Author Seeker12 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 So you're back to Day 1 basically. Fair play, there's nothing wrong with sticking with it but if she won't commit you have to try and work out how long you will do that as you are in no way getting over her Yup back to Day 1, shes edgy and very emotional, thanks for the advice JITB, im definitely going to clarify whether she will commit so we can maybe see if marriage is back on the books. Il get her to clarify very soon, otherwise you are right, i cant keep doing this as i wont be getting over her, unfortunately shes not the problem, the only reason she cant give a straight answer yet is her parents. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Fingers crossed for you. Day 12 for me and heard nothing but feeling better all the time. No more tears now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 NC officially broken as we mutually understand what the future holds, yes its emotional, yes its tough, yes i hate it as much as anything and would give the world for this girl, but, this isnt about me and her getting back into a relationship, we were done with relationship situations, this is about marriage and getting over the parental obstacle. Emotionally the situations confusing as we decide on the future for both of us, if we both go for it, itll mean dealing with the trauma her parents will give me with dignity and patience, and if everything still goes tits up, knowing i did all i could for this girl, and her knowing full well i was a decent guy, i did mess up in our time together, but in the end i loved her with all my heart. If it goes my way and we both get parental approval, then damn it would have all been worth every tear and bead of sweat and blood i shed. Current relationship situation - we are just friends figuring out if we will have a future, she is honestly emotionally traumatised, and i told her, regardless whether its today, or in 10 years time, if she needs my help, meaning honestly sincerely needs my help then she knows that theres one person out there who she will always be able to turn to. Being the guy, its easy to offer this option to her and live up to it, she is my best friend, am i trying to squeeze my way back in? Honestly in 10 years time i would have moved on by then, and would only see her as a friend, plus im looking to marry soon anyway. Right now we are taking it slow as we readjust, then we will have to re-evaluate the situation as mature adults, and see whether we can pave a future for both of us, honestly from her side, shes still very doubtful due to her mother. We havent been touchy feel, nothing like that, even in our conversations, we have been very respectful of eachother so far. All i can hope and pray for is a good ending, sooner or later for both of us. This is a toughie for sure, but im willing to go through the pain as long as i can look back in a few years and say to myself either, i did my damn hardest but it didnt work out, or i did my damn hardest and look at me now, married the love of my life and now iv got a kid on the way. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Good luck I see where you are coming from do or die really. Day 13 feeling much better now than i was a few days ago. This shows me NC works well its bloody hard but time and space is a healer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 Guys really crazy and emotional days, i will definitely update this post later on today so you know whats happening, just to let you know, im possibly dealing with someone whose been seriously emotionally traumatised and scarred for a long time, and the way things are resurfacing in this climate of uncertainty and anxiousness is just mad and crazy! Wish me the best! Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Guys really crazy and emotional days, i will definitely update this post later on today so you know whats happening, just to let you know, im possibly dealing with someone whose been seriously emotionally traumatised and scarred for a long time, and the way things are resurfacing in this climate of uncertainty and anxiousness is just mad and crazy! Wish me the best! how is it going ??? Link to post Share on other sites
metaversus Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Weekends are the hardest time for me. They always have been, even when my ex and I were still together, because there were never any guarantees he would be available. Many times he had to work or was traveling for work. Weekends are when most couples are doing coupley things together, and it makes my loneliness feel more apparent. I'm really happy I have plans to go on a road trip with a friend this weekend. Tonight (Friday) is kind of rough though. Having many ruminating thoughts about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 how is it going ??? Thanks for asking lemonsugar, and i apologise for not updating as regularly, iv got deadlines coming up, and with this marriage/relationship issue happening its just put a spin on everything! Anyway a massive update. We have been mutually speaking the past week, and have met up once for about 3 hrs. This was filled with us acting like kids, laughing at eachother, not being able to look at eachother etc. Eventually we again mutually spoke to eachother, about our situation, what we wanted, what we can do and whatll happen, whats happened all this time inbetween, the kind of people we spoke too etc. Shes really stuck, and so am i due to that, i just want her to be happy, but, it doesnt look like marriage between me and her will be happening right now, due to the same familial issues, in the future maybe like 7-10 years down the line. We discussed keeping our options open, which i think is the sensible and logical thing to do, similarly we also discussed maybe having a second shot at things for us, but that could literally worsen things a whole lot more than make them any better. This girls been suffering emotionally alot worse than i have, even though i have, and