Why guys stare, but not approach

[Tiger Lily]

I already compliment women on all those areas except 1. Ive met women who word harder than me and I praise them for it. I've met women smarter than me and I commend them for it. I even study with them so I can be benefit from their intelligence. There are women soccer players who are at my level and even higher and I make it known that I WANT them on my team, giving them praise for technique, passes, dribbles, etc.

 

I'm glad to read this.

 

 

But driving....

 

Please forgive me. This will come off as really sexist. Please don't crucify me for this. But I have never seen a good woman driver. Out of all the women in my family, only my aunt can drive decently. Out of all the men in my family, my uncle can drive the best.

 

I'm sure there must be a women's nascar or f1 but in general, real life driving, I've never met a women who drives good. And to me, driving good is parking good and fast, driving at an appropriate speed, reflexes, turning, stopping and going.

 

I think that guys have better visual reflexes than women in general. I think they seem to see things quicker, more accurately, and remember certain visual things really well, at least from what I can tell.

 

But it does kinda bug that so many men have this bias that quick reactions equals great driving! Maybe for nascar, but for your everyday driver, I think people who don't get in accidents are good drivers...and women are much better at that then men! Statistically speaking.

[OwMyEyeball]

So then you think it's a man/woman thing?

 

What do you think of the fact that I would absolutely love to be called hot by a woman on the street, no matter how obnoxious? That it would literally make my year no matter how crude.

 

Why do you think we are so far apart in mentality even though we both speak the same language and grew up in similar cultures (I assume you're American)? Do you think it's because I'm a man, or do you think it's because I'm unattractive?

I'd say it's because you have an inferiority complex.

[OwMyEyeball]

i understand why women don't like this so then why do we see many threads complaining that men don't approach woman anymore? That is what i don't get.

how would you like to have a meaningful discussion in all caps!?!??!

 

Maybe i can throw in a few f**king colour-f**king-ful words to spice up the conversation.

 

Or would you maybe agree that the style and context of the approach matters as much, if not more, than the substance of what is actually said?

 

-------------

 

Edit: Well played, LS

[Phoe]

I would never call myself a good driver, because I can't do anything special or fancy, but I'm a normal, safe, and pleasant driver.

 

I've never gotten in an accident or been pulled over.

 

I use my blinker religiously, follow all traffic rules, am excellent at parallel parking, am a soft braker, soft accelerator and am mindful of passengers comfort, and drive the speed limit at all times.

 

Exceptionally boring and UnFancy driving, but safe.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

Statistically speaking.

 

 

Because they drive slooooower. And the thing with men is that they drive a lot faster in the highways. I've seen the way they swerve and its just nervewracking for me.

 

I always try to maintain a speed that im comfortable with. Whether it is above or below the speed limit

[gaius]

It seems men (on this thread and elsewhere) argue that they "just want to be nice" and compliment a woman. If that were really the motive, I think just being nice would translate into compliments throughout the day, across a variety of situations.

 

But no, the kinds of "compliments" in the video weren't really there to make a woman feel good. I don't know the exact motives behind those comments, but to me it seems to put the girl in a more vulnerable position, with some sort of hope that one in a hundred girls will respond in some way. Nothing really admirable about that, imo.

 

Myself, I have no problem with a nice smile and a polite hello on the street. The way the men acted in the video was far from a courteous, respectful interaction.

I have mother issues so I've spent a lot of time trying to win the favor of women who aren't too thrilled with me to begin with and I've noticed that boldness and sexual compliments tend to work better than anything else. Not always "Damn that ass is amazing!" right off the bat when you meet her but at least a healthy dose of innuendo and indication that you're sexually attracted. It's just what women really respond to and remember. Even one's that claim they don't like it.

[Tiger Lily]

I have mother issues so I've spent a lot of time trying to win the favor of women who aren't too thrilled with me to begin with and I've noticed that boldness and sexual compliments tend to work better than anything else. Not always "Damn that ass is amazing!" right off the bat when you meet her but at least a healthy dose of innuendo and indication that you're sexually attracted. It's just what women really respond to and remember. Even one's that claim they don't like it.

 

Ironically, when the woman in the video hits 40, she'll probably miss at least some of the comments she gets.

 

But having some stranger walk silently beside her for 5 minutes...creepy!!!

 

Anyway, I have my own issues with the video on her end too. I'm really not into publicly posting videos of people without their permission (which I can't imagine she got from each person in the video). I think that has it's own amount of creep factor too.

[xxoo]

I don't think if a guy catcalls or gives a sexual compliment it's always a given he wouldn't value you for anything else. Sometimes you just get overwhelmed by a butt and don't have all day to chat her up. Nor that it's always a hostile act meant to make the woman feel uncomfortable. There can be a wide variety of dynamics at play.

 

The man who catcalls is willfully ignoring the fact that the woman has not welcomed his input or opinion about her body.

 

Compare two scenarios:

 

I walk through the street with my head up, smile at passersby, and a man smiles back and pays me a compliment. That's lovely!

 

and....

