or roller blade.

- Seek out the wilderness - hike and camp, hunt or fish, pan for gold.

-Build a perfect garden.

-Decorate your home.

-Take a course at a local college or university.

-Raise, train, and show cats, dogs or horses.

-Volunteer - as a youth group leader, in your church or synagogue, to help charities, to participate in community projects with Habitat for Humanity.

-Create art - take photographs, learn to paint, draw, sculpt.

-Join a local acting troupe.

 

If you need any more ideas, go to http://www.ehow.com/how_5672_find-hobby.html

 

If you take up any of these activities, you will eventually build a circle of friends around your hobby, and people who share your passion. That's what happened to me. After being in the horse world for almost 16 years, I have a whole group of buddies that I do horse and non-horse activities with on the weekends.

 

Anyways, I am so proud of you for being strong (even if you don't always feel that way). Keep it up!

[radhattr]

yes! i agree........i have met some of my best girlfriends ever rock climbing!

 

and i have a dog, and a garden..............love to hike and ski andff kayak and bike

 

 

the friends you make surrounding activities are the best

[radhattr]

oh, another thing that is REALLY fun is blogging.......have you ever heard of http://www.livejournal.com?

 

 

http://www.livejournal.com/random.bml

 

you can hit that link over and over again, read some random journals, and even start one of your own if you like. i've been blogging for 5+ years and i love it and have made tons of real life and virtual friends, check it out

 

 

 

 

 

*i am not affiliated with LJ in any way*

[radhattr]

Foolish Driver:

 

have you seen this?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54435/

 

it's a great post on NC

[blackendangel13]

You know, this is actually something I spent a long time last night talking to a friend about. Relationship and break-ups are not always forever. I feel that my ex (not the one I referred to in this post) is my soulmate. We were just not right for each other at the time. We have spent almost a year apart under bad terms on my end and I am finally starting to soften back up to him. There is never perfect timing in life. When you break-up and initiate NC you are taking time to better yourself and allow your significant other to grow as well. Everyone needs to grow and discover themselves and in relationships that are not working, this isn't being done. Sometimes in the really good relationships, you grow together but this growth cannot compare to the growth you accomplish by yourself. You can never force someone to grow, its something they need to learn on their own. Maybe you will come back to each other perfect for each other, maybe not. The point it, nothing in life is ever final except death. So don't think of anything as a final straw, it may be, but only time will tell you otherwise.

 

Foolish, you said you can't cook or garden? Well this would be a perfect time to try to learn! Hobbies are the greatest escape ever and I personally love challenging myself to learn new things. You should take joy in this as well.

[FoolishDriver]

Thanks for all of the great suggestions. The more I think about the hobbies you've listed I'm thinking to myself, I can't believe I don't do any of these things. All I've done is gone to school forever and ever, then I've been working forever and ever. Too shy to go to the bar and all that stuff, people think i'm stuck up because I don't make eye contact from the few honest feedbacks I get now and then.

 

This is going to sound more like a journal entry, but I find it so helpful to post here and read what I have gone through and build myself. I apologize if most of it becomes repetitive, but it's like I have to be told something so many times for it to actually sink in and my thinking is like that too, but once it does, it lasts and is permanent.

 

From the description of my personality above (shy) life has been extra challenging, so without my bf I've been so so alone and depressed, but each day that passes by and I resist contacting him or sending my apologetic email (my draft box is getting filled with them) I feel like I am finally getting somewhere positive with myself.

 

Today was easier than yesterday. I went to my backyard and started trimming the plants and watering them, some are almost dead. I have neglected them lately. I feel motivated to take up a couple of hobbies. I placed an order on a gardening book so I can identify the plants I have and how best to take care of them. I also ordered a cookbook! That is a big deal for me.

 

I can't believe as a grown woman I have never cooked anything, just put together salads, sandwiches, heat up soups, stuff like that. I am thinking that the more I learn and enrich myself, the less I will find fault for not being with my bf, so I thank you guys for putting those ideas. It's something that I've thought one day I'd do, but when was that one day ever going to come?

 

If I make it an advantage to be on my own and use my time wisely, then I may not feel so upset for no longer having him in my life. Who knows maybe if our paths cross again in the future, he will see me as more independent with my own activities.

 

I am focusing on myself for a change, it's kind of scary and exciting at the same time. I've gotten used to just work and that's it and maybe I don't notice it but others might notice the fact that I'm not involved in other activities and who would want to be around that type of person? No wonder I get so upset whenever he wouldn't call, like my whole life depends on him and maybe he was annoyed but didn't tell me?

 

It's hard to admit and be honest with myself, but when he first met me I was more outgoing and less dependent on him. LIke a curse, the more I fell in love with him, the more I turned my life around to revolve around him, all of my free time filled with thinking of when I would next see him, then all the driving, and for a long time he would call every night we weren't together and we'd have our long converssations.

