Marriage/Family or Sex with Young Girls

[Gloria25]

Your wife has way more sexual options available on a moment's notice than you do. Why not just be fair, tell her your thoughts, and let her have the same fun you're planning for yourself?

 

I notice you haven't specified how you earn your $400,000 despite being asked more than once. Perhaps you're in sales, say of luxury cars or capital equipment or contracting services or some such. If so, that income can crash faster than it soared. I've know many people who thought the commissions would never end, and they built their lives assuming the boom-year income was the new normal. It wasn't sustainable.

 

Kinda similar to your relationship situation. When you start screwing around, your happy marriage to your loyal, humble wife will become a pile of miserable ashes. Do the right thing now and be honest with her.

 

Oh dear, when I saw $400K I said "troll"...And, then posting and not returning, another sign of a troll.

 

As for the wife having "sexual options"? Well, yeah, I'm sure she can find guys to sleep with her at a drop of a hat - I mean, men aren't picky when it comes to sleeping with women....

 

But just cuz guys are quick to put their "thing" in something warm doesn't mean his wife - or any woman for that matter - has it better than men.

[TheGuard13]

I only skimmed this, but it looks like maybe we've got ourselves a wealthy pedophile.

 

 

Note the title of the thread. "Young Girls". Not "Young Women". Freudian slip?

[Shepp]

Are all men doomed to eventually cheat with a younger woman esp. if they have the $$ and power?

Nope..

Its weak

 

 

.......and sounds pretty depressing that they haven't got anything better to live and work for.

[viccanadian]

Sorry was a bit busy with work. I appreciate all the replies.

 

Some had asked what I do for a living. As I had said, I am a professional (one of dentist, lawyer, doc, etc). It doesn't really matter but I have job security and most people would find my profession attractive.

 

I make good money but of course it's nothing crazy. But given the current economic climate, I'd say $400k is a very strong income. You're right that gold diggers are the wrong type of women to attract but that's not who I'd go for. There are lots of educated women out there trying to find someone at their level. Women may not have trouble finding f*** buddies but I know good bf's and husbands are a rare find.

 

Someone mentioned i might be a pedophile because I refer to women as girls. That's just how I talk. Ridiculous comment.

 

What all of my problems boil down to is a deep insecurity having been a nerd for many years plus a strong sexual desire. I made a huge error staying in a poor long term relationship from 19-26. That essentially took away significant dating opportunities. Then I moved to a different city and both of us started cheating on each other (the relationship was going to hell anyways). I had a brief period of freedom for ~ 6 months at age 26 when I was dating 4 girls simultaneously. One of those girls is now my current wife. I really fell for her character and maturity. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and I would love for her to be the mother of my kids. However, I also feel that I never got the chance to play the field esp. at my peak years. I've only hit my peak now and it has become so obvious to me how easy it is to score women. In high school, girls didn't really pay any attention to me. Now I would be the one ignoring those girls. This will sound extremely immature, but I feel like it's my turn to get revenge for all the mistreatment I received during my nerdy years. I'd be laughing now: Educated, fit, decent looking & high middle class. But, of course, I am married now to someone who cares about me and loves me for who i am. My ego/testosterone drives me to ruin it all...run from the marriage, score as many women as possible, and get revenge. It's all so confusing and deeply painful. I am still a boy despite my maturity in so many areas.

[Gloria25]

Sorry was a bit busy with work. I appreciate all the replies.

 

Some had asked what I do for a living. As I had said, I am a professional (one of dentist, lawyer, doc, etc). It doesn't really matter but I have job security and most people would find my profession attractive.

 

I make good money but of course it's nothing crazy. But given the current economic climate, I'd say $400k is a very strong income. You're right that gold diggers are the wrong type of women to attract but that's not who I'd go for. There are lots of educated women out there trying to find someone at their level. Women may not have trouble finding f*** buddies but I know good bf's and husbands are a rare find.

 

Someone mentioned i might be a pedophile because I refer to women as girls. That's just how I talk. Ridiculous comment.

