MM playing games or is it really over?

[lostinlust80]

I'm new to the boards... I've been reading threads all weekend and finally decided to post my own story.

 

I'm a MOW and have been having an affair with a MM for the last three months. My SO is away for work months at a time and I was lonely - not making excuses just trying to give the back story. Met MM online and we instantly connected... texts, emails, pics non stop for the first few weeks. We'd get together in person about once a week. He made me feel sexy and wanted. He's also the most gorgeous man I've ever met which doesnt hurt.

 

My problem is the communication started slowing down the moment my SO came back home. Last time MM and I got together, I told him I didn't like it and he said he was just trying to give me space since the situation has now changed. Everything was great last time we were together, but afterwards, it's been radio silence again. I text him last week asking how his week was going, and he said "he's been busy." I now haven't heard from him for five days. This is coming from the man that was in constant communication with me and said things like "you'll always have a piece of my heart; I never want this to end; etc."

 

The rationale side of me knows that no communication is communicaiton aka if he wanted to talk to me, he would, but I can't help but waver that maybe I should contact him one last time? I know this had to end at some point, but I really wasn't ready for it to end so suddenly and without explanation. Thoughts? Anyone experience a similar situation?

[meandmycats]

I'm new to the boards... I've been reading threads all weekend and finally decided to post my own story.

 

I'm a MOW and have been having an affair with a MM for the last three months. My SO is away for work months at a time and I was lonely - not making excuses just trying to give the back story. Met MM online and we instantly connected... texts, emails, pics non stop for the first few weeks. We'd get together in person about once a week. He made me feel sexy and wanted. He's also the most gorgeous man I've ever met which doesnt hurt.

 

My problem is the communication started slowing down the moment my SO came back home. Last time MM and I got together, I told him I didn't like it and he said he was just trying to give me space since the situation has now changed. Everything was great last time we were together, but afterwards, it's been radio silence again. I text him last week asking how his week was going, and he said "he's been busy." I now haven't heard from him for five days. This is coming from the man that was in constant communication with me and said things like "you'll always have a piece of my heart; I never want this to end; etc."

 

The rationale side of me knows that no communication is communicaiton aka if he wanted to talk to me, he would, but I can't help but waver that maybe I should contact him one last time? I know this had to end at some point, but I really wasn't ready for it to end so suddenly and without explanation. Thoughts? Anyone experience a similar situation?

 

 

 

 

I think you might find this the answer. Perhaps as the dynamics changed once your other half arrived home the other man got a dose of reality and went into hiding.

 

 

I'm not saying this is the case, but I would say it's a possibility.

[herself]

This happens all the time in affairs.

The explanation is it ran its course likely.

Often they do really really love their wives but want to feel wanted and have mystery excitement and sex.

But when the reality sets in, guilt comes in, fear comes in and its easier for men to disengage and lose excess baggage or potential drama.

I would keep your dignity and dont contact.

Desperation added onto the pile of issues an affair already carries makes it worse.

I know you weren't ready but there's no such thing...women fall deeper and harder over time so it's worse later.

Often times A ends with drama, D day, this one is just slowly fading and I would just let it.

Its not the same as a standard relationship where closure is needed. It's ending the best way it can and if anything...be grateful and block him before he can worm his way back in.

[lostinlust80]

Thanks for your message @herself. Its exactly what I needed to hear. I should focus on the fact that its over and we both got away (relatively) unscathed.

[herself]

Your welcome...dont let the rejection feeling drive your thoughts.

Keep clear and calm and keep moving.

I know it hurts but not for long the sad feelings fade truly.

Block him though since mm are selfish he may pop back in for an ego stroke!

[Poppy47]

Can I ask if you went on line with the idea of having an affair?

Poppy.

[Majormisstep]

While the cat's away the mouse will play. The cat came back into town and MM scampered back into his "safe" mouse hole. Yes he is done with you and good riddance to him. He's probably already moved onto his next conquest or three.

Except he hasn't officially pulled the plug because he's hoping you do it or just simply go away.

 

His words were meaningless Lost. They were nothing more than sweet honey to lure you into his lair. In time you will see the whole sordid picture.

 

Would your SO consider a change in jobs (easier said than done) in order to be around home more? It's tough being a work widow - I know. Explain your needs to him and see if the two of you can come up with a plan you both can get excited about.

[still_an_Angel]

If he's not responding then so be it. He could be slowly letting you go and doesn't want to hurt you. It's time to move on, A's are not meant to be LT. It becomes harder to part ways once it becomes LT, you get more invested and it's heartbreaking.

 

Once again I sigh because I need to take my own advice. Best of luck to you.

