Quintana1985 Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 I was in a long-term relationship with "John" for a very long time until he cheated on me and I broke up with him. A few months later, I met "Bob" and we were hitting it off pretty good. Since he was already knew my friends before I even met him, he began asking my friends questions about me and stating that i am the type of girl he would like to get to know to start a relationship with. We began seeing each other almost everyday, but he suddenly began calling me less frequently. During the time that "Bob" and I were not seeing each other as often as we were, "John" began coming around more frequently and i accepted it since I felt lonely. "Bob" found out that my ex was coming around again, and he decided not to call me for about a month. After running into him one night, "Bob" began calling me even though he knew that "John" was still somewhat in the picture. I never stopped liking "Bob" but simply settled for the next best thing because i wanted someone to be there with me. I found myself thinking about "Bob" at all times, even when I was with my ex. So, I decided to tell my ex that we should stay out of each other's lives for good because I had feelings for someone else and I felt uncomfortable. About a week before I cut all ties with my ex, "Bob" began dating a girl. "Bob" told my one of my friends that he really liked me, but that he couldn't be with my because "John" was causing too much trouble for him because "John" would sometimes follow "Bob" or drive by his house. When "Bob" was aware the decision I had done about my ex, he decided to start calling me everYday again. I found this quite strange because he had a girlfriend and never mentioned her to me. So, after about 2 weeks of his continuous calls, I decided to ask him if he had a girlfriend because i was aware of it and he thought i didn't know. He told me that he was in a relationship, but that he didn't know how long that would last. I was not quite sure why he said that since at that time he had only been with her for a month. After our conversation that day, he stopped calling me everyday, but he still calls about 2-3 times a week, sometimes lasting on the phone with me as long as 2 hours. Why does he do things like this if he has a girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 LOL. Probably the same reason you let him screw up what you had with bob. Nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Uh - sounds like you and Bob are very similar. Why did you let John come around when you were with Bob? Hmm..not as much fun when the shoe is on the other foot is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 13, 2005 Author Share Posted March 13, 2005 So, what you guys are saying is that Bob is only continuing to call me just to get back at me? Why would any guy waste their time doing that? He should just be devoted to his new girl if that's the case. Bob calls me and talks to me pretty often and anytime I call him he never fails to return my phone call. Yesterday when we talked, he told me that we ought to go to the outlet mall together about 3 hours away from our hometown. I just don't get what he is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 You act like he's a girl with a penis. Men think differently than women do. You think he should be acting in some logical way, according to the logic you have constructed in your head. People don't usually do that, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 13, 2005 Author Share Posted March 13, 2005 At the time I started talking to my ex again, i wasn't even with Bob and he wasn't calling me as much as he had. We were like friends. All we ever did was kiss and hold hands and sometimes he would have groups of people at his house and he would invite my friends and me to go over. I really don't think i did him totally wrong for him to be trying to pay me back. I was just a little confused at that time and i thought i could forgive my ex for what he had done and try it again. But, i came to realize that I lost total trust for my ex and even though he was trying hard for it to work between us, I just couldn't trust him. I am not trying to intervene into Bob's new relationship, as a matter of fact, I always wait for him to call me. But, I just want to know why a guy would continue talking to a girl if he has a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
pat5318 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I think it is obvious why he is doing this, its because he likes you. He wants to be with you, but if he has another girlfriend there is the possibility that he wants to have his cake too. My advice to you is be honest with him tell him how you feel and what you want. If you are both on the same page...everything will work out. Keep Truckin Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 Well, sometimes I don't know if he does things for me as a friend or because he likes me. He'll do small things for me occassionaly. A couple of nights ago, when I was on my way home, he called me and i mentioned to him that my car had been acting a little weird on me some hours before. He was fast to tell me that he would be at my house the next day to check my car out. Yesterday, he came over to look at my car and he changed out the part. He even left his truck at my house and took my car to his house since he has all his tools over there. If he was really worried about his girlfriend finding out, I really don't think that he would have done that, especially since his girlfriend is off on Mondays since she works at a beauty salon. I am not very much of an outspoken person, so I really find it hard to talk to him and tell him that I have feelings for him. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
