Girlfriend of 5 years...Cheated.

[CaliBabe]

Oh my gosh. This was so hard to read. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I can't imagine the pain you are going through...

 

No matter what continue NC. Under no means do you ever contact her or respond to her.

 

You grieve and pick yourself back up.

 

Karma is a bitch. I promise you, the universe will bite her in the ass.

 

Please take care of yourself, I found a therapist to be extremely helpful.

[Niko 2021]

Oh my gosh. This was so hard to read. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I can't imagine the pain you are going through...

 

No matter what continue NC. Under no means do you ever contact her or respond to her.

 

You grieve and pick yourself back up.

 

Karma is a bitch. I promise you, the universe will bite her in the ass.

 

Please take care of yourself, I found a therapist to be extremely helpful.

Thanks for reading and for your response, it means it a lot to me, especially at this time. I have told others my story, but never in as graphic detail as I have on here. I never thought that the girl I was going to marry, the girl that gave me the best time of my life, would be the one to give me the worst. The betrayal is too much to cope with, I could've handled just breaking up a lot better than her cheating on me. I remember asking her in the car ride to the airport if it was worth it what she did, she said "kinda, he's awesome." After that, I shut my mouth, I couldn't take another dagger to my heart. The only way I can cope is to try to not feel anything right now. My worst nightmare came true. My once soon to be finance', intimate with another man, and fell in love with him, I just can't. I go through so many moods throughout the day, from depression, anxiety, anger, confusion, happy, and the worst mood, is when I don't know how I should feel or how I actually feel. I don't want her back, but I can't seem to let go as of yet. I have a mountain to climb, and I going to be tough. We lost our virginities to each other (pending she didn't lie to me 5 years ago) I just don't know. I have been looking into therapy, I want to give it a try if I don't get better. She practically lived a double life, that's why she did not want me to come back after graduation when I left to see my family in Cali for what was supposed to be a month.

Edited October 28, 2014 by Niko 2021

[blackcat777]

All I can say is, thank god you didn't put a ring on someone like that.

 

I am so sorry for your pain. I can't imagine what that would be like after the time and energy invested, the growth you experienced while with her, the memories...

 

But, for the long term. Just imagine how much more you would have suffered, had you enmeshed your life with her even further. For many more years.

 

I spent way too much time in a dead relationship once (4 years), and the one thing I took home from it (besides myself and the clothes on my back... yep... that was it!) was that I know absolutely never what to do again.

 

Logically understanding things like that won't help the pain--though time, healthy emotional outlets and compassion for yourself will help. Just be grateful someone that cold and invalidating will not be your life partner. No one deserves to be treated like that.

[Niko 2021]

Against all logic and reason, I watched her last confession video in its entirety. This time, with a clear mind. She was in love with this guy, she said he was the first guy she was in love with. I can't believe that! She met this guy in May 2013 and I assume they ended things in August. She's crying in this one, after he told her he has found someone else. She said how he came to her place multiple times even though he lived far away, how she had butterflies, how she knew he was the one. This was summer 2013, when at this time I was trying to get back to her after my vacation. I had bought the ticket back to her, she pretty much forced me to return it and not come. I was only supposed to spend a month back home in Cali. I knew I shouldn't have watched this video, but I had to make sense of it, I had to know what happened. I don't understand… She said she wanted us to be together. I'm a corny guy, I saved all of our romantic text messages from day 1 of our relationship. If I go back in my phone to around that time, summer 2013, I have texts from her saying "good morning baby, I love you". I have others texts of her from the same time as she was with her other guy telling me that she loves me, and wants us to work out. I even have one from july 2013, her saying that she's my girlfriend. I even freaking texted her in July 2013, asking her if she's been cheating, flirting, or inviting guys into her apartment, and she said "no I'd never cheat on you." This was after the guy visited. I seriously just got played for over a year. I also used to order her delivery around this time because she was short on cash all the way from California. There are other texts from her saying she's not going anywhere, that we're together, and we'll get through this. There's another one on the 4th of july of her saying she wants me as a best friend, lover and a bf. June 2013 - she tells me she loves me, I say it back, and she says "promise?" I don't deserve this pain right now, I really don't.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Niko 2021

[SycamoreCircle]

You're very wrong about one thing: she does not love that guy. This is a very selfish person you've described. She exhibits traits of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists do not love people.

 

My advice to you is take all of those videos, all of that correspondence, drag it over to the Trash Can and delete it.

