Why I look away when I am near my crush

[Darren2013]

I have a tendency to look away when my crush walks past me or if she catches me glancing at her. Why is this? Well it is a combination of things but I think the most important reason is that the eyes are the window to the soul and are very revealing as to what is going on internally with me. People can get a sense of what you are thinking when they see your eyes and facial expressions. Communication does not have to be verbal.

 

So the urge to look away from her is because obviously I have something to hide. I fear that my feelings for her will be too obvious if she sees what's in my eyes. The looking away is a way to conceal what my eyes are trying to reveal.

 

And it is a little scary that she mirrors some of my behavior with the looking away when we walk past each other. Although I can't be sure that she looks away for the same reasons that I do. Perhaps she is hiding her attraction for whatever reason or perhaps she just thinks I am ugly and can't stand the sight of me. There was one day last week when she made it a point to look down to the ground when she walked past me. I don't recall her ever looking down at the ground before for any reason when she walks.

 

So if you are trying to conceal something that you don't want your body language to reveal just yet then looking away is a smart move.

[Gloria25]

You know, at first I wasn't gonna respond to this thread, but sure, I'm sleepless now, so I'll do it.

 

I am trying to recall if/where I posted about the eyes being a 'window to the soul' because I believe the same. Even during sex I make a point of not making eye contact.

 

Funny thing is people I don't give a hoot about, I make sure I make eye contact with them cuz I want them to believe what I am telling them...

 

I saw my crush today (well yesterday) and when I caught a glance of him, he turns away and I try to pretend like I didn't notice. So, I turn away too. Even when I wave "Hi" at him in passing, I am looking "at" him, but like above him or around him. Like I was looking at his hand to see if he was going to wave, I did not make eye contact.

 

I noticed the other day when I was chatting him up, he also did not maintain eye contact...A while back when he turned down my attempt to re-schedule hooking up with him, I did see those eyes looking at my body rather than my eyes.

 

This is freaking me out cuz while it "appears" that I am mimicing his behavior, I am not...I guess we are alike in many ways. Now, I do see where we differ on some things, but we are alike in other ways too.

 

I am scared, but happy cuz I kinda am excited cuz if he is like me in these ways - I'm hoping I can just be "me" w/o fear cuz if we know where we're coming from, we won't judge each other.

 

When things ended with that guy I was with for the longest, I was confident in who I was, but in dating I guess my confidence got shaken cuz I guess I really couldn't find someone who understands me (i.e. calling me a "ho" cuz I wanted to wear platform heels, or getting all insecure cuz of my independence). So, while I've seen guys over the years, I have suppressed a lot of "me" just to be able to meet guys....I've also become somewhat "insecure" with guys I am interested in - afraid of rejection.

 

It would be nice to finally meet someone who "gets" me...or, maybe I just have wishful thinking...

[Frank2thepoint]

So the urge to look away from her is because obviously I have something to hide. I fear that my feelings for her will be too obvious if she sees what's in my eyes. The looking away is a way to conceal what my eyes are trying to reveal.

 

This known as lack of self-confidence. Eye of the tiger bro. That's what you need. But reading your other posts, you seemed to be stuck in this perpetual fear. You won't make an impact unless you do something. Just like Michael Jackson sang "Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change".

 

 

I am trying to recall if/where I posted about the eyes being a 'window to the soul' because I believe the same. Even during sex I make a point of not making eye contact.

 

Oh Gloria, no eye contact during sex? That's so disconnected and impersonal. Not allowing emotional energy to flow between you and your man.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

This known as lack of self-confidence. Eye of the tiger bro. That's what you need. But reading your other posts, you seemed to be stuck in this perpetual fear. You won't make an impact unless you do something. Just like Michael Jackson sang "Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change".

 

 

 

 

Oh Gloria, no eye contact during sex? That's so disconnected and impersonal. Not allowing emotional energy to flow between you and your man.

 

Just saw this thread and had too look... No! Self confidence has nothing to do with eye contact. I know many Chinese and other nationalities that don't do eye contact, as in respect.

 

for myself, I don't and find seeing someone look at me that does not know me very odd. There are peeps with aspergers quilities, and even savants who don't do eye contact, let alone have emotional connex with facial expressions. I too have such things about me, and know not everyone is aware that they may have such condition, and feel something is wrong with them.

 

For myself, I am also shy, so I feel uncomfy if noticed by strangers. Does it make me less tham confident.. No! I pick and choose when I use confidence on peeps, just see no reason to out of the blue.

[most_distant_galaxy]

I make easily eye- contact with people. For instance, when something outrageous or ridiculous is happening in a public place. There have been many cases where I communicated with a stranger via the eyes, expressing feelings about the situation non-verbally, and got a non verbal "response" to what I just "said".

 

But I can't do that with people I am really attracted to! I'm pretty shy around them. It has also happened that someone was attracted to me, and when I talked to him his eyes shifted nervously. I thought it was kind of sweet actually. I prefer this over staring. I once went out on a date with someone who stared into my eyes like he was trying to hypnotise me. It gave me the creeps, and a quite aggressive feeling. It's different to be looked at romantically, and it's different to be stared at. Romantic gaze is deep, you can see things going on there. And it doesn't last too long. Creepy staring isn't deep, and goes on and on and on... Very uncomfortable.

