Trying to pick up a girl who works in a bikini store

[Wordguy]

I saw her again on Friday. I walked up to her on lunch when she was pulling some clothes off a rack and said hi. She smiled and came over... We chatted for about 10 minutes about my trip, her work, the spring weather, swimming, my son. She said I must have have looked really good in my swimming trunks she helped me pick out, which was nice...She had to deal with a customer so she said she had to go after a while, but said I should 'drop by anytime'. Which is interesting because she said her boyfriend wouldn't be happy if he knew she was emailing or talking to another guy originally.

 

Later the same day, I'm walking to catch my train and see her at the back of the store. She has her hair tied back in a pony tail. She is wearing a nice, tight pink sleeveless t-shirt. She's so sexy it gives me an instant hard-on. It looks like she had just finished helping a customer. Our eyes meet as I'm slowing down by her storefront- I smile, wave and mouth 'goodbye'. Then, she smiles back and puts her arm straight up high into the air and waves a rather big wave back and forth. She smiles bigger now and seems kind of embarrased at her reaction. She bends over as to be looking for something under the counter. I'm instantly overcome with this warmth, joy and happieness after seeing her wave to me like that. I am grinning my whole way to the subway thinking she really likes me.

 

The flirtation continues...

[browneyes22]

Good...now somethin' is cookin' for sure.

[GoodGirlDown]

I'm sorry Word, but you sound like a chauvinist to me. You are only interested in this girl because of her looks. You know she has a boyfriend yet you continue flirting with her in the vain hope that she might one day play with your joystick. She sounds about half your age, you are just in it for the ego boost.

[Screenplay]

I'm instantly overcome with this warmth, joy and happieness after seeing her wave to me like that. I am grinning my whole way to the subway thinking she really likes me.

 

I dunno, that sounds fairly genuine to me. All guys are attracted to beautiful women, not just the chauvinistic ones. Whether Wordguy find her to be something worthy of his pursuit is another matter, but that's his decision. To condemn the guy because he finds someone he is attractive to and decides to pursue things is a bit impolite. Besides, its not like she herself didn't say "Come back around sometime". If anyone is vain in this scenario, it's her. Shes either craving male attention or is currently dating a loser but again, its up to Wordguy to find that out.

 

In either case Wordguy, good luck to ya. It sounds like our advice has helped you hit your mark, hopefully you'll find what you seek.

[browneyes22]

Originally posted by GoodGirlDown

I'm sorry Word, but you sound like a chauvinist to me. You are only interested in this girl because of her looks. You know she has a boyfriend yet you continue flirting with her in the vain hope that she might one day play with your joystick. She sounds about half your age, you are just in it for the ego boost.

 

GoodGirl...one day you will meet a guy that totally gets you hot and has a girlfriend. And if/when this guy shows you attention you won't care about his girlfriend. Extremely attractive men/women have this effect on their respective opposite sex. Point is that this reaction is normal and won't make you a slease.

 

For the most part, this situation seems fairly sincere and mutual both from wordguy and the bikini store girl.

[Wordguy]

I gave her my phone number and email address on the back of my business card, tonight. She said, "You know my situation right"? And I responded with, "I know, just in case you change your mind". She blushed, reached out and then took it..."Ok."

 

I certainly don't feel like a sleezebag. And I'm definetly not a player, more like a serial monogamist. This one is girlfriend material, not just a 'one night stand' that I would forget about if we ever have sex. And she is younger than me, but not half my age. I'm 33 and she may be in her late-twenties I'm guessing. The point is I'm really attracted to her and this doesn't happen very often so I'm going for it.

 

If she calls or emails now, I guess it means something is really cooking. The ball is in her court.

[whichwayisup]

Yup, the ball is in her court...

 

Wordy, trust me - She knows you like her and I think she likes you too! That chemistry you feel is not one sided. She feels it too, otherwise she would NOT have taken your number. Just sit and wait to see what happens. Be positive and enjoy that feeling!

 

I'm sorry Word, but you sound like a chauvinist to me. You are only interested in this girl because of her looks. You know she has a boyfriend yet you continue flirting with her in the vain hope that she might one day play with your joystick. She sounds about half your age, you are just in it for the ego boost.

 

GGD, I have to agree with what browneyes said. And I personally think it's NEAT that he has found somebody who makes his heart sing!