 

As time went on and he'd contact me less, I would get upset and he would get upset that I was getting upset and it started going downhill. I never made myself unavailable. Even if he'd call late and it was short notice asking me to go over to his place, I wouldn't hesitate to say ok and would make the long drive, even if I had to be at work the next morning!

 

I thought he'd admire how commited I was to him, but instead he was gradually pushing me away the more I was into him and that drove me out of my mind and miserable and so upset.

 

I've been spending way too much time analyzing my actions, as far as I should've said this, done that. But now I'll pretend everything is ok, and focus on buildling up my personal life so I can find happiness from myself. blackendangel13, I really like what you say about break-ups not being forever necessarily, and how everyone needs to grow sometimes by themselves. Your words are encouraging me to be positive and make the best of my situation being apart. It has been so pathetic and a waste of so much time to do nothing but cry and feel so sorry for myself, like I have it the worst in the world.

 

I never thought as a child that as a grown up I would be experiencing these types of behavior which one associates with teenagers. When you see an adult at the store, you don't picture that they might have a broken heart and want to do nothing but curl up by themselves. Each day I was feeling the same or worse, so I thought nobody was going to step in and make things better, only I can change things by what I tell myself to think and do and i wouldn't have been able to snap out of the pitty/drinking state without this forum. And thanks for the links. The more I read about what others post, the better it makes me feel.thanks.

[radhattr]

wow nolongerafoolishdriver!

 

this post totally made me BIGTIME SMILE! I AM SOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU, THIS IS GREAT!

well, i'm off to yoga, but I'll post more when i get back in response, have a great day!!!!

[JazzyFox]

I as well, am EXSTATIC!!!

 

FD, you are on the right path ... and one day, you will be thankful for this time in your life for opening your eyes to how rich your life can be, whether or not you are in a relationship. Friends, familes, and hobbies make you a better person. And a better person to love, and to be loved.

 

Keep us posted on how your new-found hobbies evolve. You will eventually find something that stirs up so much energy and passion in you, that you will become addicted.

 

And, meanwhile, try and take a good look at yourself and your co-dependency. Perhaps you can join a self=awareness group or something? Or at least read up on it on the internet.

 

But go outside, enjoy spring, plant some flowers, and if you feel like cooking some home-baked cookes, I'll send you my address!

[radhattr]

yes! we all want make sure your cooking is going well, so we want some cookie testers!

 

 

 

 

 

i also thought i'd throw it out there....... this is a really good book.

 

 

 

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0670858463/qid=1116522968/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/102-1355600-0949756?v=glance&books&n=507846

[FoolishDriver]

Hi everyone, I was thinking of you guys today. I am starting to feel better and moving on with my life, thanks to the support I received here. So many times I was tempted to contact him again but I would read our posts, and I knew I would be back at step 1 and repeating myself and my actions over and over like a nightmare.

 

I didn't think I could get through the very difficult times in the beginning when I was not contacting him, I thought my life was going to end and there was no point for anything but now things are actually looking better.

 

I was scared I wouldn't have the strength to even get back to work after taking teh time off - I was feeling so miserable and didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything or see anyone. But I have been keeping myself busy with your suggestions and have kept my mind occupied.

 

Today being a holiday, I actually went into the office where I am right now to catch up on all of my files while nobody else is here. I love you guys, thanks for making such a big difference in my life. I'll always remember this. I had been dreading this long weekend, knowing I'd be alone but suddenly I feel so empowered, it's like I can tell myself how to feel and be strong, like I'm a whole new person and I am doing ok. Thanks....

[JazzyFox]

Attagirl!!!

 

You now inspire me! Keep up the good work, and tell me how your new hobbies pan out. Meanwhile, has he not contacted you either? If he has, how are you dealing with it? Are you just ignoring him?

 

Im so proud of you. I think of you too and hope you stay strong.

[FoolishDriver]

Hi JazzyFox,

As for my hobbies - I still have cold feet about the cooking, but I bought a cookbook and am reading through it, it's helping me to feel less intimidated by getting familiar with the terms and process. My kitchen came newly remodeled with a brand new oven when I purchased the home and I have never used the stove or oven yet, only the microwave on top of it! So at least I am more serious about cooking something any time now.

 

The gardening is what keeps me most busy. It feels good trimming, planting and watering. I am completely focused on what I do with nothing else on my mind and it makes the time go by a lot before I know it. When it's night, I want it to be over and the day to come, when it's daytime, I want it to be over and night to come. It is a terrible feeling, like I want to avoid feeling anything and am looking for hobbies that will keep my mind off of everything in the real world.

 

I've also been doing A LOT of spring cleaning. My place is clean, but I emptied out all of my closets and re-organized everything, re-arranged everything in the garage, went through all of my clothes and got bags full of clothes I don't wear. It feels good getting things like this done and the whole time I'm doing it, I don't think of anything other than what I am working on. My next project is to organize all of my books and go through stacks of magazines to get rid of old ones.