 

What all of my problems boil down to is a deep insecurity having been a nerd for many years plus a strong sexual desire. I made a huge error staying in a poor long term relationship from 19-26. That essentially took away significant dating opportunities. Then I moved to a different city and both of us started cheating on each other (the relationship was going to hell anyways). I had a brief period of freedom for ~ 6 months at age 26 when I was dating 4 girls simultaneously. One of those girls is now my current wife. I really fell for her character and maturity. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and I would love for her to be the mother of my kids. However, I also feel that I never got the chance to play the field esp. at my peak years. I've only hit my peak now and it has become so obvious to me how easy it is to score women. In high school, girls didn't really pay any attention to me. Now I would be the one ignoring those girls. This will sound extremely immature, but I feel like it's my turn to get revenge for all the mistreatment I received during my nerdy years. I'd be laughing now: Educated, fit, decent looking & high middle class. But, of course, I am married now to someone who cares about me and loves me for who i am. My ego/testosterone drives me to ruin it all...run from the marriage, score as many women as possible, and get revenge. It's all so confusing and deeply painful. I am still a boy despite my maturity in so many areas.

 

So, being married to a woman who "cares and loves you for who you are" isn't enough "revenge" to all those chicks who dissed you over the years?

 

I mean, it is hard to find someone who loves you for who you really are. Many people have to compromise who they are to be in a RL and/or marriage.

 

I still think there's something you're not getting from your wife - if people are truly satisfied with whom they are with - ten women can walk by naked in front of them and they wouldn't care.

 

I still don't get why you need to "score" to prove anything. Look at Denzel Washington, his wife isn't all those hot chicks and stuff in the movies with him - but he's been with her before and during his stardom **crossing fingers that this is true**. I think he oozes confidence. He can pretty much have his pick of any woman, but do you hear about him in the tabloids? Eh, but then again, maybe he outlives any fantasies of being with other women in his movies?

[Goldenbrwn]

I had a brief period of freedom for ~ 6 months at age 26 when I was dating 4 girls simultaneously. One of those girls is now my current wife. I really fell for her character and maturity. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and I would love for her to be the mother of my kids. However, I also feel that I never got the chance to play the field esp. at my peak years. I've only hit my peak now and it has become so obvious to me how easy it is to score women. In high school, girls didn't really pay any attention to me.

 

Since you don't seem to be lacking anything from your wife you really should stay with her. You really don't need to have a ton of money to sleep with a lot of very attractive women. After its done once you cum if there isn't much of a connection it really just feels kind of empty...especially if you give up someone you really love to do it.

 

Maybe find a few stories of men who did what you are thinking about and had it turn out bad and just refer to those every time you get that urge.

[lollipopspot]

However, I also feel that I never got the chance to play the field esp. at my peak years. I've only hit my peak now and it has become so obvious to me how easy it is to score women. In high school, girls didn't really pay any attention to me. Now I would be the one ignoring those girls. This will sound extremely immature, but I feel like it's my turn to get revenge for all the mistreatment I received during my nerdy years. I'd be laughing now: Educated, fit, decent looking & high middle class. But, of course, I am married now to someone who cares about me and loves me for who i am. My ego/testosterone drives me to ruin it all...run from the marriage, score as many women as possible, and get revenge. It's all so confusing and deeply painful. I am still a boy despite my maturity in so many areas.

 

I agree that you are immature, and because of that it seems to me that you would only be a prize on the surface. The way that you talk about this is kind of horrible to me. "Revenge" "scoring women"...for god sakes I hope you are not in a health profession, but in a legal or financial profession where people don't necessarily expect personal maturity or humanitarian regard. But you are anonymous here, so it's good that you post how you really feel and think.

 

People here keep giving you the advice that you should stay. But that's their value, not yours. I think it's fine to own what you want, and eventually most people end up living their desires anyway. It seems very likely to me that you will cheat, unless you free yourself to experience this thing that you desire.

 

It's o.k. Maybe this isn't the time for you to be tied down. Getting a divorce now wouldn't be so terrible. There is still time for your wife to find another partner and make a family, and there are no children involved. If you split when she's 38 and has no kids (assuming she wants them), that would be pretty lousy because you might well be depriving her of having a family. If you split after you have young children, that would be even worse. It seems to me that it's time to get out. You can do it now without wrecking someone else's life.

