"I don't know what women want"

[xxoo]

Interestingly enough, perhaps this is geographic, most where I live would take issue with #1 as most of the people I know in my area are pretty much attached at the hip. ESP. if they have children.

 

I know this one woman, doesn't like doing much of anything but be a homebody now that she's married. Her and her husband pretty much spend all their time together under the same roof.

 

Now if you're referring to having "You're own life" that example, of the aforementioned couple I talked about and many couples is the "Man Cave" and her sewing room. That's pretty much how far apart they are from each other.

 

If their lucky, she'll hang out across the street with another wife or something while he mows the lawn.

 

Is that "having your own life, yes or no?" Depends on who you ask.

 

I know this one couple, been together for 5 years, worked together COME To work together and go home together and of course live together! She even posts little love notes on his wall every so often. LOL. Some may consider that "up each others arse", but hey, perhaps NOT having your OWN life may not be how they roll, and they are okay with that.

 

I think the point is to have a life before you have a partner. If your lives intertwine afterward, that's pretty normal.

 

If you have no life before having a partner, that's just unattractive.

[xxoo]

For guys who disagree with the list, which of these is unreasonable?

 

1. Have a life

2. Have emotional intelligence

3. Have good character

[Keenly]

For guys who disagree with the list, which of these is unreasonable?

 

1. Have a life

2. Have emotional intelligence

3. Have good character

 

None of them are unreasonable.

 

I just :

 

1. I have a life. I might only be able to TALK like the most interesting man in the world, but I like my life. Its who I am. Some may find my hobbies and interests boring or not good enough. You know what I say to them? Blank off. I don't want those people in my life.

 

2. A good idea for everyone, regardless of relationship status or sex.

 

3. I don't have to worry about that. I have good character. I exercise it given the opportunity, and it gives me the warm and fuzzies when I do.

 

 

I just won't compromise who I am as a person for anyone, for any reason. Scratch that, there is ONE person I would do it for, but I have many years before I have to worry about that.

[xxoo]

None of them are unreasonable.

 

I just :

 

1. I have a life. I might only be able to TALK like the most interesting man in the world, but I like my life. Its who I am. Some may find my hobbies and interests boring or not good enough. You know what I say to them? Blank off. I don't want those people in my life.

 

2. A good idea for everyone, regardless of relationship status or sex.

 

3. I don't have to worry about that. I have good character. I exercise it given the opportunity, and it gives me the warm and fuzzies when I do.

 

 

I just won't compromise who I am as a person for anyone, for any reason. Scratch that, there is ONE person I would do it for, but I have many years before I have to worry about that.

 

But nothing on the list asks you or anyone to compromise who they are, unless who they are is someone with no life, no social skills, or bad character.

 

Why do you assume that some would find your interests "not good enough"? Not being personally attracted isn't about superiority or inferiority.

[ThaWholigan]

That's what women expect.

Its a good OP and great advice, but the only issue I have with it is that these sorts of 'so why should someone be with you, what do you bring to the table and it needs to be a lot more than being a decent/nice person' themes directed at men is the inference that 'liking someone for who they are' while is a basic desire for most women is not seen as being satisfactory for men, in the 21st century age of equality. The subtext is somewhat, women are the prize and guys have to win her over by being better in life'...that women expect to date up.

 

I was apprehensive when posting this because I figured there would be those who missed the point or interpreted the post the way you have now. Its not about having a laundry list of requirements or interview style dating. Its not about being better at life to win women over. Its about not making attracting women the sole purpose of your life and actually living a better life for you - which is when women will want to date you. It was requested that this thread be made, so I wrote it specifically like this.

 

As for ordinary average joes - even they have goals and dreams and end up doing ok in the dating world. The word average is a misnomer and doesn't really portray the individual.

[xxoo]

As for ordinary average joes - even they have goals and dreams and end up doing ok in the dating world.

 

Very true.

 

It's so rare to meet someone with no interests and no goals. And when I do, I'm not surprised at all to learn that they have trouble with dating.

[Keenly]

But nothing on the list asks you or anyone to compromise who they are, unless who they are is someone with no life, no social skills, or bad character.

 

Why do you assume that some would find your interests "not good enough"? Not being personally attracted isn't about superiority or inferiority.

 

A lot of people would find my hobbies boring.

 

 

Video games, MTG, DnD, disc golf, etc.

 

 

Some people like them, some people don't. I sure as hell do.

 

 

You'd be surprised how quick people are to condescend to people with these hobbies.

 

 

I guess its because I hate the idea of trying to impress some one in order to get them to like me.

