elephant101 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 We met around 9 months ago. We hit it off straight away. He can be fun, outgoing. Until I began to notice strange patterns in his behaviour. Weird sleep patterns, nightmares, became obsessed with random things. On one hand he was so supportive. On another he was erratic and unpredictable. One night he confessed to me that he did coke. He confessed just before a night out so I didn't push for more answers as I didn't want to ruin the night- my new job celebration. I did however ask him over the phone another time. He became extremely angry and finished the relationship. I didn't get any answers to my questions- how much and how often. I loved him and in time we got back in contact. I stood firm and asked him about his pastime. He said he wanted to change and that I should judge him on that and that he had many other wonderful things about him and that I shouldn't focus on the negative. So we got back together. It didn't take long for the patterns to begin again. Vanishing, moodiness, erratic behaviour, sleeping a lot. It came ahead at the weekend when I'd asked him to move some of his things so the boiler man could access the boiler room to service it for the winter. It was 1pm and had been sleeping all morning. He became extremely angry and we argued. He ended up taking all of his things from my house. Although he did move the things I needed him to! I got nasty messages and I sent a few too. He completely denies coke has anything to do with it. Has anybody else had a similar experience? How do I find the strength to walk away for good? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You find the strength to walk away by going to a narc anon meeting. It's a group for people who love with addicts. Here's their web address: Nar-Anon Family Groups 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elephant101 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Not sure we have any of those where I live. Thanks though :-) Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 You find the strength to walk away for good by ending it for good and then going complete no contact. No texts, calls, meeting up, no staying on each other's social media friends lists. Eventually you will begin to move past it, but it's impossible to do with the messy push/pull that comes with trying to stay friends. My ex was a weed smoker, when we first got together I thought it was around once a week, and that he wanted to stop. A few months later I realised that it was in fact nearly every day and he had no plans to stop. We had a few arguments about it and ended up breaking up, not specifically for that issue but I was never able to feel comfortable about it for personal reasons and he was unwilling to quit for the relationship. Although he ended it and I was heartbroken at the time, looking back I am relieved we broke up because I couldn't have a life with anyone taking illegal drunks, or drinking excessively. Is it the cocaine itself that bothers you, because it's illegal, or if his behaviours weren't affected do you think you would be okay with him taking it? When he said 'I want to change and you should judge me on that and the other good parts of my personality' you should have said 'great, so what have you done to change?' instead of got back together with him. There is support out there. There are drug treatment agencies who work with people for nothing, free counselling through these agencies, NA groups, he could have volunteered to take regular urine tests to prove to you that he's clean. It's not enough to say 'I want to change' because without solid actions towards change, it's just hot air to try and make things easier for him (getting back together). Link to post Share on other sites
Author elephant101 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 I think it's the behaviours, that it's illegal and that it's harming him. I doubt very much that he'll seek help. I think, unless something major happens, he'll take it forever. I find it so sad that drugs ruin lives. He's oblivious to how it harms him and the people in his life. I think doing what you said is for the best before I get sucked in further. Thanks for your support :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Not sure we have any of those where I live. Thanks though :-) How about here: http://ukna.org/meetings-search 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carly75 Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Don't contact him and move on he is not the right guy for you. You deserve him to be your man. His addiction can affect a lot of things, especially in your relationship Link to post Share on other sites
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