absolutely crushed, my ex is pregnant with my child

[heartbroken1357]

I went to see my ex for first time in over a month, she said she couldn't keep this to herself anymore and she had to tell me something and because she couldn't hold it in anymore and I wouldn't be happy

 

we met and I was bubbly and happy we made about half an hour of general conversation,

she wouldnt take her eyes off me was very flirty and seemed happy to see me, which I thought was strange as she had been very off, giving mixed signals and been indifferent.

 

we grabbed some food, and she was very thankful, she then turned the music down in the car

and dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant with my child, but that she had booked an abortion in, she said that she had to shut me out and end it because if we were together she would have wanted to keep it because she really liked me, I was confused, sick and then actually happy as I've been firing blanks for so long, it's not a good time

for either of us to have kids and I agreed that it was best for both of us that she had the abortion, but It pained me to say that, we hugged and I held her hand the whole way home and cried a bit, and then told me the dates for her abortion, I offered to be there if she wanted and that if she needs anything to call me.

 

Obviously her emotions are all over the place, I want this girl back in my life and I asked the inevitable question about us because I had to know, and she said she doesn't know yet as if we went on to have kids in the future she may regret this decision, I just want her to be happy and back in my life.

[Arieswoman]

Heartbroken1357,

I am sorry you have been hurt by this.

 

Why did you two break up and how old are you?

[dclan]

I went to see my ex for first time in over a month, she said she couldn't keep this to herself anymore and she had to tell me something and because she couldn't hold it in anymore and I wouldn't be happy

 

we met and I was bubbly and happy we made about half an hour of general conversation,

she wouldnt take her eyes off me was very flirty and seemed happy to see me, which I thought was strange as she had been very off, giving mixed signals and been indifferent.

 

we grabbed some food, and she was very thankful, she then turned the music down in the car

and dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant with my child, but that she had booked an abortion in, she said that she had to shut me out and end it because if we were together she would have wanted to keep it because she really liked me, I was confused, sick and then actually happy as I've been firing blanks for so long, it's not a good time

for either of us to have kids and I agreed that it was best for both of us that she had the abortion, but It pained me to say that, we hugged and I held her hand the whole way home and cried a bit, and then told me the dates for her abortion, I offered to be there if she wanted and that if she needs anything to call me.

 

Obviously her emotions are all over the place, I want this girl back in my life and I asked the inevitable question about us because I had to know, and she said she doesn't know yet as if we went on to have kids in the future she may regret this decision, I just want her to be happy and back in my life.

 

Like Arieswoman said, why did you broke up?

 

You said you were happy when you met her. You clearly still care about her.

 

Be honest with yourself, and tell her to be honest with herself. Do you really want her to have an abortion? Because if you don't want that, if you do want the child...you should say something before its too late.

 

Besides, you want to be with her. So say something mate.

 

Of course, I must also give you the harsh reallity check: is it your baby? When you mix a pregnancy with a break up, you should always take precautions. I would get a DNA test whenever you can, just to be sure.

 

I apologise if the last part of my posts is a bit hurtful. But I must advice you to consider everything.

[TigerLilly78]

I've been firing blanks for so long, it's not a good time

for either of us to have kids and I agreed that it was best for both of us that she had the abortion,

 

So im guessing neither of you used protection? im sorry I don't see abortion as birth control I think she should have it there are always other options after that sorry I don't have much else to say just you two should have been safer..

[heartbroken1357]

I'm mid 20s her earlys, she broke up with me when she found out she was pregnant, seemingly it scared the crap out of her and now she's calmed down she's made contact, she even told me she really likes me, I told her it was her body and it's upto her, I just want her to be happy even if it's at the sacrifice of my own happiness, I had mixed emotions I didn't sleep, now I'm thinking I don't want her to get rid of it but I don't want to mess with her head.

she was on the pill, but it's definitely mine

[Arieswoman]

heartbroken1357,

So she broke up with you when she found out she was pregnant but didn't tell you??

 

What reason did she give for breaking up with you?

 

she was on the pill, but it's definitely mine

 

you do not know if either of these are true.

