Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Different good or bad?!? It's a blessing and a curse Its sometimes a good different, like iv grown, matured, feel better and independent, but on the bad days it can also turn into a different bad, like emptiness, it also has allowed me to perceive the relationship in a different light and see where i went wrong to be honest in terms of my own character. Definitely, take it as it is!! Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Its sometimes a good different, like iv grown, matured, feel better and independent, but on the bad days it can also turn into a different bad, like emptiness, it also has allowed me to perceive the relationship in a different light and see where i went wrong to be honest in terms of my own character. Definitely, take it as it is!! Eevery day is different even hour by hour is different!!! I have found im more possitive than negative now Self reflection is good I wasnt perfect but i didnt put the nail in the coffin he did Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 oddly its actually not hurting at all, it has been emotionally but i feel different, like im numb or empty. Lol stubbornness will take you a long way! I think thats the adrenalin you get at the beginning of the break up. Sounds like you are gonna have to start from the beginning here which sucks. Im 2 weeks in. Have been a couple good days but it also changes. As you go out more it can go either way. Unless its an amazing night you are going to miss that person. Id go NC as soon as possible though cos its a tough ride n the sooner the better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) I think thats the adrenalin you get at the beginning of the break up. Sounds like you are gonna have to start from the beginning here which sucks. Im 2 weeks in. Have been a couple good days but it also changes. As you go out more it can go either way. Unless its an amazing night you are going to miss that person. Id go NC as soon as possible though cos its a tough ride n the sooner the better Nice to hear from you JITB! But honestly, this feeling of oddness/emptiness/numbness has been with me for a good few days, from my days of NC aswell. I may have to at some point, unless i move on myself before i get to that point, which is my intention, meaning finding someone else. Yup i completely understand what you mean about the up and down nature of it all, it sucks, but there are more brighter days than darker days eventually. I usually find when im out socialising, especially with the opposite gender, i have a blast and really enjoy myself. I dont think il be going NC with this girl anymore, to a degree iv also accepted the situation meaning the family problems, but if it gets bad then il implement NC again for my recovery, but by then im hoping to have settled with someone myself, but we have already decided that in any situation we are both comfortable becoming the friends we once were before the relationship for life basically, and if anything happens down the line where we are free from the family ties, then so be it. Edited November 15, 2014 by Seeker12 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Nice to hear from you JITB! But honestly, this feeling of oddness/emptiness/numbness has been with me for a good few days, from my days of NC aswell. I may have to at some point, unless i move on myself before i get to that point, which is my intention, meaning finding someone else. Yup i completely understand what you mean about the up and down nature of it all, it sucks, but there are more brighter days than darker days eventually. I usually find when im out socialising, especially with the opposite gender, i have a blast and really enjoy myself. I dont think il be going NC with this girl anymore, to a degree iv also accepted the situation meaning the family problems, but if it gets bad then il implement NC again for my recovery, but by then im hoping to have settled with someone myself, but we have already decided that in any situation we are both comfortable becoming the friends we once were before the relationship for life basically, and if anything happens down the line where we are free from the family ties, then so be it. You sound so strong now! Hate Sundays now though but its getting better slowly! NC is a good tool for some of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 You sound so strong now! Hate Sundays now though but its getting better slowly! NC is a good tool for some of us. Far from strong, still battling a few wars with myself, i may have to go NC just so i can do so, and then maybe look to stay friends later on, so im not sure yet. Weekends can be bad, especially for those recovering, because youre not occupied its harder! Its hard to implement, but NC can be applied to most situations i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Far from strong, still battling a few wars with myself, i may have to go NC just so i can do so, and then maybe look to stay friends later on, so im not sure yet. Weekends can be bad, especially for those recovering, because youre not occupied its harder! Its hard to implement, but NC can be applied to most situations i guess. I couldnt talk to my ex at the moment it would upset me too much and keep putting me back. Im trying to study for a test i need to pass. NC is helping slowly but surely you will be fine. If you think NC will help then go for it it is one day at a time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 I couldnt talk to my ex at the moment it would upset me too much and keep putting me back. Im trying to study for a test i need to pass. NC is helping slowly but surely you will be fine. If you think NC will help then go for it it is one day at a time! Yup iv slightly recovered from that period, talking to my now ex used to hurt a lot, and did upset me, eventually after a week of NC with her she got in touch, i foolishly broke NC, but we had a nice mutual friendly convo. However, and this is where i went solid NC, i realised that even speaking to her at that time, although it wasnt hurting, was causing me to still be attached to her. Theres a difference now then there was then, back then, i still wouldnt find girls attractive, would hate seeing couples etc. Now its the complete opposite, even though im talking to her. All the best, iv got a few assessments coming up already which i need to prepare for aswell. Yup im kind of considering NC again mainly because i may be my biggest deceiver, meaning im tricking myself into something i shouldnt logically be doing. Thats the only worry for me now, whether im doing this to myself, fortunately going NC now will be very easy for me to do and accept. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Yup iv slightly recovered from that period, talking to my now ex used to hurt a lot, and did upset me, eventually after a week of NC with her she got in touch, i foolishly broke NC, but we had a nice mutual friendly convo. However, and this is where i went solid NC, i realised that even speaking to her at that time, although it wasnt hurting, was causing me to still be attached to her. Theres a difference now then there was then, back then, i still wouldnt find girls attractive, would hate seeing couples etc. Now its the complete opposite, even though im talking to her. All the best, iv got a few assessments coming up already which i need to prepare for aswell. Yup im kind of considering NC again mainly because i may be my biggest deceiver, meaning im tricking myself into something i shouldnt logically be doing. Thats the only worry for me now, whether im doing this to myself, fortunately going NC now will be very easy for me to do and accept. NC for 17 days I think or 16 lost count!! Sometimes its worth going NC until the assessments are out of the way to make sure you get the best result. Just put yourself first! She wont do that for you anymore. Cant believe i havent heard from him in 17 days unless the odd calls on friday were him which is likely!!! Another week down Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 NC for 17 days I think or 16 lost count!! Sometimes its worth going NC until the assessments are out of the way to make sure you get the best result. Just put yourself first! She wont do that for you anymore. Cant believe i havent heard from him in 17 days unless the odd calls on friday were him which is likely!!! Another week down Just look how the days have passed! True a person wont be bothered by any emotional baggage and can just focus on the assessments. Its all about selfish, so i will definitely now rethink the NC idea again, and this time everything will be cool hopefully, because we know where we both stand. 17 days, let it tick by, forget the calls, theres such a huge chance it was someone else its not worth thinking about. Onto week 3!! Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Just look how the days have passed! True a person wont be bothered by any emotional baggage and can just focus on the assessments. Its all about selfish, so i will definitely now rethink the NC idea again, and this time everything will be cool hopefully, because we know where we both stand. 17 days, let it tick by, forget the calls, theres such a huge chance it was someone else its not worth thinking about. Onto week 3!! Yeh its a brighter week!!! It wasnt i dont give my number out to people havent had a missed call like that in 2 years with no VM! Exams come first in this situation Just want the next 2 weeks to be done! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 Yeh its a brighter week!!! It wasnt i dont give my number out to people havent had a missed call like that in 2 years with no VM! Exams come first in this situation Just want the next 2 weeks to be done! Well you never know, just dont dwell on it, if he really wants you, he will be in touch saying all the right things! All the best on your exams, iv got presentations and stuff, so less of a headache. Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I cant tell you what to do man and you sound like a mature guy who cares about this girl. But you should at least take 6 months out of contact with her, if you want to be friends. As much as you'd like to, being friends with her right now is just not gonna help either of you live a full life. You can stay in contact but give yourself time to breath. Its been 2.5 weeks for me now. I met a really hot girl last night who is kinda the opposite of my ex but a sweet girl. On the one hand i don't wanna **** it up as shes jus come out of a relationship too. Her ex has a restraining order. So did my last exes ex actually. Dunno what the pattern is here! On the other hand i can not WAIT to have fun and new experiences again and my confidence is finally coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Day 18/19 feel amazing first time in ages time does help. Hopefully you are getting there too Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I'm on about 18 n I dunno what's happened but I don't seem to care anymore. Making myself go out n meet other girls has filled my brain n all I'm seeing now are faults with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 I cant tell you what to do man and you sound like a mature guy who cares about this girl. But you should at least take 6 months out of contact with her, if you want to be friends. As much as you'd like to, being friends with her right now is just not gonna help either of you live a full life. You can stay in contact but give yourself time to breath. Its been 2.5 weeks for me now. I met a really hot girl last night who is kinda the opposite of my ex but a sweet girl. On the one hand i don't wanna **** it up as shes jus come out of a relationship too. Her ex has a restraining order. So did my last exes ex actually. Dunno what the pattern is here! On the other hand i can not WAIT to have fun and new experiences again and my confidence is finally coming back. I do care about her, but i also care about myself and my wellbeing, so i appreciate your help and advice as itll inform me. The idea of taking a breather im kind of thinking over in my head right now, really need to re-evaluate my emotional state, my true perspective on me and her, instead of what im telling myself, and again see how i can live life to the full again! Its good to hear your back on it and getting to know someone, i havent been on many socials or parties so havent had much chance meeting someone yet, whether im ready to is a different matter, but hey whatever makes you happy and keeps you smiling! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 Day 18/19 feel amazing first time in ages time does help. Hopefully you are getting there too Awesome to hear, sounds like your recovery is going really well!! Yup i think im at a point of realisation right now, seeing whether its still good to keep this girl in my life at some level or to just literally let her go completely. JITB seeing faults with your ex is a good thing i guess, as your now taking her off the pedestal she once was on and you realise she wasnt perfect! Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Awesome to hear, sounds like your recovery is going really well!! Yup i think im at a point of realisation right now, seeing whether its still good to keep this girl in my life at some level or to just literally let her go completely. JITB seeing faults with your ex is a good thing i guess, as your now taking her off the pedestal she once was on and you realise she wasnt perfect! It is getting better just keeping focus. Its a hard balance to know Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I do care about her, but i also care about myself and my wellbeing, so i appreciate your help and advice as itll inform me. The idea of taking a breather im kind of thinking over in my head right now, really need to re-evaluate my emotional state, my true perspective on me and her, instead of what im telling myself, and again see how i can live life to the full again! Its good to hear your back on it and getting to know someone, i havent been on many socials or parties so havent had much chance meeting someone yet, whether im ready to is a different matter, but hey whatever makes you happy and keeps you smiling! Ive been out every night, mostly by myself. Not drinking just seeing shows, meeting people, whatever and i feel miles better. Just knowing you are valued by other people and attractive to other women is a massive help. At some point you are going to have to tell this girl that if she doesnt wnt to be with you then you cant talk to her. And until that time comes you have to go NC. There is no inbetween. You wont ever meet anyone else if you are in this mess. At the moment you think you wont want to meet someone else but you will. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 day 19 nearly the big 20 stopped looking art my phone waiting for a text tbh i dont care anymore. Its nearly xmas party time hopefully all is going well for you Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Good luck everyone! I cant tell u what to do Seeker but i know how happy i am today after fully walking away from it. I jus did a last sign off here detailling how i managed to get over everything. Good luck man, remember you are number 1 here. And just because things don't work out doesn't make anyone a better or worse person. A perfect square wont fit into a circle. Adios! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/502413-20-days-after-break-up-over-success Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Just checking in how is it going 21 days for me think his called from a witheld number but keep telling myself its boots rather than him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 20, 2014 Author Share Posted November 20, 2014 Just checking in how is it going 21 days for me think his called from a witheld number but keep telling myself its boots rather than him Checking in finally! Iv had a really busy week and assessments at uni have really kept me occupied, finally they have finished, got 2 more though next week, so i may be more absent then usual. About my update, well we are maintaining conversation, but just as friends. Really, thats as far as it goes and has gone, we havent been in contact much but have had a conversation everyday, just friendly chat. Like i said the friendship is as it is, i know and she knows where the boundaries are. 21 days lemonsugar well done, hopefully youre kept busy with youre assessments i thought you had some? Yup just keep telling yourself that until he calls from a proper number, i have a rule where i dont pick witheld up anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 (edited) So another really busy day, with another busy week coming up for me due to university assessments and presentations! Update on me and my ex and the overall friendship, i think its going good, we are keeping a distance meaning we know our boundaries and progressing together as friends. I am also starting to enjoy her being a close friend of mine, just like how she was 6-7 years ago, and i feel pretty happy that she is such a meaningful friend. Yes pulling her down from my girlfriend, to just a friend was and is damn hard, but im getting there and finding it easy. Im going out, meeting more girls, chatting and relaxing, socialising and seeing people which i love. However, and yes it bothers me, i changed my status on whatsapp today to "too many" and she picked up on it, and very straight, asked me what its about, now keep in mind, no one, unless its my guy mates who understand what i mean meaning too many girls, would ask me about it or have. To be honest, i lied to her, i didnt do it because im still after her, i did it for two reasons, i didnt to make her feel bad, and secondly, that she thinks that im just jumping into another relationship, remember we very deeply discussed marriage and that thats all we will both do, no messing around anymore, regardless if we end up together or not. But she did, i just have this feeling that their may be some attachment still there, honestly im happy, and feel stronger, only thing stressing me is uni. But im not sure about her which is what bothers me. Iv mulled it over to the point where if i do find someone, even though my ex is my bestmate, i wont be telling her, i still feel she still has some attachment, and subconciously i may still do too, and i dont want to hurt her or cause her pain, which she wont tell me about because we arent together anymore. Edited November 22, 2014 by Seeker12 Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 You can not be friends with someone that you are in love with. At some point she will be dating someone, or you will and you will end up falling out. It's way less painful to move on now than drag this out. If you cant even change status on whatsapp without her asking about it then what are you going to do when you meet other people. You wont ever find the person you are supposed to be with if you are still harboring thoughts for someone you arent supposed to be with. No disrespect, you seem like a nice guy but its painful watching you kill yourself like this because you arent being honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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