has anyone's mm ever became impotent with their BW?

[cocorico]

 

I hope that you can figure out one way or another, but if you don't trust him, it's not going to work. If you can't trust him, there really isn't a future. If you can trust him, then you have to - and just take the leap and hope you guessed right. If you didn't, and he was lying, what would that mean? A break up and some heartache? That's kind of the bet we ALL make on any relationship.

 

Exactly. It's exactly the same risk you'd be taking with any other R. Make an informed decision.

[Goodbye]

ExMM claimed he couldn't get it up with his wife. I doubt it. That man had stamina. I assume he claimed "limp dick" with the W to justify living in the same home and being celibate. I believed it at the time, but now I find it laughable.

[AmyBamy]

ExMM claimed he couldn't get it up with his wife. I doubt it. That man had stamina. I assume he claimed "limp dick" with the W to justify living in the same home and being celibate. I believed it at the time, but now I find it laughable.

 

I too would find it laughable if his ex wife hadn't verified it for me. Turns out, everything he told me was true. I'm sure that there are people that lie about things, but I'm just as sure that very few men, if any, lie and say that they have ED when they don't. It would be like women lying and saying they have had 60 sex partners when they have had 6. Doesn't really make sense to claim something that is shameful.

[Raena]

hi its my first time posting,

I'm married with 3 kids in their late teens and so is he. We dated when we were 19 and and found each other again after 25 years. When we first reunited , it was just to see each other and catch up. We spoke for 2 hours in the car about our lives he said he was happily married and so did I. But then he kissed me. It was magical. We've spoken everyday since ,text or call he wanted to take things slow and we just kissed and talked for the first 3 months and for the last 3 months it has become so passionate so intense like nothing I've experienced before and for him to. He told me he's always loved me ,always thought about ,me always looked me up . We tell each other we love each other at least 50 times a day. We are best friends, he tells me everything and I tell him everything we promise to be honest with each other. when we first reunited he was having sex with his wife twice a week and he was the one who always initiated, now he doesn't initiate anymore.. so now they're having sex about twice a month but can't maintain an erection with her twice already. Was wondering if this happened to any MOM out there.. thanks

 

I didn't read all of the posts on this thread but the post title itself makes me as this question:

 

How would the OW ever know if this is in fact the truth? Do you spy in their bedroom to see what is going on? Do you believe what he tells you at face value? The point is, unless you are sitting there watching them, you'd never know what is really going on in their bedroom.

[DKT3]

I didn't read all of the posts on this thread but the post title itself makes me as this question:

 

How would the OW ever know if this is in fact the truth? Do you spy in their bedroom to see what is going on? Do you believe what he tells you at face value? The point is, unless you are sitting there watching them, you'd never know what is really going on in their bedroom.

 

What do you mean? A married man who is lying to and cheating on the mother of his children (in most cases) would never lie to the woman he is cheating with. That would be just wrong above all else.

 

For me this is the biggest issue I have in these situations. Why would one put so much faith in a known liar. That's like handing off your life savings to Bernie Madoff.

[Hope Shimmers]

My MM became impotent, or had erectyle dysfunction, with his wife during, especially the last year, of the A with me.

 

He said she had no interest in sex anyway throughout their marriage and it had been 35 years since he had a b.j. Lets just say that issue has been settled, to his amazement and intense happiness.

 

When we talk about his sex life with his wife, or lack thereof, he says he was not attracted to her sexually anymore and just couldn't get it up.

 

With me he has no problems and can even do it twice back to back sometimes.

 

Yet he's still with his wife. So how important is your offer of sex to him then?

[AlwaysGrowing]

I too would find it laughable if his ex wife hadn't verified it for me. Turns out, everything he told me was true. I'm sure that there are people that lie about things, but I'm just as sure that very few men, if any, lie and say that they have ED when they don't. It would be like women lying and saying they have had 60 sex partners when they have had 6. Doesn't really make sense to claim something that is shameful.

 

And why exactly would ED be shameful?

 

It is something that most men go through sometime in their life.

 

Should a woman be ashamed she is going through menopause?

[Hope Shimmers]

Many marriages are sexless, it's more common than not.

 

Oh wow. Really? How on earth do you know this as fact, in order to present it here as much?

 

Please present data and the sources. Otherwise stop making up nonsense and presenting it as facts.

[jellybean89]

Oh wow. Really? How on earth do you know this as fact, in order to present it here as much?

 

Please present data and the sources. Otherwise stop making up nonsense and presenting it as facts.

 

Ditto.

 

Always wonder how OW seem to know the status of every marriage in the world...no sex, no romance, no cleaning, no cooking, roommates, etc. The ones about no sex in the marriage crack me up the most. It's like they must believe the MM hasn't had sex/intimacy in years....even some stating "19 years" or "32 years". Like how the hell do you know???