pat5318 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 I don't think it is a question of wether or not he is into you anymore. I think it is apparent that you both like each other very much. If you don't want to tell him how you feel, you are always going to be questioning every single move you guys make. I think you should get your feelings out in the open, that way you will no for sure and there will be no more doubts either way. From what I have heard I think that you willl find that your feelings for each other will be the same. Did you read what happened to me? I would like to know your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 I can't make myself express my interest in this guy because he has a girlfriend. I was recently cheated on, and I know what it feels like on both ends of the spectrum. But, I would really not want to be the cause of their relationship not working out. Should I express my feelings to him anyways or should I just wait it out? Link to post Share on other sites
pat5318 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 This is really your call to make. If it were me I probably would express my emotions, but I say that not being in the situation. In my own life I haven't expressed anything, so I know it is easier said than done. From an outside perspective it seems that you both want the same thing(each other). However he does have a girlfriend and thats treading on thin ice. Do you really think he is worth all of this time and aggrivation. I always believed that when I meet the person I'm supposed to be with it won't be very hard to be with them everything willl work out all by itself. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself if it hasn't worked out by now, willl it ever? But thats just my opinion and I am no authority on love(obviously from my situation). Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Originally posted by Quintana1985 1. I can't make myself express my interest in this guy because he has a girlfriend. 2. But, I would really not want to be the cause of their relationship not working out. 3. Should I express my feelings to him anyways or should I just wait it out? 1. Good call, but I expect he already knows. Its just a matter of consent at this point. 2. You would be a contributing factor, but not the only one - people don't just up and leave otherwise happy relationships. There have to be other things going on that knock people to the other of the 'cheating' fence. 3. Depends on what you hope to accomplish. Telling him would give him the green light on a situation that he is already betting that you'll agree to. Not telling him, but continuing to show him in other ways you like him will just postpone the inevitable. If you have it in your mind that you are going to be with this guy - given his behavior and your willingness, then it will happen regardless of what you say or don't say to him. Its just a matter of time. If you are concerned about the nature of how you end up with him, then tell the guy that you that you have feelings for him, but you feel that cheating is wrong, and you don't want your situation with him to go into that territory. Let him know that there's no point in pretending to be friends, since you have feelings for him and that while he has a girlfriend it would be best if you did not have contact with one another. Anything short of that is an opportunity. If you give him the opportunity to keep the girlfriend while seeing you behind her back, he'll take that opportunity. There's only one way to prevent that: and that is to let him know that as long as he has a girlfriend, you will not have contact with him. He will only make a choice, when a firm choice is his only option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 19, 2005 Author Share Posted March 19, 2005 I still haven't told him that i have feelings for him because I honestly think that he knows. I think I am just going to let things glide and if it happens it does, and if not, than that is ok too. Yesterday, as I was washing my car at the carwash he showed up and ended up washing my car for me. But, I think his girlfriend knows that he talks to me because yesterday, I saw her sister's car driving by my house really slow and she is never in my neighborhood. Link to post Share on other sites
angelj Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 you should read my posts, i am in a very simliar situation. look, all i can say is trust your instincts. if something is telling you to express things but hold on and not express them yet, than thats what you do. listen to what everyone has to say but in the end, do what you think is right because that is whats right. this guy is into you, but he is confused. the way i see it, he has things to figure out and probably wants to start something more serious with you in the future and right now is just keeping you around (as nicely said as possible) without using you or being a jerk. this is exactly what has happened with me. to some it might look bad. ive had people say to me you need to get over this. he doesnt know what he wants. there are a million other men out there. very true, but i havent met them, i dont want any of them, and i dont really care because as long as im happy and its not affecting my well being, well shoot im gonna hang on and see what happens. its ultimately up to you how