 

Something may look good on paper. A lot of people may want that thing. But if it's not for you, it's not for you. Not everyone wants the same thing.

[preraph]

Just remember that even though your looks may hold and you may end up looking like a handsome 40-year-old doesn't mean that's what a 20-year-old girl will see. To a 20-year-old girl, 28 looks old. They can tell not just by your actual skin and bone but it's apparent to young people, who are nearly all very social and live in the now, that you are not from their generation. There are a million tells that separate you into an older crowd. Hookups, well, on Tinder, there's a lot of pros on there. Some of your buddies may not be telling you the whole story if they're old and getting with young girlies.

 

I would just beg you that if you are going to stop now at 32 and sew your wild oats, you be honest with your wife and divorce her before you do so and not waste any more of her life and take any more of her youth. She will need it to move on.

[Gloria25]

I'm just curious as to what the OP means by "scoring"?

 

I mean, if he's planning to be a "playa" and lie to women to trick them into dropping their draws, then that just ties into the immaturity and is cruel...

 

If he's gonna go on Tinder, Craigslist, or run the bars/clubs, then I guess he's looking for random hook-ups? Wow, what's to prove by hooking up with women who want to just get their rocks off? That doesn't prove you're a catch. You're just satisfying some other person's carnal need to "scratch an itch". Also, the possibility of STDs and accidental (or manipulations by some of these women) preggos is something to watch out for. Oh yea, ONS/hook-ups don't necessarily equate great sex. Pretty much two people getting off and using another human being as a blow-up doll with a pulse.

 

So, after these two options, what is left? FB/FWBs? Well, again, if you wife is fulfilling your needs, why waste time with a FB/FWB?

 

Oh, and while he says he's not looking for "girls" per se, then what age are you looking for? Again, girls in their 20's are naive and impressionable. So, if you are looking for some sort of self-assurance of your ability to score, getting some 20 yr old ditz to drop her panties and/or look at you as a king in the bedroom (when she has no idea what great sex is yet) somehow elevates your confidence about your ability to score and to show all those evil girls in your high school that now you're a mack daddy?

Edited October 31, 2014 by Gloria25

[OwMyEyeball]

This reads like the trash bin scraps from a soap opera character development all-nighter.

 

Revenge? Seriously? You're in your early 30s and in what must be a very high-level and prestigious profession (so you claim) to be earning that kind of annual income ... and you're talking about "revenge of the nerds"? Heart surgeon? Senior partner in a law firm? Orthodontist with his own practice? $400K/year ... for that kind of money to be rolling in from a profession you'd have to be creme de la creme in your particular field. You'd also have to be very well disciplined and hold the utmost integrity. And maturity.

 

The way you're approaching such a delicate and hugely important topic in your life seems very ... unprofessional.

Edited October 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NJ123]

Your saying 400k is nothing crazy? You realize your in the top 1% of earners. Honestly, I don't even know how your wife puts up with you since just by your posts you come across as arrogant & cocky. My guess is that your a lawyer since it seems you could put on a facade easily with your wife. Your wife definitely deserves better.

Edited October 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BlueIris]

Sorry was a bit busy with work. I appreciate all the replies.

 

Some had asked what I do for a living. As I had said, I am a professional (one of dentist, lawyer, doc, etc). It doesn't really matter but I have job security and most people would find my profession attractive.

 

I make good money but of course it's nothing crazy. But given the current economic climate, I'd say $400k is a very strong income. You're right that gold diggers are the wrong type of women to attract but that's not who I'd go for. There are lots of educated women out there trying to find someone at their level. Women may not have trouble finding f*** buddies but I know good bf's and husbands are a rare find.

 

Someone mentioned i might be a pedophile because I refer to women as girls. That's just how I talk. Ridiculous comment.