 

I don't believe that you've not checked out a guy and thought Oh wow, he's hot and I feel some attraction to him...Women do it too! HENSE Sexual Attraction! It's just there sometimes.

[joel]

i don;t now man i think u should try to be freinds with her first before giving out ur number so fast- i think u just scared her off-the bf thing was just an excuse. i did what u did too ask her out too fast thing and guess what no, it scares the chixs out- like ur in her just for looks and wanting sex.

i bet if u had been freinds with her first she would have said yes and would have saiud no she didn't have a bf. u goinbg way too fast. this gal dones't even now u man. slwo down

[d'Arthez]

It is not the attraction that is the problem in the whole set up; the agendas are.

 

But I guess that for some men this behavior is considered normal. I would not do this. I hope she can live with the resulting paranoia on the part of Wordguy if he does win her from her current bf. And if Wordguy is going to be all naive about her, which I doubt, he is only inviting other guys to hit on his gf. Great start for a relationship if it were to happen; and depending on the then ex-bf, the both of you would be in for a few surprises.

 

And if he does not win her over, it has been nothing more than an ego boost. Also adding to the problems of the relationship between her and her bf, in the attempt. Of course, if you don't win her over chances that you will receive a few of the burns of that are slim.

 

Oh, and I must comment that you know a lot about her, if you don't even know her age.

 

Don't go there, and if you care about her, you spare her the hurt.

[browneyes22]

Originally posted by joel

i don;t now man i think u should try to be freinds with her first before giving out ur number so fast- i think u just scared her off-the bf thing was just an excuse. i did what u did too ask her out too fast thing and guess what no, it scares the chixs out- like ur in her just for looks and wanting sex.

i bet if u had been freinds with her first she would have said yes and would have saiud no she didn't have a bf. u goinbg way too fast. this gal dones't even now u man. slwo down

 

It is a bit too fast. Personally I would have waited a bit longer. But waiting can be a bad move as well. I mean what is the guy going to do, visit her at the bikini store until eternity?

 

In this situation I don't think Wordguy has a choice but just give her his number. They don't have any mutual friends, or anything that will let them get to know one another over time. The boyfriend thing is a common move, but this girl does seem interested so who cares if she does or doesn't.

 

Wordguy...girls don't mind being chased. In fact, they would think something is wrong with them if they are not being chased. This wasn't your last shot, trust me.

[amerikajin]

Good post, d'Hartez.

 

But I guess that for some men this behavior is considered normal.

 

I think it's the thrill of the chase, knowing (or at least perceiving) on some level that a woman you fancy is attracted to you as well. It's an ego boost, and there's a part of us that naturally wants to see just how far this little dance can go.

 

I would not do this. I hope she can live with the resulting paranoia on the part of Wordguy if he does win her from her current bf. And if Wordguy is going to be all naive about her, which I doubt, he is only inviting other guys to hit on his gf.

 

That's the essence of this dilemma right now; I think you're dead on here. Even if he were to win her over, what have you learned about the new girl? That she's willing to just dump her current guy for someone else that caught her attention for the moment.

 

I've found myself in a similar situation here in the past week and like wordguy I succombed to temptation. But I'm having to pull myself back to reality here, and I'd suggest he do the same. I think that if a woman is really that interested and if the woman knows you're interested - which is no secret in wordguy's case - then she'll make herself available.

[Wordguy]

Haven't written in a while, so I thought I'd give an update..

 

She hasn't called or emailed me yet unfortunately. Up until last week, I was still dropping by her store to say hi even though she hadn't called . The problem now is that I was 'dropping by' so much that her boss got upset. One day I came in when her boss was in the store talking to her and then the next day, Anna walked me outside and told me that her boss got mad at her saying she wasn't allowed to have 'friends or whatever' dropping by when she was working. She told me it wasn't a big deal and that I just need to be careful when I come to visit and that she would see me later.

 

I've respected that since then, only stopping in once to say hi on lunch this week. She was happy to see me. It's getting hard though to make this work however. I don't want to piss her off or get her in trouble and lose her respect either. At the same time, with her not contacting me outside of this it's making me wonder if I should even sneak conversations anymore...

 

I guess I'll just still drop by when her boss isn't there, just not as often. I wish she would call me though and this would be so much easier. I'm thinking about asking her out for a coffee next week so we can talk outside of work.