 

It reminds me of a person standing outside a home, peeking in the window..desperately wanting to be inside, but relegated to being on the outside looking in.

 

Makes me wonder why so much attention is paid to who the MM is having sex with since so many OW are emphatic that the affair isn't about sex...yet that is what is discussed so much.

[DKT3]

I think its important to know that men in general don't get involved in affairs for the same reasons as women. Its common that for a man who is willing to stray, it ISN'T a direct reflection of the relationship he has with his wife. There could be a great woman at home, there can be a great sex life at home and he still strays. Doing so with no intent on ever leaving. Of course this isn't always the case.

 

GREED and selfishishness, a need to have ones ego stroked, and simply because we can get away with it are far more common reasons for men straying then it is he isn't getting or isn't interested in sex at home.

 

Now women on the other hand get involved more often because something is missing. Not saying that it something that the husband isn't doing, maybe (very common) its something outside of the husband, IE unfulfilled employment, feeling trapped, built up resentment for 10 or 15 years of picking up dirty socks, or putting the toliet seat down. Unhappy is unhappy, no matter the reason those closest to it get the blame. Different roads to the same spot.

Edited November 8, 2014 by DKT3

[AmyBamy]

And why exactly would ED be shameful?

 

It is something that most men go through sometime in their life.

 

Should a woman be ashamed she is going through menopause?

 

I don't think it is, I think that men think it is. They are hesitant even to tell their medical doctors in a lot of cases. So, to tell a lover that they have ED when they don't seems far fetched to me. My guess is that he doesn't have ED - he just isn't attracted to his wife and therefore his body doesn't react. Like I said, men cannot usually fake sexual attraction, it's pretty easy to tell if they are attracted to you or not.

[AmyBamy]

I think its important to know that men in general don't get involved in affairs for the same reasons as women. Its common that for a man who is willing to stray, it ISN'T a direct reflection of the relationship he has with his wife. There could be a great woman at home, there can be a great sex life at home and he still strays. Doing so with no intent on ever leaving. Of course this isn't always the case.

 

GREED and selfishishness, a need to have ones ego stroked, and simply because we can get away with it are far more common reasons for men straying then it is he isn't getting or isn't interested in sex at home.

 

Now women on the other hand get involved more often because something is missing. Not saying that it something that the husband isn't doing, maybe (very common) its something outside of the husband, IE unfulfilled employment, feeling trapped, built up resentment for 10 or 15 years of picking up dirty socks, or putting the toliet seat down. Unhappy is unhappy, no matter the reason those closest to it get the blame. Different roads to the same spot.

 

Do you have sources to back this up? Reliable sources? You seem to think that men have no emotional ability to connect and no desire to connect emotionally? That's ludicrous. Not all men are cave men just running around humping everything they see. Some are humans with emotional needs too. Men too get involved because something is missing.

 

If I was a man, I would be insulted that you consider them so stupid and sexually driven that all their needs are met with simple sexual activity. Men primarily use sexual contact as an emotional bonding. Without it, they find it difficult to express emotional connection - that's Psychology 101. If a man isn't having any intimacy in his marriage, that is something missing - not just him being selfish and greedy.

[AmyBamy]

Ditto.

 

Always wonder how OW seem to know the status of every marriage in the world...no sex, no romance, no cleaning, no cooking, roommates, etc. The ones about no sex in the marriage crack me up the most. It's like they must believe the MM hasn't had sex/intimacy in years....even some stating "19 years" or "32 years". Like how the hell do you know???

 

It reminds me of a person standing outside a home, peeking in the window..desperately wanting to be inside, but relegated to being on the outside looking in.

 

Makes me wonder why so much attention is paid to who the MM is having sex with since so many OW are emphatic that the affair isn't about sex...yet that is what is discussed so much.

 

Weird, right?! I mean, my exH told his mistress that he and I weren't having sex - and we weren't. Hadn't for a while, probably at least a year, but at minimum at least 6 or 7 months - no sex. No kissing, no hugging, no hand holding, no touching, barely sleeping in the same bed and certainly not touching while in bed.

 

My exH could have had sex with me, he didn't want to. There was a lot of resentment and issues in our marriage. So, he found someone else to be with. I wish, like many BSs here, that he had done it differently, but I absolutely get why he did it. I can have understanding even if I disagree with his way of accomplishing it.

 

There are sexless marriages, it's not an uncommon thing. I have sources, but too lazy to find them - google it, it's everywhere. Hell, just read the marriage board here! You will see post after post of sexless marriages. Men express love and emotion through physical means more so than women (women tend to be talkers, men not so much) (source - google it). Without that connection in a marriage for them, they aren't going to be happy, period.