 

At the end of the day, I tell myself if we were still together, I wouldn't have gotten any of these things done, always putting them off or not even considering to do them.

 

As far as contact, it pains me deeply that he has not contacted me once. We used to spend the entire weekend together plus at least one day of the week together, email several times a day, talk. I can't believe he has not emailed or called once after all this time. When I think of this, which is often, it crushes and confuses me. I really have no idea how to make sense of it. Does it mean he doesn't care? Has he just moved on? That's the only thing I can come up with. So it's not a matter of me ignoring him, I think it is that he has chosen to ignore me.

 

I wish he would have contacted me to find out why I'm so hurt and discuss things, but I take it he doesn't care enough? But then that makes me never want to date anyone else because I can't put myself in a situation thinking I'm loved, and something like this could happen where he could care less to know how I'm doing, to say something, to want me in his life...just like I'm an old shirt that he tosses out and doesn't give a second thought about. I don't understand anything anymore.

 

I'd rather go about my things on my own I guess. I don't think I'll be over this for a very long time anyways. I'm just glad for now that I'm able to function. For two weeks I did nothing but curl up and cry and do nothing and thought I didn't care for another day. At least I am now functioning but inside, my heart, is broken and shattered for life. I know this might change one day, but I just don't get it.

 

All of the emails I wanted to send were of an apologetic tone, but now I'm getting to feel bitter and upset that he doesn't contact me at all. That hurts badly.

[JazzyFox]

I've been there. My past two breakups were pretty different and perhaps they will be of comfort (?) to you.

 

The first happened a few years ago. I was getting increasingly annoyed with my boyfriend because I was always making the effort ... he was always coming over to my place, and I just felt that he wasn't making much of an effort. The most obvious time was when he came over the my place, and pulled out a puny geranium flower from the flowerbed at my front door and gave it to me. I'm like ... what the h$ll! ... what a cheapskate. At that point, I did a rewind and realized that he had never taken me out to dinner, paid for the movies, bought me a gift ... except when he was first courting me (and it only happened once) ... and it had always been 50/50. I figured he was taking me for granted, and that he didn't feel that any extra effort was necessary.

 

So, he left for a business trip and I was pretty pissed .. but didn't say anything cuz I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do ... and when he came back, I was anxious to see him. I assumed he was coming to see me on his first night back ... but then he emails me to say that he is going to go home to see his mom. I email him back in a pretty pissy tone saying that I'm surprised that after having been gone for 3 weeks that it's more important that he sees his mom than me. No reply. No call. A month goes by, and I'm just plain shocked. I went through the full gamut of emotions. He emails me on my bday two months later (after I had sent out a general email, including to him, with my new cell phone number) saying that he hopes all is well and that he never meant to hurt me. End of that story.

 

My conclusion is that in the beginning of the relationship, I gave in too easily... and he quickly took me for granted. Since he never had to work at the relationship, he was never fully invested ... and it became very easy for him to pull the plug when we started hitting bumps in the road. Instead of facing me and telling me to my face, he preferred to ignore me ... hoping that I would settle down and just take things easy, with a lot less expectations of him.

 

We finally had a post-mortem conversation two years after the fact, and he admitted to me that I was a bit too intense for him... even if I never vocalized it. He felt the pressure, he felt the expectations, and he just wanted me to relax, and let him take over and contribute to the relationship.

 

My point is that men do not want to hurt us, do not want to disappoint us ... but, even if we don't vocalize our disappointment ... they can feel it ... and if they feel that they can not meet our expectations, they flee. It is very typical of him not to stand up to you and tell you what the problem is. The real reason is that he just wasn't at the same place as you (and I don't mean physically) and he wanted to have an easy relationship. Since he wasn't into making any effort, he probably loved the fact that you would drive to him. And probably by the end, he was seriously taking you for granted. That doesn't mean he didn't love you, and that doesn't mean that he didn't mean everything he said to you. All of that was probably true (unless he is a player).

 

I suggest you let the dust settle, and try having a post-mortem conversation with him in 3-6 months. By then, you will probably be in another relationship and so will he, and you will be able to discuss without emotion, what the real problem was, for you and for him, and you will better be able to learn from the experience.

 

The last breakup was from an LDR, and unfortunately we have kept in touch, talking once or twice a month with the occasional email. Unfortunately, as I now know, that is not the way to go. Even if I know it is over, even if I know that we were not meant to be together ... everytime that phone rings I have a flicker of hope. And that hope continues to fuel my frustration with him and with the end of the relationship. I thought a month of no contact would work, but it didn't. I think a year of NC would probably be in order.

 

I think the amount of time in NC really depends on the length of time vested in the relationship and how deep the emotions run. In my last case, he was my soulmate, and it was a pure cinderella story, and now I know, that not all soulmates become life partners. It's been 6 months since I've seen him and I'm still aching.