we both have to recover i guess. Shes really doubting anything can happen right now because of her family issues, like honestly. The next step is as always, moving on and forward. We have agreed to be there for eachother, and also agreed to stick as friends if not best friends, for life basically, soppy i know, and anything can happen, but right now i guess we have mutually strong feelings about the positive impact each of us had in eachothers lives, and would still want eachother to play a role to some degree in eachothers lives. Its an amicable and positive separation, itll hurt to see her marry someone else, as expected, if she has to, but il get over it easier now than before. We are back on speaking terms, and its less intense than in our relationship, sharing things, reminding eachother etc. So nothing like our relationship, and i guess thisll help in the long term downgrading her to a friend, which i will be fine with eventually. Do i still hope to be with her? Honestly? Hell yeah, but i am resigned and accept the fact that it may not happen, and isnt happening anytime soon, and atleast i know i have an amazing bond and relationship/friendship with an amazing girl. The whole week has just been friends based, iv helped her emotionally and she has helped me too, its been emotional, with points of clarity dotted around. We mainly spoke about us, the future, how we felt, whats good for us, separately and together. We are big believers in faith and also fate, so we know, if we are meant to be together we will be, simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Sounds intense how are you coping?!? I had 2 missed withheld calls yesterday within 3 minutes of each other. Could been him as I don't get withheld calls only from boots leaving voicemail to get perscription. So who knows other than that his been silent Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Sounds intense how are you coping?!? I had 2 missed withheld calls yesterday within 3 minutes of each other. Could been him as I don't get withheld calls only from boots leaving voicemail to get perscription. So who knows other than that his been silent has been yes really mad! iv been coping just thanks to friends and socialising and also reminding myself of the situation at hand. thinking without emotion has helped too, to be honest i have also thought of walking away from her to avoid causing her any hurt, but i promised to always help her if she needed it sincerely. wow interesting well try not to think if it too much, youre right you just dont know who it is, so leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I really hope it isn't I've made 16 days. Gut says it was but his loss not mine. So you're letting her contact you then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 I really hope it isn't I've made 16 days. Gut says it was but his loss not mine. So you're letting her contact you then? Dont listen to your gut honestly, and just overlook it, i had some weird things happen to me to, which made me think my ex was doing it, but i overlooked it, which stopped me from analysing it. As of right now yes we are in contact, and there is no hard, harsh feelings, and we are at a mutual point as friends. Its only been a week i guess, anything can happen over the next week, emotionally shes still slightly unstable, so can go from thinking that we shouldnt speak at all to wanting to maintain communication as friends. Im feeling stronger moving forward either way, with her as a friend, or independently. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Dont listen to your gut honestly, and just overlook it, i had some weird things happen to me to, which made me think my ex was doing it, but i overlooked it, which stopped me from analysing it. As of right now yes we are in contact, and there is no hard, harsh feelings, and we are at a mutual point as friends. Its only been a week i guess, anything can happen over the next week, emotionally shes still slightly unstable, so can go from thinking that we shouldnt speak at all to wanting to maintain communication as friends. Im feeling stronger moving forward either way, with her as a friend, or independently. Iits harder when you're on steriods make me so up and down! Sounds like you have to take it each day at a time!!!! It is hard i just feel like i want to hear from him but i dont at all really. Think its all a pride thing for me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Iits harder when you're on steriods make me so up and down! Sounds like you have to take it each day at a time!!!! It is hard i just feel like i want to hear from him but i dont at all really. Think its all a pride thing for me Damn! Steroids because of your allergies? Honestly, and literally it is day by day, because this girl emotionally charges and changes day by day. You must do, you must want him to reach out, but honestly without closure or acceptance, him reaching out will kill you even more. It is somewhat pride and ego, but thats beneficial for you right now, as thats whats fuelling your independence and you moving forward with confidence in yourself, if you werent proud, youd fall back into him quicker than you can say cheese. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Damn! Steroids because of your allergies? Honestly, and literally it is day by day, because this girl emotionally charges and changes day by day. You must do, you must want him to reach out, but honestly without closure or acceptance, him reaching out will kill you even more. It is somewhat pride and ego, but thats beneficial for you right now, as thats whats fuelling your independence and you moving forward with confidence in yourself, if you werent proud, youd fall back into him quicker than you can say cheese. 12 days of pred isnt fun day 1 today then gradually taper down! Some times you need space to focus on yourself and a bit of quiet helps. He initiated the break up why should i beg to hear from him. I think the call could been him but call me with your number showing!