 

1. On the pill - you'll never know

2. Is it yours - you'll only know if you have a DNA test and if she going to abort the pregnancy then that won't happen.

 

Sadly, there isn't much you can do here as you have no legal rights over a foetus that you don't know is yours. Sorry.

[heartbroken1357]

heartbroken1357,

So she broke up with you when she found out she was pregnant but didn't tell you??

 

What reason did she give for breaking up with you?

 

 

 

you do not know if either of these are true.

 

1. On the pill - you'll never know

2. Is it yours - you'll only know if you have a DNA test and if she going to abort the pregnancy then that won't happen.

 

Sadly, there isn't much you can do here as you have no legal rights over a foetus that you don't know is yours. Sorry.

 

correct she broke up with me once she found out and gave me other excuses, I think I'm going to have to tell her

[SoThatHappened]

I think it would be good if you two can sit down and try to think through this before having an abortion.

 

She needs to know the risks of having an abortion (if she's not thinking of a living being inside her as enough reason not to have one).

 

My sister had an abortion when she was 17. Her and my parents figured it was best for her NOT to have a baby so young. I think they all regret it to this day, even if her life would have been completely different.

 

The wife of a very good friend of mine had a miscarriage, but she couldn't complete it naturally. So, they had to go in and basically abort the dead fetus.

 

When they did the operation, they punctured something inside of her uterus, but they didn't know it. When she got pregnant again, she carried to almost full-term, but the baby eventually slipped through the hole from her previous operation and was cut off of oxygen for so long that he'll never lead a normal life (handicapped/mental retardation).

 

A former, long-term ex of mine got pregnant from me when we were late 20's. She had a miscarriage. One of the hardest things she'd ever gone through. It's one thing to have a miscarriage (out of your control), and another to choose to end the life of a potential person. You/she may regret it for the rest of your lives.

 

I guess all I'm saying is, don't rush into things without talking about it. Really, really talking about it.

[d0nnivain]

That's good that you told her it was her body & it was up to her but if you want this child & you are willing to support the baby, perhaps tell her that before she takes an action.

[mammasita]

DNA test please.

 

I get that you love and trust her, but please make sure that its yours if in fact she decides to keep the baby.

[redbaron005]

That's good that you told her it was her body & it was up to her but if you want this child & you are willing to support the baby, perhaps tell her that before she takes an action.

 

I second this ^

[heartbroken1357]

I reiterated to her that it was her body and that I would respect her decision but there is other options and that I would help her through it and support her whatever the decision but that I wasn't completely comfortable with the situation.

 

She went onto say that once this is over next week we will have to go our separate ways and that she can never be with me, she gave me the complete opposite signs to last night where she seemed happy to see me flirted and we had a laugh, expected during such hormonal changes to her body but I can't read her she gibes breadcrumbs and changes the way she reacts and talks to me all the time

 

most guys would probably run from this situation but there's nothing I can do she wont budge or let me help her get to and from work and help her through this.

 

I don't think I'm ever going to be able to accept this and it will remain with me for the rest of my life, it's absolutely crushing me, I feel powerless this one 'mistake' has ruined our relationship and a women I love, I don't know what to do now, I'd do anything for her.

[dclan]

I reiterated to her that it was her body and that I would respect her decision but there is other options and that I would help her through it and support her whatever the decision but that I wasn't completely comfortable with the situation.

 

She went onto say that once this is over next week we will have to go our separate ways and that she can never be with me, she gave me the complete opposite signs to last night where she seemed happy to see me flirted and we had a laugh, expected during such hormonal changes to her body but I can't read her she gibes breadcrumbs and changes the way she reacts and talks to me all the time

 

most guys would probably run from this situation but there's nothing I can do she wont budge or let me help her get to and from work and help her through this.

 

I don't think I'm ever going to be able to accept this and it will remain with me for the rest of my life, it's absolutely crushing me, I feel powerless this one 'mistake' has ruined our relationship and a women I love, I don't know what to do now, I'd do anything for her.

 

What I don't get is why she doesn't want the baby when you told her you'll be there for her.

 

Is it because she is too young?

 

Maybe she thinks than when you tell her:" its your own body, you can do what ever you think is right", she thinks you don't wanna be with her and don't want this baby.