 

What do you all think? Should I just give up? Or keep being 'there' hoping she comes around?

[ConfusedInOC]

I can't believe I read this entire thread, but I was intrigued!

 

Wordguy, I think you're doing everything right. Now that she knows you like her, I don't think it'd be a bad idea to play a little "hard to get." Especially now that you've had the "work" warning. Don't go out of your way to see her. If you notice each other on the way to the subway, just wave and keep walking.

 

The problem you're going to have is showing TOO much interest. Women, and trust me I have learned this the hardest, most painful way ever, want a man that is a bit of a challenge.

 

If you are too aggressive now, especially knowing she has a b/f, you'll look sleezy and desperate. She has your digits and I guarantee you she won't lose them. Unless you have a need to guy some shorts, stay out of the store. If you DO want to "bump" into her, eat at the food court regularly at the same time she does. You're bound to end up at lunch together.

 

Don't press man. You're doing well. You're the next guy in line if things don't work out with the current guy, just DON'T press it.

 

Best of luck. I wish I had the cohonies to ask gorgeous women out. I can talk to them, I just can't muster the intestinal fortitude to ask them out even when I know some of them would have gone out with me.

[amerikajin]

Ditto the previous post.

 

Wordguy, if there's any chance, you're gonna have to just disappear. Either way, you'll get your answer - you'll find out just how interested in you she really is.

 

I think she seems legitimately interested in you, but she just may not be motivated enough to leave her current relationship and start seeking you out. She realizes that for right now, she's got a lot of power. She's got her boyfriend, and she's got you coming by every week. And the problem with beautiful women is, they probably have a lot of other guys hitting on them too. She may be stringing several of guys like you along right now.

 

The only thing you can do is to give her your contact information - which I believe you've done already - and start your disappearing act. It will make her think a little more about you. Doesn't mean she'll call you, but she might. But she definitely has absolutely no reason to call you as long as you're acting like a puppet on a string.

[whichwayisup]

I'm female here, and yup, I agree with the others. Hard to get baby! Only way to go right now.

 

You're in her head and not seeing her as often will make her wonder...(Cuz us girlies love to think and over think things... )

 

Play it cool, but not too cool. When you DO run into eachother don't play games. Show the same interest. Just don't make yourself willing and able all the time!

 

Good luck Wordy and keep on with updates occasionally too!

[browneyes22]

Wordguy...the last three posts nailed it on the head. Just don't visit her anymore. Take another route to the subway or something. Get out of sight and you will see.

[Wordguy]

OK, I'll try the hard to get thing and avoid her altogether. I've really been half doing that anyway, so dropping completely off her radar won't hurt too much (I hope). It makes sense, because I don't want to upset her by getting her fired or thinking I may be a desperate-sleazebag. She'll see that I've respected her situation too. And if it makes her think about 'missing me' then maybe it will provoke her to contact me. If we bump into eachother at the food court or elsewhere I will be as a friendly as ever too. But, if I don't hear or see from her in 3 weeks or a month from now, I will drop by again just to say hello and see if anything's changed with her boyfriend.

In the meantime, there's another girl I'm interested in who takes my subway everyday so I'll see what happens there too.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Wordguy

OK, I'll try the hard to get thing and avoid her altogether. I've really been half doing that anyway, so dropping completely off her radar won't hurt too much (I hope). It makes sense, because I don't want to upset her by getting her fired or thinking I may be a desperate-sleazebag. She'll see that I've respected her situation too. And if it makes her think about 'missing me' then maybe it will provoke her to contact me. If we bump into eachother at the food court or elsewhere I will be as a friendly as ever too. But, if I don't hear or see from her in 3 weeks or a month from now, I will drop by again just to say hello and see if anything's changed with her boyfriend.

In the meantime, there's another girl I'm interested in who takes my subway everyday so I'll see what happens there too.

 

I wouldn't drop by. Walk past the store once in a great while, but don't go in unless she waves you over...

[BrotherAaron]

She has a boyfriend, and she has your number. Thus far, she has not called you saying that she's broken up with her BF and she wants to go on a date, and she has even told you that you're coming by too often. I don't think it's going anywhere, but you made some good moves, and got pretty far considering.

[amerikajin]

Sometimes women flirt because they need reassurance that they can get another guy if the current relationship doesn't work out.

