Who is interested in dating attractive, sensitive and caring Black women?

[Topaze]

This thread is a spin off from the Asian male interracial dating thread. A number of people have suggested that Asian men and Black women are not at a disadvantage in the dating world. So, I am going to put it to the men and use myself as an example. This is not a personal ad but a survey.

 

Woud YOU date an attractive, sensitive, caring, and playful Black woman? Please respond and indicate why or why not? Please indicate your race, age and the city, province or state in which you live. I am curious to see if age and region have an impact on any of this.

 

I have dated interracially but I must be honest and say that the majority of men I meet are White and not open to dating a Black woman. I am not sure if that is the luck of the draw or if most men who aren't Black just don't find Black women attractive. Perhaps I have been going to the wrong places. I am open to suggestions about where I can go to meet more men who are open to dating Black women.

 

So, please help me out here. Please be honest but not cruel. Thank you for your help.

[d'Arthez]

It's not about race. If you are truly are rejected because of the color of your skin, how good a friend would that person be to you in the first place? If the other person feels there is no compatibility personality-wise, that is a good enough reason. Sadly, a lot of people prefer giving excuses instead of telling the truth. You think the excuse that is offered to you covers the problem; it does not.

 

There are a lot of dating "disorders."

For women the disorders include: high intelligence, assertiveness, confidence, high earning power et cetera. To name but a few. Ever heard you are "too opinionated"?

A lot of men are unable or unwilling to "handle" abovementioned women. Why? It does not really matter. And without doubt, it is a frustrating experience. But these women should not waste themselves, to become attractive. They are attractive, but only to someone who is right to them. And it can be hard to find Mr. Right, just as it can be hard for a lot of men to find a Mrs. Right.

Part of the problem may lie in the environments where you choose to meet men / women.

 

I live somewhere in Europe, and I admit that the last three women I had an interest in, were all foreigners, albeit of the same Caucasian race. Appearance-wise these women were almost as far apart as possible.

Considering the closed nature of our society (even though we love to pretend otherwise), it's almost impossible to date interracially here, unless the effort to date comes from the member of the non-Caucasian minority.

[CurvyGurl]

Sometimes its just about the culture where you live.

 

I used to live in the Inland Northwest, Spokane area. In Spokane, black men date white, hispanic, and asian women. White men date white, hispanic, and asian women. Native american men date Native american women and asian men date asian women. So who dates black women? NO ONE. Specifically not black men. I asked several black male friends why they don't date black women--- they said they don't like them. And why, when the competition amongst white women is so stiff that they will literally bend over backward to get a black man. No black woman will buy a man a $300 stereo to get him to date her instead of the 3 other women he's seeing. Not saying all white women WILL, but I have seen it happen so many times I've lost count. If you see a black man with a black woman, they must either be from Seattle, or just arrived from somewhere else.

 

One of the biggest reasons I moved south to Atlanta was because I wanted to date black men. I wanted to date black men that love and appreciate black culture and black women. I have not dated a white man since I arrived here two years ago... I have been approached by them, though.

[HokeyReligions]

Well, I wouldn't because #1 I'm a heterosexual woman and #2 I'm married!

 

As d'Arthez said, anyone who doesn't date someone because of race is their issue, not the other person's.

 

A lot of people are uncomfortable dating outside their race not because of racism, but because of cultural differences. If I were single I don't think I would seek out someone of another race to date, and I'd be very careful of my feelings if I found someone of another race that I was interested in because of attitudes in certain situations. The same way I would be careful of dating someone who was raised very differently than I was raised.

 

I'm white, how am I going to be able to truly understand another's POV in some situations? Sometimes we can learn to see the other person's POV, but sometimes it can be a huge roadblock to communication. It takes a little bit more work from both to be open and really try to understand.

