Natsu21 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I'm curious. What have been your experiences, lady and gents? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Natsu21, This is such a big topic that it would take all this board to cover it and the answer is that I don't know because it never happened to me. But this is my take on it. My ex-H cheated on me. He felt sorry for one of his employees ( an engaged girl who was 10 years younger than him) because she was crying at work one day. Said said she had problems with her fiancee. He suggested they go for a drink after work to talk about it. That one meeting turned into two, three a dozen then they started going to hotels at w/ends while he told me he was on fishing trips...... I won't tell the whole sad story.... They allowed this to happen because they both had poor boundaries and ineffective coping skills. They were both broken, sad, selfish needy people who were prepared to sacrifice their self-respect and reputation to chase after this magical thing they thought of as "love". In doing so, they wrecked their primary relationships and hurt two other innocent people that loved them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I got involved with a guy who at the time just had a long term gf now he's engaged and we still talk dirty. I also got involved at 19 with a guy who had a pregnant gf and about 2 years ago with a guy who was engaged. For me it's thrilling and exciting and its validation like "oh yeah this guy would cheat on his gf with me! I'm special!". Also I just have self control issues when it comes to men. I can look at a situation and say no I'm not going to do that Im ending this and the minute I'm in front of them I'm like "oh it's ok" or I get really lonely and I just text him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 I got involved with a guy who at the time just had a long term gf now he's engaged and we still talk dirty. I also got involved at 19 with a guy who had a pregnant gf and about 2 years ago with a guy who was engaged. For me it's thrilling and exciting and its validation like "oh yeah this guy would cheat on his gf with me! I'm special!". Also I just have self control issues when it comes to men. I can look at a situation and say no I'm not going to do that Im ending this and the minute I'm in front of them I'm like "oh it's ok" or I get really lonely and I just text him. KeepCalm, this is the most honest post I think I've ever heard a woman say concerning this subject. No punches pulled, no justification, just the truth out of the horse's mouth. I need more friends like you. I appreciate the honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I did it because we were meant to be together and I love him. There are a million othet reasons but this is the crux of it. Keepcalms post does not relate to me at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 It's not that "women love married men", it's that "certain women love married men" and certain married men will use that to their advantage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I did it because we were meant to be together and I love him. There are a million othet reasons but this is the crux of it. Keepcalms post does not relate to me at all. Did I ever say that I spoke for all women with married me? I did not. You fell in love with yours umm you don't think other women fall in love with their affair partners too? You just got lucky and got a moral-less guy who would leave his wife for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Did I ever say that I spoke for all women with married me? I did not. You fell in love with yours umm you don't think other women fall in love with their affair partners too? You just got lucky and got a moral-less guy who would leave his wife for you. Wow, the pot calling the kettle black. May I refer to you, this post? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/497996-does-ever-make-you-feel-good-better-than-other-person-17.html#post5966600 Link to post Share on other sites
KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Wow, the pot calling the kettle black. May I refer to you, this post? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/497996-does-ever-make-you-feel-good-better-than-other-person-17.html#post5966600 I know what I posted, I certainly do not need you to remind me. I also just tried to go back and edit my post to take out the "moral-less" part. That was wrong of me to say so I am sorry for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I'm curious. What have been your experiences, lady and gents? In my case, I didn't fall in love with married men frequently, I fell in love with just one married man. Well, we fell in love with each other. I'm not sure that there was a motivation beyond that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Did I ever say that I spoke for all women with married me? I did not. You fell in love with yours umm you don't think other women fall in love with their affair partners too? You just got lucky and got a moral-less guy who would leave his wife for you. I am so sorry. I didnt mean to offend. I just meant our reasons are different. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Did I ever say that I spoke for all women with married me? I did not. You fell in love with yours umm you don't think other women fall in love with their affair partners too? You just got lucky and got a moral-less guy who would leave his wife for you. ...pretty gutsy saying that to GoodyBlue about her man whom she is NOW in a legitimate relationship with which she says was a painful and difficult time in her life that she'd Never do again. A few men leave for their OW. And those who actually make it, do so because their OW now legit partner wasn't a person who took joy and excitement in another woman's pain. My stbx cheated because she spread. There was no ILY's very little future faking and he wanted her to go away without telling me. She didn't like not 'winning ' and definitely didn't like being a 'cast off' Bummer for my h as He still doesn't want any other woman but me and especially not some chick who'd sleep with a mm. So, maybe mm cheat because they want a taste of what they can't have but would never buy. ?.? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 The theory is that emotionally unavailable people usually fall for emotionally unavailable partners. Do I agree? I don't know. I can't imagine someone who cheats or someone who gets involved with a married individual are emotionally healthy at all. Gosh making these posts non gender specific is hard! lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Because, all other things being equal, the fact that a man is married means that he is tamed and teachable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Why Do Women Love Married Men? Safe, vetted and socially connected. In my socio-economic circle, also potent financially. Generally perceived as more popular than single/divorced men of the same age. Track record in the community. Children and grandchildren. Family man. Etc, etc. What's not to love? Inappropriate, perhaps, but humans are an incubator for all kinds of inappropriate behaviors, whether expressed or not. That's life! Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Married men tend to have a confirmation that they are attractive just by de facto being married. Worst yet the woman who's married them is just as connected or attractive in some fashion. "What about this man was able to attract this woman? I must find out/have some for myself" It's fairly common in some social circles, but of course we must remember that this isn't specifically something a majority of women do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Zen Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Married men tend to have a confirmation that they are attractive just by de facto being married. Worst yet the woman who's married them is just as connected or attractive in some fashion. "What about this man was able to attract this woman? I must find out/have some for myself" It's fairly common in some social circles, but of course we must remember that this isn't specifically something a majority of women do. I think there are any reasons women go for married men, but this is one of the biggest. Women like men who are approved by other women. It goes back to the idea that a woman would rather share a winner than have a loser to herself. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I'm curious. What have been your experiences, lady and gents? Definitely not all women love married men. Some women get into a relationship with a married man because they don't know he's married. I remember a pregnant woman came on here to say that she's pregnant and just found out her boyfriend is actually a MM. He tossed her out once he found out she got pregnant. For some its a character flaw. The mom of my best friend cheated on my best friend's dad, who is a serial cheater. He was moving to my country from another country earlier than her because of job reasons, and while he was gone she went and boinked some other dude. Well, in the meantime he was boinking a lot of other women so their marriage turned out to be a great big mess. The mother didn't leave her husband for the other dude though. And some women fall in love with MM, who fall in love with them right back, and then leave their wives, but these cases are very rare. In all the time I've been on LS, I'd say at least 90% of the threads in the OW/OM forum result in the affair's breakup. Most MM it seems just want a bit of fun on the side. They're selfish cake-eaters who don't care what happens to their family or to the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I have been divorced over 2 years now. I can tell you that I had a lot more women show obvious interest in me during the years of my marriage than I have had in the 2 years since. It's almost like I'm viewed as suspect now, as if they say, "I wonder what is wrong with HIM that made the marriage not work. Is he an abuser? Did he cheat? Is he broke? Is he impotent? Is he creepy?" On and on. I have a joke where I tell guys that, if you want to get a woman to like you, tell her you're married. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I have been divorced over 2 years now. I can tell you that I had a lot more women show obvious interest in me during the years of my marriage than I have had in the 2 years since. It's almost like I'm viewed as suspect now, as if they say, "I wonder what is wrong with HIM that made the marriage not work. Is he an abuser? Did he cheat? Is he broke? Is he impotent? Is he creepy?" On and on. I have a joke where I tell guys that, if you want to get a woman to like you, tell her you're married. This makes me kinda sad. I wish my guy had been single when we met. I bope you find someone wonderful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I could not go anywhere near a married guy aside from being friends with him and his wife. My jaw hit the floor when a work colleague in her late 30's told me she finished with a long time boyfriend because he was married and after a while she knew it wouldn't go anywhere. My jaw hit the floor at the 'married' part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I'm curious. What have been your experiences, lady and gents? I see it as a supply and demand paridiagm. There are stages in life when sometimes a woman's peer group are mostly married. The lack of eligible single partners that are available, will at times be limited due to mainstream demographic supply in regard to finding a potential "single" mate. For some women, a married man becomes fair game in pursuit of a mate if their pool of eligible men is limited. For some women in order to get involved with a MM requires a trade off of ethics and justification. Sadly, many MM have no intention to divorce, and they take advantage of vulnerable women who are more afraid of being alone than they are of being a participant in deceit. In most cases in does not end well and often there is great devastation that follows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Same reason why employers prefer candidates who already have a job. They've been vetted. They are employable. Another company has found it to their benefit to employ this person. Or so it is assumed. Another reason is the psychology behind "wanting what you can't have". Then there's perceived validation. Garnering attention from a MM gives her a feeling of greater self-worth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I see it as a supply and demand paridiagm. There are stages in life when sometimes a woman's peer group are mostly married. The lack of eligible single partners that are available, will at times be limited due to mainstream demographic supply in regard to finding a potential "single" mate. For some women, a married man becomes fair game in pursuit of a mate if their pool of eligible men is limited. For some women in order to get involved with a MM requires a trade off of ethics and justification. Sadly, many MM have no intention to divorce, and they take advantage of vulnerable women who are more afraid of being alone than they are of being a participant in deceit. In most cases in does not end well and often there is great devastation that follows. Keep in mind that many women just aren't attracted to much of the guys around them. So if a goodlooking married guy shows up on their radar, the only thing left is the right mixture of circumstances and situations to make it happen. The social conventions and protocol that used to be an obstacle are chipped away to nothing at this point, sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Same reason why employers prefer candidates who already have a job. They've been vetted. They are employable. Another company has found it to their benefit to employ this person. Or so it is assumed. Another reason is the psychology behind "wanting what you can't have". Then there's perceived validation. Garnering attention from a MM gives her a feeling of greater self-worth. Best post yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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