 

Believe me, if I found a new hobby I liked, or a different goal I wanted, of course I'd go for it. But filling my life with things to make other people happy is exhausting, I've tried it.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Keenly

[ascendotum]

I agree W that being better at life will improve your prospects....and the guy should do it for his personal fulfillment and not as part of a dating strategy, though lots of guys do appreciate the nexus. I agree with the basic premise, I just feel its unfair for women to sit in judgment on this when they don't bring the equivalent to the table. I love to laugh and hang out with my friends and spend time with my family and I'm faithful and a nice person, doesn't cut it in terms of being the equivalent for a woman. (I know you are not saying it is, but I reckon lots of women do look to date up)

 

A guy who lives an adventurous / passionate life will appeal to women across the board. it does have its limitations, as I have known 'good on paper' guys who would have certainly fulfilled this aspect but who went years between gfs. They let themselves down by having the 'nice guy' persona (and they were not doormats but did drop their confidence when it came to women they really liked and lots of insecure/introverted/low confidence/anxious women don't want to date their equivalent in that respect which I do think is unfair) + they were also plain looking & not overtly masculine guys. If they hit the gym as part of this 'make a better man' attitude I have no doubt ithey would have done better.

[Haydn]

I think adaptation is crucial as well. You don`t have to give things up or change radically but a little bit of change can be good for oneself.

[Anela]

That's what women expect.

Its a good OP and great advice, but the only issue I have with it is that these sorts of 'so why should someone be with you, what do you bring to the table and it needs to be a lot more than being a decent/nice person' themes directed at men is the inference that 'liking someone for who they are' while is a basic desire for most women is not seen as being satisfactory for men, in the 21st century age of equality. The subtext is somewhat, women are the prize and guys have to win her over by being better in life'...that women expect to date up.

 

Oh, come on. Ordinary Life Jane also has to have good character, a job, hobbies, friends, and so on. There are men who aren't just looking to date a pretty girl who makes them look good, and feel good.

 

If I clung to a man like glue, and didn't enjoy life outside of him being there, how long do you think he would stick around? I'm seeing dust in my mind, as I type.

[fortyninethousand322]

I think the list is good. But insufficient...

[jay1983]

I agree W that being better at life will improve your prospects....and the guy should do it for his personal fulfillment and not as part of a dating strategy, though lots of guys do appreciate the nexus. I agree with the basic premise, I just feel its unfair for women to sit in judgment on this when they don't bring the equivalent to the table. I love to laugh and hang out with my friends and spend time with my family and I'm faithful and a nice person, doesn't cut it in terms of being the equivalent for a woman. (I know you are not saying it is, but I reckon lots of women do look to date up)

 

 

When men start turning down women for being bland, then they'll start thinking about what they should bring to table other than physically beauty. But these women don't have problems getting dates with either the adventures guy, the athletically built or average Joe.

[Anela]

Does this really have to become yet another gender war? Can't the original post, and anything else added to it, just be seen as good people trying to help men who are struggling with dating? No judgement, just good advice.

[ThaWholigan]

I agree W that being better at life will improve your prospects....and the guy should do it for his personal fulfillment and not as part of a dating strategy, though lots of guys do appreciate the nexus. I agree with the basic premise, I just feel its unfair for women to sit in judgment on this when they don't bring the equivalent to the table. I love to laugh and hang out with my friends and spend time with my family and I'm faithful and a nice person, doesn't cut it in terms of being the equivalent for a woman. (I know you are not saying it is, but I reckon lots of women do look to date up)

 

A guy who lives an adventurous / passionate life will appeal to women across the board. it does have its limitations, as I have known 'good on paper' guys who would have certainly fulfilled this aspect but who went years between gfs. They let themselves down by having the 'nice guy' persona (and they were not doormats but did drop their confidence when it came to women they really liked and lots of insecure/introverted/low confidence/anxious women don't want to date their equivalent in that respect which I do think is unfair) + they were also plain looking & not overtly masculine guys. If they hit the gym as part of this 'make a better man' attitude I have no doubt ithey would have done better.

How do you know they don't bring the equivalent?

 

I made the thread about particular men who are griping about the dating world obviously, but I don't subscribe to this idea that women don't have to bring anything to the table in order to attract men. A lot of what I posted could easily apply to a woman.

[ThaWholigan]

Does this really have to become yet another gender war? Can't the original post, and anything else added to it, just be seen as good people trying to help men who are struggling with dating? No judgement, just good advice.

Evidently not!

[sillyanswer]

...but is it worth it? Is the question I find myself asking when wheeling out these laundry lists of character traits that a man must possess in order to prove deserving of a woman.

 

Up to you. If you're having success without those things then, no, it's not worth it.

 

Also, don't forget to hold the woman to a similar high standard. At least, I do. Why would I date a boring no-hoper who just happens to have been born looking pretty?

[sillyanswer]

I'll just be who I am, and if I die alone, then many women missed out on what could have been a happy and fruitful life / relationship.

