GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 At a football game Saturday, I was with a group of friends that are colleagues and we were all tailgating. I have this one friend (and with our conversations, it's been more than a friendship) and she was there, also. Of course, we have been flirty since we met last year. Anyway, long story short, I didn't get the attention I expected, and shut down and became a dick the rest of the day (of course we all drank heavily). Not to mention, she got caught in another dramatic situation this weekend. I said some things I didn't mean, and I'm embarrassed as ever. I sent her a long text apologizing, and she did reply. I even called her and talked to her and apologized yet again. She said she accepted it and told me about all the crap I did. Even last night I sent a text apologizing yet again. Got a reply 3 hours after, but things just aren't rightbright now. What next? Any suggestions? What should I think? Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 That you shouldn't be a d*ck next weekend?... Seriously, I think you are now overthinking and becoming your own worst enemy. She responded every time you reached out. You communicated and the reason things are still 'wonky' is because you still feel like an a$$. Think about what happened to get you to 'that point' and don't do it this weekend. You should be fine CiH* 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Thanks, that really means a lot, and you're right. The human mind has a lot of strength, and it is taking over. And I stiil feel like an absolute turd about it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 What do you mean by you "didn't get the attention you expected" ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Well, the memories are kind of vague....but the best way to put it is she has a flirtatious personality. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 ... and you liked her flirting with you, right? So when you didn't get your usual smirks, winks and love slugs in the arm (I say love 'slugs' because you were tailgaiting right? No pansies aloud*) you got irked right? Then you drank a little faster and copped a buzz straight off right? Then you began to feel 'slighted', ignored, and a bit 'put out' about her lack of flirting with you, right? So, you then drank more and more to dull your senses maybe, right? Finally succumbing to what is candidly referred to as, 'the mean drunk', right? I'd offer that it's 100% natural to feel like a jerk if you've behaved like one. Swim in it. Then get out, shake it off, towel dry and spray on some better smelling attitude and start fresh! Take care* 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think you deserve a Grammy for that response. You hit the nail on the head. I'm really impressed. I was a pansy, no doubt. I definitely became the mean drunk, and was mean to her. Trust me I'm swimming in it as we speak. I feel awful. I think I was ok to everyone else, but was a bad word to her. Essentially I've done all I can, huh? Just let it ride from here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 LadyLuck I just saw your reply. I think you're right, and I'm sure that's why I'm feeling like crap. That probably killed those chances. And I never get like that when I'm drinking. Like I said, it is embarrassing to know I was that immature and childish. This is a pretty rough feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think you deserve a Grammy for that response. You hit the nail on the head. I'm really impressed. I was a pansy, no doubt. I definitely became the mean drunk, and was mean to her. Trust me I'm swimming in it as we speak. I feel awful. I think I was ok to everyone else, but was a bad word to her. Essentially I've done all I can, huh? Just let it ride from here. Yep. Just BE NICE from now on Did you know (of course you didn't, you don't know me from 'boo') that the first and number one/(#1), Ultimate thing that I want, no NEED is for My next man to simply be NICE to me? You are already on deck with me if you are kind and protective of my feelings. ... now granted there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for my needing this these days or coming up soon BUT it has always been a prerequisite for dating (my stbx H was a phenomenal actor. Like Emmy good). but ya, be extra nice (but not a p*ssy either, you're still a man) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Is there any salvaging at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Well, from the sounds of it, you seem genuine and will get that. I'm sure you've had your rough days, as well. Looks like a lot of wisdom flowing from you, and it comes with experience. If only I could've talked to you prior to the weekend lol. I may not be in this mess. I gotcha on the be nice part. May do something small and nice in the next day or two to show I'm sorry again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 For the love of God no more apologies. Anything past two becomes annoying and oppressive. She knows you feel sorry/ashamed. As others have said, the best way to deal with this is to raise the bar with your future behavior. If you give her any more whiffs of the type of pettiness/meanness you apparently displayed this weekend, she'll see it as a fundamental part of your personality. That would surely keep her away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 For the love of God no more apologies. Anything past two becomes annoying and oppressive. She knows you feel sorry/ashamed. As others have said, the best way to deal with this is to raise the bar with your future behavior. If you give her any more whiffs of the type of pettiness/meanness you apparently displayed this weekend, she'll see it as a fundamental part of your personality. That would surely keep her away. Hey now... Maybe he had Hose' Gold and/or Whiskey this weekend instead of just bear... Nah, I am teasing a little. I have had those complete and utterly humiliating drunken moments (thank God at my age I can still count them on one hand*) where I went 'off the hook'. It's awful and does not reflect on who I am which is a fairly nice person, happy a majority of the time OP, I think you learned your lesson. Whether she is 'in it to win it' with you or not, I think at the very least, she will always remain a friend you can hang with. (But I will cross my fingers for you for more*) CiH* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Yeah, humiliating drunken moment may be an understatement. Tons of regrets there. Thanks for the finger crossing. I feel this may need some time to blow through (I hope at least). Looks like some more motivation to use in the gym now. I would assume not giving anymore of those "whiffs" would require me to lay low for a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 What did you say to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Don't drink if you're a mean drunk and can't remember what you do/say.. That's where you should start. And I'm not saying that to be mean. It seems like alcohol doesn't bring the best out of you. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 The apoligizing is probably turning her off way more than the being a dick ever did. =/ And if you're not getting the attention you want expressing that with some form of disaproval is preferable to sitting there and smiling through it like a douche. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 ... and you liked her flirting with you, right? So when you didn't get your usual smirks, winks and love slugs in the arm (I say love 'slugs' because you were tailgaiting right? No pansies aloud*) you got irked right? Then you drank a little faster and copped a buzz straight off right? Then you began to feel 'slighted', ignored, and a bit 'put out' about her lack of flirting with you, right? So, you then drank more and more to dull your senses maybe, right? Finally succumbing to what is candidly referred to as, 'the mean drunk', right? I'd offer that it's 100% natural to feel like a jerk if you've behaved like one. Swim in it. Then get out, shake it off, towel dry and spray on some better smelling attitude and start fresh! Take care* Haha priceless! You will be ok OP. If she has some life experience and is used to being around alcohol, she will understand. As long as you slow down next time booze starts affecting you in a bad way (no doubt it will happen again in a different situation) and show that you have it under control. More than likely you get big bonus points for getting in touch with her and expressing remorse. Many guys wouldn't! And that's not a good thing. Don't apologise more, just do something nice and draw a line under it. These things happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You apologized twice. She accepted & is still talking to you. Count it as a victory & put it in the past. Dwelling on it or continuing to apologize keeps it alive & makes it worse. it's over. Go forward. Drink less around her next time. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Is there any salvaging at this point? No. You presented yourself as an a**hole when you drink. She's already come to a conclusion. Sounds super cringeworthy. Cringe on. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Well, the memories are kind of vague....but the best way to put it is she has a flirtatious personality. So was she flirting with other dudes in front of you or something? Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Just giving a shout out to GoBomb36 and see if this weekend was BETTER* We all hope so!! Link to post Share on other sites
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