insecurity: who's fault?

[JustAGirl]

My bf is claiming that he feels insecure in this relationship b/c of my remarks (true, I always tease )

 

but i think insecurity comes from inside. either he's confident or not.

 

he's damn right to feel insecure btw. I'm in doubt about this relationship and don't hide it from him.

 

However, when i tell him to just drop it if he's not happy in it, he starts saying how much he loves me and how it wd hurt him to see me w/ someone else...

 

Any comments?...

 

Thanks =)

[sparkle]

What types of remarks are you making?

 

What do you tease him about?

 

That info will help.

 

[JustAGirl]

Well, he often gets just too nosy and asks for details of what i have been doing w/out him. So I tease by saying i was with HIM (as in another man) ...

 

he also keeps saying how this relationship's gonna last forever, and i avoid making any kind of promises... cuz nothing is ever guaranteed...

 

I think it's also because I go out w/ groups of guys, I have a dance partner... he doesn't feel like he's my one & only, u know what I mean? but he _isn't_ my one & only, so i aint making him feel that way.

 

I think if he doesn't feel confident enough about keeping me & it bothers him, he should go look for a girl who can give him what he's lacking.

 

Am I wrong?

 

Thanks =)

[Ed]

Well, which came first, your doubts about the relationship or him being insecure?

 

At least now, according to you, he should feel insecure because the relationship is on the rocks. Maybe he detected your doubts some time ago by your "teasing".

 

Often, some people will tease or joke about things that, inside, they are really serious about. It's a round-a-bout way of telling others about ourselves and how we feel...without just coming out and saying it. I'm not suggesting that you did this in this situation, but, it's something for you to think about.

 

My feeling from your post, is that you are not as emotionally involved as he is. His deeper attachment to you may be sparking some fears of loosing you. Only maturity, on his part, will cure this situation. I think one thing is for sure...he won't get over it easily by you telling him to "just drop it if he's not happy in it".

[Catari]

I feel that I should respond to your post, because you resopnded to mine, but the truth is that I do not know what to say. I am convinced that insecurities come from the inside, but if you are aware of certain insecurities of the other person and you still try to excite them, it will make the insecure person really insecure. It depends on what you try to achieve.

My bf is claiming that he feels insecure in this relationship b/c of my remarks (true, I always tease ) but i think insecurity comes from inside. either he's confident or not. he's damn right to feel insecure btw. I'm in doubt about this relationship and don't hide it from him. However, when i tell him to just drop it if he's not happy in it, he starts saying how much he loves me and how it wd hurt him to see me w/ someone else... Any comments?... Thanks =)

[Victor]

I feel like your BF =)

 

At least the part about you going out with other guys and etc, but it's really been good between my girlfriend and I, she doesn't do things that make me jealous anymore (well, we ARE getting married, so she can't, lol). It's natural for him to be insecure, especially if you tease him, and you're always out with other guys.

 

As a BF, I think it's okay to ask the GF what she did, but it also depends on how close you guys are, I mean, I would assume it's okay since he loves you, but only if you loved him, but you obviously don't love him anymore =P.

 

It seems like you don't want to be with him anymore either, so it's best to stop teasing him and just tell him the truth. I suggest you break up with him.