 

Play detective for as long as you want. The bottom line is she is not worth one more second of your time.

[Niko 2021]

You're very wrong about one thing: she does not love that guy. This is a very selfish person you've described. She exhibits traits of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists do not love people.

 

My advice to you is take all of those videos, all of that correspondence, drag it over to the Trash Can and delete it.

 

Play detective for as long as you want. The bottom line is she is not worth one more second of your time.

Did she honestly ever love me? Or just wanted to manipulate me? When I first met her, she came on strong, and I mean strong (which is a sociopathic trait). We met online through mutual friend close to the end of Dec 2009. I have a text from her dated Jan 11th, a few weeks later, of her telling me that she loves me (for the first time). We had not even seen each other yet, even on webcam or pictures. But I did not say it back, it was way too soon. But I think I truly fell in love with a sociopath. Just like how she "fell in love" with the guy she cheated on me with so soon (she came on to him strongly too). But that guy was smart enough to run away I assume. I on the other hand, got sucked in. So you're probably right. She never loved me, or him, or anyone, she just manipulates. She used me for whatever game she wanted. I was so foolish. It was my first "real" relationship other than dating. Now, I'm not even sure if we even had a relationship at all…5 years later.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Niko 2021

[blindnlost]

dude, she sounds like a psycho.. you should feel lucky you dodged a bullet... there is really no going back now, stop looking for a reason.... it just what it is.... shes really not worth your time anyways...

[SycamoreCircle]

No one can make a determination of "love" that soon. She was young and young people say and do foolish things. Did she like you and care about you? Yes. You were together 5 years.

 

At some point those feelings began to be replaced with boredom and then frustration and then anger and then resentment. You didn't cause any of this---emotionally immature people do not usually deal well with the end of the honeymoon phase. They feel manipulated, they feel hoodwinked. Plus, you were very good to her, so she had trouble saying no to the comfort you provided. Yet, she wanted to. She wanted to break away. To be independent. But she couldn't because she is insecure. So she lashes out at you. She gives you mixed signals.

 

Well, along comes a guy who fancies her. Immediate 180. He is put on a pedestal, you are put under heel. Yet she still can't give up the things you give her that she prizes. Why? Because she's insecure. This voraciousness for attention and comfort breeds more and more selfishness. She gets to the point that you're entirely disposable. She has a new source of supply.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

No one can make a determination of "love" that soon. She was young and young people say and do foolish things. Did she like you and care about you? Yes. You were together 5 years.

 

At some point those feelings began to be replaced with boredom and then frustration and then anger and then resentment. You didn't cause any of this---emotionally immature people do not usually deal well with the end of the honeymoon phase. They feel manipulated, they feel hoodwinked. Plus, you were very good to her, so she had trouble saying no to the comfort you provided. Yet, she wanted to. She wanted to break away. To be independent. But she couldn't because she is insecure. So she lashes out at you. She gives you mixed signals.

 

Well, along comes a guy who fancies her. Immediate 180. He is put on a pedestal, you are put under heel. Yet she still can't give up the things you give her that she prizes. Why? Because she's insecure. This voraciousness for attention and comfort breeds more and more selfishness. She gets to the point that you're entirely disposable. She has a new source of supply.

 

As someone who has been on this site for longer than I care to remember, this post is one of the best ones I've seen. It explains a LOT.

 

Great work Sycamore. Glad to see you are doing better. Its a slow burn.

[Niko 2021]

No one can make a determination of "love" that soon. She was young and young people say and do foolish things. Did she like you and care about you? Yes. You were together 5 years.

 

At some point those feelings began to be replaced with boredom and then frustration and then anger and then resentment. You didn't cause any of this---emotionally immature people do not usually deal well with the end of the honeymoon phase. They feel manipulated, they feel hoodwinked. Plus, you were very good to her, so she had trouble saying no to the comfort you provided. Yet, she wanted to. She wanted to break away. To be independent. But she couldn't because she is insecure. So she lashes out at you. She gives you mixed signals.

 

Well, along comes a guy who fancies her. Immediate 180. He is put on a pedestal, you are put under heel. Yet she still can't give up the things you give her that she prizes. Why? Because she's insecure. This voraciousness for attention and comfort breeds more and more selfishness. She gets to the point that you're entirely disposable. She has a new source of supply.

