26 years married 32 years together over

[chew123]

Well you are starting to convince me that she did it on purpose, all that proves is that I really know nothing about woman in general, lol.

 

I was away for the weekend with new female friend helping her move down to my area and visiting her family. And though we are really just good friends my wife asks about her and disparages her as well. I really thought she would be happy that I had company and was not sitting home alone crying. And she did know that I was away for the weekend.

 

Alive,

 

I have been on 2 nice trips since the bd. One with my son and one with friends. And I am headed for a week away next month with friends. Travel is kind of my thing so her leaving did not put much of a damper on it. And the friends I go with are actually former mutual friends who have not totally abandoned her , but do not really associate with her.

 

And I am listening to all of you. I honestly thought I was further along then I was, had accepted that she was gone and things like this would not bother me anymore. Definitely wrong about that. But the good news is I have taken a big step towards more LC and no more friendly small talk. Business only.

 

Funny, I used to be a bit smug and thought I knew everything. This has been quite a humbling experience and I doubt I will ever be smug again.

[No Limit]

It's not the female mind, it's the cheater mind. I've read enough threads from single mothers whose exes still show up at their door just to inform them that they've had some fun time with their co-workers or whatever.

 

And though we are really just good friends my wife asks about her and disparages her as well. I really thought she would be happy that I had company and was not sitting home alone crying. And she did know that I was away for the weekend.

 

Don't tell her anything about your female friend anymore. This way you'll spare some of your breath, nerves and time (and as a side effect your ex's fantasy will take over and drive her mad). No need to entertain her feeble attempts at manipulation. And no, she isn't happy about you moving on. Just prepare yourself for her fallout when she starts with drunk and crying calls.

 

Funny, I used to be a bit smug and thought I knew everything. This has been quite a humbling experience and I doubt I will ever be smug again.

 

Human beings are full of surprises. Don't be afraid to be smug in areas you're truly knowing though. And there's also no shame in taking your time to heal, even though your progress has been far, FAR better than the average poster's I doubt anyone here expected a miracle to happen.

[chew123]

Fair enough, cheater mind not female mind.

 

Yes, no more sharing of details.

 

I doubt the calls will come but I am prepared if they do. NC/LC in full effect.

And no phone calls. text and email only.

[No Limit]

I doubt the calls will come but I am prepared if they do.

 

Considering how your ex is behaving - aka like the type that believes she has her ex on the backburner - I dare guarantee it that these calls will come. It might take a year or two but then one day you'll rush to get a number.

[lgspot]

Well you are starting to convince me that she did it on purpose, all that proves is that I really know nothing about woman in general, lol.

 

I was away for the weekend with new female friend helping her move down to my area and visiting her family. And though we are really just good friends my wife asks about her and disparages her as well. I really thought she would be happy that I had company and was not sitting home alone crying. And she did know that I was away for the weekend.

 

Alive,

 

I have been on 2 nice trips since the bd. One with my son and one with friends. And I am headed for a week away next month with friends. Travel is kind of my thing so her leaving did not put much of a damper on it. And the friends I go with are actually former mutual friends who have not totally abandoned her , but do not really associate with her.

 

And I am listening to all of you. I honestly thought I was further along then I was, had accepted that she was gone and things like this would not bother me anymore. Definitely wrong about that. But the good news is I have taken a big step towards more LC and no more friendly small talk. Business only.

 

Funny, I used to be a bit smug and thought I knew everything. This has been quite a humbling experience and I doubt I will ever be smug again.

 

Chew123,

Don't be surprised.

My ex has done it to me through 2 boyfriends and a one year marriage.

My name or number was no where near theirs. All "mistakes".

Even mistakenly butt dialed from outside airport just to make sure I knew her and new H was on way to Cancun. Sadly her happy marriage didn't last much longer than the flight.

lol

They know how to punch buttons and get in our head after the fact...

Hang in there. They seldom do anything by accident.

[No Limit]

to get a number.

 

*new number, my bad.

[minimariah]

I can't imagine what the reason would be.

 

the same reason she keeps asking around about your dating life.

 

Ah well, does not really matter anyway. The game is over, for me anyway..

 

this. it doesn't matter because she's someone who simply isn't relevant to you or your life anymore. ignore her and interact strictly businesslike - trust me when i say... silence is the most powerful weapon. it will drive people absolutely mad.

[chew123]

I have had a good week of severing connections with my wife. Putting the house up for sale in the next week or so and that will be the final issue.

 

Well almost. We have a 12 year old dog that we need to deal with who is an unfortunate casualty of the situation. I never wanted a dog but caved to her like I did everything else. Now the dog is really both of ours.

 

I always wanted to live at the beach and have found an oceanfront apartment that I really like. No dogs allowed. I don't know or care where she is planning to live, however I think I am going to play hardball with the dog.

 

She has been assuming all along that I will take the dog since apparently AP now bf already has a dog and ours will not get along with it. She is the one who made the decision to end the marriage and essentially force us out of our home as it is way to big/expensive for 1 person.

