Why guys stare, but not approach

[SJC2008]

Meh, mostly urban men who aren't in her league. Annoying to say the least!

[OwMyEyeball]

Would you rather be ugly and get no attention?

 

I mean, I know what your answer will be. There can never be no tradeoffs. I do understand why women hate catcalls, but at the same time, it affords them the ability to get the men they want.

Because catcalls from low class neighbourhoods in NY are the only way any woman will ever be able to get honest feedback from men on her appearance.

 

She knows she's extra special when it escalates to sexual assault. That's a real confidence booster there!

[JuneJulySeptember]

Because catcalls from low class neighbourhoods in NY are the only way any woman will ever be able to get honest feedback from men on her appearance.

 

She knows she's extra special when it escalates to sexual assault. That's a real confidence booster there!

 

I SAID that I understand how women feel threatened and bothered by catcalls. But it's part of the territory that comes with being physically attractive. It's unfortunate.

 

Do you understand how it would suck for a person to be physically unattractive?

[xxoo]

You said it's a compliment. It's not.

 

Of course is rather be attractive than unattractive. That isn't the issue.

[sweetjasmine]

I SAID that I understand how women feel threatened and bothered by catcalls. But it's part of the territory that comes with being physically attractive. It's unfortunate.

 

It's not only pretty women who get catcalled and harassed on the street.

 

Do you understand how it would suck for a person to be physically unattractive?

 

Boohoo. If we're going to play the hypothetical game, I'd rather be physically unattractive and not have to worry about my safety.

[JuneJulySeptember]

You said it's a compliment. It's not.

 

Of course is rather be attractive than unattractive. That isn't the issue.

 

I actually have a friend who posted the vid on Facebook and complained. I can't have this conversation with her but I can have it online.

 

I feel that women like the one who posted the vid take their attractiveness for granted. I mean, during the day on lighted streets, it's just kind of a nuisance. No women, attractive or not, should be walking alone at night.

 

I mean, she would not rather be a person who has never been called hot her entire life. But she cannot see that side because people can only see from their own view.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Boohoo. If we're going to play the hypothetical game, I'd rather be physically unattractive and not have to worry about my safety.

 

I really don't think you would.

 

But ok. If you say so.

[xxoo]

I actually have a friend who posted the vid on Facebook and complained. I can't have this conversation with her but I can have it online.

 

I feel that women like the one who posted the vid take their attractiveness for granted. I mean, during the day on lighted streets, it's just kind of a nuisance. No women, attractive or not, should be walking alone at night.

 

I mean, she would not rather be a person who has never been called hot her entire life. But she cannot see that side because people can only see from their own view.

 

Yes, it's a nuisance. And insulting. And usually intended to make a woman feel vulnerable and weak and himself powerful.

 

It's not a compliment.

 

Unless she said she'd prefer to be unattractive , that's a straw man.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yes, it's a nuisance. And insulting. And usually intended to make a woman feel vulnerable and weak and himself powerful.

 

It's not a compliment.

 

So then you think it's a man/woman thing?

 

What do you think of the fact that I would absolutely love to be called hot by a woman on the street, no matter how obnoxious? That it would literally make my year no matter how crude.

 

Why do you think we are so far apart in mentality even though we both speak the same language and grew up in similar cultures (I assume you're American)? Do you think it's because I'm a man, or do you think it's because I'm unattractive?

Edited November 1, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

So then you think it's a man/woman thing?

 

What do you think of the fact that I would absolutely love to be called hot by a woman on the street? That it would literally make my year no matter how obnoxious.

 

Why do you think we are so far apart in mentality even though we both speak the same language and grew up in similar cultures? Do you think it's because I'm a man, or do you think it's because I'm unattractive?

 

I think you value being wanted strictly for looks far more than me.

 

For me, it is analogous to being strictly wanted for money.

[Phoe]

What do you think of the fact that I would absolutely love to be called hot by a woman on the street?

 

In my cases, it went beyond simply being called "hot". If someone simply called me hot, I wouldn't feel terribly threatened. But it goes much further.

 

Being called a c-word, slut, bitch, being physically threatened, being followed. Feeling like you're about to be attacked and beaten, or pulled into a car and raped.

 

^^^THAT will never be flattering. Why you insist women want this is beyond me. It is scary. In those moments I want nothing more than to be invisible or be swallowed up into a black hole.

 

Try having a group of men much larger, and stronger than you, who likely have weapons on them and are high on drugs, shout at you that they want that ass, would **** you good, then really get irate when you ignore them and try to drive away.

 

You want that?

[Woggle]

I understand why women don't like this so then why do we see many threads complaining that men don't approach woman anymore? That is what I don't get.