It's slowly starting to make sense now. I was in a fog this entire relationship, even after she started treating me like a doormat. When she did, it only made me try harder for her, and I guess that was her plan. She wasn't a "normal" person. She had no close female friends. She always told me how she was always outcasted by other girls in school, dance class, and even by her family. The only friends she had were guys, which I assumed were the ones she friend zoned. She is also a "different" looking girl, beautiful yes, but she has a small frame, facial features, and was under 5 foot. She could pass for under 14. She has father issues, she told me how she used to cry at night when she was young, he was always in jail. I'm not sure if any of this ties in. But it may show her insecurities. I never saw how she was insecure, she never wore any makeup (i loved that about her) and her hair was simple and never "done." What she is though, is overly confident and narcissistic, I guess to make up for her possible insecurities. She always tried to one up me on everything, on famous people she's met, on places she's been, if she knew something that I didn't, just random things that have no meaning. (sorry if I'm getting off topic, but this is really helping me, and thank you sycamore for your responses, I'm really grateful)

 

In the end, whether I even decipher this mess or not, it doesn't matter. I hope i'm passed the initial pain, it kind of feels like it. I'm in realization of what really happened, and what she really is. I almost lost it all, I can't believe it.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Niko 2021

[SycamoreCircle]

Jesus, man, it sounds like your describing my girlfriend, even some of the physical attributes---smaller, very young looking and with daddy issues.

 

And...

 

I could not "call" her on anything. She took herself way too seriously.

 

There was one time, for instance, when we were talking about something and I distractedly corrected something she said. I can't even remember what it was...something so insignificant. You should have seen the look on her face. She realized she had said something mistakenly and was utterly embarrassed. She quickly sutured. Why? Why on earth take yourself so seriously? That's what I wonder now.

 

These sort of people struggle with deep feelings of inequity. Something that the average person can't grasp.

 

When I snooped her e-mail, you would not believe the kind of vitriol I found! It's like someone from the IRS was auditing all of my vulnerabilities. That's right! Remember all of the little things you may have said to her over the course of your relationship. Maybe you once said something like, "I was always shy in high school undressing in front of the other guys because they were more developed than me." Well, you can believe that she has filed that away in her messed up head and told some friend, "Yeah, he's totally embarrassed about the size of his penis."

 

This is what these sort of people do.

[SycamoreCircle]

As someone who has been on this site for longer than I care to remember, this post is one of the best ones I've seen. It explains a LOT.

 

Great work Sycamore. Glad to see you are doing better. Its a slow burn.

 

Thanks a lot, man. I'm not where I want to be yet, but it's coming. And I'll always remember the tough love you showed me. It's good to have someone there kicking sense into you.

[Niko 2021]

Jesus, man, it sounds like your describing my girlfriend, even some of the physical attributes---smaller, very young looking and with daddy issues.

 

And...

 

I could not "call" her on anything. She took herself way too seriously.

 

There was one time, for instance, when we were talking about something and I distractedly corrected something she said. I can't even remember what it was...something so insignificant. You should have seen the look on her face. She realized she had said something mistakenly and was utterly embarrassed. She quickly sutured. Why? Why on earth take yourself so seriously? That's what I wonder now.

 

These sort of people struggle with deep feelings of inequity. Something that the average person can't grasp.

 

When I snooped her e-mail, you would not believe the kind of vitriol I found! It's like someone from the IRS was auditing all of my vulnerabilities. That's right! Remember all of the little things you may have said to her over the course of your relationship. Maybe you once said something like, "I was always shy in high school undressing in front of the other guys because they were more developed than me." Well, you can believe that she has filed that away in her messed up head and told some friend, "Yeah, he's totally embarrassed about the size of his penis."

 

This is what these sort of people do.

I'm not sure if she logged and shared any of my vulnerabilities with anyone, but if she did, I never seen it. But I'm sure she probably did, especially when she started resenting me. But I do see how she can perceive herself as always being inferior. I do remember something that has always stood out to me. 7 months into the relationship, I looked at her phone, and she was kind of flirting with another guy, or I think it was her ex boyfriend that called. I was visiting her for a month. When I found it, I told her that I'm not sure we can have a relationship if you're going to keep doing this. What she did next….she got down on the floor, wrapped her legs and arms around my leg, looked up at me, started crying and saying "don't leave." Of course, I stayed, I figured she loved me, no girl has ever done that for me (I was such an idiot to believe that was love). But I guess that shows her underlying issues.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Niko 2021

[SycamoreCircle]

Yes, it does. She's got a lot of growing up to do.