 

If I were you, I would first tell her the same thing you told her:"its your body and you can do whatever you want"...

 

And then I would tell her:" I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT THIS CHILD, if youw ant to have the abortion I'll support you, but I'm more in favor of keeping the baby, and keeping you, cause I love you".

 

or something along those lines.

 

But thats me.

[d0nnivain]

I reiterated to her that it was her body and that I would respect her decision but there is other options and that I would help her through it and support her whatever the decision but that I wasn't completely comfortable with the situation.

 

 

most guys would probably run from this situation but there's nothing I can do she wont budge or let me help her get to and from work and help her through this.

 

I don't think I'm ever going to be able to accept this and it will remain with me for the rest of my life, it's absolutely crushing me, I feel powerless this one 'mistake' has ruined our relationship and a women I love, I don't know what to do now, I'd do anything for her.

 

You aren't comfortable with what: having the baby or aborting it?

 

I can't imagine having an abortion then staying with the guy.

 

All you can do is continue to try talking to her. This is not a situation where a NC disappearing act will be beneficial; NC may be a good thing in awhile, after you have tried. But for now, keep reaching out.

[heartbroken1357]

Not comfortable with the abortion, head tells me it's the right thing to do and that she is too young, in the heart I'm tearing, I'm absolutely emotionally drained and defeated now

[dclan]

Not comfortable with the abortion, head tells me it's the right thing to do and that she is too young, in the heart I'm tearing, I'm absolutely emotionally drained and defeated now

 

Then say something to her.

[BC1980]

Not comfortable with the abortion, head tells me it's the right thing to do and that she is too young, in the heart I'm tearing, I'm absolutely emotionally drained and defeated now

 

For better or worse, you have no say in her decision. I don't think it's completely fair, but it is also her body. You're in a terrible situation is what it boils down to. I don't know if you mentioned, but how long were you together?

[SoThatHappened]

For better or worse, you have no say in her decision. I don't think it's completely fair, but it is also her body. You're in a terrible situation is what it boils down to. I don't know if you mentioned, but how long were you together?

This may be the first time I've disagreed with you BC, but I think he has a say in this.

 

I don't want to start a pro-life/pro-choice war, but they created a life TOGETHER. Sure, all of his "work" in the process is done, and it's 100% on her and her body now, but does that just give her carte-blanche to have 100% of the decision to snuff the life out of it and rob them both of a child?

 

I may get slaughtered for saying this, but this whole "it's her body" crap really bugs me.

 

If my girl got pregnant, regardless of how long we'd been together, I'd definitely have a say in things, and it would have nothing to do with "her body."

 

OP, you and her need to sit down, really talk, and soon.

[TigerLilly78]

This may be the first time I've disagreed with you BC, but I think he has a say in this.

 

I don't want to start a pro-life/pro-choice war, but they created a life TOGETHER. Sure, all of his "work" in the process is done, and it's 100% on her and her body now, but does that just give her carte-blanche to have 100% of the decision to snuff the life out of it and rob them both of a child?

 

I may get slaughtered for saying this, but this whole "it's her body" crap really bugs me.

 

If my girl got pregnant, regardless of how long we'd been together, I'd definitely have a say in things, and it would have nothing to do with "her body."

 

OP, you and her need to sit down, really talk, and soon.

 

I have to agree with some of what your saying here there is some weight to your argument. I wonder how many other wise decent men would have made fine fathers yet their partners chose to kill their kids before they were even born simply because it "wasn't a good time" for them to get pregnant.

 

Well then sunshine keep your legs closed simple or do your dam best to make sure your using as much protection as you can. As women we want to play the "its our bodies" card when we get preggers and its an inconvenience yet apparently we don't give a dam enough about "our bodies" to make sure we don't get to that stage? OP im sorry but if she was on the pill properly I don't think she would have gotten preggers she must have missed a dose or something.

 

There are some situations were I believe a abortion is warranted IE abusive relashionship/rape random rape or if the child will knowingly be born very ill but just cause a girl decides to have a "opsie" moment is not one of them and the fact shes dumping you afterwards is crap. She sounds very selfish if you have ANY doubts you NEED to address them with her now or you will regret it for a long time im sure..