 

What all of my problems boil down to is a deep insecurity having been a nerd for many years plus a strong sexual desire. I made a huge error staying in a poor long term relationship from 19-26. That essentially took away significant dating opportunities. Then I moved to a different city and both of us started cheating on each other (the relationship was going to hell anyways). I had a brief period of freedom for ~ 6 months at age 26 when I was dating 4 girls simultaneously. One of those girls is now my current wife. I really fell for her character and maturity. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and I would love for her to be the mother of my kids. However, I also feel that I never got the chance to play the field esp. at my peak years. I've only hit my peak now and it has become so obvious to me how easy it is to score women. In high school, girls didn't really pay any attention to me. Now I would be the one ignoring those girls. This will sound extremely immature, but I feel like it's my turn to get revenge for all the mistreatment I received during my nerdy years. I'd be laughing now: Educated, fit, decent looking & high middle class. But, of course, I am married now to someone who cares about me and loves me for who i am. My ego/testosterone drives me to ruin it all...run from the marriage, score as many women as possible, and get revenge. It's all so confusing and deeply painful. I am still a boy despite my maturity in so many areas.

 

Pretty significant psychological issues you’ve mentioned there. As you said, it’s about revenge, grasping and deep insecurity.

 

I don’t think your thinking is unique. There’s a documentary about someone who thought the way you’re thinking: Unraveled. Dreier loved the young “girls” and saw himself as a Master of the Universe. Might be worth watching. Maybe read about Cluster B in the DSM-IV or V before you watch it. Then decide.

[viccanadian]

This reads like the trash bin scraps from a soap opera character development all-nighter.

 

Revenge? Seriously? You're in your early 30s and in what must be a very high-level and prestigious profession (so you claim) to be earning that kind of annual income ... and you're talking about "revenge of the nerds"? Heart surgeon? Senior partner in a law firm? Orthodontist with his own practice? $400K/year ... for that kind of money to be rolling in from a profession you'd have to be creme de la creme in your particular field. You'd also have to be very well disciplined and hold the utmost integrity. And maturity.

 

The way you're approaching such a delicate and hugely important topic in your life seems very ... unprofessional.

 

 

I am in a prestigious and important profession. I love my work and am very professional towards those i serve. I am no rocket scientist, but I've studied many years to get here so I am mature in other ways.

 

I agree what I've mentioned so far reads like soap opera trash. But let me ask you guys a question: If most men weren't obsessed with sex and young looks, why are porn, prostitution, and overseas sex tourism so rampant? I am happy with my sex life now but what happens once my wife hits menopause or even into older age. I classify myself as a worrier. I tend to bee a pessimist. While many people live in the present, I keep focusing on the negatives of a future that hasn't yet come. My wife always tells me to be present, live in the present. I know there are tons of studies showing that focusing on the present brings happiness but I can't stop worrying about the future.

 

I've always told people that my problem is that I overthink life and share too much of my thoughts. Most guys go about their cheating, infidelity, and lies without anyone knowing. I don't cheat but I speak my feelings. That gets me judged.

 

Thanks for all your comments. We'll see where life takes me. Currently my wife and I are trying to conceive but there's been some fertility issues on her side with lack of ovulation. There, another worry, lol.

[d0nnivain]

Currently my wife and I are trying to conceive but there's been some fertility issues on her side with lack of ovulation. There, another worry, lol.

 

I swore I wasn't going to post in this thread because yikes it's hard to find anything to say to you that won't get me permanently kicked off this site.

 

Having read this line I couldn't remain silent. If you are genuinely thinking about dumping your wife for some easy sex with a younger woman you think you deserve because you make a lot of money do not get your wife pregnant. To bring a child into a relationship when you have one foot out the door is irresponsible and selfish. When your EQ begins to rival your earnings then you can procreate. Not before.

[Gloria25]

I am in a prestigious and important profession. I love my work and am very professional towards those i serve. I am no rocket scientist, but I've studied many years to get here so I am mature in other ways.