[ConfusedInOC]

I'm fascinated by this story though. I think every guy has wanted to do what he's doing.

 

Any updates, Wordguy?!

[browneyes22]

Originally posted by amerikajin

Sometimes women flirt because they need reassurance that they can get another guy if the current relationship doesn't work out.

 

This is true...but ultimately I think women whom do this get in too deep sometimes. It seems like this girl has genuine interests beyond just flirting and gathering attention. I think Wordguy may still have a shot if he plays it cool and her current relationship crumbles.

[amerikajin]

Well, flirtation is indeed a sign of attraction, though it's not necessarily an indication of whether the woman will actually dump her man. Two entirely different things.

 

You can be attracted to someone, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to go after that person. In this case, she's clearly attracted to wordguy on some level, but the attraction isn't yet strong enough to dump her boyfriend. And rare is it that a woman just dumps a guy in exchange for another. It's when her interest level drops to the point to where she no longer gives a crap about her current man....that's when wordguy's in the game. That's why he just needs to make himself visible from time to time, though I wouldn't necessarily drop in and say "hello." Just bide your time, wordguy...be around once in a while, just to remind her that you're there.

 

In the meantime, move on. Who knows...maybe you'll find someone even hotter than this chick.

[Wordguy]

Ok, here's the latest...

 

I've been talking here about 'playing hard to get' I know based on all your advice. Unfortunately, it's been really hard to ignore her altogether...I crumbled late last week and walked down by her store .She was there, alone.

She had this incredibly sexy top on. White, short sleave, slightlyh flared and split in the arms. You could see her shoulders and arms quite allot. She also had this black headband on that kept her hair up.

I walked into the store nervously, but figured since she was alone and there were no customers, it would be OK.

 

Anything else new she then asked? And I was kind of struggling nervously to come up with a response. I said smartly, "Well, I have my son tonight but I don't have him on the weekend. So, I'll probably go out with some friends on the weekend" I was so subtly hinting that I WAS AVAILABLE ALL WEEKEND AND

YOU SHOULD CALL ME AND WE CAN GET TOGETHER. But she never called...

 

I asked her then, "What's new with you?" Not much. (I should note at one point I sensed some nervous energy from her, briefly somewhat like when she told me not to come in but it subsided after a couple seconds). I wondered if this was due to her wanting to say something to me about wanting to call

me but hasn't or about breaking up with her boyfriend or apologizing for the way she told me not to come in the store anymore.

 

We talked some more about her school and summer plans...

 

An ok conversation. It's encouraging, I guess that she was ok about me coming into the store and talking to her. I know though, not a challenge or hard to get.

 

And today I was walking by the store and she saw me smiled a big smile and gave me another of those over the head waves that made my 'heart sing' a while back. I was once again overcome with this joy and erm... 'instant hardness'. She smiled big too...

 

I then freaked out a bit back in my office after this with one of the girls there about her and decide I'm sick of these games and am going to try and ask her out for coffee again. Boyfriend or not, these games have to end I'm thinking (I know, not playing it cool but this hot & cold thing has me a little out of sorts)... This girl I work with had seen her at a coffee shop after I saw her and said she was still smiling from seeing me she said. So I figured it might be worth being a little more aggressive this time.

 

Anyways, around 3:30 I head down and 'drop-in' and ask her if she wants a coffee. "I've already had two, but thanks for thinking of me ". "Maybe some other time?" Ok, I'll catch you later...

 

Trust me. She's drop dead gorgeous- 6 feet tall, long black hair, supermodel figure, and dresses to please. And yeah, I've got another girl I'm interested in too.

 

So, what do you think? Should I just keep playing this casual game or inquire about the bf status?

[browneyes22]

Wordguy...something tells me she will never call you first or respond to your calls even if you get her number. Why would she given how hot she is? Anyhow, you may have to become creative in this situation to be successful. I'd say keep chasing other women, but like someone else said...let her know you are still around. I'd drop the nerves too. She became nervous herself 'cause you were so nervous...which means she is sensitive to the situation. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have been nervous. Next time you stop by to see her, be confident and in control of the whole conversation. Perhaps a new venue would help. Somewhere outside her work environment and yours. Just a thought...

 

Oh, and mentioning you have a son may not have helped the situation. Perhaps she is hesitant due to this. But I think it is a good idea from your perspective to weed out women that aren't cool with you being a father.