Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Final post of Day 11 - its really early, 6 hrs to go till the end of the day in the UK, but i feel very neutral, very calm, obviously iv had thoughts about the ex, but they are painless, and most likely again just that i miss her. I have a overarching sense of relief which brings on some sense of happiness inside me, iv deleted her number, so although i still check my phone, theres no checking her which is whats most important. So the act will and should slowly die down. There are no more connections, no more ways i from my side can see or observe her. This is it, this is where the moving on begins fully and the ex is in a sense forgotten, i firmly believe in fate and also a Creator, and so know if we are meant to be, we will sooner or later, but right now i find myself growing, maturing, theres blessings in the break up thats for sure. NOTE: my situation wasnt a break up situation, it was based on familial pressures and issues which came to a head not long ago so we decided to part. But im treating it like a break up why? Because its the same experiences and feelings emotionally and physically, and mentally my body is going through the same process in terms of healing. We planned everything, a life, what to call our kids etc. even marriage next year and rings! So coming from complete immersion into her life and hers into mine to nothing, and now with her considering someone else for marriage, has and will still be a rollercoaster. By no means is day 11 the final day, i still wake up with her mind, but by no means will i let this haunt me. Does she feel the same and think of and miss me? I have no idea, and right now, dont care. What i do know is she is contact with another guy who she will try to marry, which is as much as i need to know and understand that my boat needs to set sail, and yes as you may be able to tell, this girl desperately wants to get married and/or/but it was her familial situation which caused us to mess up. Edited November 1, 2014 by Seeker12 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Hey, Ive just broken up with my bf he did it but I had been thinking about it for a while. Just realised I deserved better but im too nice to say get lost. Instead i just get distant. It hurts badly but been NC 3 days after he said to me i may have made a mistake if I do and I come back you can tell me where to go. I replied well im telling you where to go now stay out of my life im done theres no point coming back I deserve better. I cant say I wouldnt like to have another chance but it's all about respect. Fingers crossed you feel better soon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Your right, respect and dignity as well as self respect is so importaant, i messed up hard in week 1 and lost a lot of respect due to my emotions, now in week 5 and in day 11 in NC, i feel more empowered, independent and stronger, and look back and just think how stupid was i!! Id love to have another chance for sure, if she will commit to me, but 11 days in, no sign, thats a clear message to me basically. Edited November 1, 2014 by Seeker12 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Its not easy. Broke up sunday he sent odd texts throughout the week told him i was moving on then he says I think ive made the right choice. No one is treating me like he has I deserve better! It is about respect for yourself and their respect for you. I think silence says more than anything else you can say. Just try and stay strong you will go through the emotions I have massively and i dont want to go back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 So not easy, physically i felt like my heart was being torn in half! I had the odd texts aswell last few weeks, every day, just a small reminder of this and that, her wanting to be friends etc. I told her, commit to me and we can move on and do something, find a way of making it work, but until she chooses to do that i cant be anything to her. She said a quick bye and silence since then! Youre right about respect, i had to set the boundary for my own good and betterment, otherwise id forever be stuck in halfway house with her. Her silence is clear, we have never spent this long not speaking to eachother, in our relationship max we would last is one day! So clearly her silence says alot. Yup the emotions are up and down and in and out, go from feeling nothing to missing her like mad, but iv set the mark now, which im happy i did, its up to her to reach for it. Im back to finding girls attractive now which i feel is a good sign, will try my luck and maybe see how far i can go with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 So not easy, physically i felt like my heart was being torn in half! I had the odd texts aswell last few weeks, every day, just a small reminder of this and that, her wanting to be friends etc. I told her, commit to me and we can move on and do something, find a way of making it work, but until she chooses to do that i cant be anything to her. She said a quick bye and silence since then! Youre right about respect, i had to set the boundary for my own good and betterment, otherwise id forever be stuck in halfway house with her. Her silence is clear, we have never spent this long not speaking to eachother, in our relationship max we would last is one day! So clearly her silence says alot. Yup the emotions are up and down and in and out, go from feeling nothing to missing her like mad, but iv set the mark now, which im happy i did, its up to her to reach for it. As everyone says time is a healer! I love the phrase lets be friends. I responded I have enough friends so I dont need you. Its better if you dont hear from her it will make it easier. If you have an iphone you can block anything from her if you dont think you could ignore her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Lol i suggested to her in week one to be friends, she palmed me off. Then 2 weeks down the line shes trying to tow the friends line with me, because she doesnt know what the future holds. Remember me or her wasnt the reason for the break up though, which is a shame. What a response lol yup initially i thought am i being too extreme in my actions, but youre right, it is best if i dont hear from her for a while so i can move forward. Im on Samsung lol il try find an app Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Friends holds you back hoping you will get back together. Its too late for that for most of us. It hurts to realise but I think the sooner we realise its not going to work out (unlike the disney films) the quicker you can heal. I would never give it a second go with this ex if you asked me 2 days ago i was hoping he would now its like im done and I deserve to be treated better. Mmaybe if you feel you have been wronged its a quicker process Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Thats exactly what i realised, that her option of friends was so that id still be there, around her, just incase it the marriage proposal receives a no, she can then fallback on me. Thats why i said to her commit to me, or no, simple, and here we are, 11 days down the line. Yup for me the reality hit last week thursday, a sudden realisation that this is it, this is as far as i go and can do. Very good change in mindset i admire that to be honest, iv been with my ex for 7 years, made a fair few mistakes and hurt her, made her cry a fair few times, which i apologised for. True maybe it is. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Yep you cant move on while your a 'friend' and she wont miss you either. You are doing fantastic we all feel weak at points. But its about moving on and finding the right person for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 unfortunately iv maintained telling myself that, shes made her choice for now, and she doesnt care so why should i get hung up. yup the friend idea only just keeps you hanging around hoping. just at a time where i dont think il find anyone comparable to her or better! Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 day 11 NC, holy crap the feels are RUSHING back! MUST NOT TEXT OR CALL......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 iv deleted her number, which helps, but then it also allows the door for other thoughts to be processed! Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 iv deleted her number, which helps, but then it also allows the door for other thoughts to be processed! Man, the past few days have been BAD. Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Is there a section on this message board to exchange numbers to talk about things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) For me its lingering, emotions come and go, past few days iv been emotionless, then bang i started missing her again, then realised i need to remove her number to carry on moving forward. Im not sure about a message board to be honest, im from the uk... Edited November 1, 2014 by Seeker12 Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I'm having the same issues. I'm ok for a little while. But then i find myself alone and the pain is so much i don't know how to bare it or carry on. Not that i'd ever do anything stupid, i jus don't know what to do apart from vent on here. Everything i stood for. Being a player, not caring or putting any effort in was a front because of my last break up 4 years and i've carried on the same behaviour patterns over n over to avoid commitment. There i was 2 weeks ago ignoring her calls and avoiding going over because i too the whole thing for granted. I thnk that must be the hardest part, wishing you could turn the clock back! Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 on the good side, a lot of people have no idea what NC means. Every time they have one of the horrible thoughts we have they call or text their ex and make it 10x worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 I'm having the same issues. I'm ok for a little while. But then i find myself alone and the pain is so much i don't know how to bare it or carry on. Not that i'd ever do anything stupid, i jus don't know what to do apart from vent on here. Everything i stood for. Being a player, not caring or putting any effort in was a front because of my last break up 4 years and i've carried on the same behaviour patterns over n over to avoid commitment. There i was 2 weeks ago ignoring her calls and avoiding going over because i too the whole thing for granted. I thnk that must be the hardest part, wishing you could turn the clock back! Tell me about it man, tonight was dreadful because i didnt have anything to do, so i was at a loss as to how to burn 2-4 hrs! Usually id be talking and texting so the hrs would fly by but now, nothing. I feel your pain, even sometimes when im in a group, i still feel that loneliness. You have to maintain a mental positive state, if shes good for you, she WILL come back, if not she was never meant to be yours. You and i both know we will find someone else too, its just time which is needed for us to both heal. I too have those regrets, ignoring her when we fell out, hurting her and making her cry when i didnt understand her emotional needs, but remember this is our learning process, if our exes come back to us, we will be 10 times better then they ever expected, if not, the next girl for sure will be treated like a queen and lady. IF ONLY LOL!! For me, i think this point in time, meaning the familial issues, was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Id say we are doing our best to stick to proper NC, which is moving on, and complete no contact, so our recovery period may be a lot quicker then others, as soon as you contact your ex, and your emotions and feelings are still there, you hit NC Day 1 again. Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Yea. I remember going through my first break up when i was like 21 and it was HORRIFIC. I turned up at her house with a boombox then spent about 12 months trying to get her back. I still remember though, having no one to talk to. And that's why it's so much better for girls. I just watched this video. Its so great how her friends rally around her, talk to her, get her out the house. That's what happens with girls but as men we aren't allowed to be weak and it just goes on and ON. So coming on here and ranting really does help. I'm only on day 4 or something but its hitting home that this is the end, and im focusing on healing more than getting her back, although my main disappointment is in myself for acting like such a tool AGAIN. But thats life, the next one will better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Gonna start Yoga tomorrow. 1. Great for your emotinos 2. Full of hot chicks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Im 22, so i can completely relate to that right now LOL, wow 12 months! you must have been in deep. With my situation, its not my hands anymore, i have no control over it. Youre right, for girls, as long as they have strong friends, they have a good support network to fall back on, but guys are meant to soldier though lol, thankfully i had a few mates and cousin who i turned to and who helped me through so far with company and advice. Putting it all down really does help youre right, wow day 4, youre still in the early stages so the reality will slam you hard but dont worry iv got through it and im sure you will too. We all make mistakes, our exes should and will accept that we are only human, i was with my ex for 6 years, so to be honest, 6 years together would never run perfectly, but a break up does shock a person into action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Gonna start Yoga tomorrow. 1. Great for your emotinos 2. Full of hot chicks! Is definitely good LOL and hopefully you can hook up with someone! Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I have about 4 girls who've come out the woodwork trying to hook up with me and i just can't do it. Unbelievably two of them are exes, one is the one i used the boombox with haha. My whole persona as a player is becoming detrimental to my self worth so i'm gonna take some time off women and try and go back to finding girls i actually like being with. Yea, im talking my one friend to death. But i do think it helps. He understands and i feel that the more i talk about it, the sicker i get about talking it and it will help me move on. I went the barbers today to get a new haircut, be a new man and they absolutely destroyed it, so thats the whole seeing her as the attractive new me thing ruined! Making my first actual meal in a 6 days though, no more blended dinners! Link to post Share on other sites
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