 

I find it most amusing that so many BWs try so hard to convince themselves that they did nothing to contribute to the demise of the marriage. I get it, it makes them feel better to lay blame solely on their WS and to excuse themselves. Or, to convince themselves that it's okay that they don't want to have sex with their husband for months or years on end. Yeah, it's okay - but then I think crying afterwards that sex shouldn't be THAT important is so silly. Of course it's that important. You vowed to only have sex with him and he with you. If it wasn't important, why the hell is that something you promise to each other?

 

Go ahead and tell a man in vows that you will have sex with him for the first 5 years of marriage and then none for the last 30 or 40 years - marriage would become non-existent. But, that's exactly what many women do. They claim they are tired, busy, on and on. They refuse to hold up their end of the adult relationship - and then stomp their feet when their spouse finds someone else who is willing to do it. It's ridiculous and pathetic.

[DKT3]

Do you have sources to back this up? Reliable sources? You seem to think that men have no emotional ability to connect and no desire to connect emotionally? That's ludicrous. Not all men are cave men just running around humping everything they see. Some are humans with emotional needs too. Men too get involved because something is missing.

 

If I was a man, I would be insulted that you consider them so stupid and sexually driven that all their needs are met with simple sexual activity. Men primarily use sexual contact as an emotional bonding. Without it, they find it difficult to express emotional connection - that's Psychology 101. If a man isn't having any intimacy in his marriage, that is something missing - not just him being selfish and greedy.

 

Not sure what your talking, we certainly aren't talking about the same thing.

 

I talking about a MM getting involved with another woman, your talking about a males ability to bond emotional. Not the same thing.

 

What I'm saying is a man already in a relationship can and more often then not is simply using another woman, and it is not because his relationship is bad or his wife is someone he doesn't want.

Edited November 8, 2014 by DKT3

[Hope Shimmers]

There are sexless marriages, it's not an uncommon thing.

Oops, except that's not what you said. You said "Many marriages are sexless, it's more common than not." Not the same thing at all.

 

I have sources, but too lazy to find them

Of course you are. Because there are no such data to say that sexless marriages are more common than not.

 

Just because it's common on this board doesn't make it common everywhere else. This is a relationship board where people come to post such things. Total population bias.

 

Anyway, of course some men don't get enough sex or any sex in their marriage. But that doesn't help justify an OW providing it to him. That doesn't make the OW or what they are doing any better. If he feels that his marriage vows are not being upheld, then he should get out of the marriage.

 

Some of the posts in this thread almost sound like gloating, saying how much better they can satisfy MM sexually than his W can. If that's all you (general you in this case) are hanging your hat on, then watch out. There are a million other women out there who can do the same thing for him. All sexual relationships, even affairs, get stale after a long time. A man who resolves that by cheating on his W is going to cheat on his OW too.

Edited November 8, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[jellybean89]

I don't think it is, I think that men think it is. They are hesitant even to tell their medical doctors in a lot of cases. So, to tell a lover that they have ED when they don't seems far fetched to me. My guess is that he doesn't have ED - he just isn't attracted to his wife and therefore his body doesn't react. Like I said, men cannot usually fake sexual attraction, it's pretty easy to tell if they are attracted to you or not.

 

The bolded shows how inaccurate and misinformed you are.

 

Men don't get ED from not being attracted to their wife. It is a medical condition! Like menopause dries a woman up, many things affect a mans ability to get a hard on. Google THAT and you will see how ignorant your statement is.

 

No one has said a word that BS's aren't responsible for their marriage. What we are saying is it is NOT a BS's fault a spouse chooses to cheat. It is never a BS's fault that the spouse goes outside the marriage for sex. Again, incredibly ignorant comments.

 

2 people are responsible for their marriage, but only 1 is responsible for the decision to cheat.

 

As for men having sexual arousal, men can and do get hard for a variety of reasons.

 

Marriage isn't about sex. It is about a bond. I guess in your mind, if one of the spouses ends up paralyzed, it's okay to cheat. If sickness takes away the ability to have sex, it's okay to cheat. If a wife is raped by a stranger, and it takes years to deal with handling sex, it's okay for her husband to chest? Why is everything about sex with OW/OM? Sex will not hold a marriage together. It's pretty sad that so many OW/OM don't understand that anyone can have sex, but it can take years to build a foundation for a stable and happy relationship. And just because someone has sex, it doesn't mean they love you or care about you. It can just be about a release.

[curiousGeorge2]

Oh wow. Really? How on earth do you know this as fact, in order to present it here as much?

 

Please present data and the sources. Otherwise stop making up nonsense and presenting it as facts.

