She claims to be in love with me but has a BF

[j_andy]

Here is some backstory: I met this girl 3-4 months ago. She came to look at an open room I was renting out for off-campus housing (I’m in college too). I was instantly attracted to her but I felt too forward to text her anything personal. But that night she texted me thanks for showing her the place. She did not end up taking the room, but we texted for about a month. At first I was innocently flirting with her but one night I got drunk was completely talked dirty to her and she actually responded. Finally one night she agreed to come to my house, so I tried to hook up with her. She left gracefully but without giving me any…but I kept texting her and the second time we met up we had sex for hours. Literally 4-5 hours. Then she left almost without saying a word but not before buying me breakfast and ordering toothbrush, toothpaste, and telling me I could stay as long as I wanted (it was at a hotel…long story but she was staying there for a few days). I tried to get in touch with her again and while she did respond to me, I did not see her again in person until school started.

 

Fast fwd 2 wks later, we had hooked up 5-6 times, had lunch twice, and we have an amazing chemistry personality-wise. She always has this bright smile and seems so happy. But she never reveals anything about herself as she always leaves right after sex. She only asks me questions about myself. Then suddenly she starts acting weird and texting me random things about how she is a terrible person. I tell her she isn’t; at least from what I have seen. She tells that she thinks I am a wonderful person but she can’t keep seeing me. I ask her why…she says she can’t say. Then I go on and on about how I want to get to know her more, even the parts she does not want me to know. After 2-3 days of pressing her like this she tells me she has a BF who she has been dating for 4 years.

 

(end back story * summary: this girl I met and had amazing chemistry with tells me she has a BF)

 

I took it pretty well. After all, we were just hooking up, and I don’t feel like she intentionally tried to lead me on because she really never talked about herself at all, never asked if I was hooking up with other girls, etc. At this time I was still getting horny and hooking up with girls at night (platonic on both sides), but I always had my mind set on her…when I woke up I’d check my phone for texts from her and I wouldn’t be able to sleep without hearing from her.

 

But I could not stop seeing her, so I told her that I wanted to be in her life, regardless of position or title. I told her that I had very strong feelings for her, and that I appreciate her telling me the truth and that we could be friends.

 

Obviously that was naïve. But you know what? She is my dream girl. Physically, intellectually, opinions on life, personality, how she takes care of me, how she treats other people….I had never met anyone I liked so much. Everything up until then had been in August and now it’s almost Halloween. We text each other to sleep. We have lunch at least twice a week. We feed my parrot together, she falls asleep with my dog (during the day…at night she always returns home), she turns out to be a very emotional person and I am always there for her, and we do all these crazy things that make me feel like I love her.

 

In fact, one time she was texting me crazy things about me being a liar and I ignored her because she was being negative and if I said anything she would have just turned my words into something they weren’t….but her words hurt and it made me realize I have feelings for her beyond physical attraction.

 

Now I have stopped hiding my feelings. I want her to be with me, and I have stated to her that eventually I want her to be mine. I want to know what I can do to make her mine, but just says that she cannot break up with a man who takes care of her and truly loves her and will never cheat on her.

 

I don’t know if she will ever leave him. Despite her basically implying that if she can trust me we might be something more, I don’t know if trust is even what she really is looking for. I have even suspected that it’s money. She dodges the question when I ask her anything about him but I stalked her online and found out her BF literally owns a bank. I’m just a college kid…(but I don’t know if that’s a factor for her staying with him or not, it seems like he is actually a good bf to her besides the fact they get into fights and he is making her see a shrink).

 

I can’t let her go. How do I make her see that I would never hurt her? How can I make us move forward? She won't let me go either, she constantly wants to see me and texts me religiously. But she won't move forward with me. She says she doesn't feel like she know me enough, doesn't trust me, and when I ask if trust is the only thing, she just tells me relationships are complicated.

Edited October 25, 2014 by j_andy

[kripster]

Here is some backstory: I met this girl 3-4 months ago. She came to look at an open room I was renting out for off-campus housing (I’m in college too). I was instantly attracted to her but I felt too forward to text her anything personal. But that night she texted me thanks for showing her the place. She did not end up taking the room, but we texted for about a month. At first I was innocently flirting with her but one night I got drunk was completely talked dirty to her and she actually responded. Finally one night she agreed to come to my house, so I tried to hook up with her. She left gracefully but without giving me any…but I kept texting her and the second time we met up we had sex for hours. Literally 4-5 hours. Then she left almost without saying a word but not before buying me breakfast and ordering toothbrush, toothpaste, and telling me I could stay as long as I wanted (it was at a hotel…long story but she was staying there for a few days). I tried to get in touch with her again and while she did respond to me, I did not see her again in person until school started.

