My NC Diary (Feelings, Thoughts Etc)

[Seeker12]

Exactly, but then the urge comes back a few hours later lol.

 

You just gotta ride those urges, and then the next hour you say to yourself, "thank God I didn't call or text". Rinse and repeat. Been like this for the past 4 days.

 

Been resiting the urge so much. First week was a breeze, because you just talked to your ex, and feel like, "OK, we talked, she'll call again." Then it's been a few more days, and you're like, "I hope she didn't fully move on!"

 

Aren't relationships, and break ups so fun???

 

Rinse and repeat, thats exactly the right mentality lol, so true, you think ahh first week, she will be in touch, then 2 weeks hits, then 3! Then all of a sudden you doubt whether shes lost interest, cares, has moved on, thats when the struggle begins.

[tikay00]

Rinse and repeat, thats exactly the right mentality lol, so true, you think ahh first week, she will be in touch, then 2 weeks hits, then 3! Then all of a sudden you doubt whether shes lost interest, cares, has moved on, thats when the struggle begins.

 

When does this end? When are you just like, "you know what, we just weren't compatible, and I'm okay with that. I hope she's genuinely happy, and I appreciated the relationship for what it was." And actually keep that thought for more than 10 seconds.

 

And when do the thoughts of your ex leave your brain? I can't go 10 minutes without thinking about her. Even if I'm watching a game on TV, and I'm really into it, and screaming up and down, I still think about her randomly for no reason.

 

Mornings are like the universes way of tormenting you.

[Seeker12]

When does this end? When are you just like, "you know what, we just weren't compatible, and I'm okay with that. I hope she's genuinely happy, and I appreciated the relationship for what it was." And actually keep that thought for more than 10 seconds.

 

And when do the thoughts of your ex leave your brain? I can't go 10 minutes without thinking about her. Even if I'm watching a game on TV, and I'm really into it, and screaming up and down, I still think about her randomly for no reason.

 

Mornings are like the universes way of tormenting you.

 

 

This ends only when you feel normal, back to yourself, youll have a few thoughts of your ex, but youll be happy, and there is no more pain. Accepting what happened, and the beauty of the love you had is for sure one, but also knowing about your own happiness, moving forward and thinking you know what im going to get myself a girl, and knowing its not the end of the world.

 

Thoughts eventually leave, its brilliant if you cut off all access, half a days thinking will eventually lead to a quarter, to an eighth etc. to be honest the remedy is time and progression.

 

My mornings used to haunt me, now i wake up as usual and move on, yes my ex comes in my head, but i get my ass out the bed and do good for myself, and know good is waiting out there for me.

[jackinthebox1]

Meaning if you are still talking all night and she's texting you she hasn't actually started to grieve because you're still around.

Going NC will make her miss you wether that makes her want to come back or not she hasn't got to that point yet

[Seeker12]

Meaning if you are still talking all night and she's texting you she hasn't actually started to grieve because you're still around.

Going NC will make her miss you wether that makes her want to come back or not she hasn't got to that point yet

 

Exactly, im thinking she hasnt had the time to grieve and/or miss me! Whereas i have. Shes moved on from me, to having to get to know the other guy whose the next prospect for marriage (keep in mind cultural) she was in a relationship with me, he is strictly down for marriage. Hey, if it kicks in for her il know, if it doesnt then ehhh, trust me, im seriously feeling very good lol

[tikay00]

This ends only when you feel normal, back to yourself, youll have a few thoughts of your ex, but youll be happy, and there is no more pain. Accepting what happened, and the beauty of the love you had is for sure one, but also knowing about your own happiness, moving forward and thinking you know what im going to get myself a girl, and knowing its not the end of the world.

 

Thoughts eventually leave, its brilliant if you cut off all access, half a days thinking will eventually lead to a quarter, to an eighth etc. to be honest the remedy is time and progression.

 

My mornings used to haunt me, now i wake up as usual and move on, yes my ex comes in my head, but i get my ass out the bed and do good for myself, and know good is waiting out there for me.

 

Do you ever get to a point where you're so indifferent that you text or call your ex, and genuinely just want to ask "so, what the hell have you been up to, stranger?" in the most casual way like you would with a buddy you haven't talked to in a long time.