 

So I am telling her the dog is her responsibility alone and I will not be taking her. Now I feel a little uncomfortable with this because if she decides to put the dog to sleep I would have to step in and do something.

 

I really hope she decides to own the consequences of her actions and take care of the dog but I really have no idea what she will do.

 

Ah well, almost done.

[KBarletta]

That is sad, chew- do you have any family or friends who could take the dog if she won't?

[chew123]

KB,

 

Don't worry, I talk a tough game, however I will not let the dog be in jeopardy. Worst comes to worst I will find her a good home and pay for her to be taken care of.

 

I won't leave her out in the cold.

[No Limit]

I won't leave her out in the cold.

 

But your ex might. :/

 

 

Nonetheless, great news about your potentially new home! Gosh, I only see a beach once a year but it's still great.

[chew123]

Nolimit,

 

Yes I am rather excited about the new apartment. I really would like to get in before June so I can enjoy the whole summer here.

 

A little guilt involved since if we sell the house quick my son will not be able to live there during the summer. Plus the dog issue. Son can live with me in the apartment of course or with his mom wherever she ends up, but he will miss his home I suspect.

 

But you know I think its time for me to be a little selfish and think about what I really want for a change.

[Steen719]

KB,

 

Don't worry, I talk a tough game, however I will not let the dog be in jeopardy. Worst comes to worst I will find her a good home and pay for her to be taken care of.

 

I won't leave her out in the cold.

 

12 years with the same family and on to a different one?

[chew123]

Steen,

 

Yes, not the optimum situation at all. I do hope that my wife will keep her. However the dog is already living with an altered reality. My son is at college and my wife and I are alternating.

 

And she has always lived with at a home with a large yard and rentals with yards are not practical for 1 person.

 

She will not be happy in an apartment without a yard. I actually have one neighbor with a dog who my dog plays with often. If my wife does not take her I am hoping that they might.

[2.50 a gallon]

I have several thoughts, so this might take more than one post.

As the other's I have no doubt the message was not a mistake. My Ex took great delight in finding ways to give the knife in the back another twist. When she came by to get her things, of course she had to tell me how great the OM was over me. I was forced to stay and listen as the police escort the brought along, flat told her that anything that I said stayed, she could not touch. It would be up to the court to decide who go what. So I stayed and made sure she did not get some things I knew she wanted.

We had two cats, which I kept, and which I knew she missed something fierce when she moved in with OM. After that about once a week she would meekly ask if she could spend time with out cats. No doubt they missed her so I gave in. Each time it was the same, we should have never married. She was so much more happier living with the OM. I tried to detach, but if you knew me, I had to react and throw in some zingers, which only told her she was still in control.

Another couple of weeks go by, and the associate neighbor OM throws another BBQ party for the victorious. And again she shows up wanting to spend time with the cats. I gave her a cold soda and ignored what she had to say about how great her new life was. Having lived with the woman I knew this was throwing her off her game plan, so she tried all the harder and still no reaction.

Then when she got ready to leave she threw the can in the garbage and heard it clink on a bottle. The threw open the fridge door, and one of the bottle of cheap champaign that I always kept in the fridge was missing. Then she bee lined to the bedroom and from the looks knew that I had not slept alone.

That is when she did a total 180. She knew in her heart that the game was over and it was now her that wanted me back. She even went to far as to go outside and at the top of her lungs let the world know, what a failure the OM was in bed.

This seems to happen quite often, when the WW realizes that you have totally detached, and found some one new. In their mind they think that you are still their property

[2.50 a gallon]

As for your son, at this time it is hard to judge how this is going to affect him and his future relationship with his mother.

My Ex best friend, and BIL cheated on my sister, the oldest daughter was in the process of moving out with her BF, they eloped a couple of months later, to avoid trying to bring two warring parties together for a wedding. A year later she had her first kid, Ex BIL was invited to the Christening and after that his daughter totally shut him out of her life.

Ex BIL married his OW, and the two of them bought a small acreage on the outskirts of town, and also bought several horses, one of which was a gentle soul purchased purposely for the grandkids to ride. It never happened. The OW's kids also turned their back on their mom

My younger niece, went to college, started a career and finally married late, like in her 30's. It was her Christian husband that insisted that they invite her father to the wedding.

At the wedding, I had to introduce my Ex BIL to his grand children. The by had already graduated from high school. My Ex BIL was a three year letterman at our high school. As was his grand son. He regrets not having been able to watch his grandson play football. After the wedding the family once again shut the doors on him.

The same thing happened to my niece who married and had two kids. Her former Ex cheated, broke up the family, and his kids now 8 years later, want zero contact with him.

Over the years, I have seen this happen several times, the adult children will totally shut the parent who broke up the family out of their lives forever.

[chew123]

2.50,

 

thanks for the long reply. As I have said before , mistake or not, doesn't really matter at this point. And while she is interested in my dating life I really don't expect her to try and come back. Though many have said the same thing to me I think she is having a true exit affair and will never be back. Its way too late anyway.

