irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This post was inspired by the"Guys that stare but don't approach me!" thread. There are quite a few threads like this on here, but this recent viral video of a woman walking through New York for 10 hours and being "harassed" by men with "cat calling". I'm sure you've all seen this . A staged actress with a hidden camera walking down the most questionable of neighborhoods. When I watched this video, the "cat calling" was hardly sexual by most who said, "Hey, beautiful!" or some where simply saying, "Hey, what's up?" or "How's it going?" There is a big major back and forth controversy going on online, including "Saurday Night Live's" Michael Che who regretted poking fun at the woman in the video. A stink was being made just because they were greeting her or introducing themselves? The thing is, this likely the answer to the aforementioned, "Men stare but don't approach". These are the guys not doing the "catcalling" only because they don't want to be viewed as "disrespectful" and just keep their clams shut, but yet these women come on here and complain about men "looking but not approaching"? Rather a Catch 22. Yes? And this is no different than Ashley S' complaint. She's in a bar, a public place with strangers. Not much different than outside. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 IMO, most men don't shout at women anyway, I think catcalls are rare. In any case, there's a big difference between a guy walking up and talking to you, and shouting at you from afar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 IMO, most men don't shout at women anyway, I think catcalls are rare. In any case, there's a big difference between a guy walking up and talking to you, and shouting at you from afar. Actually, its really no different. I've heard women state they really don't want to be bothered in any fashion by strange men when running errands, taking care of shopping, the gym, etc. No different really. That's why I do the Meetups, at least you have a REASON to approach. ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Actually, its really no different. I've heard women state they really don't want to be bothered in any fashion by strange men when running errands, taking care of shopping, the gym, etc. No different really. That's why I do the Meetups, at least you have a REASON to approach. ;-) Wha? How is it no different? If a guy drives past you and toots his horn, and shouts a 'how ya goin' out his window, how can that possible be the same as a guy coming up to you in the store and asking the same thing? Catcalling from afar and being approached are two completely different things, and if you can't see that, well.. I don't even know where to start. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 We are damned if we do and damned if we don't pretty much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Don't catcall. Don't stare. This is basic manners. If you make eye contact, smile. Say hello. Have a conversation if she participates. Otherwise, she may not want to speak, and that should be respected. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 We are damned if we do and damned if we don't pretty much. Yepper, this viral video pretty much proves just that. Believe me, I've known women that simply don't like to be even approached in either a casual way or hootin' and holleran way. If they don't know you, they have this, "Why is this guy that I don't know.....talking to me?" look on their face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 ....though recently a female friend of mine didn't see what the fuss was all about. She doesn't mind it. In fact, some of her older friends missed the cat calls. I am guessing these are the kind of women I should be hangin' with. It also depends on the woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 ....though recently a female friend of mine didn't see what the fuss was all about. She doesn't mind it. In fact, some of her older friends missed the cat calls. I am guessing these are the kind of women I should be hangin' with. It also depends on the woman. To be honest, I don't mind it either. It gives me a nice little skip in my step to know someone checked me out. But there's flattering cat calling, and there's the expletives shouted at you.. Find the line, and don't cross it. As for approaching in a casual sense, it's because we're caught off guard. A smile and a 'hello' will let you know if she's open to any more than that.. it's really not that hard to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I find it ironic that she considers that harassment while a single instance of a woman doing that to me would literally make my year. Life is such a funny thing. I swear. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Why is this so hard to understand? Apparently a lot of people are very deficient in emotional intelligence. If a woman is walking in a purposeful way, not making eye contact, not smiling, then she is not putting out any signal that you should approach her and invade her space physically or verbally. What the **** else is she supposed to do? Put a sign on her that says "Do not approach"? It seems pretty obvious, and clearly a lot of women are tired of having their sexuality pointed out in public, either because it's tiring or scary. HOWEVER: If a woman is strolling and making friendly eye contact with you and/or smiling, she's giving some signal that it's o.k. to approach. This is so damn simple I don't know how some of you even manage to put on socks in the morning. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 A lot of it is also cultural and from their background. Go to Walnut Creek, CA and things will be different. Obviously, they wouldn't do it over and over to women if they didn't get some kind of a response from it from some women. How many white dudes did I count catcalling? I counted zero. Correct me if I'm wrong. It's a different mentality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 To be honest, I don't mind it either. It gives me a nice little skip in my step to know someone checked me out. But there's flattering cat calling, and there's the expletives shouted at you.. Find the line, and don't cross it. As for approaching in a casual sense, it's because we're caught off guard. A smile and a 'hello' will let you know if she's open to any more than that.. it's really not that hard to tell. I agree with you but according to many comments on other boards a smile and a hello is still harassment. If women don't want to be approached then those wishes should be respected but don't make weekly threads complaining about the men who respect those wishes. The line these days is thinner than dental floss and if a man happens to lose the balance while walking it there is hell to pay. Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I agree with you but according to many comments on other boards a smile and a hello is still harassment. If women don't want to be approached then those wishes should be respected but don't make weekly threads complaining about the men who respect those wishes. The line these days is thinner than dental floss and if a man happens to lose the balance while walking it there is hell to pay. Yeah, well obviously, because you're never going to make everyone happy. If people are viewing a smile and a hello as harassment, that's their problem. There's something seriously wrong with the world if we're legitimately asking people to stop this kind of behaviour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yeah, well obviously, because you're never going to make everyone happy. If people are viewing a smile and a hello as harassment, that's their problem. There's something seriously wrong with the world if we're legitimately asking people to stop this kind of behaviour. Well we are legitimately asking people to stop it and a good portion of the comments consider a hello to be harassment. That is why women should maybe do the approaching because men have no clue what the rules are anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Well we are legitimately asking people to stop it and a good portion of the comments consider a hello to be harassment. That is why women should maybe do the approaching because men have no clue what the rules are anymore. I'm not asking anyone to stop it. Who is this 'we' you speak of? You know not to believe everything you read on the internetz, right? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Eye contact solves a lot of problems. If she won't return your eye contact, chances are she doesn't want to be approached. Or hear comments about her. You know what's awkward? Dealing with catcalls and creepy stares when out with your teen daughter. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Obviously, they wouldn't do it over and over to women if they didn't get some kind of a response from it from some women. It may work on some of the women who are smiling and giving them friendly eye contact, but these guys can't or won't distinguish between that and someone walking purposefully, not making eye contact, and not smiling at them. That is why women should maybe do the approaching because men have no clue what the rules are anymore. Then these men need to get some emotional intelligence. Read my post. If someone can't tell the difference between someone walking purposefully, not smiling, not giving eye contact - and surmise that that isn't someone who wants to be approached - and someone who is giving friendly eye contact and/or smiling and might be open to it, that's their own fault. This isn't rocket science. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm not asking anyone to stop it. Who is this 'we' you speak of? You know not to believe everything you read on the internetz, right? By we I mean a large percentage of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 By we I mean a large percentage of people. As in you? Do you want people to stop smiling and saying hello to eachother? How about anyone else in this thread? Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This is the difference in when it's ok to approach LiveLeak.com - Excellent Training film on sexual harassment,(Staring NFL QB Tom Brady) Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 As in you? Do you want people to stop smiling and saying hello to eachother? How about anyone else in this thread? I don't but from reading comments from that video that is exactly what a large percentage of people want. Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I don't but from reading comments from that video that is exactly what a large percentage of people want. A large percentage of people who feel strongly about the subject to seek out videos about it on the internet, and comment on them. If you were to do a poll of people in general I doubt the results would be the same. I certainly don't feel that way. None of the people in my life do either as far as I'm aware. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It may work on some of the women who are smiling and giving them friendly eye contact, but these guys can't or won't distinguish between that and someone walking purposefully, not making eye contact, and not smiling at them. Then these men need to get some emotional intelligence. Read my post. If someone can't tell the difference between someone walking purposefully, not smiling, not giving eye contact - and surmise that that isn't someone who wants to be approached - and someone who is giving friendly eye contact and/or smiling and might be open to it, that's their own fault. This isn't rocket science. It has nothing to do with intelligence. There's no purpose for it 80% of the time. It's something that is very prevalent in urban and especially urban Latino cultures. I've also lived in NYC. I have nitty gritty details from female friends, but there's no need to share it right now. It's hard to explain, but they just do it to do it. Do you think it's a coincidence that she didn't get "Damn baby!" from a hipster outside of Starbucks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 That's just it, most women don't make eye contact with me in public anyway, but...I still attempt to strike up a conversation. Why? Just because she is not making eye contact with you doesn't MEAN she's not interested in you approaching. There may be no meaning to the lack of eye contact. Why is this so hard to understand? Apparently a lot of people are very deficient in emotional intelligence. If a woman is walking in a purposeful way, not making eye contact, not smiling, then she is not putting out any signal that you should approach her and invade her space physically or verbally. What the **** else is she supposed to do? Put a sign on her that says "Do not approach"? It seems pretty obvious, and clearly a lot of women are tired of having their sexuality pointed out in public, either because it's tiring or scary. HOWEVER: If a woman is strolling and making friendly eye contact with you and/or smiling, she's giving some signal that it's o.k. to approach. This is so damn simple I don't know how some of you even manage to put on socks in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
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