 

But let's turn this back on you, because that's what is important. The more boundaries you begin to establish for yourself about what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior, the better your relationships will be in the future.

 

There's men on here who will tell you---if they'd seen, 7 months in, their girlfriend having flirty conversations with some guy on the phone, that would have been the end. See ya!

 

If you can begin to decide for yourself what is right and wrong and stick to it in relationships, women will pick up on that and find you especially appealing.

 

And getting burned is a very good way of beginning to know what boundaries are most important to you.

[SoThatHappened]

I hate to self-diagnose people or say that everyone has a "disorder" just because I experienced someone with all of the symptoms of one; but look into BPD (borderline personality disorder). My ex fit the warning signs to a TEE.

 

The flips between loving and hating you, the daddy issues, the extreme idolization of you, etc.

 

She definitely SOUNDS like a narcissist/sociopath, but just take a peek at BPD (search for a poster named Downtown on this forum).

 

I don't know if it's good or bad to just say "My ex is crazy, she's a narcissist, BPD/Bi-Polar, sociopath!"

 

However, with my ex, she checked just about every box for the warning signs of BPD, and I see some similarities with your ex (sans the emotionally dead and horrible way she treated you when you found out about her infidelity).

 

Take a look. It helped me make some sense out of my ex.

[Niko 2021]

Yes, it does. She's got a lot of growing up to do.

 

But let's turn this back on you, because that's what is important. The more boundaries you begin to establish for yourself about what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior, the better your relationships will be in the future.

 

There's men on here who will tell you---if they'd seen, 7 months in, their girlfriend having flirty conversations with some guy on the phone, that would have been the end. See ya!

 

If you can begin to decide for yourself what is right and wrong and stick to it in relationships, women will pick up on that and find you especially appealing.

 

And getting burned is a very good way of beginning to know what boundaries are most important to you.

You're right, the best thing I can do now I just learn from it. I need to see how this isn't 5 years wasted, but 5 years of experience. Thank you.

[Niko 2021]

I hate to self-diagnose people or say that everyone has a "disorder" just because I experienced someone with all of the symptoms of one; but look into BPD (borderline personality disorder). My ex fit the warning signs to a TEE.

 

The flips between loving and hating you, the daddy issues, the extreme idolization of you, etc.

 

She definitely SOUNDS like a narcissist/sociopath, but just take a peek at BPD (search for a poster named Downtown on this forum).

 

I don't know if it's good or bad to just say "My ex is crazy, she's a narcissist, BPD/Bi-Polar, sociopath!"

 

However, with my ex, she checked just about every box for the warning signs of BPD, and I see some similarities with your ex (sans the emotionally dead and horrible way she treated you when you found out about her infidelity).

 

Take a look. It helped me make some sense out of my ex.

I confronted her about Borderline Personality Disorder - On my previous threads I even said I hate self diagnosing people, but that I believed she was bipolar or had BPD. I remember sending her a link that lists BPD traits, and a lot actually matched her personality. I suggested that we can see a doctor, and that I'll help cover costs. She told me she's scared of doctors, but I remember her promising me that she'll get checked out. Though looking back, this was after she cheated anyway.

 

I found a screenshot of when I sent her the list of BDP signs through text august 6th 2013 - Man I saved everything about our relationship. (I have 5k pictures of her and screenshots of texts on my phone since we started dating 5 years ago, I have no idea how I'm going to delete them without deleting all my pictures at once)

 

Her: You think that's me?

Me: Yes it sounds like.

Her: Is it?

Me: Do you think so?

Her: A lot of it sounds like me.

Me: So it's not my fault? ( I was blaming myself for the relationship getting so bad)

Edited October 29, 2014 by Niko 2021

[Niko 2021]