[Darren2013]

Thank God for peripherial vision. Now I can use it to my advantage and check her out through the corner of my eye without her knowing.

[zebracolors]

Thank God for peripherial vision. Now I can use it to my advantage and check her out through the corner of my eye without her knowing.

 

Is that really all you're ever going to do? Maybe I don't know the whole story, or you have ever talked to her at all. But really you will never know where you stand until you start making your feelings obvious. I would offer same advice to Gloria. IMO, don't just make small talk, ask her out for coffee or something. This shows you are curious and want to know her more. And her answer will either be yes or she'll try to be polite in saying no maybe with excuses of why she can't. If she does that, then offer an alternative evening.

 

Believe me, she will decide mentally in the first few seconds as to if she'd consider accepting the date. But I have to say a little confidence goes a long way with us women, so alot depends on that impression of you. (No pressure though!)

[Gloria25]

Is that really all you're ever going to do? Maybe I don't know the whole story, or you have ever talked to her at all. But really you will never know where you stand until you start making your feelings obvious. I would offer same advice to Gloria. IMO, don't just make small talk, ask her out for coffee or something. This shows you are curious and want to know her more. And her answer will either be yes or she'll try to be polite in saying no maybe with excuses of why she can't. If she does that, then offer an alternative evening.

 

Believe me, she will decide mentally in the first few seconds as to if she'd consider accepting the date. But I have to say a little confidence goes a long way with us women, so alot depends on that impression of you. (No pressure though!)

 

I can't speak for the OP, but in my case, I've already invited my crush over for a "drink" (and perhaps a little more than a drink ), but he turned me down cuz he has things going on that make him unavailable to date me.

 

I don't know, my thing is that I'm gonna keep it friendly in case he reconsiders. It gets hard/frustrating sometimes cuz the attraction is there - yet we haven't acted on it. So, I believe he knows I'm feelin' him.

 

Anyways, I usually take a seat back in dating now over the holidays. So, if he doesn't make a move, at least I can start 2015 fresh and jump back into the dating scene.

 

As for who will ask who out at this point? Well, not sure if it would fall on me cuz I already took the first step to ask him out . Since my invite for a "drink" was a something that might imply pressure would be imposed on him (I mean, it would have probably ended up in sex), I "might" try hit him up again for a beverage - but not in a situation where sex is implied, cuz I don't wanna pressure him. But, since I already did the asking, I'm not sure if it would be appropriate for me to ask again....

Edited October 29, 2014 by Gloria25

[FitChick]

It sounds like some posters prefer fantasy to reality. I find that a waste of energy. If you must fantasize about someone you will never "have," why not pick a movie star or award winning scientist or billionaire entrepreneur?

 

If I knew someone had a crush on me which I didn't reciprocate, I wouldn't look at him. How odd to think someone ignoring you is madly in love with you.

[Darren2013]

Sometimes depending on the circumstances and personality type of a person women and men will ignore the person they are strongly attracted to if they are afraid that their attraction will be too obvious. So they will try to overcompensate and do the opposite by ignoring or acting indifferent or going through the motions of pretending not to like the person. I am one of those people and that's one of the reasons I declined her invitation to grab coffee with her on a break the other day let alone ride with her in her car. I am not going to accept even a 2 minute car ride with her when I can't be sure of her intentions. I don't want to get my hopes up in thinking that it means anything.

 

And given my specific circumstances it would be understandable for me or her or both of us to be hesitant and cautious about acting on any attraction that is there considering we work the same place and there's a big age gap between us. She is old enough to be my Mom and that is one of those things that could spell trouble down the road because we are in 2 different stages of life. I am only 34 and she is late 50s. In some cases people with a big age gap make it work but there's still alot of potential for trouble down the road. It is usually not a good idea to pursue this. I say usually and not always because again there are special cases where it does work. It is high risk territory.

 

With all of the practical concerns I'm not going to push or be very encouraging like I normally would if she was close to my age and we worked different jobs. I am just going with the flow. Maybe this is just a phase that will fade out on its own in time and she and I can go back to acting normal with each other like we used to before this odd stuff started 3 months ago.

 

Things are not always as they appear to be. What may look like a signal of interest on the surface isn't necessarily so. The converse also applies. What looks like disinterest isn't always necessarily so.

 

As far as fantasizing over a movie star or singer? The difference between crushing on a movie star vs a work colleague is that with a movie star I couldn't even be in close proximity with and I have not met them in person.

 

Now when I was younger I did have crush on a certain movie star named Jennifer Conley who played in the movie Labyrinth. I would have been grateful to meet her in person and get within close vicinity to her even though I know realistically she would never be my girlfriend. I would still be grateful for the scraps of attention I would get from her from time to time without letting her know that of course.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Darren2013