 

I agree what I've mentioned so far reads like soap opera trash. But let me ask you guys a question: If most men weren't obsessed with sex and young looks, why are porn, prostitution, and overseas sex tourism so rampant? I am happy with my sex life now but what happens once my wife hits menopause or even into older age. I classify myself as a worrier. I tend to bee a pessimist. While many people live in the present, I keep focusing on the negatives of a future that hasn't yet come. My wife always tells me to be present, live in the present. I know there are tons of studies showing that focusing on the present brings happiness but I can't stop worrying about the future.

 

I've always told people that my problem is that I overthink life and share too much of my thoughts. Most guys go about their cheating, infidelity, and lies without anyone knowing. I don't cheat but I speak my feelings. That gets me judged.

 

Thanks for all your comments. We'll see where life takes me. Currently my wife and I are trying to conceive but there's been some fertility issues on her side with lack of ovulation. There, another worry, lol.

 

Really?

 

I don't think all men walk around "obsessed" with sex. Is sex important to men? Of course, I mean, how would we procreate as a species if men didn't pursue women for intimacy?

 

Also, sex for men is an expression of the self-worth, value, love etc. he gets from his woman. I mean, yes we women like sex, but there's more ways we receive/perceive love from men (i.e. flowers/romance, him cuddling with us, etc.)

 

Like someone else posted in another thread (I think it was "Radu"). The problem now a days with sex is that a lot of women (mostly American) no longer appreciate their men and put sex on the back-burner after kids and/or their career. Then you have women being told that men are nasty horn-dogs for desiring sex with their woman.

 

But, you say the sex with your wife is great, so what's your issue?

 

Look, when you marry, Dr. Laura says to "choose wisely, treat kindly". If your wife is meeting your sexual needs, then I'm sure you chose wisely? I mean, when we are dating we are watching the other person's behavior. Pre-marital counseling is also good to lay out expectations.

 

Now, in the first one or two years of marriage, I've spoken to people who put off kids, cuz they are still evaluating their spouse. Cuz, trust me, dating, shacking up is NOT the same once that ring gets on the finger.

 

So, if you are in your first years of marriage and she has proven that she will fulfill your sexual needs and that sex is a priority for her, why do you think that will change once she hits menopause? Shoot, some women have sexual problems before they even reach that age (i.e. cervical and/or breast cancer). So, a woman who has demonstrated her willingness to keep the sex fires burning will take appropriate action when life hits you two (i.e. taking hormones, creams, etc for menopause/cervix removal and/or breast reconstruction after treatment for cancer).

 

Also, what's your point about problems with your wife conceiving? I mean, let's say you don't actually make $400K, maybe you make like $100K. Well, I'm sure with that amount of income you can afford the best fertility treatments available...and in this day/age I hear there's so many out there.

 

Now, is this question of fertility another reason you wanna trade in your 32 yr old wife for a 20 yr old person? Then, why would you chuck a woman who deeply loves/cares for you over something she has no control over? Well, you can risk it and get some dainty 20 yr old who will be more than happy to get preggo so if you dare decide to divorce her - she's set for life on your $400K income.

 

BTW, adoption "does" exist you know?

[Gloria25]

I swore I wasn't going to post in this thread because yikes it's hard to find anything to say to you that won't get me permanently kicked off this site.

 

I 2nd the motion...

[CoolKids]

Wow.

 

Money can't buy happiness. Ask the many guys out there who made more than you from years and ended up homeless.

 

Treat your wife better, and if you can't. Divorce her. Simple. Be careful what you choose, for if you make the wrong decision, you may live to regret it.

 

It's REALLY hard to take OP seriously. I personally believe it may not be real.

[StanMusial]

Kid needs a "Hall Pass". That will scare him straight.

[lollipopspot]

I agree what I've mentioned so far reads like soap opera trash. But let me ask you guys a question: If most men weren't obsessed with sex and young looks, why are porn, prostitution, and overseas sex tourism so rampant? I am happy with my sex life now but what happens once my wife hits menopause or even into older age. I classify myself as a worrier. I tend to bee a pessimist. While many people live in the present, I keep focusing on the negatives of a future that hasn't yet come. My wife always tells me to be present, live in the present. I know there are tons of studies showing that focusing on the present brings happiness but I can't stop worrying about the future.

