how do you learn to live alone at age 48?

[skitzed]

hi there! i am new to this subject but am hoping someone might have some advice for me. i am 48 and i have never ever lived alone in my life! i moved out from my moms house when i was only 15 and i moved in with my boyfriend, then i moved back in when i was 17 and got pregnant from him and he moved back to him home state to find work and get a place ready for the baby and me.

 

i lived with him for a few more years and had another baby, so by age 18 i had two babies and since then i have had my kids and or boyfriends and even a husband along the way and that didnt last either.

 

so here i am now, all three of my kids have flown the nest a while ago already and i have ten grand children some of which live in other states but still i have four current ones all around me.

 

my current boyfriend of several years is a wonderful man and i love him dearly and he treats me like a princess so why would anyone want to leave? well this is why? i have never ever been on my own! does that make sense? i am so curious to see how it would feel to have to be self supporting, self reliant, self suffcient, all these things that i feel that i am not now and cannot be while in a relationship with him or anyone else.

 

the problem is that i am deathly afraid to make that move! i just do not know how to go about doing it and am afraid of things like being alone at times.

 

like this morning i woke up and thought i heard the t.v. but it was not on and so then i've been spooked since then now thinking maybe i am schitziphrenia, thus the screen name skitzed. i am sure that i do not have that because i've read that one hears the voices from within and this voice was from without, near the t.v. and i think maybe i was half asleep still and sort of dreaming and heard it in my dream or it was my cat making a funny noise.

 

so i got scared and i clung to my sweetie and now he left and is mad at me because i did not want to go with him for a massage. so then i want to leave again and i go back and fourth like this all the time and the indecision is driving me nuts! LOL.

 

has anyone gone through something similar to this and if so how did you handle it? my biggest fear i think is being alone with no one to talk too and going insane from it!

[Beth]

Living in your own house or apartment does not mean that you are alone all the time. You will still have friends and family and your bf to talk to and be with. Do you work outside the home? If you do that will be a big help because your work routine won't change. You'll have the phone and computer at your own home too so you won't be completely disconnected.

 

I think it's good for everyone to live on their own at some point for their own self-confidence.

 

You could try renting a small apartment on a six-month lease. Stay close to friends and family. Take a look at the things you share with others, bill paying, etc. and set it up so you are comfortable with everything and know where everything is. You'll establish a routine and probably find that your own self-confidence will increase. Don't forget, it doesn't have to be forever! It may even improve your relationship because your bf will know that he does not have to be worried about you all the time because you can take care of yourself.

 

Shortly after you move you can have a new-home party with your family and show off your place! That's a lot of fun and will also help you ease the transition.

 

It's not as scary as being forced to live alone, say because of divorce or death. This is your choice and that makes a lot of difference in how you handle things. The stress won't be as bad as you are imagining it to be. It sounds like you have a good support system around you now & that won't go away.

[Bunni]

I Have been in my apartment for 8 years or so 5 of them or so alone, well alone as in having one of my male friends spend weeks at a time here. I latley have wanted some alone time so I am trying not to have him here all the time. I figure that I should actually see what it is like to live on my own.

 

+ my boyfriend hates the fact he stays here all the time. We did it before I new my boyfriend so I didn't feel the need to change it because of my bf. Now I want it to see what it's like and I kind of like the quiet + I can walk around braless now because no friend here all the time, bath with the door open and even walk around naked if I wanted to (I don't) lol.

 

Anyway I suggest you do get a apartment. Maybe have dinner guests frequently (that would help the cooking for one problem too). Have movie nights with friends at your apt, stuff like this will help you feel not lonley.

 

I think most everyone is scared to be alone so your fear is a very valid one. Maybe if you think of it like this " if I can't be happy by myself with myself how can I make someone else happy?"

 

Hope you find the courage to give it a try. If you don't like it you can always change it and maybe get a roomate.

 

Life is short to not try everything you want to try.

[7on]

Don't worry, you don't have schizophrenia. Otherwise you wouldn't know you had schizophrenia as it's one of those illnesses that detaches you from reality.