Being a mistress hurts too.

[Apaige]

And did you think of your relationship before that? including your husband.

 

 

 

She is not doing anything to the family, nor is she inflicting hurt and pain on anyone directly. She is merely involved with the man, and she is not responsible for his family, his choices or the way he respects you.

 

Her self-respect is only in question on her own behalf. She is not the one dragging this guy into this relationship, if anything he is taking advantage and manipulating her emotionally...while I do not say she's simply the victim because she is aware of what is at stake for him and what he is doing, I don't see the connection where women always attack the OW...if he wanted to make that choice, he could end it...that's it.

 

 

 

Because some women don't feel they deserve first place, do women even need to explain this to anyone? how is this not common for you. Nearly every woman has done something stupid with the wrong guy where they knew they should have walked away but did not...it's about self-control, self-esteem, and emotions.

 

He is taking care of his family, most married that cheat at least that I've seen are actually pretty good family guys when they're in that mode. You wouldn't be able to distinguish or point them out as "bad men" because except for their side-action they are otherwise not.

 

Her sense of pride, self-respect and dignity are all overshadowed by the infatuation and gravitational pull of this man for her...is that really that hard to understand? because at least when she's with the man, she feels like he loves her and is number 1, even if she's coming to the sobering reality that he will not choose her...after all, who else would love her?

 

this is very basic stuff people, I expect more of you.

 

Yikes!!! A little aggressive, no? I simply said that love is an uncontrollable thing, and that she needs to walk away with self respect, dignity, and pride in a supportive matter. Listen, I've been through this, and believe it or not, I felt sorry for my ex's mistress!! My words are of encouragement! Why is it that there is always someone trying to fight??

[dclan]

And did you think of your relationship before that? including your husband.

 

She is not doing anything to the family, nor is she inflicting hurt and pain on anyone directly. She is merely involved with the man, and she is not responsible for his family, his choices or the way he respects you.

 

Her self-respect is only in question on her own behalf. She is not the one dragging this guy into this relationship, if anything he is taking advantage and manipulating her emotionally...while I do not say she's simply the victim because she is aware of what is at stake for him and what he is doing, I don't see the connection where women always attack the OW...if he wanted to make that choice, he could end it...that's it.

 

Because some women don't feel they deserve first place, do women even need to explain this to anyone? how is this not common for you. Nearly every woman has done something stupid with the wrong guy where they knew they should have walked away but did not...it's about self-control, self-esteem, and emotions.

 

He is taking care of his family, most married that cheat at least that I've seen are actually pretty good family guys when they're in that mode. You wouldn't be able to distinguish or point them out as "bad men" because except for their side-action they are otherwise not.

 

Her sense of pride, self-respect and dignity are all overshadowed by the infatuation and gravitational pull of this man for her...is that really that hard to understand? because at least when she's with the man, she feels like he loves her and is number 1, even if she's coming to the sobering reality that he will not choose her...after all, who else would love her?

 

this is very basic stuff people, I expect more of you.

 

Don't pull that sympathy for the devil.

 

The women is actually hoping for the man to one day leave his wife, break his family apart, so he could be with her.

 

THAT is her wish.

 

In fact the letter is filled with mean things with the only purpose of hurting whoever reads it. Its a complete and utter insult to that man's wife:

 

- "He for sure likes to get his ego stroked and that is probably why he has me, his armcandy and his fun young thing. And I am not denying that I don't enjoy him showing me off like a trophy, all the other men admiring my beauty."

 

So don't come saying:"oh poor her, she is not responsible for loving him, she is not hurting anybody but herself, etc".

 

I understand that love makes us do selfish things, thats the part that is understandable. However, that doesn't mean she is not actively hurting someone else for her selfish desires.

 

One thing is to come to this forums crying that your sad cause you did the right thing and ended things. Another thing is to mock the wife of her lover, with your grand fantasies about him leaving her.

[Maleficent]

disclaimer : please note this post does not apply to polyamory...

 

I will never understand people who get into a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship.

 

Even if he eventually leaves his wife for you OP, do you really think he will stick around? After he got you pregnant once or twice, do you think he will not go out and find a younger women to play with?

 

This man looks like he is looking for a hot young body to play with. His current wife having had two kids, he is probably dissatisfied with the way her body looks.

 

FFS woman find yourself a good man!

[Survivor12]

OP, whether you're the mistress or the pregnant fiancée who has been cheated on (Is there really a wife, too?), it is obvious that you have some serious issues and are in need of professional help. Whether you're a mistress who is a $1 short of being a hooker, a 21 yo gold digger with a family who values $ over the welfare of their daughter, or a very confused young woman with low self-esteem, I believe that you are hurting deeply.