 

I've always told people that my problem is that I overthink life and share too much of my thoughts. Most guys go about their cheating, infidelity, and lies without anyone knowing. I don't cheat but I speak my feelings. That gets me judged.

 

Thanks for all your comments. We'll see where life takes me. Currently my wife and I are trying to conceive but there's been some fertility issues on her side with lack of ovulation. There, another worry, lol.

 

I accept you where you are. There are definitely men who are obsessed with sex and youth, and for some it pretty much drives their lives and causes them to take huge risks. What I've gathered is that this is a problematic stereotype because for some men it's true, and there are other men who stand back and can't understand why this is being said about their gender. For you, this is true. O.k. Where do you want to go from here?

 

As I said before, people tell you that you have a good thing, and not to leave your wife in order to experience these things that you desire. But those are their values, not yours.

 

I don't think you should conceive. If you feel trapped now, you will feel a LOT more trapped with a child, and with a wife who may not be able to fulfill you sexually and emotionally for awhile as she's dealing with the baby. You will also have a lot more economic responsibility when and if you get a divorce.

 

Ponder this: When you think about being free to do whatever you want in your social/sexual life, does it give you a feeling of relief? Are you with your wife now out of familiarity or fear (of losing a good thing, or that things may not be better if you leave)? What is driving your current situation? Love, fear?

 

I think you know deep down what you are moved to do. I don't know what that is, but you do. Does your gut feeling tell you to move on, or stay?

[OwMyEyeball]

I am in a prestigious and important profession. I love my work and am very professional towards those i serve. I am no rocket scientist, but I've studied many years to get here so I am mature in other ways.

 

I agree what I've mentioned so far reads like soap opera trash. But let me ask you guys a question: If most men weren't obsessed with sex and young looks, why are porn, prostitution, and overseas sex tourism so rampant? I am happy with my sex life now but what happens once my wife hits menopause or even into older age. I classify myself as a worrier. I tend to bee a pessimist. While many people live in the present, I keep focusing on the negatives of a future that hasn't yet come. My wife always tells me to be present, live in the present. I know there are tons of studies showing that focusing on the present brings happiness but I can't stop worrying about the future.

 

I've always told people that my problem is that I overthink life and share too much of my thoughts. Most guys go about their cheating, infidelity, and lies without anyone knowing. I don't cheat but I speak my feelings. That gets me judged.

 

Thanks for all your comments. We'll see where life takes me. Currently my wife and I are trying to conceive but there's been some fertility issues on her side with lack of ovulation. There, another worry, lol.

Then isn't that the real issue you should be addressing? Once you "break free" and "sow your wild oats" what's going to stop the worry from continuing to tear away at you? You'll just start to worry that maybe you threw away the best thing to happen to you. You'll start to worry that you've blown your best chance at true love and starting a family. If you truly do love your wife, you'll start to worry for her well-being. You'll start to feel tremendous guilt for the pain you've caused her at the expense of satisfying your primal desires. Your life will change, but your anxiety will follow you around forever until you decide to confront it.

 

Whatever judgement you've received here from a handful of strangers scattered across the globe is a mosquito bite compared to the emotional pain the existing cheaters you know experience, but never show. Unless they are full blown sociopaths, they will eventually reap what they have sown.

[ascendotum]

I've always told people that my problem is that I overthink life and share too much of my thoughts. Most guys go about their cheating, infidelity, and lies without anyone knowing. I don't cheat but I speak my feelings. That gets me judged.

 

True. If you actually ruminate over things and verbalize your 'not socially acceptable' thoughts its seems to be as big as sin as just doing it on the sly with out any conscious or regret. It is a lot better to live life in the moment and stop looking ahead to the possible negatives that come along (unless the actions involves bad repercussions of course). Looking ahead at menopause I think you definitely over doing it.

 

I don't know how good an idea it is for you & your wife to be trying for a baby right now given your thoughts. If you are going to split, it would be so much better if you did it pre babies.

Would an open relationship / swinger lifestyle substitute for your needs?