 

Or is it best to just leave what's in the past in the past? It could possibly end up triggering something, and that would risk a back to square 1 catastrophe right?

 

I want to get to the point that I'm genuinely indifferent, and can actually be a REAL friend to her. Not some ex BF that's being her friend for now, then sooner or later tries to pull at her heart strings.

[Seeker12]

Do you ever get to a point where you're so indifferent that you text or call your ex, and genuinely just want to ask "so, what the hell have you been up to, stranger?" in the most casual way like you would with a buddy you haven't talked to in a long time.

 

Or is it best to just leave what's in the past in the past? It could possibly end up triggering something, and that would risk a back to square 1 catastrophe right?

 

I want to get to the point that I'm genuinely indifferent, and can actually be a REAL friend to her. Not some ex BF that's being her friend for now, then sooner or later tries to pull at her heart strings.

 

Yes there is a point like that eventually, but thats after you have fully moved on i hear. With me and my ex, i think i can get to that point, she was my bestfriend before the relationship and even in the relationship, so once i cut my attachment to her, i can probably see her asa very good friend after a year or so lol right now too much emotional baggage.

 

In most cases i think its best to leave the past and go on forward, as yes more often then not it will cause a catastrophe for either one of you.

 

You can get to that point, but we are all nowhere near there right now.

[tikay00]

Being friends right after a breakup would be the dumbest thing ever right? Especially if you still love her? Could that possibly be a chance to show her you've changed?

 

Or is it NC no matter what right after, then see where you're at in the future?

[Seeker12]

Definitely being friends is the dumbest thing ever after a break up, youre never friends, she will try keep it as a friends, but youll always want more, which defeats the point of being friends.

 

NC no matter if you have to go through hell, then yes see what the future holds

[tikay00]

Yes there is a point like that eventually, but thats after you have fully moved on i hear. With me and my ex, i think i can get to that point, she was my bestfriend before the relationship and even in the relationship, so once i cut my attachment to her, i can probably see her asa very good friend after a year or so lol right now too much emotional baggage.

 

In most cases i think its best to leave the past and go on forward, as yes more often then not it will cause a catastrophe for either one of you.

 

You can get to that point, but we are all nowhere near there right now.

 

And that's the depressing part. I kind of feel like I'd have to be the type to move on, because sooner or later the contact will bring back feelings, and I'd have to start all over again.

 

It's such a surreal, and scary feeling that the person you thought would never leave your life, can't be in your life anymore. Truly the scariest and saddest feeling on this planet.

[Seeker12]

And that's the depressing part. I kind of feel like I'd have to be the type to move on, because sooner or later the contact will bring back feelings, and I'd have to start all over again.

 

It's such a surreal, and scary feeling that the person you thought would never leave your life, can't be in your life anymore. Truly the scariest and saddest feeling on this planet.

 

Now imagine the feeling where the person you thought would never leave your life, who themselves wouldnt leave your life, is suddenly ripped out of your life by forces and choices made by those other than you and her.

[tikay00]

Definitely being friends is the dumbest thing ever after a break up, youre never friends, she will try keep it as a friends, but youll always want more, which defeats the point of being friends.

 

NC no matter if you have to go through hell, then yes see what the future holds

 

My ex was on a 50/50, be friends for now, but prove myself to her thing. I panicked, and read so much about bread crumbs that I called it off immediately after thinking about it the whole day, and told her NC.

 

I regret doing that, but I also can't, because I know in my heart I'd never be able to live my life on a daily basis in a healthy mental state in that situation. No way on Earth.

 

And what would happen if in the end she says we can't be, and that she met someone, and can't talk anymore? I almost want to throw up, thinking how much worse it would feel that it's over for good, and how much pain I'd be in. Just thinking that she used me as an emotional tampon, and lost every bit of respect for me in the process. *pukes*

 

At least now, it's like, maybe down the road our paths will cross, and we can talk on a casual level, all while having my dignity and respect in tact with her.

[tikay00]

Now imagine the feeling where the person you thought would never leave your life, who themselves wouldnt leave your life, is suddenly ripped out of your life by forces and choices made by those other than you and her.