 

Dating someone from my own generation is different than young people today, but at the same time the young people of today have parents from my generation. There are differences in how people see things. Child-rearing can be complicated. Religion and politics are big issues for many. Discrimination is still out there in the workplace and in some social settings. That is not something that I want to tackle. Others are 'up' for the challenges faced by mixed race couples. But just because I am not doesn't make me racist. I think that sometimes people don't understand themselves enough to really know or express why the are uncomfortable dating outside their race and are afraid of saying anything because they don't want that label of Racist. And if they can't express or understand themselves, others won't be able to either and its easy to slap that label on someone who doesn't really deserve it.

 

I have friends of different races and while we have tons in common and are close, I can't joke as deeply with some of them because some phrases and words that they use to describe themselves or situations they have been in would sound totally racist coming from me, and vice versa. A lot of that is social conditioning and we've done that to ourselves.

 

I'll hold back saying something because I know it would sound offensive, and even if they were not offended because they know me, others might be. The same with them holding back some with me. I think its easier with today's youth than with my generation, but it's still there.

[jellybean]

Dear Topaze......

 

There was another interesting thread on this :

 

click here

[westernxer]

Woud YOU date an attractive, sensitive, caring, and playful Black woman?

 

This sounds like a dating ad.

 

Seriously, though...

 

The men are out there, but you've got to find them. Maybe you should relocate as CurvyGurl did (and she's right about the white women buying black men all sorts of stuff... had two black roommates in colllege, and the white chicks showered them with all sorts of gifts... in Idaho, of all places).

 

I'm actually a product of an interracial marriage (mother's Samoan, father's white), so maybe I have no right to comment, but I do know that a lot of people want everything to look right on the surface (race, religion, income), and they discriminate because of it. It's their right, even if they show ignorance in doing so. Nothing you can do about it, except to keep looking. And don't throw away opportunities to improve yourself. That, to me, is more important than finding someone, because some people hook up and let things slide. Or maybe that's just the way it is.

[moimeme]

will buy a man a $300 stereo to get him to date her instead of the 3 other women he's seeing. Not saying all white women WILL, but I have seen it happen so many times I've lost count.

 

What?

 

and she's right about the white women buying black men all sorts of stuff... had two black roommates in colllege, and the white chicks showered them with all sorts of gifts

 

HUH?

 

WTF's going on? How bizarre. Well I have to admit that's a thread I've yet to see on LS - 'I can't compete with the white women who buy stereos so guy X will date them'

 

Man this world just keeps getting wierder and wierder

[CurvyGurl]

So bad I had to move away. Black men definitely take advantage of the competition between non black women for their attention and affection. My brother says he does't date black women because they don't do what he tells them to do.

 

Booooooooooooo.

 

 

Anyhow, to the OP-- perhaps a change of scenery is in order.

[westernxer]

My brother says he does't date black women because they don't do what he tells them to do.

 

LOL. I've heard that, too.

[Craig]

Originally posted by Topaze

Woud YOU date an attractive, sensitive, caring, and playful Black woman? Please respond and indicate why or why not? Please indicate your race, age and the city, province or state in which you live. I am curious to see if age and region have an impact on any of this.

I was raised in a family where traditional beliefs regarding race, gender, age and etc. were not instilled in me. There was no such thing as "womens work" or someone being "too old/young" or "green people are all the same." As a consequence I can cook, sew, clean, do any repair on a house or car, have friends from all races, genders, ages and professions/vocations.

 

There are challenges for some people regarding race because they are too lazy to think for themselves.

 

I'm a white guy, in my 40's, have lived in Washington, California, Michigan, British Columbia, Alberta and Ontario and if I were available I'd date a Black Woman BUT the attractive part is not necessary for me. What's more important for me is the person in the "earth suit."

[westernxer]

There are challenges for some people regarding race because they are too lazy to think for themselves.

 

Good point.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Topaze

Woud YOU date an attractive, sensitive, caring, and playful Black woman?

No

 

Please respond and indicate why or why not?

I have never been attracted to black women.

 

Please indicate your race, age and the city, province or state in which you live.

