Widowed mum "vampirising" us.

[DeluxeYou]

These are posts I wrote on another forum but I felt like writing it here as well to see if anyone can relate and help me though this.

 

8 months ago:

 

I'm making this thread because my heart is broken and I don't know who to turn to.

 

My mum's leaving my house tomorrow. I kinda sent her away. But oh! How it breaks my heart. I needed to take that decision however.

 

I'm the worst emotional eater who's walked the earth (the universe even). I can't feel anything without turning to food first and last thing.

 

My mum and I have this kind of super volcanic relationship. I admit that at the time I had severe depression, we didn't know about it and she didn't get all those slight implications of the whole depression thingy. I would binge/emotional eat constantly because I didn't feel good with her around me. I don't even feel confortable with her around me. And yet she's such a great person and a great mum!!!

 

She has diabetes too. She's been fighting to avoid insulin at all cost so she's taking care of her health food wise, that is, she eats healthy food in small amounts throughout the day and she succeeds beautifully in controlling her weight and blood sugar levels. She has about 6 small meals a day and she can have just a little bit of something she loves. I can't. I'm so used to living all alone and buying lean food (because I eat whatever I find in my kitchen) so I make sure I ONLY have very lean things around myself. She's been cooking healthy food most of the time but I can't help eating a lot of those (starchy carbs), eating constantly or eating late at night or even in the middle of the night.

 

So I prefer to be alone cos only then can I control whatever I buy and therefore eat. She understands and she's very supportive, but constantly seeing her around food makes me crave those foods so much!!

 

Now I'm on antidepressants and I feel 100 times better, I'm doing well with my diet and very proud of myself (She'd been absent for a few weeks).

And now, she's back trying to stay with me (She has her own house but somehow she prefers to be with me, for the company and other advantages).

It's breaking my heart but I'm sending my mum away. As simple as that. I feel so miserable but I'm sure it's the price to pay to stay on track cos she provokes emotional eating in me all the time and she makes food too available around the house too much time.

 

I feel like a bad daughter (I'm not ) and a terrible person (I am). I know I'm causing us a lot of sadness and bitterness but I'm maintaining my decision. For my mental sanity and my health.

 

I just saw her luggage, packed in the doorway. I felt so bad and I'm rushing here to vent, but I NEED to talk to her. Reassure her that I love her presence, and she can come back later when my goals are reached, but that I need loneliness in the meantime to rebuild my own self and make life better for myself. I'm gonna miss her so much, my heart is bleeding, aching.

 

The first time I tried to prevent my mum from moving in with me for some time, my sister told me that it was one of the biggest mistakes that life never forgives and makes you regret later. I'm feeling so guilty!

 

Sorry for so much negativity. I just needed listening ears.

 

BIG SIGH!

 

Then this morning:_____________

 

She's back or rather she's found her way back.

 

More overbearing, authoritarian than ever and with more sharpened skills in emotional blackmailing.

 

For the past 2 days I've been eating like a pig...again. She just drains energy, calmness and positivity out of my life. I've just spent the past 8 months in total bliss all alone away from her vampiric ways. And now I'm sitting here again trying to design a scheme to send her away packing again. Only so I could have my sanity back.

 

Right now I've stopped taking all my depression medication and I think she's going to pull me spiraling down the dark hole...again.

 

About to have a discussion with her. Oh how I would like to hear her saying that she doesn't intend to stay for long this time!

 

LORD HAVE MERCY!!!

 

So far as I'm concerned, she's a desperate case. Once she has chosen a victim and planted her nails in her skin, nothing can make her lose her grip.

 

No possibility for making any rule for her to follow. She doesn't give a damn in her dealings with her kids; she only care about "what people will think".

 

The irony of it is that she has this christian holier than thou attitude which makes her believe that she's the most humble person walking this earth.

 

Because of this, she's also able to turn tables and pretend to be victimized while actually she's the one doing the wrong.

 

She has quit her job because of the same problems. Hasn't been able to maintain any social life because of her quick mouth.

 

Now the problem is that my dad died decades ago and she raised us alone.

 

I recently realized that she feels we have to kind of repay to her the time and work that she invested into us (I won't even talk about affection here.

She never gave it because she never had it, end of story).

 

She feels it's her right to demand these from us and failure to pay back lands you in a tremendous emotional trouble.

 

I know the problem would be non existant if she had a job or something doing for herself but she won't. She claims she can't stand people's attitude at work and that she has worked so much in her life to look after us that, it is her right to now sit back and enjoy life (through us).

 

I realized chronic boredom drives her to behave like this. For instance, what drove me to write this post today is an argument she was trying to start this morning, about me working too much and not socializing with her enough in the house.

 

I teach 2 days during the week and spend the rest of the days marking scripts and making lesson plans. She thought I had 5 free days to sit in the house and entertain her, which I think, made her to come to my place.

 

She's upset when I'm working hard (endlessly interrupting me with trivial topics, verbally complaining, mumbling and fumbling throughout the day, watching T.V where I'm working only to distract me etc). And yet, at the end of the month, she virtually wrestles her share of my salary out of my hands (she doesn't have any pension apart from the one she receives as a widow).

 

To say that she's driving me nuts is an understatement.

__________________

[applej4]

She’s “driving you nuts” because you’re allowing it. All the moving out and moving back in is ridiculous. Tell her to pack and leave – permanently. Don’t let her back in. Change the locks.There are millions of single parents – that’s not an excuse for being abusive.Your “novel” is way too involved and complex to be solved by strangers on an internet message board. Maybe a professional therapist would help. If you don’t have insurance or funds, contact the local mental health association.

[mrs rubble]

Can't you hook her up with a Church? Encourage her to join bible study groups or the like. There must be some way of appealing to her christian side and getting her out and serving christ instead of driving you nuts.

[preraph]

I don't know how old you are, but if you're over, say, 20 or so, you shouldn't BE living with your mom. Now, if it's the only way she can make ends meet, maybe at least help her get on some type of food stamps or something. But she has no right to move in on a grown child uninvited.