patient you are and how much you are prepared to deal with. if it were me, i would just chill out and hang on because you are probably in for a bumpy emotional ride. at times you are going to be like what the heck does he like me or what?? you will probably go thru a range of feelings and ideas in your head, as its all that you are thinking about at the moment, right? as for me, ive just kinda hung out on the sidelines without letting my life pass my by. and THAT has been the hardest part. for a little while i would almost wait for his calls. then when i allowed myself to be completely confused and curious about his feelings i drove myself CRAZY. almost into a depression! let me put it this way, be his friend. thats 100% allowed and safe and normal. i wrote in one of my posts a great quote and you should apply it to your situation - you cant always control the way you feel but you can contain it... or something like that. you get it. be his friend, be available but not TOO available but dont play games because they will get you nowhere in this situation. dont call him 10x a day but call him often to say whats up and keep up that friendship. this guy definitely sounds into you and once your in, your in and i believe its hard to drop those feelings. the most important thing is to have some confidence and that at times can be the very hardest. i was constantly questioning his actions vs my actions and until you get things out in the open, you will go mad! wait it out, be his friend, keep your confidence that he DOES like you and nothing will change that. as of now, yall sound inevitable. but he sounds a bit confused and nervous. wait and see what happens and although that sounds like not so much fun, do it. again with the stupid cliche i hate but live by, if its meant to be, its meant to be. either way you win...it just takes a lot of patience and hell, if you've got nothing else going on (like me) then why not play along. at least its something to keep you occupied! good luck and go read about mine, im sure you will see what im talking about. ps - dont do anything sexual with him while the girl is around. i highly doubt he really is happy in that relationship but its still another relationship..ive taken that route too. it just makes it harder on everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 19, 2005 Author Share Posted March 19, 2005 Thank you very much angelj. Everything you said is what I am going through. Although I met him in October, and have known him for about 5 months, I really have never put my life on hold to wait for his phone calls. If he calls me he does, and if he doesn't than that is fine too. But he calls me pretty often and always does small things for me. I really do like him and enjoy his company, but I am not going to pressure him into anything or ask him many questions. For now, I guess I will settle for being his friend. Like you said, right now I don't have anything else going on, so why not remain preoccupied with that? I really appreciate your help. Link to post Share on other sites
angelj Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 yeah i understand about the small things...the boy in my posts does the same. when i was having car problems, he took it upon himself to find out what exactly was wrong with it and where i could get the part i needed to fix it! he even said it was his job. i just returned from a trip up north and while i was there i spoke to him a few times. the day before i was supposed to fly home, i told him how i might get stuck in the airport. i was flying standby which means you are not guaranteed a seat on any plane and every single flight home was booked! i told him how id probably end up sleeping in some stupid airport with no extra cash and no credit cards. he was concerned and told me to call him if i needed anything and he would send me money if he had to. he called a few times to check on me and make sure i made my flight. it was all very kind and it kind of surprised me. especially since this was during a period of me questioning his feelings for me... these boys are confusing. but at least it keeps us busy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 19, 2005 Author Share Posted March 19, 2005 Yes, I can totally understand where you are coming from, but remember not to dwell on everything too deep, because you can get hurt. He is still confused and although at the time it may not seem like it, someone doesn't come out of a situation so quickly and unharmed. I hope everything goes well for you. Keep me updated. Link to post Share on other sites
angelj Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 definitely taking all your dwelling advice... have you talked to bob lately? thats what we are calling him right? (the one you want to be with...) i forget...does he call you or do you call him? oh and do you see him often? school...work...etc? just curious Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quintana1985 Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 Well, the last time I talked to Bob was last Friday when I was at the carwash and he stopped by, so probably about 3 days ago. I never call him. I wait until he calls me. And no, we never see each other on a regular basis because I go to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he goes to school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Friedays. But, the weird thing, is that he still comes around at least once a week and he always calls me 2-3 times/week. Link to post Share on other sites
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