She left me - out of the blue

[ralfgarnett]

well I'm watching Liverpool vs Basel, flicking through dating sites not sure why I have no intention of using any at the moment or if ever, and thinking about ways to change my life in the NY, even thinking about selling up and moving abroad just to see if I could make it work, already sent a few emails to a couple of friends just sounding out what I might expect to find workwise, I already know the social side over there, but one thing is becoming very obvious and that is I need to get out of here more often if not permanently im just not happy here any more, time for a snifter

[Richiebuoy]

Well, I've glimpsed the dating sites myself but like you its not for me, at least not yet anyway. With regard to moving out, I cant make up my mind whether your becoming more decisive or more impulsive...... take it easy my friend

[ralfgarnett]

Certainly not decisive at the moment regarding big decisions, but I know my own mind and being here doing what I'm doing is no good to me any more as its affecting my mental health so I know that sooner rather than later I need to do something to get out of here either more frequently or permanently, I used to love this house and to a large extent I still do but im not getting any younger and I want certain changes in my life and part of those is pastures new professionally and emotionally for my long term happiness, with or without her or indeed anyone else that might be in my life apart from the kittys because where I go they go too, and there is nothing that she can say or do about it.

[Richiebuoy]

Your at at difficult junction Ralph. Accept that its over and move on or hang on a while longer in case you two can be rescued.......I dunno.

 

It was hard yesterday, felt quite strong in the morning but was really low by bed time. Its funny how our emotions can change so quickly when nothing else has changed.

[ralfgarnett]

Your at at difficult junction Ralph. Accept that its over and move on or hang on a while longer in case you two can be rescued.......I dunno.

 

It was hard yesterday, felt quite strong in the morning but was really low by bed time. Its funny how our emotions can change so quickly when nothing else has changed.

 

 

That's the nature of the beast Richie, in a situation as we are in I liken it to freefall parachute jumping, you hope your going to land ok but its not 100% certain, our emotions are all over the place, have you read my post about the nagging feeling ? if not please read and join in, that's how I feel, even now as I type I am listening to Radju Malta and it reminds me of my wife and I in our country gaff over there, I wish we were there now talking, laughing, cuddling, and above all reconciling what ever her problems are, with regards moving on I hear this all the time but still don't really know what the fekk it means, but its a funny day for me today as its my last day of being in my 40's so a bit emotional, this time 10 years ago we were over there and she planned a full day out for me to celebrate my 40th and they included some of my favourite things in Malta, a museum visit, a bus ride, fresh fish in Marsaxlokk, a private cruise round Grand Harbour, afternoon beer and a big snooze, before dinner in my favoiurite at the time Maltese restaurant, then a good night out after it, that was only 10 years ago, where the hell has the time gone ? and more importantly where the fekking hell has my wife and our lovely marriage gone ?, trying not to cry today because I feel if I start then I might not stop and im going out tonight for a curry with some mates, still not sure about tomorrow and what to do, she mentioned going out but not too sure if I want to or not and if I did then why would I, what would you do Rich if you were me ?, I wish my mum and dad were still around in fact any family would be nice I don't know if I have ever told you but all my family are gone I have nobody apart from my 2 fluffy babies and a few choice friends, I feel very very lonely which is one of the reasons why I am reviewing things to see what to do for the best long term.

Edited December 10, 2014 by ralfgarnett

[Richiebuoy]

I only have a small family myself, my Dad died 10 years ago and my Mum died last year, I have one daughter and her small family plus a brother but that's it.

 

If Sam wanted to take me out for a meal i would go. In your case she clearly still wants your company but in any case if there's a chance to talk and construct then surely that has to be a good thing if you hope for a reconciliation.

[ralfgarnett]

We seem to be in a similar boat mate mine just seems to have more holes in than yours family wise, in fact somebody took my bung out but im fekked if im going to sink.

[chew123]

Richie, Ralf,

 

I feel for you guys. To be left in limbo without knowing why, and if they will ever come back is really tough. As you probably know from my thread my wife left me for another man. While this is tough to take at least I know where I stand, which is no hope so I know to divorce, detach and move forward.

 

In both of your cases you still don't know why they really left. And in Ralf's case she really does seem to be keeping something alive even if it is just breadcrumbs. So how can you know to shut the door permanently and move forward?

 

I really feel for you guys and think you are receiving cruel treatment. You know the more threads I read about how women are leaving men after long term relationships, suddenly, without notice and without giving their reasons, the more my faith in women in general is shaken. I know this is wrong but there seems to be an awful lot of this going on.

 

I love women, will always love women and have even met another one already who seems perfect but I know I am not ready. And I will trust again, because without that I can't have a relationship, but I suspect that it will be tough for all of us.