 

The US data: about one in five marriages

 

 

The definition of a non-sexual marriage is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs less than ten times per year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the National Health and Social Life Survey would be in the category.

 

 

 

 

Sexless marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Edited November 8, 2014 by curiousGeorge2

[purplesorrow]

The US data: about one in five marriages

 

 

The definition of a non-sexual marriage is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs less than ten times per year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the National Health and Social Life Survey would be in the category.

 

 

 

 

Sexless marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ummmm ...... Wikipedia?

[Hope Shimmers]

The US data: about one in five marriages

 

 

The definition of a non-sexual marriage is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs less than ten times per year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the National Health and Social Life Survey would be in the category.

 

 

 

 

Sexless marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Wikipedia reporting 1994 data.

 

Oh well... thank you, as you just proved my point. In no way is it true that sexless marriages are more common than other marriages, even using a conservative definition of only 1 year prior (yes, very important - note that this study only looked at a period of 1 year).

 

I would also point out the line that you neglected to quote, right above it: "2% of the married respondents reported no sexual intimacy in the past year". So only 2% are actually in totally sexless marriages as defined by a history of only by 1 year prior. Two percent is a very small number, and that number would be much lower if figures such as 5 years or 10 years were used. Arguably, 1 year could be a temporary situation in a marriage and not a long-term one.

 

The point is that people (frequently men) like to throw that around as a reason why they are cheating, when in many cases it isn't even true. Even if it IS true, as jellybean said above, it's not a reason or excuse to cheat.

[Hope Shimmers]

I'll use my situation as an example.

 

My ex-MM, when I first started seeing him, told me he hadn't had sex in years. I think he said 3 years. He was separated and divorcing at the time, but the point is still the same. I felt sorry for the guy! Poor guy, never got any sex.

 

I found out later (straight from the horse's mouth) that this wasn't actually true. In fact, his wife wanted to be intimate with him so much during that time that she walked around the house naked to tempt him. She was quite willing to have sex, and I am sure there was no sexless marriage. Well, not until now, anyway, because according to her she's done having sex (can't really blame her on that one, at this point!) And he's chosen to stay in his marriage with those terms, so that is their decision together as far as I'm concerned.

[curiousGeorge2]

Ummmm ...... Wikipedia?

 

I think it's from US National Health and Social Life Survey. Other studies cite similar numbers.

 

 

 

 

I don't think sexless marriage cause affairs on its own, but it does build up the frustration and resentment. If the deprived spouses meet someone that they can connect with, then what is there to stop it?

[Hope Shimmers]

If the deprived spouses meet someone that they can connect with, then what is there to stop it?

 

Character, maybe? Moral decency? Respect? Love? Commitment?

 

I don't know - call me crazy, but those things seem pretty important.

[curiousGeorge2]

I'll use my situation as an example.

 

My ex-MM, when I first started seeing him, told me he hadn't had sex in years. I think he said 3 years. He was separated and divorcing at the time, but the point is still the same. I felt sorry for the guy! Poor guy, never got any sex.

 

I found out later (straight from the horse's mouth) that this wasn't actually true. In fact, his wife wanted to be intimate with him so much during that time that she walked around the house naked to tempt him. She was quite willing to have sex, and I am sure there was no sexless marriage. Well, not until now, anyway, because according to her she's done having sex (can't really blame her on that one, at this point!) And he's chosen to stay in his marriage with those terms, so that is their decision together as far as I'm concerned.

 

 

 

Some will cheat regardless, some will never cheat regardless, and there are some in between.

[curiousGeorge2]

Wikipedia reporting 1994 data.

 

Oh well... thank you, as you just proved my point. In no way is it true that sexless marriages are more common than other marriages, even using a conservative definition of only 1 year prior (yes, very important - note that this study only looked at a period of 1 year).

 

I would also point out the line that you neglected to quote, right above it: "2% of the married respondents reported no sexual intimacy in the past year". So only 2% are actually in totally sexless marriages as defined by a history of only by 1 year prior. Two percent is a very small number, and that number would be much lower if figures such as 5 years or 10 years were used. Arguably, 1 year could be a temporary situation in a marriage and not a long-term one.

 

The point is that people (frequently men) like to throw that around as a reason why they are cheating, when in many cases it isn't even true. Even if it IS true, as jellybean said above, it's not a reason or excuse to cheat.

 

 

The same wiki page also has

 

Studies show that 10% or less of the married population below age 50 have not had sex in the past year.

[purplesorrow]

The same wiki page also has

 

Studies show that 10% or less of the married population below age 50 have not had sex in the past year.

 

What studies? By whom? What was the premise? What are the variables? I'm married and under 50, no one asked me anything. Anyone can add to those pages. There is no accuracy here.