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 12 days of pred isnt fun day 1 today then gradually taper down! Some times you need space to focus on yourself and a bit of quiet helps. He initiated the break up why should i beg to hear from him. I think the call could been him but call me with your number showing!! Hopefully its onwards and upwards from here! Yup trust me, iv had some lonely days that past few months, but essentially its a path of rediscovery and independence, the quiet helps you think. Leave him to it then, honestly, if he means to come back, he will eventually break! If not, your not at loss! Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Hopefully its onwards and upwards from here! Yup trust me, iv had some lonely days that past few months, but essentially its a path of rediscovery and independence, the quiet helps you think. Leave him to it then, honestly, if he means to come back, he will eventually break! If not, your not at loss! Think im just down because im ill still over a week later! I think 16 days is doing well just hard today hoping its because of steroids. I do rate NC it does work but its not easy fix! Do you think you will be able to be friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Think im just down because im ill still over a week later! I think 16 days is doing well just hard today hoping its because of steroids. I do rate NC it does work but its not easy fix! Do you think you will be able to be friends? Hopefully you recover well and better than before!! 16 days is damn awesome, dont worry, youre not expected to be fully healed after 2 weeks, its gradual but youre making awesome progress, for sure NC takes you through some dark holes. Just blame it on the steroids to be honest, thats what probably is putting you on edge. Can me and the ex be friends, before any of this happened, i would say no, but now, after how all this has affected us and our attitudes and mentalities, to be honest i think we can, that we are both strong enough in that sense to do so, itll take time for sure, and pain will come and go, short term yes. Long term can we make a friendship last, well we both want it to do so, if it means we just come down to friends level. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Hopefully you recover well and better than before!! 16 days is damn awesome, dont worry, youre not expected to be fully healed after 2 weeks, its gradual but youre making awesome progress, for sure NC takes you through some dark holes. Just blame it on the steroids to be honest, thats what probably is putting you on edge. Can me and the ex be friends, before any of this happened, i would say no, but now, after how all this has affected us and our attitudes and mentalities, to be honest i think we can, that we are both strong enough in that sense to do so, itll take time for sure, and pain will come and go, short term yes. Long term can we make a friendship last, well we both want it to do so, if it means we just come down to friends level. Fingers crossed at least you have a plan hopefully she calms down a bit. There are some people think its all sunshine and rainbows. As long as the person who you are NC to thinks youve moved on it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Fingers crossed at least you have a plan hopefully she calms down a bit. There are some people think its all sunshine and rainbows. As long as the person who you are NC to thinks youve moved on it helps. Yup there is some plan, just to be friends and wish eachother the best. She will calm down eventually i think its just no stability and changing situations which rock the boat hard. Definitely isnt all that more black holes before anything else!! Yup just think of it like that, the dumper thinks and expects you to move on and couldnt care less if you revert, so its in your best interests to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Yup there is some plan, just to be friends and wish eachother the best. She will calm down eventually i think its just no stability and changing situations which rock the boat hard. Definitely isnt all that more black holes before anything else!! Yup just think of it like that, the dumper thinks and expects you to move on and couldnt care less if you revert, so its in your best interests to move on. Just make sure you put yourself first for once. I dont think he did he kept saying we will talk. I thought o no we wont trust me im outter here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Just make sure you put yourself first for once. I dont think he did he kept saying we will talk. I thought o no we wont trust me im outter here! Yup your right im already mulling it over right now, my own needs and wants have to be selfish here. Well thats it, therell be some part of you which will want to pull you back, but you need to convince yourself not to. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Yup your right im already mulling it over right now, my own needs and wants have to be selfish here. Well thats it, therell be some part of you which will want to pull you back, but you need to convince yourself not to. If its hurting you too much to talk to her dont she will understand. You need space to get your head together! Trust me i will not be breaking NC im too stubborn Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 If its hurting you too much to talk to her dont she will understand. You need space to get your head together! Trust me i will not be breaking NC im too stubborn oddly its actually not hurting at all, it has been emotionally but i feel different, like im numb or empty. Lol stubbornness will take you a long way! Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 oddly its actually not hurting at all, it has been emotionally but i feel different, like im numb or empty. Lol stubbornness will take you a long way! Different good or bad?!? It's a blessing and a curse Link to post Share on other sites
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