 

Good luck getting through the holidays and I hope you are both able to move forward soon, with or without the reasons/answers you both deserve. Let's all try and look forward to a better 2015, cause 2014 was the worst year of my life, and I suspect yours as well.

[ralfgarnett]

Richie, Ralf,

 

I feel for you guys. To be left in limbo without knowing why, and if they will ever come back is really tough. As you probably know from my thread my wife left me for another man. While this is tough to take at least I know where I stand, which is no hope so I know to divorce, detach and move forward.

 

In both of your cases you still don't know why they really left. And in Ralf's case she really does seem to be keeping something alive even if it is just breadcrumbs. So how can you know to shut the door permanently and move forward?

 

I really feel for you guys and think you are receiving cruel treatment. You know the more threads I read about how women are leaving men after long term relationships, suddenly, without notice and without giving their reasons, the more my faith in women in general is shaken. I know this is wrong but there seems to be an awful lot of this going on.

 

I love women, will always love women and have even met another one already who seems perfect but I know I am not ready. And I will trust again, because without that I can't have a relationship, but I suspect that it will be tough for all of us.

 

Good luck getting through the holidays and I hope you are both able to move forward soon, with or without the reasons/answers you both deserve. Let's all try and look forward to a better 2015, cause 2014 was the worst year of my life, and I suspect yours as well.

 

 

Well said mate good wise words and I agree with you especially about all the walk away wives wtf is that all about ?, good luck mate thinking of you too.

[Richiebuoy]

Yes agree too and the walk away wife's without good reason (even away from this forum) is a surprisingly common phenomenon which I wasn't particularly aware of until it happened to me

[Richiebuoy]

Well, Ralph's birthday came and went but I don't think he got much out of in terms of him and his wife moving forward either together or separately.

 

Well now its my turn, my birthday is this Wednesday. I'm not really expecting us to get back together to be honest but maybe a bit of me lives in hope.

 

She has gone very quiet over the last 3 weeks since she found out she is not getting anywhere near as much money as she thought she would.

 

She always made a big fuss on my birthday though I'm not expecting anything at all this year, not even contact. But the date is also the anniversary of her moving in with me 8 years ago so it is a significant date for both of us.

 

So I'm seeing this as the turning point and if there's no positive reaction from her then I'll call it a day and start to move on with my life even though we're only coming up to 2 months apart...... so we'll see.

[ralfgarnett]

Hi Richie so your saggitarius like me another coincidence, will be thinking of you on Wednesday mate, yes my birday came and went and was quite uneventful really, went out a couple of times but didn't see my wife which saddened me but I guess I must get used to that if nothing is going to change, been a bit emotional at times here in spain especially after a few beers but on the whole doing quite well, my mate that im here with will also be going through a separation in the NY so we talk quite a bit but at least he can prepare for his change but Richie and I didn't have that luxury, and Richie you must have hope without hope what have you got ?,.

Edited December 15, 2014 by ralfgarnett

[ralfgarnett]

Hi Richie how are you mate ? tell me all about your birday

[Richiebuoy]

Largely uneventful, my daughter took me out for lunch which was quite pleasant and I got the usual cards and prezzies...... oh, and I got divorce papers from my wife

[chew123]

Richie,

 

Papers on your birthday. Nice timing on her part. My wife dropped the bomb

2 days before my 28th anniversary. Had just enough time to return her present.

 

Sorry this bday kind of sux. Only way to go from here is up. I promise you your next birthday will be better.

[ralfgarnett]

Largely uneventful, my daughter took me out for lunch which was quite pleasant and I got the usual cards and prezzies...... oh, and I got divorce papers from my wife

 

 

So very sorry to hear that Richie what a low down cruel and heartless thing to do that she couldn't even allow you a few hours of relative pleasure for one day amidst this horrid time in your life, I don't know what I would do if that had happened to me last week, I have to say that is one of the most horrible things I have heard of since I started on these type of forums and you deserve much better than that mate my heart goes out to you.

[ralfgarnett]

Hi Richie I know things are crap for you right now but if you can let me know your ok please mate just drop me a line, been feeling bad myself today got trollied earlier and nearly made a tit of myself with WS but fell asleep instead so suffering too mate.

[Richiebuoy]

I'm OK Ralph, I Just posted on your thread. The shock of a divorce petition has not sunk in yet....... hell I'm not even over the shock that she left........ its gonna be a great Christmas

[ralfgarnett]

Hi Richie how are you doing mate ?, not heard from you for a few days now I know things are tough but just let me know your ok and if there is anything you need to talk about.

[Richiebuoy]

I'm ok thanks. Hacked off, sad, cheesed off, miserable, lonely, fed up, down, rock bottom, cold scared and confused but otherwise fine.