 

I walk through the street with my gaze forward, no smile, and men shout out comments about my body and call me rude for not appreciating it.

[Frank2thepoint]

I'm sure you've all seen this video already. A staged actress with a hidden camera walking down the most questionable of neighborhoods. When I watched this video, the "cat calling" was hardly sexual by most who said, "Hey, beautiful!" or some where simply saying, "Hey, what's up?" or "How's it going?"

 

I had watched the video. I recognize majority of those neighborhoods and areas. To boot, I've even been in many of those areas. My first critique is she (and her boyfriend who was behind the camera) decided to emphasis the non-Caucasian "harassment". Majority of those areas in the video are in the economically less fortunate neighborhoods (aka ghetto). So just by that the video is biased against non-whites. Second, she claims she received "harassment" from all backgrounds, yet they (the woman and her boyfriend) never show the people of "all backgrounds" except for African Americans and Latin Americans. Third, majority of the comments she received while walking around were not harassing. The rape threats in the comments of the video are harassing, to say the least.

 

Finally, the guy in the purple dashiki (at 1:13 of the video) was funny but insulting. "Hey look it there! I just saw a thousand dollars." He basically called her a $1000 hooker/escort.

 

 

Eye contact solves a lot of problems. If she won't return your eye contact, chances are she doesn't want to be approached. Or hear comments about her.

 

A woman who wants to be approached will make eye contact. If she's smart, she'll give a warm smile. There's no need to catcall and stare at clearly uninterested women.

 

 

How does this argument relate to the "shy" women that don't make eye contact, yet complain they want to be approached?

 

 

This is the difference in when it's ok to approach

 

LiveLeak.com - Excellent Training film on sexual harassment,(Staring NFL QB Tom Brady)

 

Wow, this was hilarious. Very good satire.

 

 

 

What strikes me is she looks great! She should be able to look that way and walk along a street with no hassle though. It's not like her cleavage is busting out and her skirt is flashing bare legs and bum cheeks.

 

She is attractive with nice curly hair.

 

Oh she also has a beautiful ass, juicy thighs, and wonderful child-bearing hips. Damn, indeed. Cough. Excuse me, the primal side of me came out for a moment.

 

 

No it isn't. Compliments make you feel good. Catcalling makes you feel like a piece of meat.

 

I had my ass grabbed the first three years of high school. It was part of some ritual for senior girls and graduation. I miss those days. Sometimes I would like to be treated like a piece of meat.

 

 

All of my female friends are constantly calling every guy that approaches them creepy. Then they ask me why I don't cold approach anymore.

 

As much as I would love being the punchline of women's jokes, I think I'll pass.

 

It's funny. I think women want more guys to approach for validation than anything else, just so they have more guys to reject and get to feel pretty.

 

Based on my experience, I concur with this observation.

[Woggle]

From what I hear the guy who shot the video actually edited out white guys.

[xxoo]

How does this argument relate to the "shy" women that don't make eye contact, yet complain they want to be approached?

 

I don't understand the question.

 

Is the assumption that, because some women are too shy to smile, any woman not smiling is shy? A woman walking with purpose, gazing straight ahead, doesn't not come across as shy.

 

Anyway, I'd suggest that the shy woman work on her social confidence and learn to smile at men she'd like to to be approached by.

[sweetjasmine]

I understand why women don't like this so then why do we see many threads complaining that men don't approach woman anymore? That is what I don't get.

 

How does this argument relate to the "shy" women that don't make eye contact, yet complain they want to be approached?

 

Why are you guys assuming that the only possible context in which a man approaches a woman is one in which she's walking down the street and he sees her in passing?

 

I'm just one person, but I absolutely do not want to be approached out on the street. Or when I'm grocery shopping. But at a bar? A party? A meet up? Sure. Completely different contexts. Anyone who can't tell the difference is obviously going to have serious problems.

[SJC2008]

When people struggle with things they find reason and latch on to it. For men it's "I'm short", "I'm too nice", "women love jerks". For women it's "men don't want to commit" "men don't approach anymore.

 

Last I heard, the human population has been increasing since the beginning of time. Are these couples miracles popping out of thin air? No. While the approach is the last likely way a man is going to ask a women out it happens. Women who get approached knkw how to give the right signals, smile with eye contact etc. It doesn't mean all guys will meet the call but if a woman is *never* getting approached it's her vibe or she isn't giving green light signals.

[gaius]

The man who catcalls is willfully ignoring the fact that the woman has not welcomed his input or opinion about her body.

 

Compare two scenarios:

 

I walk through the street with my head up, smile at passersby, and a man smiles back and pays me a compliment. That's lovely!

 

and....

 

I walk through the street with my gaze forward, no smile, and men shout out comments about my body and call me rude for not appreciating it.

I guess it's an extension of that old argument in the sexual forum, should a man have to ask permission or not. I'm guessing at some point in your marriage there was a night you weren't in the mood, giving off vibes you weren't but your husband went ahead anyway and did something to get you there. I don't know a ton about you since you don't post much about yourself so maybe I'm wrong but I'd say it's an experience most women have occasionally. And the fact the guy isn't a slave to whatever vibe she's putting out is a big part of why he's the husband/boyfriend in the first place.