 

But it is difficult to understand what your purpose is...what do you want from us? Are you here for attention? to play out a fantasy? What is the truth? It's impossible for anyone here to advise you without knowing what is real.

 

Regardless of your true circumstances, the fact that you have the need to lie about such things to a group of strangers is in and of itself quite troublesome--and sad. I truly hope you get the help and support you need.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I will never understand the people who are like "oh just find your own man" as if it's that easy. Where do you people live where single attractive men fall out of the sky and want to date? Please tell me so I can pack my bags. She's only hurting herself and if she chooses to do that then whatever she has to live with the results. I think men who cheat are responsible to their family not the other woman.

[dclan]

I will never understand the people who are like "oh just find your own man" as if it's that easy. Where do you people live where single attractive men fall out of the sky and want to date? Please tell me so I can pack my bags. She's only hurting herself and if she chooses to do that then whatever she has to live with the results. I think men who cheat are responsible to their family not the other woman.

 

"attractive men"...if you are so desperate why not ugly men?

 

Oh of course....you have standards.

 

Its ok to date someone who is married and has a family. But don't you dare go after those single well intentioned ugly man. Nu hu.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I will never understand the people who are like "oh just find your own man" as if it's that easy. Where do you people live where single attractive men fall out of the sky and want to date? Please tell me so I can pack my bags. She's only hurting herself and if she chooses to do that then whatever she has to live with the results. I think men who cheat are responsible to their family not the other woman.

 

 

Oh don't even....

 

She was also only posting in August about being pregnant and that her fiancé was cheating on her during his business trips. Something is not stacking up here.

 

I think this little tidbit bears repeating before any of us find ourselves having wasted valuable time.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

"attractive men"...if you are so desperate why not ugly men?

 

Oh of course....you have standards.

 

Its ok to date someone who is married and has a family. But don't you dare go after those single well intentioned ugly man. Nu hu.

 

You have to feel a slight attraction. I'm not saying they need to be Channing Tatum but no one pursues a relationship with someone they find ugly No matter how nice they are.

[Maleficent]

I don't see how 'it's not that easy to find a partner' comes even close to being a justification for sleeping with a man who is clearly not available.

 

Also, finding a partner is not that hard when you are available emotionally to find a good partner.

Sleeping with married men is a clear sign of emotional unavailability.

[jessicachoi]

I didn't mean to be rude or angry towards the wife at all. Yes I am very, very jealous of her. But I know I will never be his real legal wife. I dont blame her or anything like that. I am just very jealous that she has children with him and she is getting more. And I was pregnant with him but got a miscarriage. And I love him so much and he gave me a ring, like an engaged ring but I know I will never be his real wife. Maybe that is why I sound so angry towards her, because she has everything I want and not got.

 

And in my eyes he is not a creep, but thats maybe because I am so in love with him and cant see his flaws. I don't think I could get or even find a better man. He may sound bad but he does really care about me I guess, and he helps me getting connections for jobs.

[GemmaUK]

I don't see how 'it's not that easy to find a partner' comes even close to being a justification for sleeping with a man who is clearly not available.

 

Also, finding a partner is not that hard when you are available emotionally to find a good partner.

Sleeping with married men is a clear sign of emotional unavailability.

 

OP doesn't realise that the MM is an abusive manipulating man either. Cheating is an abusive trait as is emotional unavailability.

 

It's sad that the OP is not secure enough in herself to realise any of that nor place any value in herself.

 

I say send the letter, you will soon know where your MM's priorities lie.

[dclan]

I didn't mean to be rude or angry towards the wife at all. Yes I am very, very jealous of her. But I know I will never be his real legal wife. I dont blame her or anything like that. I am just very jealous that she has children with him and she is getting more. And I was pregnant with him but got a miscarriage. And I love him so much and he gave me a ring, like an engaged ring but I know I will never be his real wife. Maybe that is why I sound so angry towards her, because she has everything I want and not got.

 

And in my eyes he is not a creep, but thats maybe because I am so in love with him and cant see his flaws. I don't think I could get or even find a better man. He may sound bad but he does really care about me I guess, and he helps me getting connections for jobs.

 

You couldn't get a better man??

 

This guy is by definition the lowest scumbag in the planet.

 

I can see now that this might be something more than just an "affair". The man is trying to live a double life, by giving you an engagement ring, by your pregnancy, etc.

 

You'r clearly a troubled young woman, but I can understand now why you could write such a horrible letter (you were pregnant, he gave you a ring, you are in deep).

 

I honestly advise you seek help. This man is sick. SICK.