Asian-indian (raised in US), 39, Detroit, Mich.

[Topaze]

Alphamale, you are not alone. I have also run into other Indian men who share that view and show a preference of blondes who reject them at every turn.

 

Alphamale and others who share his views. What is it about Black women that you find so unattractive?

 

BTW, let me clarify, I am not talking about cultural differences for this thread. Strictly racial differences. The people involved were born and raised in Canada or the US, went to the sames schools, churches, etc. The only difference is race. I should have clarified that at the outset.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Topaze

Alphamale, you are not alone. I have also run into other Indian men who share that view and show a preference of blondes who reject them at every turn.

Actually I do prefer blondes and I think it is because of the differences. Actually I have found that women of scandanavian descent are attracted to me. They usually say they like my darker skin, dark eyes and jet black hair. Personally, I've done OK with the blondes. Of the last 10 relationships I've had, I think 8 of them were blonde.

 

Alphamale and others who share his views. What is it about Black women that you find so unattractive?

Specifically i am not attracted to the facial features and hair of african descended women. I have had some african-american women show interest in me over the years and never reciprocated. Some of them can be very aggressive and overt in showing their attraction and that turns me off also. It is usually the black women that will make vocal comments while you walk by or some other overt display that they find you cute.

[Topaze]

Wow alpha, that's very different from where I live. Here it is the White women who are more aggressive and the Black women who feel they can't compete because they are less aggressive. Mind you most of the Black women here are of West Indian heritage.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Topaze

Wow alpha, that's very different from where I live. Here it is the White women who are more aggressive and the Black women who feel they can't compete because they are less aggressive. Mind you most of the Black women here are of West Indian heritage.

Well, TOPAZE, i think the city of DEtroit is a different animal. The black women here are very assertive.

[CurvyGurl]

I was taught that to be overt and aggressive is being 'fast' and 'ho-ish'. I don't subscribe to the modern day attitude that women should pursue and chase men. I think there is a natural turn of things and that if men are interested, they will come to you. Nothing wrong with opening the door to garner interes, but if he can't take the hint and walk through the door, buh bye. I refuse to run a man down and rope him into being interested.

 

Such is the difference between me and the white girls I went to college with.

[westernxer]

i think the city of DEtroit is a different animal. The black women here are very assertive.

 

Same thing here in L.A., but L.A. has too much of everything to begin with, which scares a lot of people.

[Topaze]

Originally posted by CurvyGurl

I was taught that to be overt and aggressive is being 'fast' and 'ho-ish'. I don't subscribe to the modern day attitude that women should pursue and chase men. I think there is a natural turn of things and that if men are interested, they will come to you. Nothing wrong with opening the door to garner interes, but if he can't take the hint and walk through the door, buh bye. I refuse to run a man down and rope him into being interested.

 

Such is the difference between me and the white girls I went to college with.

 

I agree.

[tokyo]

Not that difficult to understand. When I first met him, he was in a leadership position at a conference and he seemed like a nice guy. He was physically attractive, outgoing, energetic, and religious. It didn't take long for me to see the other side. Trust me, it wasn't until after I got to know him that I realized that he was a jerk. Kissing and telling. Pretending to be religious and then going as far a she women would let him and then dumping them saying he didn't find them attractive.

 

And no, I don't fall too fast for everyone. Another time when this happened, the guy had been taking me out for 5 months before I realized that he saw me as "just a friend". By then, yes I had developed feelings for him. The other scenario is meetin guys on the net and they will tell you point blank that they would be friends with a Black woman but would never consider dating them. Some Asian male friends of mine have told me about similar experiences.

 

The dating game is tough enough without making people feel like something is worng with THEM when it's other people who are rejecting them and not even giving them a chance because of superficial reasons like race and hair colour.

 

Kooky, your advice about "sticking to your own" is not viable when there are few of "our own" to be had in the areas in which we live.