 

Granted, being a dick if he takes a shot and it doesn't work or following her incessantly when she's clearly not interested isn't cool but you can't blame him for trying in the first place. Even if he doesn't have the permission a smile and eye contact brings.

[Frank2thepoint]

I don't understand the question.

 

Is the assumption that, because some women are too shy to smile, any woman not smiling is shy? A woman walking with purpose, gazing straight ahead, doesn't not come across as shy.

 

Anyway, I'd suggest that the shy woman work on her social confidence and learn to smile at men she'd like to to be approached by.

 

Why are you guys assuming that the only possible context in which a man approaches a woman is one in which she's walking down the street and he sees her in passing?

 

There have been plenty of women on LS that posted about their situation. Many of them admitted at being shy, so they never look up at a guy, or quickly look away when they catch a guy looking at them. Some have asked for help on how to get guys to approach them. Some just resort to complaining why a man can't "man up" and approach them.

 

In a perfect world, context helps. If a woman is walking on the street, not looking at any guy, most likely doesn't want to be approached. But I had cold approached a woman in a similar manner and managed to get a date out of it. There is nothing wrong with a man taking a risk and approaching a woman, obviously respectfully, no matter how remote the chance of getting a date with her.

[irc333]

There have been plenty of women on LS that posted about their situation. Many of them admitted at being shy, so they never look up at a guy, or quickly look away when they catch a guy looking at them. Some have asked for help on how to get guys to approach them. Some just resort to complaining why a man can't "man up" and approach them.

 

In a perfect world, context helps. If a woman is walking on the street, not looking at any guy, most likely doesn't want to be approached. But I had cold approached a woman in a similar manner and managed to get a date out of it. There is nothing wrong with a man taking a risk and approaching a woman, obviously respectfully, no matter how remote the chance of getting a date with her.

 

I think it also has to do with geography. Male friend of mine was out of town with some friends in Georgia (I think Atlanta) they came out of a Church concert and were on the steps hanging out and talking.

 

Lovely ladies approached them out of the blue introducing themselves. But that's southern hospitality for you that these lovely Ga. peaches presented to them.

 

He was floored that they were so bold as back in his home state the women there are complete snobs.

[Tiger Lily]

She is attractive with nice curly hair.

 

Oh she also has a beautiful ass, juicy thighs, and wonderful child-bearing hips. Damn, indeed. Cough. Excuse me, the primal side of me came out for a moment.

 

I don't know, but did the tightness of her clothes lend to you noticing her every curve?

 

Personally I think it does, and while maybe some women hope for an ideal world where they can walk around in skin-tight clothing or practically naked and not have guys fawn over them, it's just not the reality! It's just a man's nature...and the woman in the video would have a lot less frustration if she wouldn't try to change the male species. Just wear less "revealing" clothing and I almost guarantee she won't get as many comments. Problem solved! imo.

[Kav]

Some guys asked well how do you meet women if they won't make eye contact? There are, unfortunately, some men no women want to meet. Insecure, needy, horny, desperate-these are complete turn offs. I have one friend who is nice looking but desperate as hell. He approaches every attractive woman he sees at the Starbucks he hangs at. Not once has he scored. He keeps a log of 'being stood up'-last I heard it was at 33.

I tried to explain why but He didn't wanna hear it-he keeps bugging a woman to go out till finally she says ok just to GET RID OF HIM. Then she doesn't show up.

Women want a confident, clever man-think of James Bond-would he ever catcall? Catcall is like the lamest pickup line you can think of and we all know pickup lines don't work.

If a woman has a serious look on her face and is striding purposely and you are too nim-witted to recognize the body language than you are too nim-witted to be interesting. And women want INTERESTING.

[BlueIris]

Often people are simply thinking of things other than flirting or sexual attraction and so not looking or smiling is not personal, not a cue or signal, just a person going about day to day life.

[Kav]

This is where reading body language is essential - the body language of a distracted woman is entirely different than the body language of a woman who wants to be left alone.

[fortyninethousand322]

Honestly, just don't talk to women you don't know. Unless they talk to you first.

 

I don't care if their hair is on fire, they're about to walk right into traffic, or they just dropped a $20 bill on the sidewalk. Don't talk, don't make eye contact. Leave them be...

[Kav]

yep

that's good advice

[irc333]

Honestly, just don't talk to women you don't know. Unless they talk to you first.

 

I don't care if their hair is on fire, they're about to walk right into traffic, or they just dropped a $20 bill on the sidewalk. Don't talk, don't make eye contact. Leave them be...

 

Are you being sarcastic or for real? lol

[AnnieRose]

Back when I was single I would try to carry on with a friendly vibe so guys wouldn't be scared to approach! I am naturally bubbly anyway so they were not afraid to come up to me. I understand it may be hard to pick up the signs, but sometimes you just know who is open to being approached and who isn't. Go with your gut!