 

Fast fwd 2 wks later, we had hooked up 5-6 times, had lunch twice, and we have an amazing chemistry personality-wise. She always has this bright smile and seems so happy. But she never reveals anything about herself as she always leaves right after sex. She only asks me questions about myself. Then suddenly she starts acting weird and texting me random things about how she is a terrible person. I tell her she isn’t; at least from what I have seen. She tells that she thinks I am a wonderful person but she can’t keep seeing me. I ask her why…she says she can’t say. Then I go on and on about how I want to get to know her more, even the parts she does not want me to know. After 2-3 days of pressing her like this she tells me she has a BF who she has been dating for 4 years.

 

(end back story * summary: this girl I met and had amazing chemistry with tells me she has a BF)

 

I took it pretty well. After all, we were just hooking up, and I don’t feel like she intentionally tried to lead me on because she really never talked about herself at all, never asked if I was hooking up with other girls, etc. At this time I was still getting horny and hooking up with girls at night (platonic on both sides), but I always had my mind set on her…when I woke up I’d check my phone for texts from her and I wouldn’t be able to sleep without hearing from her.

 

But I could not stop seeing her, so I told her that I wanted to be in her life, regardless of position or title. I told her that I had very strong feelings for her, and that I appreciate her telling me the truth and that we could be friends.

 

Obviously that was naïve. But you know what? She is my dream girl. Physically, intellectually, opinions on life, personality, how she takes care of me, how she treats other people….I had never met anyone I liked so much. Everything up until then had been in August and now it’s almost Halloween. We text each other to sleep. We have lunch at least twice a week. We feed my parrot together, she falls asleep with my dog (during the day…at night she always returns home), she turns out to be a very emotional person and I am always there for her, and we do all these crazy things that make me feel like I love her.

 

In fact, one time she was texting me crazy things about me being a liar and I ignored her because she was being negative and if I said anything she would have just turned my words into something they weren’t….but her words hurt and it made me realize I have feelings for her beyond physical attraction.

 

Now I have stopped hiding my feelings. I want her to be with me, and I have stated to her that eventually I want her to be mine. I want to know what I can do to make her mine, but just says that she cannot break up with a man who takes care of her and truly loves her and will never cheat on her.

 

I don’t know if she will ever leave him. Despite her basically implying that if she can trust me we might be something more, I don’t know if trust is even what she really is looking for. I have even suspected that it’s money. She dodges the question when I ask her anything about him but I stalked her online and found out her BF literally owns a bank. I’m just a college kid…(but I don’t know if that’s a factor for her staying with him or not, it seems like he is actually a good bf to her besides the fact they get into fights and he is making her see a shrink).

 

I can’t let her go. How do I make her see that I would never hurt her? How can I make us move forward? She won't let me go either, she constantly wants to see me and texts me religiously. But she won't move forward with me. She says she doesn't feel like she know me enough, doesn't trust me, and when I ask if trust is the only thing, she just tells me relationships are complicated.

 

Ask, what you want?

Getting laid? Relationship? Love? Marriage?

 

Don't let your brain hamster about "what if". Focus on what you want and go for it

[veggirl]

what the hell? she's a cheating skank, what do you want to keep her around for? she sounds freakin crazy, she cheats on her bf and then starts all this drama with you and you guys have known each other for only THREE MONTHS???

 

what is wrong with you?

 

do you actually think there is a healthy relationship to be found in this sh*t?

[mrs rubble]

She's a cheater! She's not capable of an honest, loving relationship. Her rich bf can afford to have a PI (or a hitman) follow her remember. I'd be looking for a single lady my friend.

[smackie9]

If she was that into you she would have dumped her BF, and she wouldn't care what she would have to sacrifice and YOU KNOW this. You are in such denial. Being a standup guy that won't ever cheat on her, isn't going to convince her to leave him. She's having her cake and eating it. Everyone is right, she is a cheater, a liar, and she is a user. Dude this will not end well. I bet money on it, by Christmas you will be yesterday's news.

[StrongLass]

...Are you for real OP?

 

This girl's using you for sex & companionship while getting all the benefits of having a well off $table bf & you're wondering if you'll ever be choice #1?

 

You've basically already told her that you're just fine w/ being #2 with your actions, so why would she change anything?

 

Relationships can be complicated but this isn't. Find someone who's emotionally available & not completely selfish like this chick. Otherwise she could easily string this out for YEARS.

[jeffmeyers]

Better get a STD test done soon. That cheater probably has other suckers lined up to sleep with her.