I have a boyfriend for almost 6 years..I fall for my high school crush

[Diezel]

OP just doesn't want to be single.

 

She clearly doesn't want to be with her boyfriend and has tried throwing every excuse out there as to why she should embark on an emotional affair... yet, she "loves him". You don't know what love is. You already are fantasizing about a HS crush that might end up crushing you and ditching you.

 

And the term "friendzone", you are doing it wrong.

 

Stop being such a coward. End your relationship with your boyfriend. You are being massively unfair to him.

[CoolKids]

Well, she isn't coming back to this thread.

[Spectre]

the crush actually knows that I have a boyfriend. I hang out with him but we were in "friend zone" except for our feelings towards each other. Nowadays I even imagine my future with him, or my boyfriend. I know I am indecisive and sound immature. I just don't know how to deal with it. There is a feeling of "responsibility" towards my 6 years boyfriend and I feel bad if I were to let go this relationship..And I thought i know what is best for me until my ex crush is single and contacted me again.

 

You talk as if you are a helpless 13 yr. old girl first discovering that she likes guys. If you have feelings for each other you are NOT in the friends zone, doesn't matter if physically you haven't done anything, you get that right?

 

You say you imagine a future with him..or your bf. Which means in your mind these guys are interchangeable. That is not a good sign. This "crush" comes to you once he breaks up with his gf, what does that say about him? Just jumping from one girl to another, and you allow it for..reasons. You have a feeling of "responsibility" for your bf? The guy is not your pet. Just be honest, you want to try and see what it would be like to get with this crush..but you do not want to leave your bf yet just in case it turns out you don't actually want the crush. So you want to be able to get with both guys, essentially.

 

I find women like you know EXACTLY how to deal with situations like this..they just don't want to deal with them. Here is the thing: you should not be with either of these guys. You should not be with your boyfriend because you clearly do not love or respect him. You should not be with this crush because he is the type of guy to try to get with a girl who has a boyfriend. It takes a special kind of slime to do that.

 

So, basically, the only way anyone in this scenario "wins" is if you all go your separate ways. By your selfishness and indecisiveness you have ruined your chance with both guys. You could certainly dump your boyfriend and try to date this crush, but then we have the whole elephant in the room thing going on with the fact that the relationship began out of deceit and disrespect, combined with the whole "dude is a scumbag" stuff, it won't end well.

 

Ladies and Gentleman of loveshack: this is why women in relationships should not have close male friends, period, and this is why ex lovers should never be contacted once you break up, period, because sh*t like this always happens if you do it any other way.

[NJ123]

Well, she isn't coming back to this thread.

 

Because she didn't hear what she wanted to hear. I don't know why she even came here for advice since she's already ****ed it all up in my opinion anyways. The relationship with the boyfriend is damaged whether she realizes it or not. If she sticks with him for some reason I feel really sorry for the b/f. He's being ****ed with bad & the OP is only with him since he has the security to provide for her. With the other guy she's concerned about the uncertainty of it all. If it don't work out, which it highly likely won't, she'll be left with no one. But she shouldn't be with either of these guys n my opinion.

[Spectre]

Well, she isn't coming back to this thread.

 

Why do you assume this? This is a thing I always notice on Loveshack. It's been less then 24 hours since her last post, I don't know why you would think that means she isn't coming back. I am not saying it is guaranteed she is, but I often see people basically act like if a person doesn't respond within 24 hours they have abandoned the thread. Sorry guys, sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes you don't check out these forums for a few days.

 

I'm not attacking you specifically, but I see this A LOT on here. Sometimes a thread is even closed if the thread starter doesn't respond within 24-48 hours. For me, I'd say give it at least a couple of days before you start saying "so and so is never coming back". Like I said, sometimes life gets in the way. Other times..you might be online, but you might not necessarily be in the mood to come to this forum that day..for whatever reason, even if you have just posted something. I've done that before. Sometimes you come online and the only thing you wanna do is check your email and then watch some videos..or something.

[JessieC]

You do know what you're supposed to do. You just don't want to. You want the security of your boyfriend, but you don't love him nor do you really find him more attractive than this crush.