 

My friend, if I ever see you in real life, drinks are on me. *bro hug*

[Seeker12]

My friend, if I ever see you in real life, drinks are on me. *bro hug*

 

*bro hug* thanks man i treat you to a mean meal, my mum makes the most amazing lamb chops lol, but hey things happen, we all feel the same, its how we get together and pull eachother out, sometimes its not about knowing the person, in order to help them.

[Seeker12]

My ex was on a 50/50, be friends for now, but prove myself to her thing. I panicked, and read so much about bread crumbs that I called it off immediately after thinking about it the whole day, and told her NC.

 

I regret doing that, but I also can't, because I know in my heart I'd never be able to live my life on a daily basis in a healthy mental state in that situation. No way on Earth.

 

And what would happen if in the end she says we can't be, and that she met someone, and can't talk anymore? I almost want to throw up, thinking how much worse it would feel that it's over for good, and how much pain I'd be in. Just thinking that she used me as an emotional tampon, and lost every bit of respect for me in the process. *pukes*

 

At least now, it's like, maybe down the road our paths will cross, and we can talk on a casual level, all while having my dignity and respect in tact with her.

 

Thats a weird one, her wanting to be friends, was she still committed to you and only you even if you became friends? Prove yourself how? I personally think you did jump abit, but worst case she becomes friends with you so that she has the free reign of hooking up with someone else, thats why its important to find out if shes still committed to you in the friends scenario.

 

Exactly, for your benefit, you cant be friends with this girl, neither could i with my ex, so after a lot of thought, i mean days, did i put my foot down and told her commit and be friends aswell or no.

 

Exactly, the NC process helps you recover and protect yourself from that, im in the same position, what if she says her family are okay with this new marriage prospect? And then says we cant be friends anymore? Itll kill me.

 

Dignity and respect especially your own is important, to yourself and to your ex, trust me, life and fate have a weird way of doing things.

[tikay00]

*bro hug* thanks man i treat you to a mean meal, my mum makes the most amazing lamb chops lol, but hey things happen, we all feel the same, its how we get together and pull eachother out, sometimes its not about knowing the person, in order to help them.

 

It really does feel good that people of all shapes, colors, sizes, genders, and social status all go through this.

 

OK, I'm officially in the NC club. I think I've seen the light tonight, and I'm going to stop saying, "but my situation is different!" It really isn't, because in the end she told me we can't be a romantic couple anymore, and as a man, I need to be strong, and move the F on.

 

NC club. No more, "my situation is different" BS from me. I promise.

[tikay00]

Thats a weird one, her wanting to be friends, was she still committed to you and only you even if you became friends? Prove yourself how? I personally think you did jump abit, but worst case she becomes friends with you so that she has the free reign of hooking up with someone else, thats why its important to find out if shes still committed to you in the friends scenario.

 

Exactly, for your benefit, you cant be friends with this girl, neither could i with my ex, so after a lot of thought, i mean days, did i put my foot down and told her commit and be friends aswell or no.

 

Exactly, the NC process helps you recover and protect yourself from that, im in the same position, what if she says her family are okay with this new marriage prospect? And then says we cant be friends anymore? Itll kill me.

 

Dignity and respect especially your own is important, to yourself and to your ex, trust me, life and fate have a weird way of doing things.

 

I don't think she was going to have the mentality of being fully devoted and committed to me during this period. That's why no matter what, the right thing to do was go NC.

 

Was that a question? If you did, that's good. It tells her she can't use you as an emotional tampon, and her shoulder to lean on for the time being, all while she's weening herself off of you. Of course, IF that's what her intentions were. That's the cruel part about all this. No one can ever TRULY know what they're ex is thinking, and sometimes even when that's not their intention, they do it subconsciously without knowing it.

 

The pain from hearing, "I'm sorry, I found someone, and I can't speak to you anymore" would be 1000000x worse than, "we can't be BF/GF, but I don't want you out of my life."

 

Yes, fate. All up for fate to decide. Let the universe work it's magic, and whatever shall be, shall be. In the meantime, we're doing the "easy" work, by doing nothing (NC), while doing something to learn from the past, and improve ourselves. Something the dumper doesn't get the chance to do.

Edited November 3, 2014 by tikay00

[Seeker12]

I don't think she was going to have the mentality of being fully devoted and committed to me during this period. That's why no matter what, the right thing to do was go NC.