[heartbroken1357]

She is like a yoyo, during the whole ordeal of the breakup she was saying in the future we can try again but she needs to be on her own for a bit, this is the part where she wasn't even going to tell me, she messaged me yesterday saying she could never ever keep it and that she has been thinking when this is all over we must go our seperate ways, how horrible it is and she doesn't even recognise herself, saw her the other night she was flirting being herself, hugged and complimented me and cried the whole way home, we actually had a good laugh and time together while we got some food and she said it'd be good to do something, I text her in the morning to offer to pick her up from work and cook her dinner and she just went off on one..

 

I'm so drained and hurt now, I have no idea how I'm ever going to process this mentally.

I've been there for her, made the effort, told her she could contact me anytime she needed and offered to go with her etc. She's just completely shutting me out.

 

most guys would probably have ran a mile, I've given everything I have to her and it's not enough

[TigerLilly78]

She is like a yoyo, during the whole ordeal of the breakup she was saying in the future we can try again but she needs to be on her own for a bit, this is the part where she wasn't even going to tell me, she messaged me yesterday saying she could never ever keep it and that she has been thinking when this is all over we must go our seperate ways, how horrible it is and she doesn't even recognise herself, saw her the other night she was flirting being herself, hugged and complimented me and cried the whole way home, we actually had a good laugh and time together while we got some food and she said it'd be good to do something, I text her in the morning to offer to pick her up from work and cook her dinner and she just went off on one..

 

I'm so drained and hurt now, I have no idea how I'm ever going to process this mentally.

I've been there for her, made the effort, told her she could contact me anytime she needed and offered to go with her etc. She's just completely shutting me out.

 

most guys would probably have ran a mile, I've given everything I have to her and it's not enough

 

She doesn't have to keep it just have it as I said there are other options but that would take a cirtin level of responsibility and her not being selfish it doesn't sound like shes going to come to to the ball game on it sadly she said you can give it another go? what after she killed your child with out you even knowing aww how nice of her...

 

Yeah im sorry OP but this women is no catch far as her being a yoyo she might be hormonal or she might have some mental illness going on. Its up to you but I wouldn't be getting back involved with some one like this. If shes dead fast on the abortion I would prob cut contact imed after I knew it was done. Im sorry this must be very hard to deal with I give you credit for being willing to be a stand up man and take responsibility..

[BC1980]

This may be the first time I've disagreed with you BC, but I think he has a say in this.

 

I don't want to start a pro-life/pro-choice war, but they created a life TOGETHER. Sure, all of his "work" in the process is done, and it's 100% on her and her body now, but does that just give her carte-blanche to have 100% of the decision to snuff the life out of it and rob them both of a child?

 

I may get slaughtered for saying this, but this whole "it's her body" crap really bugs me.

 

If my girl got pregnant, regardless of how long we'd been together, I'd definitely have a say in things, and it would have nothing to do with "her body."

 

OP, you and her need to sit down, really talk, and soon.

 

I pretty much agree with you. I should have clarified that I meant he legally has no say.

[SoThatHappened]

I pretty much agree with you. I should have clarified that I meant he legally has no say.

Ah, got it. You're right when what you said is viewed from a legal perspective.

[heartbroken1357]

She just text me to say she's on her way home and all went well (about the abortion)

I feel awfully sad right now, I've never been in this position before and I'm shocked at how much it has affected me, she's the one with the physical burden and she seems to be coping alot better then me, I let her know that I was thankful for her letting me know and if she needs anything to let me know, and I asked how she was feeling, I got a thankyou for being there for her and that she was tired, this is awfully difficult for me as I can't imagin what she is going through, I feel the need to go NC but at the same time I feel I need to be there for her and atleast ask her how she is for the next week or two, this is a truly awful feeling and it's eating away at me that regardless of whether we get back together or not that I will never forget this.

 

has anyone on here been through an abortion and can give me an insight on how the woman feels emotionally and physically after the ordeal?

 

Thanks for the support

[blackcat777]

I can't send PMs yet, but I have a friend who went through something similar. You can drop me a line at 7777blackcat7777 (at) gmail (dot) com