 

As you have started your own thread I will move our discussion here if you allow. (If anybody is interested, the discussion started here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t24551)

 

The experiences that you describe here with men don't seem to have anything to do with race, but with the guys and maybe yourself. I don't know what kind of guys you are interested in, but maybe you fall for the wrong ones.

 

I never seen a guy taking me out just for fun. Actually the opposite is the case, I go out without realizing that they meant it to be a date. My guess is, he started out with interest and lost it somewhere and then decided to let you down easily. Men don't go out for months without a woman without wanting anything.

 

And I did not say that you are supposed to stick to your own. I said that when you are interested to date outside your race you will very likely have more problems than when you date within your race, because people tend to like what they are used to. If you and the Asian guys in the other thread are set up to have white guys and women as partners at all cost than you will face more challenges. People who go out and have a certain set of criteria in their mind that their partner has to fulfill always have it harder than someone whose preferences are les specific.

 

It frankly sucks when someone turns you down for the way you look, but everybody is entitled to have the right to decide what he likes and what not. And I've often seen people who complain about the superficiality in the dating game go for pretty attractive people themselves, so I don't know what I should think about this. Actually all the Asian guys who want to date white women could also be called superficial to be so eager for a certain race. Where's the difference?

[Topaze]

I agree and for me race has not been a concern. Well what I don't get is if a guy takes you out for months and months, always pays, pulls the "just friends" thing and still takes you out. But, that's a different topic and it would likely make an interesting thread...in fact I think I will start one.

 

I think that one thing some people are missing is that it is a matter of demographics. If you have a good job, your child is well established in school and you are near your child's father (I am divorced) do you really think a kid should be uprooted just so that the mother can meet a guy. University attendance is the perfect time and the first opportunity I have had to relocate.

 

What the problem has been is the racist men who won't look past skin colour. If it was a case of I am the problem (which no one has said) and I am the one making bad choices (which you have said) then other Black women wouldn't be having similar problems . (Check out the thread in the dating section.) Now I know that isn't going to change in a hurry. I started this thread to get a sense of how men feel. Is it really as bad as I think it is. I don't exactly find men flying in here to say that they find Black women attractive or that they would date a Black woman.

[tokyo]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t32022/

 

There was this awfully long thread where they discussed a similar topic. Also, it's weekend, people seem to post during working hours (I think I need a job, too. ) And not every post gets the attention it deserves or not deserves.

 

That guy from what you have told me seems to be a weirdo. That's really a rare case that someone always pays and is not interested in any way. Very very strange indeed.

[Topaze]

Yeah I can't figure it out. He asks me out, takes me out at least once a week to really nice restaurants and he ALWAYS pays. He won't even let me pay the tip. W we speak almost every day for hours. Right now he is doing me a favour. He is doing something for me that I need professionally that is taking up 24 hours of his time over the weekend and for which I would have had to pay anyone else a fortune. He never said he wasn't interested but, although he flirts with me, he has never initiated any disccusion of what the relationship means, next steps or where things are going. Someone recently asked him if we were a couple at a social gathering and he said "No, we're freinds." I was devastated. He isn't gay and he isn't married....I have been to his home. So, yes, I am confused.

 

Just a sec, I'll start the new thread in the dating section:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=58690

[d'Arthez]

There are many "disorders" a woman can suffer from; which have nothing to do with race, but with men who are unable to handle them. I mentioned a few in my earlier post in this thread.

 

Concerning the guy who takes you out, as a friend, it might be that he enjoys the conversation and spending the evenings with you in a pleasant way. You can only discover that by looking at the date settings. Dinner settings are ideal for this purpose.

 

If you have an IQ of say 145, only 4 in 3000 people will have the same or higher IQ. That makes demographics very important. If you are really into intelligent men for example, or otherwise statistically speaking endowed men, you should find alternative ways of finding men.

[Topaze]

He doesn't just take me to dinner but to movies, concerts, etc. Anyway, let's keep this thread focused on the race thing and discuss the just friends thing in the other thread.