[No Limit]

No sympathy from me. You chose to be played and throw your self-esteem under the bus. And it is also your choice to throw away your lifetime. The wife didn't have a say in this - although I do hope that more women dare to divorce their cheating husbands in time.

Goddammnit wives of the Western world, you've been handed the ability to take your man to the cleaners from court and still you're tolerating this behavior. I do hope that exactly those women aren't these feminists demanding that men keep it in their pants.

 

Oh, and of course no sympathy for the guy either. Then again, men like him are sociopaths - they feel no empathy. They could care less.

 

"The other men admiring your beauty"? Please, don't flatter yourself. Their focus is on your "partner". Scumbags will admire other lowlives who have gotten to the point of having their cake and eating it too. You are a tool, no more, no less.

Edited October 26, 2014 by No Limit

[veggirl]

I'd knock you the eff out if you had the audacity to send that to me. You sound completely delusional and like a child. Grow up. You aren't an innocent caught up in this.

 

The whole thing reads so pathetic.

[ComingInHot]

Jessicachow wrote, "God shall protect me and bless me."

 

Uhhmmm. ..probably not while your cheating. If you KNOW His Word then you KNOW better. OP, if you're feeling soooo jealous with low self esteem while coveting another woman's husband, aside from using him for 'job connections' and loving him, why in the world are you staying in an A that is causing you so much pain and loss of blessings (He cannot lay blessings on you, as you well know, if you are going against His most very basic laws, and oh what a dark and lonely place).

 

So why live this life of abandonment, insecurity, self loathing and pain (and this is before you're busted as the OW...) when you could live the life that you want with no hypocrisy?

You need to move on for yourself before things get uglier when His Wife finds out.

[Maleficent]

I'd knock you the eff out if you had the audacity to send that to me. You sound completely delusional and like a child. Grow up. You aren't an innocent caught up in this.

 

The whole thing reads so pathetic.

 

Also, by being the one to make the affair 'known' she becomes the evil bitch who broke up the couple.

 

If that were me (never mind the fact I would never have gotten involved with a married man to begin with...) I would bow out at this point and go NC.

[jessicachoi]

first thing first to make some things clear, when I met him when I was 18, I didnt knew he was married. I just found out when we begun with flirting and texting. If i knew before I wouldnt ever flirted with him.

 

And now it is just a mess. I feel like I am his real second wife... without all the talking and conversations, because we dont really talk a lot. The ring, the pregnancy... it is like I had a husband but I did and donot.

 

And I am so NOT using him for job connections. That just came later. It is just very nice of him that he wants to help me and it makes me feel like he cares about me. And I love the kind of jobs and chances I get now, I akways wanted to do something with my looks.

 

Yes I admit what I am doing is all hypocrisy. But I cannnot get out of this and I am not even sure if I want too. I even meet his children and they like me.

 

Also it makes me crazy that I could get attention from so many men but I am attached to him and I want HIS ATTENTION. I cry when he doesnt text me back and then say stupid things to get his attention. Sometimes i get in trouble to get his attention.

 

And yes its me... pretty interesting thing about the look in the eyes. I guess I can relate to that...

[Redheaded Mistress]

Dear Jessicachoi,

 

You think I don't know what my husband is up to? Do you think you're his first secret toy? Oh, you're adorable. You have no idea what my marriage is like or what we've been through. This man has been coming home to me for years; I know when he's been out with the side piece du jour.

 

I don't fear you. I know he will never leave me. Because at the end of the day he needs the stability our relationship provides, he needs me as a status symbol in his life, and he values our children together. If anyone decides to end this marriage, it'll be me. Whether we work out or not you're still going to end up alone and forgotten on the roadside. I don't fear you---I'm just sorry for you.

 

Good luck with that,

 

The Wife

 

PS: I'm the one with a ring on it.

PSS: If I decide to work through this, I'll still be the one with a ring on it.

 

Honestly, I find this letter to be just as depressing as the one it's responding to. Both people turn what is going on into a competition of one besting the other, when the fact is they're playing a game of nothing but losers. The OW says she sticks with him despite not getting the respect she deserves because she can't help herself, the wife says she sticks with him despite not getting the respect she deserves because she is the wife and he needs her.

 

So here we have two women being used by one man, both women being OK with it, just one justifying it by saying she can't help herself, the other justifying it because she has a ring, a title (wife) her husband finds meaningless, and stability. In both letters, I see insecure women who deserve better but have various reasons behind why they don't ask for it, leaving a guy they both know is doing them dirt to just keep on keeping on with the status quo.

 

Honestly, this letter almost seems like the wife excuses and allows his affairs, but justifies this by saying that she's better than his OW... When in actuality, they're both OW to each other.