 

 

I have no problem with that.

 

If you're happy the way you are, that's just fine. I suspect the OP is intended to offer help to those who struggle understanding what women want and who wish to take steps to understand that and to embark on self improvement to become what women want; you don't appear to be the target audience.

[Badsingularity]

Be a kind loving badass.

 

Women will like you.

[ascendotum]

Oh, come on. Ordinary Life Jane also has to have good character, a job, hobbies, friends, and so on. There are men who aren't just looking to date a pretty girl who makes them look good, and feel good.

 

If I clung to a man like glue, and didn't enjoy life outside of him being there, how long do you think he would stick around? I'm seeing dust in my mind, as I type.

 

For lots of average joe guys, no they don't need a girl to have an exciting life, but in doing that it doesn't mean they expect the gf to make them look good, but they do expect the gf to make them feel good (devoted, sweet caring nature, supportive, affectionate, passionate in bed).

 

The default for not having an exciting busy life is not necessarily at the other end of the spectrum either where the girl is always clinging to the guy. She can just be easy going easy pleased unambitious person, who is fine chilling out with or without the bf at her side - reading books/magazines, doing social media on her phone, doing whatever interests her on the www, having lunch/drinks with friends, or dropping by their place, shopping, watching TV, renovating her house, looking after her vege garden, suntanning at the beach, studying, catching up on work at home, walking her dog, doing pilates class. Some of those things will be classified as living an interesting life and some wont. Lots of easy going non exciting life guys are totally fine living with easy going non exciting life women.

 

Also some guys who live more interesting lives are fine if their gf doesn't. They don't get their fulfillment from the SO (basically something along the lines of what W is writing about) and are happy if their gf is there for him when he needs her. They definitely don't want a clingy gf, but that doesn't mean the gf has to lead a passionate lifestyle, it just depends on what she finds fulfilling.

Edited October 29, 2014 by ascendotum

[Million.to.1]

This is a great post ThaWholigan. And as a woman, I agree 100%, and those are all things I value in a mate and as basic human qualities.

 

 

 

It's a massive shame though that the very dudes who need to heed this advice more than ever, are far too busy self justifying their beliefs on why they can ignore this or that or why X and Y doesn't apply to them.

 

Basically, in my humble opinion, these dudes who have no life, no interests, no friends, GF entitlement issues, and a complete inability to self examine, take responsibility for their positions in life, or attempt at self change, do not deserve any opportunity to create more humans with the same inherent issues.

 

It's evolution.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Million.to.1

[Keenly]

Don't really understand why you would wish that some one didn't experience happiness, but whatever floats your goat.

[ascendotum]

How do you know they don't bring the equivalent?

 

I made the thread about particular men who are griping about the dating world obviously, but I don't subscribe to this idea that women don't have to bring anything to the table in order to attract men. A lot of what I posted could easily apply to a woman.

 

You read me wrong if you think I am making blanket statement on women. I am saying IF the woman don't bring the equivalent. I know lots of women who do expect guys to have what you recommend but don't have adventurous ambitious lives themselves. (ie: like to shop, hang out with my friends, do social media, like to listen to music, spend time just hanging out with family, love to laugh, love to eat out, love to travel (but rarely do) type girls...not that there is anything wrong with just that) There is the subtext (not necessarily in your post but definitely in other's posts in the past) that guys need to be a good catch just to qualify as being worthy of a gf. If a guy is struggling though, he needs to make changes, so I am not saying improve yourself is bad by any means.

[xxoo]

A lot of people would find my hobbies boring.

 

 

Video games, MTG, DnD, disc golf, etc.

 

 

Some people like them, some people don't. I sure as hell do.

 

 

You'd be surprised how quick people are to condescend to people with these hobbies.

 

If you met a woman who shared those hobbies, surely she'd like them.

 

The problem may be meeting women and connecting with them if all of your time is spent with screens or at male dominated activities. For example, my husband is into motorcycles, which is male dominated, but they also have festivals, kid outreach, charity events, etc, which involve the greater community. The hobby is a launch to connect with the community, including women.

[Million.to.1]

Don't really understand why you would wish that some one didn't experience happiness, but whatever floats your goat.

 

 

.... Is that what you got from my post Keenly? That I wish unhappiness upon people?

 

Pft.

 

As you clearly stated in an earlier post yourself, you are happy in life and are ok with being single. You have a life. You are not the type of person I'm talking about, and while you may struggle in dating ATM, I have no doubt that you will find love. You have these qualities.

 

... and I actually never said anything about them not deserving happiness. They can find happiness with a million other things in life that aren't a GF.

They just CHOOSE not to. Hence my point.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I think this is a great post and can easily be applied to both genders.