Georgia2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I did a lot of self cutting when I lived with my parents over the past few months. I finally have my own place. If my arm is turned a certain way into the light my scars can be seen. Someone would have to be really looking at my arm intensely to see the scars. Guys would this bother you? I would prefer only guys to respond. I do fear when I meet a guy I like and start dating he will I know at some point see my scars and ask me about them. Link to post Share on other sites
soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I did a lot of self cutting when I lived with my parents over the past few months. I finally have my own place. If my arm is turned a certain way into the light my scars can be seen. Someone would have to be really looking at my arm intensely to see the scars. Guys would this bother you? I would prefer only guys to respond. I do fear when I meet a guy I like and start dating he will I know at some point see my scars and ask me about them. Any potential partner should accept you, all of you, for who you are. I'm not a guy, but I would have to say that if I was in your position and a guy was bothered by it, it would show me he's not the right person to judge on such a thing without knowing the circumstances or accepting that people have scars, whether emotional or physical. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
writteninreverse Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Self-injury is a tough one. It's still very (unfairly) stigmatized by many people. I have a cousin who suffered terrible depression when he was a teenager and he turned to self-injury as a coping mechanism. He's learned to cope with his issues well now, but he still gets nervous about meeting new people because of the scars. I bring this up to say that I wouldn't hold it against someone, provided that they can prove they have been free of their self-destructive tendencies for a significant period of time. However, I know somebody who self-injured and this personal connection probably makes me more open minded then many about the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
writteninreverse Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 And yes, a guy is surely going to ask about them if they are visible. You need to have a response planned for that eventuality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 The first girl I had a real serious thing for got on the bus a few times with the underside of her wrists all bound in gauze. Was bizarre sitting next to her not bringing it up but it's no killer of attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Does not bother me even in the slightest. In fact, I wouldn't even ask about them. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I wouldn't have a problem at all just as long as your not doing it still or ever plan to do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I would want to know you were in treatment for it. I mean, cutting is an emotional pain control device, so not sure anyone actively cutting is emotionally really ready for a relationship until they learn other ways to cope and work through the bad stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DavidsonHarley Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 No it wouldn't be a problem to me, My Ex wife had had a had a rough time before we met and she had light cutting scars up her Arm aswell , It was all part of her and happily accepted it. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mental problems are a deal breaker for me. Obviously some guys couldn't care less but some Just simply can't do crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Knowing what I do now, I don't think I would. I dated women in the past who had emotional baggage and issues like that. Those issues made dating difficult. At the time I was all for accepting them for who they were, but ultimately those relationships fell apart because some things just don't get soothed away by love and understanding. Impatience and anger don't work either. Nothing really does. And those breakups hurt as much as any. This thread is evidence that there are plenty of guys around willing to overlook things like that, and that's fine with me. Good luck to them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mentos Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 It wouldn't bother me. I would be curious about it, but as long as it didn't happen 2 days ago it's not a problem. We've all done things we wish we didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mental problems are a deal breaker for me. Obviously some guys couldn't care less but some Just simply can't do crazy. "Crazy" isn't always a long-term thing. I sometimes wish that I hadn't avoided meeting someone when I was younger, and trying to fix myself first (so that I wouldn't attract those who might take advantage of vulnerabilities). I was stronger than I thought, and a lot wiser than I realized at the time, and I attracted those jerks anyway. Frankly, love from a decent guy would have helped a lot. I had to work on myself in other ways, but I've missed out in that way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 No problem for me. Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mental problems are a deal breaker for me. Obviously some guys couldn't care less but some Just simply can't do crazy. "Crazy" is a really difficult word to read in a thread that deals with someone's admitted mental illness and self-harm. There is mental illness in my family and as a result of having educated myself on the topic, I no longer use that word because I know it's hurtful and demeaning. Just the same way I hope no one would ever call my daughter a "retard" because she has developmental delays. Actually, I would probably kill them but not before I gave them a serious lecture on their word choice. OP, all my best to you as you recover from cutting. You're worth more than that. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Thank you to the posters with the kind words. It does make me feel better knowing majority of the guys wouldn't have a problem with it. I was so miserable living with my parents I couldn't cope with it any other way. Now that I am on my own I don't feel the need to cut myself when when my mother upsets me. It just made things unbearable living with them. That is what I do plan on saying if a guy should ask what made me cut myself. I figure if he knows that is why I did it he will know the issue is resolved since I no longer live with my parents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mental problems are a deal breaker for me. Obviously some guys couldn't care less but some Just simply can't do crazy. You shouldn't be quick to judge others with mental issues. It's not an easy thing to deal with. The guys who are not turned off by a woman with mental issues are real men to me. Only boys have a problem with mental issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mental problems are a deal breaker for me. Obviously some guys couldn't care less but some Just simply can't do crazy. This is a horribly offensive and degrading post clearly from a person very ignorant with old-fashioned and completely outdated beliefs about mental illness. There will always be people like this Georgia, but in this day and age they are in the minority unless you are dating a very old and conservative population who haven't kept up with changing times. Please though, make sure you get treatment. Even though you no longer feel the need to do this, it would help you to learn other ways of dealing with those situations if you can. Best of luck - 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mental issues are only temporary a lot of the time though. Work through your baggage before you bring it into a new relationship. Otherwise this new relationship will end very similarly to the way that the last one ended. I'd put money on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mental issues are only temporary a lot of the time though. Work through your baggage before you bring it into a new relationship. Otherwise this new relationship will end very similarly to the way that the last one ended. I'd put money on it. My cutting had nothing to do with my last relationship. My cutting was a result of a very stressful time living with my parents. In my last relationship I had NO desire to cut myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 This is a horribly offensive and degrading post clearly from a person very ignorant with old-fashioned and completely outdated beliefs about mental illness. There will always be people like this Georgia, but in this day and age they are in the minority unless you are dating a very old and conservative population who haven't kept up with changing times. Please though, make sure you get treatment. Even though you no longer feel the need to do this, it would help you to learn other ways of dealing with those situations if you can. Best of luck - Thank you for defending people with mental illness. I do see a psychiatrist and I am on medication. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 You shouldn't be quick to judge others with mental issues. It's not an easy thing to deal with. The guys who are not turned off by a woman with mental issues are real men to me. Only boys have a problem with mental issues. So what was the point of this thread then? If anyone has an opinion to the contrary of wanting to deal with something like this... then there is no point in creating a thread to "poll" male forum-goers for. Maybe I wouldn't have worded it the same, but I have to agree with oldshirt, in a certain sense. I wouldn't date a woman with very "light self cutting scars". It doesn't matter whether they are light or not, they are self cutting scars and indicative of something I'd rather not deal with. Will I be demonized because I have a certain idealism when it comes to what I want to or don't want to date? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 So what was the point of this thread then? If anyone has an opinion to the contrary of wanting to deal with something like this... then there is no point in creating a thread to "poll" male forum-goers for. Maybe I wouldn't have worded it the same, but I have to agree with oldshirt, in a certain sense. I wouldn't date a woman with very "light self cutting scars". It doesn't matter whether they are light or not, they are self cutting scars and indicative of something I'd rather not deal with. Will I be demonized because I have a certain idealism when it comes to what I want to or don't want to date? You are being judgmental. I am proud of my scars it's shows I got through a tough time and if men like you are turned off by them then I would not want to date someone who thinks he is so much better than me. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 My cutting had nothing to do with my last relationship. My cutting was a result of a very stressful time living with my parents. In my last relationship I had NO desire to cut myself. While that may be you obviously have an unhealthy family dynamic going on and don't seem to be able to cope with it properly. So that makes you off balance. Being off balance while starting a new relationship isn't a great idea. You're attracting the same type of person because you're still the same person. Work on yourself and learn better coping skills first. Self harm may make the emotional pain less for now but you still do have emotional pain. Carrying that into a new relationship is like a toxin. You are not whole. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 You are being judgmental. I am proud of my scars it's shows I got through a tough time and if men like you are turned off by them then I would not want to date someone who thinks he is so much better than me. Again, then what is the point of this thread. If my opinion is "No" and your response is "You are being judgmental" then this thread serves 0 purpose. You are just fishing for responses to validate your side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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