 

Was that a question? If you did, that's good. It tells her she can't use you as an emotional tampon, and her shoulder to lean on for the time being, all while she's weening herself off of you. Of course, IF that's what her intentions were. That's the cruel part about all this. No one can ever TRULY know what they're ex is thinking, and sometimes even when that's not their intention, they do it subconsciously without knowing it.

 

The pain from hearing, "I'm sorry, I found someone, and I can't speak to you anymore" would be 1000000x worse than, "we can't be BF/GF, but I don't want you out of my life."

 

Yes, fate. All up for fate to decide. Let the universe work it's magic, and whatever shall be, shall be. In the meantime, we're doing the "easy" work, by doing nothing (NC), while doing something to learn from the past, and improve ourselves. Something the dumper doesn't get the chance to do.

 

Then you are right, NC was the right thing to do, she would have just gone out found someone done things, and said to you, oh we were friends so its okay, i can do what i want.

 

Well i told her look right now i cant be friends as its hurting me, so i need you to stop, or commit to me, we become friends and move forward trying to figure out how to make our marriage work meaning change the families mind. Until she makes that choice to commit to me, i cant be anything and/or a friend to her at all. I told her, tell me whenever today, tomorrow etc etc, but only way we are moving forward now is if you turn around and choose to say it, and cool we will do something about it.

 

After that, she said a quick okay and bye, changed her prof display everything lol, and disappeared, its now 13 days. Exactly thats it, i cease to be her emotional cushion, and to be honest, im like 40% fussed about what she thinks now, you just learn to stop caring.

 

Exactly, so i needed to cut out and do NC asap, otherwise if she says that to me, im dead and buried lol and our NC will help us recover, my ex, do i think shes grieved? Nope, shes just tried to move on, sooner or later itll hit her. Again fate matters, and i pray for it, because there are no hard feelings between me and her, its just the situation, and who knows, the situation down the line may change.

[tikay00]

Then you are right, NC was the right thing to do, she would have just gone out found someone done things, and said to you, oh we were friends so its okay, i can do what i want.

 

Well i told her look right now i cant be friends as its hurting me, so i need you to stop, or commit to me, we become friends and move forward trying to figure out how to make our marriage work meaning change the families mind. Until she makes that choice to commit to me, i cant be anything and/or a friend to her at all. I told her, tell me whenever today, tomorrow etc etc, but only way we are moving forward now is if you turn around and choose to say it, and cool we will do something about it.

 

After that, she said a quick okay and bye, changed her prof display everything lol, and disappeared, its now 13 days. Exactly thats it, i cease to be her emotional cushion, and to be honest, im like 40% fussed about what she thinks now, you just learn to stop caring.

 

Exactly, so i needed to cut out and do NC asap, otherwise if she says that to me, im dead and buried lol and our NC will help us recover, my ex, do i think shes grieved? Nope, shes just tried to move on, sooner or later itll hit her. Again fate matters, and i pray for it, because there are no hard feelings between me and her, its just the situation, and who knows, the situation down the line may change.

 

Yessir, fate. Always fate.

[tikay00]

Fuuuuuuuuck. Just broke NC, and now I feel like a dumbass.

 

She's probably sleeping now, but I texted her, "you sleeping? "wanted to see if you got the promotion."

 

Omg, now I have to tell her nc again. This will be my 4th time. There's no going back after that.

[tikay00]

Should I text her, and tell her it was a mistake, or should I leave it be.

[jackinthebox1]

fuuuuuuuuck. Just broke nc, and now i feel like a dumbass.

 

She's probably sleeping now, but i texted her, "you sleeping? "wanted to see if you got the promotion."

 

omg, now i have to tell her nc again. This will be my 4th time. There's no going back after that.

 

why would u do that after reading this ????

[jackinthebox1]

"wanted to see if you got the promotion" = "i still love you can we get back together"

[tikay00]

why would u do that after reading this ????

 

I'm a weak person. I pit my finger over the send button, then stopped, then just pressed it.

 

Should I text her it was a mistake? I don't want to sever ties for life by straight up ignoring her if she responds.

[lemonsugar]

NO leave herr be delete her number seriously have some self respect