One thing that I can say now, even though I'm still very much hurting. Is that my anxiety is gone. Ever since I went back home after graduation, I have been walking on eggshells with her. If I said the wrong thing, If a brought up our relationship issues, if I acted too loving, she would lash out at me and insult/emasculate me. She would say things that just drove a knife into my heart, and it honestly made my eyes water, i'll say it. When this would happen on webcam, she would say "are you crying?" in a very mean and uncaring voice. I had to learn how to speak to her, how not to trigger any of her episodes (as stated in my thread a few months ago) I had bad anxiety, Just waiting for any form of communication from her, waiting for any minuscule form of affection that never came. I felt rushed throughout my days, because all I just wanted was to be back with her. Now, my feet are planted firmly on the ground, I can breathe, and I can finally notice things around me. I used to live in a blur. I'm not sure if her cheating triggered it, but she changed to cold and heartless right after graduation, and it lasted a year later until now. Yeah, I should've just been a man and toss her aside, but she knew she had total control, because she had another man, so it didn't matter to her if we didn't work out. She no longer had to express any love for me, she knew she could insult me and knew I would still be there, because I was the only one trying.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Niko 2021

[SycamoreCircle]

Yeah, the NPD/BPD distinction is confusing and traits do overlap and as member, Downtown can tell you---everyone has these traits, to varying degrees. Most of us are able to regulate it, though.

 

I don't think you should view meeting this person as a huge mistake. And if it would help you, all those pics and mementos can be put on a separate hard drive and packed away in the attic. For you to heal, you're eventually going to have to forgive this person(at least within yourself) and so the less you demonize them, the easier it will be for you to come around. Although those angry, contemptuous feelings are important to help you break away initially. In any event, trust that your psyche will sort through this and heal itself as best it knows how.

 

Also, if your ex is more on the BPD spectrum, there's a higher chance of her returning. Once the new guy is done with her or she hits rock bottom. Prepare yourself for that---NC all the way! Block her. She has proven, beyond all shadow of a doubt, she is not relationship material.

 

This experience has changed you. That will become even more apparent months from now when you try dating again. It changed me. I look at women differently now. Gone are the pedestals. I went on an OLD with a woman some months back: the physical was there in heaps! I mean, she was gorgeous. But I picked up MAJOR red flags throughout the date. To begin with she was an hour late. One of the first things she told me was that, "I've never been in a relationship." And then later that evening I discovered she left a previous relationship at the the drop of a hat. Left the guy with his thumb up his butt. Now, the old me would have latched on to this woman's physical attributes and tried to date her. But after having been through this thing with my ex, I decided to not get in contact with her again. And would you believe---SHE REACHED OUT TO ME! I straight up told her---"you're a sexy and frightening woman." Her reply, "oh, I'd never hurt you..."

 

No way. See ya!

 

Anyway, point is---this is going to give you boundaries. It's going to make a man out of you.

[Diezel]

I immediately texted her while she was at work. I asked her if she has been cheating on me, she says “no of course not.” I then sent her some of her screenshots that she saved, and I paraphrased a few lines from her video. Her exact response text was “ah, the computer. I’ll take ya to the airport when I get off of work.” How can she be so heartless, remorseless, no apology, no explanation, just ah the computer??? I asked her why have you been cheating on me, she said “yeah I ventured, you never knew, I tried to feel something for you again, I thought seeing you would help, but it didn’t, so go find your wife and start a family, because it’s not with me”

 

That’s when I lost it. That’s when everything came crashing down. The girl who I was about to propose to, leave my well paying job for, and move back to, cheated on me…sexually and emotionally. It started over a year ago. From what I heard from her video, she fell in love with her one night stand, but he just wanted fwb. So she’s crying in the videos. That’s why I guess she held on to me, and why she didn’t want me to come back right away, a year ago when this first happened.. I found a screenshot of a text from this guy, which stated that she just loved the way he F’d her. I dont know how long they've been doing this behind my back, or if there are more guys. I asked her, she said only one, but yeah, she's obviously a liar.

 

his girl, the girl I was with for 5 years, girl I wanted to marry, girl I saved up a small sum of money to move back to…Is just singing along to the radio??? Acting like nothing has happened, happy tone of voice, nothing fazed her?? I started to confront her about it. I said “why couldn’t you have told me? I asked you two weeks ago before we planned this trip if you’ve cheated on me, or if there was someone else. Why did you lie to me?” Her response… and I’ll never forget this as long as I live, was, in a nonchalant voice with a slight smile, “you know I don’t have a conscience” I almost died inside. She then proceeded to name people who knew about it (yeah that helped). She said she was tired of me, bored with me, started to hate me. And yeah, I wasn’t a great boyfriend, I did get complacent, I was a little emotionally abusive, and I was controlling because I didn’t like her having so much guy friends, and I was right to be .One of the screenshots I found was of her talking intimately with her best friend, whom I trusted her with. The way she acted is what I would describe a sociopath, only now I have more evidence.