For sure there is a lot of relationship risk with that, but at least it attempts to preserve your marriage and give you variety.

[FitChick]

I wouldn't worry about your wife's sex drive during menopause. She will dump you long before then, especially if she has a kid and can lock down the big bucks from child support.

[readynow]

Viccanadian - you ARE my ex husband and this was our marriage!

 

We were in our early 20s when we got married although he was slightly older. I was a young, hot, supportive, caring, generous blah blah blah wife and he was doing progressively well at work and started making mega bucks. He became young, rich and good looking. Then the text messages started to arrive. The phone calls at midnight, the late nights where he'd be no where. The affairs.

 

At this point, I think he wanted to live like his bachelor friends who were chasing girls, exchanging notes on what works, partying etc. His friends thought he had it all but he thought he could do betrer. What I gave at home was not a need for him at that time and I left him.

 

1yr after, he'd had enough and was begging us to remarry. He carried this on every year and fast forward 10yrs and he's still desperately trying to replace what we had, his friends are happily married with kids and all the money in the world cant buy back the past. They don't make them like me anymore

 

Having said all that, I think nothing will quench the thirst you have now and it might be best to divorce your wife and let her go. At least she'll be leaving with shed loads of money. If she's what you say, she'll have no trouble finding an amazing guy who's been waiting for an amazing girl. I definitely won't advise you to stay and 'appreciate' what you have because it's not what you want right now and your needs are not being met no matter how hard she tries.

 

Personally, I wished I didn't marry the exH back then. I feel like he was robbed of his days of chasing girls and squandering his money on gold diggers. I should have let go the first sign of GIGS esp as we were still young.

 

Definitely do it before she gets deep into fertility treatment because it'll become harder and harder to leave, heaven forbid children arrive.

 

Or maybe it might be good to have the kids now, at least she doesn't have to keep trying for a child with a new partner and $$$ from daddy rolling in monthly. Win-win, thanks Fitchick!

Edited November 2, 2014 by readynow
Added another paragraph after reading Fit's post.

[viccanadian]

Here's another problem to deal with: How do people address income discrepancy in a marriage? The different between our incomes ($400k vs $80K) creates certain challenges that I had anticipated but had not created any solutions to. Right now, I am contributing ~120K/year to a common spending pot while she contributes her entire 80K. That allows us to have $200K to spend on life, common savings, etc (less of course, after tax). That leaves the rest of my earnings in the bank. But whose $$ is that? Hypothetically speaking, what happens if I want to blow my residual income on whatever (car, toys, family, etc). Does she have any right to claim any of that $$? Does she have a right to dictate what I do with it esp. given that we are still without kids? Finances get really complicated. The other thing that bothers me is the power she will eventually have over me. Once we've been married long enough and esp. if we have kids, she will have asset splitting/alimony rights. This is really unfair because divorce works entirely in her benefit. If we divorce for any reason, the government will severely punish me while she gets to enjoy free $$ flow in for years to come. It's sad, disgusting, and very unjust. She can hold the divorce card against me but I wouldn't be able to do the same. She wins, I lose.

[CarrieT]

I got news for you - and you are not going to like it...

 

You are mentally and emotionally ending your marriage right now. I can read it all over your last post and if your wife was with you during your education and helped put you in this place you are now, she can claim 50% of your earnings for the rest of your life (if she gets the right attorney), regardless if you divorce now or 20 years from now.

 

Most people in healthy relationships don't think about the "what I earn" and "what they earn" and "what is MINE" scenario. In most healthy marriages, what is earned is shared 100% by both parties.

 

OP, I am a 50 year old woman who just got married last year. For the past 30 years, I have been my own breadwinner and for an 11-year relationship, *I* supported my then-BF. And I made decent-enough money to have a posh apartment in San Francisco and a home in Napa. But my new husband didn't care about my income-potential and prefers having a wife who will make his home happy for his step kids, who we see every other week. Now, like you, he is a professional that makes in the $500k range a year but even only being married a year, there is no "HIS EARNINGS."

 

You are getting yourself royally screwed in the head and should start separation proceedings immediately. Your wife deserves better than this.