 

Regarding my son I expect him to continue to maintain a good relationship with his Mom. Yes she has dramatically affected his life and not for the better, however he has always known her to be flawed. And I do not badmouth her and she does not badmouth me. All of my former friends who she hangs out with make a point of telling me that she does not really talk about me at all one way or the other. They are the the group that also tell me she made the biggest mistake of her life and it won't last but I don't care anyway.

 

thanks again for the thoughtful comments

[No Limit]

Though many have said the same thing to me I think she is having a true exit affair and will never be back. Its way too late anyway.

 

I think there's a minor misunderstanding; she will be back for sure. But the old her is gone indeed; but the new one still believes to have "privileges" over you like they're still married to you. This is the insanity of the wayward spouse.

[chew123]

Nolimit

 

We will see who is right on this one. I will definitely post if that day ever comes. I suspect I will be reporting her engagement to her AP/bf first.

[No Limit]

I suspect I will be reporting her engagement to her AP/bf first.

 

The AP type that does a highspeed marriage would have already prepared during your marriage. She's out of it already and couchsurfing. I think first she'll be strung along for a while.

[chew123]

You know the living situation is somewhat puzzling. Though I suspect once the house sells they will cohabitate. However she did not try for alimony which points to marriage.

 

Supposedly he is a widower and lives with his grown daughter, granddaughter and mother in law. And this in a house that he owns. For some reason my wife is not welcome there full time since she spends at least half the week at the neighbors where she has pretty much warn out her welcome..

 

Grapevine tells me the daughter does not like my ex because of the cheating and makes it uncomfortable. i really have no idea though.

 

I have to say that the further I move down the road so to speak the more I wonder what the real story is. I have never asked since i don't need to know, but the whole thing is curious. DDAY was sept 25th, why aren't they living together? divorce was final over a month ago.

 

I still bet on marriage within a year. If you lived closer Nolimit I would bet you an adult beverage. lol

[No Limit]

You know the living situation is somewhat puzzling. Though I suspect once the house sells they will cohabitate. However she did not try for alimony which points to marriage.

 

Supposedly he is a widower and lives with his grown daughter, granddaughter and mother in law. And this in a house that he owns. For some reason my wife is not welcome there full time since she spends at least half the week at the neighbors where she has pretty much warn out her welcome..

 

Grapevine tells me the daughter does not like my ex because of the cheating and makes it uncomfortable. i really have no idea though.

 

I have to say that the further I move down the road so to speak the more I wonder what the real story is. I have never asked since i don't need to know, but the whole thing is curious. DDAY was sept 25th, why aren't they living together? divorce was final over a month ago.

 

I still bet on marriage within a year. If you lived closer Nolimit I would bet you an adult beverage. lol

 

So it's "forbidden romance" where the entire family is against her, lol. This is going to be fun - at least for the outsider.

 

Pfft, I'm betting a bottle of fruit liquor there won't be a marriage this year.

[Steen719]

 

Regarding my son I expect him to continue to maintain a good relationship with his Mom. Yes she has dramatically affected his life and not for the better, however he has always known her to be flawed. And I do not badmouth her and she does not badmouth me. All of my former friends who she hangs out with make a point of telling me that she does not really talk about me at all one way or the other. They are the the group that also tell me she made the biggest mistake of her life and it won't last but I don't care anyway.

 

I hope that is true. Your son may not really have bad feelings towards his mom and maybe he won't blame her for the family unit not being together. Still, the OM's daughter has some ill feelings and sometimes it takes a while for it to show.

 

Not to belabor this point because I know you answered me on this, but when I left my house, I found an apartment with a little fenced in yard (townhouse condo) to rent so that my dogs would have somewhere to go out. I also walked and walked them. One is gone now at almost 15 years old and the other is still with me. I swear, there were times I think my son missed them as much as he missed me. He would tell me how much he missed them and couldn't wait to see them (while he was in college after this all went down) and when he would come home he would just love on them. Your son may not feel that way about your dog and I understand that. A lot of people would not feel like I do about my dogs, either. My big 6'2" son cried like a baby when we had to put down the 15 year old dog. Anyway, if your son loves his dog, I hope whatever you do, he is part of the decision.

 

I apologize for bringing this up again - obviously it bothered me, but your decisions are just that - your decisions. If your ex-wife is going to with her OM and his family, I would bet your son wouldn't want to do that.

 

OK, I'm through making you read about this..

[chew123]

Steen,

 

Not a problem on the dog stuff. I am a dog person and have always had at least one. I understand the ramifications of leaving the dog behind.

 

My ex is a dog lover as well. Since she is the instigator of this I feel she needs to deal with the dog situation. There are very few oceanfront locations that allow a large dog. And I am not going to be a martyr and live in a lesser location to accommodate her at this point.

 

May sound selfish but as you say I have made my decision. And as long as the dog is fine my son will be ok.

[Steen719]

 

My ex is a dog lover as well. Since she is the instigator of this I feel she needs to deal with the dog situation.

 

Well, I hear you on that. There are consequences to behaviors whether they think so or not.

 

 

And as long as the dog is fine my son will be ok.

 

Well, that's good, really.

 

Good luck on your move.