 

 

 

You need to digest all of this.

 

The reason why there was no remorse is because she felt RELIEF when you found everything out. She no longer had to "play along" and pretend to be your "girlfriend".

 

You just don't see it that way.

 

If I were you, I'd be drinking, but in celebration, that you found all of this out before making such life-altering decisions.

 

You dodged a massive, massive bullet.

[Niko 2021]

Yeah, the NPD/BPD distinction is confusing and traits do overlap and as member, Downtown can tell you---everyone has these traits, to varying degrees. Most of us are able to regulate it, though.

 

I don't think you should view meeting this person as a huge mistake. And if it would help you, all those pics and mementos can be put on a separate hard drive and packed away in the attic. For you to heal, you're eventually going to have to forgive this person(at least within yourself) and so the less you demonize them, the easier it will be for you to come around. Although those angry, contemptuous feelings are important to help you break away initially. In any event, trust that your psyche will sort through this and heal itself as best it knows how.

 

Also, if your ex is more on the BPD spectrum, there's a higher chance of her returning. Once the new guy is done with her or she hits rock bottom. Prepare yourself for that---NC all the way! Block her. She has proven, beyond all shadow of a doubt, she is not relationship material.

 

This experience has changed you. That will become even more apparent months from now when you try dating again. It changed me. I look at women differently now. Gone are the pedestals. I went on an OLD with a woman some months back: the physical was there in heaps! I mean, she was gorgeous. But I picked up MAJOR red flags throughout the date. To begin with she was an hour late. One of the first things she told me was that, "I've never been in a relationship." And then later that evening I discovered she left a previous relationship at the the drop of a hat. Left the guy with his thumb up his butt. Now, the old me would have latched on to this woman's physical attributes and tried to date her. But after having been through this thing with my ex, I decided to not get in contact with her again. And would you believe---SHE REACHED OUT TO ME! I straight up told her---"you're a sexy and frightening woman." Her reply, "oh, I'd never hurt you..."

 

No way. See ya!

 

Anyway, point is---this is going to give you boundaries. It's going to make a man out of you.

What gets me, is that she didn't just cheat, she lived a double life. All the while telling me she working on getting her emotional issues better for me. I can forgive her in time, I know I can. I can get over her and move on I think, but what happened to me, is very screwed up, heartless, and just insane. I mean who does these things? I never thought anyone could do the things that she's done. I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of this.

[SycamoreCircle]

What gets me, is that she didn't just cheat, she lived a double life. All the while telling me she working on getting her emotional issues better for me. I can forgive her in time, I know I can. I can get over her and move on I think, but what happened to me, is very screwed up, heartless, and just insane. I mean who does these things? I never thought anyone could do the things that she's done. I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of this.

Yes, it is a very hard thing to comprehend. And if you were to pose these questions to her, you would probably get a different answer each time. "I'm young" or "We're just very different people." The answer will always conveniently gloss over the reality of what she did.

 

What has helped me put it in perspective is this: imagine when you were a 14-year-old boy. Maybe you had a girlfriend who lived in your neighborhood. You guys grew up together, made mud-pies when you were younger, could tell each other anything. Now imagine that some incredibly hot, developed, unattainable figure of female sexuality entered the picture. I don't know, like Pamela Anderson or some Victoria Secret model(I'm just trying to come up with some example) and walked through the Wal-Mart parking lot where you and your girlfriend were sitting on top of your brother's car and said GODDESS put her finger on you, only you. You would become entranced. You'd want to spend all of your time with SHE-GOD, bathing her and attending to her every need. Your girlfriend would become the lanky, breastless, pimply bore that she really is. Now your life has meaning. Your true purpose is realized. You have been selected, because of your inordinate good looks, superior intelligence and prematurely advanced sexual prowess to attend to this woman. Hell, this should have happened a long time ago---you're just that freaking great!

 

This is what has happened to your girlfriend. Maybe next year or 10 years from now, she'll emotionally mature, she'll break out of this ridiculous spell and realize that she's not better than other people, that she's not more privileged and what she did to you was sheer douchebaggery.

[Niko 2021]

Yes, it is a very hard thing to comprehend. And if you were to pose these questions to her, you would probably get a different answer each time. "I'm young" or "We're just very different people." The answer will always conveniently gloss over the reality of what she did.