 

If it were me and I got this letter, I'd fluctuate between two responses... One that details who I am, our family, and how the affair is over right now and we're rebuilding our marriage. Or... More likely...

 

Dear OW:

 

He's all yours. I get to keep our house, cars, our family, and 40% of his paycheck.

 

Enjoy.

 

XXX His Ex-Wife

Edited October 26, 2014 by Redheaded Mistress

[Maleficent]

If your entire self-worth would depend on what a married guy, cheating on his wife - and probably on you too - no, you wouldn't back out.

 

I have fought my way through huge self-worth issues and are, to some extent, still am.

I have stuck around with emotionally abusive people for years (and I say people because I surrounded myself with pretty ****ty friends too) because I though I wasn't worth any better.

 

I always managed to keep away from the married ones (or the ones in a relationship).

 

Please don't assume what I would and would not do - especially when I flat out said I wouldn't.

[whatatangledweb]

He seems to use or see you more as an unpaid callgirl. Men use them to go out and about to feel better about them. You don't have any type of relationship other than sex and him using you to show off. You don't talk about anything and he cuts you off if you try.

 

Did he ask you to marry him or did he give you a ring as a gift?

 

I'm sorry but I don't see him as having an emotional connection to you. When he gets tired of it or bored he will easily move to another OW.

 

You say you are beautiful over and over, almost as though you are trying to convince yourself. You need more than beauty in life. Looks only go so far.

 

If you are so beautiful, why aren't you getting single men to want you? That should be easy for you. You are wasting your looks and life on a man you will never have.

 

You need to end this before it destroys you.

[veggirl]

Yes it actually does sound like you are his escort or something. How old is he and how old are you? How can you feel like a "wife" when you guys don't even have anything but surface conversations? Have you ever had a healthy relationship with a man?

[peaksandvalleys]

first thing first to make some things clear, when I met him when I was 18, I didnt knew he was married. I just found out when we begun with flirting and texting. If i knew before I wouldnt ever flirted with him.

 

And now it is just a mess. I feel like I am his real second wife... without all the talking and conversations, because we dont really talk a lot. The ring, the pregnancy... it is like I had a husband but I did and donot.

 

And I am so NOT using him for job connections. That just came later. It is just very nice of him that he wants to help me and it makes me feel like he cares about me. And I love the kind of jobs and chances I get now, I akways wanted to do something with my looks.

 

Yes I admit what I am doing is all hypocrisy. But I cannnot get out of this and I am not even sure if I want too. I even meet his children and they like me.

 

Also it makes me crazy that I could get attention from so many men but I am attached to him and I want HIS ATTENTION. I cry when he doesnt text me back and then say stupid things to get his attention. Sometimes i get in trouble to get his attention.

 

And yes its me... pretty interesting thing about the look in the eyes. I guess I can relate to that...

 

Meeting my children would be cause for someone to cease to exist. Just me though.

[ComingInHot]

You CAN do something about your stitch. It's the You DON'T WANT to do something about your stich because you KNOW it will end with you on the outs and looking even worse for wear.

So, until You are ready to live an authentic life free of spiritual Hypocrisy, you will continue pining and wanting what doesn't want you until you either end it, he dumps you as you become too high maintenance (or old, men like him only want pedophilically young OW's) or His Wife finds out and blows your world to bits. Literally.

 

Which out do you want because the one where you destroy His Wife and children and family and extended families to ride off in the Affair sunset with him to take His Wife's place in the social hierarchy isn't going to happen.

 

...hint* choose to end it. I honestly don't want to see your world blow up in your face and the faces of your parents and family. It is really hard to come back from hon. I've witnessed it.

[jessicachoi]

I am 21, he is 35.

 

He didn't exactly asked to marry, he said he liked "us" as in we two together and such, he said he would marry me if that was legal. i am in love with him as much as she js.

 

We don't only have sex we do other things too. Things he doesnt do with his legal wife. We spend a lot of time together. And he begun helping me with connections after we were a few years together.

 

I could get like almost any men I want but I want him since I got attached to him. Even if someone is bettee, i feel like i still want him. And when he doesnt give me the attention I want, I become sad or angry and say/do things to get his attention. I also do it with other men but especially with him

[ComingInHot]

The prettiest person I ever met was the ugliest human being I'd ever had the displeasure of meeting.

She knew she was physically beautiful. It always confused and angered her that the men she dated would inevitably dump her to marry a beautiful woman who was less pretty on that 'beauty' scale.

She's now an 'older' woman who is still the prettiest UGLY person I've ever met. I used to feel sorry for her. Then I learned she has sex w/any mm she can in hopes they will leave to be with her and finally get that security she thinks they can offer her.

Now, she barely gets my just pity.