 

You want it both ways. Please call it like it is. You're bored of the relationships and you got the Grass is Greener mentality. If you want help at least own up to what you're actually doing.

I actually felt that your comment actually kinda reflected what I was thinking though..

Yes sometimes I do wished that I have it both ways.

[JessieC]

Answer this honestly. Did you make out with your crush? Even if you didn't sleep with him? You have no reason to lie, since we're all strangers on here so just answer it honestly.

 

And yes you are selfish. Saying it to you straight out, harsh but true. This crush of yours doesn't seem like such a great guy if he's willing to see you knowing your in a relationship. He's not respecting the relationship at all. What makes you even think this is even going to last with him? Your going to throw away 6 years because of this. But like the other poster said, you just want the security of your boyfriend, but are unsure what type of security you'll get with this other guy. You definitely find your crush more attractive, and probably like his personality more, but you keep thinking will it last? But in my opinion you already screwed it up with your boyfriend by emotionally cheating on him.

Yes I don't have the reason to lie here. As much as I wished I did, I never make out with my crush--which is why I came here for advise.

[MrBossMan]

You will lose your self-respect unless you break up with your boyfriend or AT LEAST explain the situation to him (yes, in full).

 

You can fool others, but you can't fool yourself. Be an adult and do what's right.

[DKT3]

You need to let the boyfriend go so he can't find a woman that will love him.

 

The relationship with your boyfriend has very little chance of working out. You will always wonder what if.

 

Then once you leave, keep it moving, no going back. He deserves better then you can offer.

[BeholdtheMan]

I seriously do not know what am I doing now, and what do I want

 

I know what you're doing...you're keeping your boyfriend around as Plan B

 

Come on now, you know what's right. Either break up with your boyfriend and pursue your old flame or end contact with your old flame and be faithful to your boyfriend. Would you want your BF to treat you as the back-up plan?

[Diezel]

She's not going to dump the boyfriend, we all know it. She's going to string him along forever until she's officially swung to the other branch.

 

It's damn obvious.

[Spectre]

Yes I don't have the reason to lie here. As much as I wished I did, I never make out with my crush--which is why I came here for advise.

 

To be honest, I hope you are just trolling us now. You claim you love your boyfriend, but then you talk about how you wish you made out with your crush even though you have a boyfriend. So you are either trolling us or just have a sick definition of love. I honestly do not know which I'd prefer.

 

If you are legit I just need to wrap my mind around this: how do you, in your mind, where you feel you love your boyfriend..justify saying that while also saying what you just said about making out with your crush? Surely you can't be so oblivious to what "love" generally means that you feel you could love one man while being super sorry you didn't get to make out with another?

[JessieC]

I do appreciate every comment and advise here. I have been thinking a lot these few days and yes, i am not trolling you all. I don't want to be the bad and selfish person here by dumping the 6 years relationship just because of an ex crush from the past. I have arranged and went for a short vacation with my boyfriend last week and I realised that I can't let this relationship go. I can forget about my crush and i can't forget our 6 yr relationship and what has my boyfriend done for me these years. And some of your comments really do make me realise that my ex crush isn't that great after all. I have actually told my ex crush that I have moved on with my current boyfriend and I'm happy with my life now(and that is truly what I wanted).

[NJ123]

I do appreciate every comment and advise here. I have been thinking a lot these few days and yes, i am not trolling you all. I don't want to be the bad and selfish person here by dumping the 6 years relationship just because of an ex crush from the past. I have arranged and went for a short vacation with my boyfriend last week and I realised that I can't let this relationship go. I can forget about my crush and i can't forget our 6 yr relationship and what has my boyfriend done for me these years. And some of your comments really do make me realise that my ex crush isn't that great after all. I have actually told my ex crush that I have moved on with my current boyfriend and I'm happy with my life now(and that is truly what I wanted).

 

Well, all I could say is good luck. I just really hope your with your boyfriend for the right reasons & to never talk with your crush again since that would be completely disrespectful to your boyfriend even if you still talk to this crush as just a "friend". And I also would hope you didn't kiss or have sex with this other guy.

Edited November 11, 2014 by NJ123