 

Hows you ?

 

(PS ok I'm not cold)

[ralfgarnett]

I'm ok thanks. Hacked off, sad, cheesed off, miserable, lonely, fed up, down, rock bottom, cold scared and confused but otherwise fine.

 

Hows you ?

 

(PS ok I'm not cold)

 

 

At times not dissimilar to yourself mate, I started off the day feeling oddly quite calm and in control until I nipped in to church to say my prayers and then I lost it as it is the church we married in, luckily my friend the vicar was there and we had a talk and he said a prayer for me and my wife I insisted on that as she is not in a good place herself, then this afternoon I stupidly looked through our wedding album and it started again, totally with you on the scared miserable and lonely, I am also ruddy annoyed, I was just thinking as I was making our bed that in all our years together we have never had any marriage problems not any, yet the first time something goes wrong IN HER HEAD that instead of trying to sort it she panics and runs off and here we are 5 months later in all this crap that could of been avoided, this tells me more and more that she is in MLC, tell me why your scared Richie I would like to talk to you about that because I have been scared al the way through, and I'm scared of the future and where it takes me, even still thinking about fekking off abroad, selling the house etc and taking my chances.

[Richiebuoy]

Glad your Vicar was about mate....

 

I don't think I know why I'm scared, maybe its a number of things, I'm scared of the future, I'm scared that she wont come back, I'm scared of what might or might not happen.... I'm even scared that its my fault that she left..... but I don't think it is......I would love to jump into her head for 10 seconds....

 

I know i have to get out of the rut I seem to have got into......I'm even thinking about joining a gym....... just for somewhere to go...

[ralfgarnett]

Everything your scared of I'm scared of too word for word, just goes to show that under these cirumsatnces that us human animals seem to think the same it must be instinct, so that's how us blues think all we need to know now is what they are thinking and how they feel mybe our female friend DTM could oblige with the pinks viewpoint ?, I am also in a rut and I hate it got to find a way out of that ASAP been thinking about ways to do that.

[chew123]

Guys

 

Don't be scared. I know you heard this before but there is life for you even it they don't come back. And you both sound like funny decent fellows who won't have trouble meeting people when you are ready.

 

You do have to get out and do something though. Joining a gym is a great idea. I joined a yoga class also and I that is helping me a lot. I think you are both going to therapy so that is good also.

 

It will get easier. By the way I am trying to convince myself of the same thing and that is why I keep writing to you guys. Unlike you both I still see my wife quite a bit and while it keeps setting me back, I like her less and less so eventually I suspect it will be easy to finally break free.

 

And I have a new female friend who knows fully what a mess I am but still enjoys spending time with me and I enjoy spending time with her. And since she does not know my wife like the rest of my friends who only know me as chew and mrs chew I think that helps. We are friends only for now but it is still lovely to have a female around.

 

This will be the first Christmas in 35 years I don't spend with my wife and her family(Christmas eve is my family). I plan to do pop ins on all of my friends for a cocktail and a snack only spending a little time at each. Its either that or sit home alone with the dog.

 

By the way I thought I was much better then cycled back to being depressed and angry this weekend, but it went away fast. It has to get easier as time goes by considering half the population is divorced and they are all not walking around feeling like we are.

 

Good luck and happy holidays, and try to find at least one thing that gives you joy and comfort. Easier said then done but we don't really have a choice.

[ralfgarnett]

Thanks Mr Chew you talk infinite sense dear boy, I do still see Mrs RG in fact she has I believe popping round today flu permitting, trouble is I used to have loads of mates 20 years ago but over that time they have disappeared down to only a handful and they are pretty self absorbed in their own famiy life but I don't blame them in fact I envy them in a nice way, I have no family all rip I hope so nobody to rely on there, I used to spend the day with her family either her or we went there, so not got too many people round me apart from one of my pals who will be single in the NY as his partner is fekking off on him but even though he has still invited me for xmas dinner as he didn't want me to be alone, very kind of him but I don't want to go really as I feel a spare part but I will if only for a few hours, I would love a lady friend to spend time with but not got any on my radar and don't really know where to find one these days, 20 years ago pre-meeting my wife I had many lady froiends I could rely on for ,any types of friendly activities, fire side Olympics, hide the salami, hunt the beaver etc but no more its not 1994 any more its now and the world is a very changed place, 5 full months we have been apart and 20 years ago I would of already got the strain out of my system if you get my drift but I love my wife and feel the need to show our 20 years together due respect, however cme the NY I have a few plans to help me move on a bit, good luck to you mate your obviously a top bloke who deserves great things keep posting please mate for Richie and me I / we appreciate it very much.