 

What has helped me put it in perspective is this: imagine when you were a 14-year-old boy. Maybe you had a girlfriend who lived in your neighborhood. You guys grew up together, made mud-pies when you were younger, could tell each other anything. Now imagine that some incredibly hot, developed, unattainable figure of female sexuality entered the picture. I don't know, like Pamela Anderson or some Victoria Secret model(I'm just trying to come up with some example) and walked through the Wal-Mart parking lot where you and your girlfriend were sitting on top of your brother's car and said GODDESS put her finger on you, only you. You would become entranced. You'd want to spend all of your time with SHE-GOD, bathing her and attending to her every need. Your girlfriend would become the lanky, breastless, pimply bore that she really is. Now your life has meaning. Your true purpose is realized. You have been selected, because of your inordinate good looks, superior intelligence and prematurely advanced sexual prowess to attend to this woman. Hell, this should have happened a long time ago---you're just that freaking great!

 

This is what has happened to your girlfriend. Maybe next year or 10 years from now, she'll emotionally mature, she'll break out of this ridiculous spell and realize that she's not better than other people, that she's not more privileged and what she did to you was sheer douchebaggery.

You're spot on about her emotional immaturity, besides the way she handled herself once I caught her, she never came clean. On the day she took me to the airport, I asked her if he ever visited her at the apartment, she said no. When I watched her video, she talked about when he visited her at our place, how she had butterflies. I don't understand, why did she continue to lie, even after I caught her? What reason was there to lie at that point? She also said that she's only had sex with the other guy, I found evidence of that guy saying that she used sex to get over him, meaning there were other(s). This is all just insane, and I'll never know what exactly and truly happened to my 5 year relationship with her, it's probably best that I never know, but the curiosity is there, it's eating me up inside. Knowing they had sex in my bed. I guess emotional immaturity is all I'll have to justify this mess by.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Niko 2021

[SycamoreCircle]

The single most important thing to these people is their image, their idea of themselves. You threaten that. You are real. You have real feelings. You have memories. You have flaws. You have seen her collapsed on the floor beneath you, a whiny mess. Why would she want you around? It's much preferable to live in her mythic, idealized world where she is the center of every event. Where her real potential is allowed to flourish. Get lost.

[Niko 2021]

The single most important thing to these people is their image, their idea of themselves. You threaten that. You are real. You have real feelings. You have memories. You have flaws. You have seen her collapsed on the floor beneath you, a whiny mess. Why would she want you around? It's much preferable to live in her mythic, idealized world where she is the center of every event. Where her real potential is allowed to flourish. Get lost.

This is tough.. I watched her other video…she said she had a big weekend planned for his birthday, but he was confused about their "relationship" and said they should "take it slow" is what seems to have happened. So instead she made him this video of her telling him how much she misses him and how great he is, and how she still sleeps on the same pillow that she slept on(crazy?), and that he should have a great birthday. God, why did I watch this…she forgot my birthday a few weeks ago completely, and told me to "find someone who can remember your birthday, god", but did all this stuff for him.

 

There are so many different kinds of pain I am feeling. First it was the initial cheating, which pretty much killed me inside. Then it was the cold and heartless remorseless way she treated me when I confronted her about it, which just made things even worse. And now…I have the realization that, yeah, I'm going to have to lose her. I don't want her back, but god I loved this girl. She helped mold me into the successful person I am today. She helped me choose a college major when I was very confused, she helped me through the emotional and financial difficulties that came along with college. I know I should only focus on the negatives, especially the possible BPD/Bi polar issues. But I always knew she had issues, I looked passed them because I love her. Then she cheated… I don't want her, but I can't seem to let go? Maybe I need a dose of reality.

 

She cheated on me, she had sex with another guy and fell in love with him, she had a double life with someone else, she hid it from me and strung me along for a year, she told me she was still in this relationship while she was cheating. When I caught her, she just destroyed me even more by being cold and heartless. She doesn't care, she probably never cared. I'm starting to think this is how all of her relationships ended, she gets bored and chases a new guy. Maybe that's how we met, maybe she cheated on her bf to pursue me 5 years ago, then dumped him once I was hers. I do remember she used to talk to her ex a lot when we first started talking (not even dating) how they would have bad conversations. She was probably going to dump me once she had a grasp on him. This is just, I don't know, insane? I don't even know how to describe it. The way she treated me at the same point in time as the way she treated him, she was two complete different people.

 

We could've had it all...

Edited October 30, 2014 by Niko 2021