[jellybean89]

If he's not responding then so be it. He could be slowly letting you go and doesn't want to hurt you. It's time to move on, A's are not meant to be LT. It becomes harder to part ways once it becomes LT, you get more invested and it's heartbreaking.

 

Once again I sigh because I need to take my own advice. Best of luck to you.

 

Still_an_angel, I hope you can find the strength to move forward with your life without MM. You, in my view, offer some of the best advice and seem to have a very kind heart. You deserve better and I hope one day you believe that and let go of him.

[still_an_Angel]

Still_an_angel, I hope you can find the strength to move forward with your life without MM. You, in my view, offer some of the best advice and seem to have a very kind heart. You deserve better and I hope one day you believe that and let go of him.

 

Thank you Jellybean, I really appreciate your kind words. I come here to try help others find their way out. I am a living example of a LT OW who sees the way but still not strong enough to take the steps.

[jellybean89]

Thank you Jellybean, I really appreciate your kind words. I come here to try help others find their way out. I am a living example of a LT OW who sees the way but still not strong enough to take the steps.

 

You will get there...take it one day at a time. Believe in yourself and love yourself, you are worth more than being a LT OW.

[herself]

I'm new to the boards... I've been reading threads all weekend and finally decided to post my own story.

 

I'm a MOW and have been having an affair with a MM for the last three months. My SO is away for work months at a time and I was lonely - not making excuses just trying to give the back story. Met MM online and we instantly connected... texts, emails, pics non stop for the first few weeks. We'd get together in person about once a week. He made me feel sexy and wanted. He's also the most gorgeous man I've ever met which doesnt hurt.

 

My problem is the communication started slowing down the moment my SO came back home. Last time MM and I got together, I told him I didn't like it and he said he was just trying to give me space since the situation has now changed. Everything was great last time we were together, but afterwards, it's been radio silence again. I text him last week asking how his week was going, and he said "he's been busy." I now haven't heard from him for five days. This is coming from the man that was in constant communication with me and said things like "you'll always have a piece of my heart; I never want this to end; etc."

 

The rationale side of me knows that no communication is communicaiton aka if he wanted to talk to me, he would, but I can't help but waver that maybe I should contact him one last time? I know this had to end at some point, but I really wasn't ready for it to end so suddenly and without explanation. Thoughts? Anyone experience a similar situation?

 

I just noticed your screen name is lost in lust.

I bet you subconsciously picked it...but it's like true...its...just...LUST.

And I want to help you by sharing that lust and the high low rollercoaster...the withdrawing on his end coldly then pulling back and coming on strong....well....all of that and many more words and actions kept me in an A for 14 YEARS...and that little blowing hot and cold act? It never changed.

For my mm it was on and off guilt...or sometimes I'd imagine he looks at his beautiful wife and he thinks...why am I cheating on her?

Who knows if your mm feels all those things but I do think it's hard on them and us living a double life and for both APs it's exhausting. Pretty soon one AP will just burn out.

But after a 14 year A for me I was able to recover just fine.

I broke down cried, threw all reminders away, blocked him everywhere....Im going back to MY life. I know you can too. We're behind you.

[Jana3360]

I would not contact him.

 

Let him go. I'm sorry you are going through this, it sucks.

[lostinlust80]

I just noticed your screen name is lost in lust.

I bet you subconsciously picked it...but it's like true...its...just...LUST.

And I want to help you by sharing that lust and the high low rollercoaster...the withdrawing on his end coldly then pulling back and coming on strong....well....all of that and many more words and actions kept me in an A for 14 YEARS...and that little blowing hot and cold act? It never changed.

For my mm it was on and off guilt...or sometimes I'd imagine he looks at his beautiful wife and he thinks...why am I cheating on her?

Who knows if your mm feels all those things but I do think it's hard on them and us living a double life and for both APs it's exhausting. Pretty soon one AP will just burn out.

But after a 14 year A for me I was able to recover just fine.

I broke down cried, threw all reminders away, blocked him everywhere....Im going back to MY life. I know you can too. We're behind you.

 

I know that this too shall pass. And everyone on these boards is right... every day is a little bit easier. Unfortunately, I did contact him once more. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't letting my pride get in the way of us (silly, I know.) I text him that I was thinking of him - since we hadnt been in contact in 5 days- and he replied with "heyyyy. how are things?" Like if I was some random friend. Whatever... that was the final nail in the coffin. It's what I needed for my "closure." I deleted the app we use and blocked his email/phone number. I don't know if he's going to realize that it's over since we didnt have a big blow up fight and there was no Dday, but I'm done with his hot/cold behavior. One minute he was all "I miss you, I need you" and then a few days later he's all "hey, hows it going." I cant function like that. Thank you all for your support and kind words. I dont wish this upon anyone, but its nice to know you're not alone.