[Cristo]

I understand why women don't like this so then why do we see many threads complaining that men don't approach woman anymore? That is what I don't get.

 

All of my female friends are constantly calling every guy that approaches them creepy. Then they ask me why I don't cold approach anymore.

 

As much as I would love being the punchline of women's jokes, I think I'll pass.

 

It's funny. I think women want more guys to approach for validation than anything else, just so they have more guys to reject and get to feel pretty.

[JuneJulySeptember]

In my cases, it went beyond simply being called "hot". If someone simply called me hot, I wouldn't feel terribly threatened. But it goes much further.

 

Being called a c-word, slut, bitch, being physically threatened, being followed. Feeling like you're about to be attacked and beaten, or pulled into a car and raped.

 

^^^THAT will never be flattering. Why you insist women want this is beyond me. It is scary. In those moments I want nothing more than to be invisible or be swallowed up into a black hole.

 

Try having a group of men much larger, and stronger than you, who likely have weapons on them and are high on drugs, shout at you that they want that ass, would **** you good, then really get irate when you ignore them and try to drive away.

 

You want that?

 

Watch the video again.

 

Some of them were fairly harmless, and she included the ones where some guy was like "Hey beautiful".

 

Anyway, like I said. It's kind of a tradeoff.

 

Anyway, at least one female poster said earlier it was kind of flattering when just done harmlessly, so that's enough for me.

[Phoe]

I understand why women don't like this so then why do we see many threads complaining that men don't approach woman anymore? That is what I don't get.

 

Approaching is fine. I never get approached and would love it. If a guy came up to me and talked to me politely, that would be awesome. But I guess I have those lovely women who berate men for saying hi to thank for that...

 

I just don't want to be shouted at and threatened.

[Phoe]

Watch the video again.

 

Some of them were fairly harmless, and she included the ones where some guy was like "Hey beautiful".

 

Anyway, like I said. It's kind of a tradeoff.

 

Anyway, at least one female poster said earlier it was kind of flattering when just done harmlessly, so that's enough for me.

 

I didn't watch the video in the first place. I'm not interested in it since people say it's staged.

 

I am simply talking about my own experiences. Experiences where I was fearful.

 

If someone simply smiled at me and said "hi beautiful" I'd smile and say hi back. Easy. But that doesn't happen to me.

[CrystalCastles]

Try having a group of men much larger, and stronger than you, who likely have weapons on them and are high on drugs, shout at you that they want that ass, would **** you good, then really get irate when you ignore them and try to drive away.

 

You want that?

 

^This, not to mention if you so much as look at them, they feel challenged and the insults get worse.

[Tiger Lily]

If so many men have this desire to throw out compliments, why isn't there a video about men excessively complimenting women's intelligence, work skills, driving skills, sports skills, etc?

 

Personally, I've never had a man tell me I'm intelligent, a good driver, or great at my job. Despite the fact that many indicators would say that I'm not so terrible at those things.

 

 

 

 

 

ps ~ of course, if I've succeeded in any area, it's only thanks to God!

[xxoo]

I understand why women don't like this so then why do we see many threads complaining that men don't approach woman anymore? That is what I don't get.

 

I don't understand the question.

 

A woman who wants to be approached will make eye contact. If she's smart, she'll give a warm smile. There's no need to catcall and stare at clearly uninterested women.

[Phoe]

If so many men have this desire to throw out compliments, why isn't there a video about men excessively complimenting women's intelligence, work skills, driving skills, sports skills, etc?

 

Personally, I've never had a man tell me I'm intelligent, a good driver, or great at my job. Despite the fact that many indicators would say that I'm not so terrible at those

 

I consider myself lucky that men tell me I'm a smart girl fairly commonly.

 

It's probably the best compliment anyone could give me, and shows that a person really took the time to notice.

[gaius]

I think you value being wanted strictly for looks far more than me.

 

For me, it is analogous to being strictly wanted for money.[/QUOTe]

I don't think if a guy catcalls or gives a sexual compliment it's always a given he wouldn't value you for anything else. Sometimes you just get overwhelmed by a butt and don't have all day to chat her up. Nor that it's always a hostile act meant to make the woman feel uncomfortable. There can be a wide variety of dynamics at play.

 

One more thing about the video that inspired all this. The guy in the clip I heard supposedly yelling from afar was barely audible so he couldn't have been shouting that loud. Just loud enough so she could hear more likely. Which is a big difference from the way a lot of people are referring to it. Like he was a Celtic warrior of old about to charge the Roman lines.

[Tiger Lily]

I don't think if a guy catcalls or gives a sexual compliment it's always a given he wouldn't value you for anything else. Sometimes you just get overwhelmed by a butt and don't have all day to chat her up.

 

In general, all of the other qualities that women have are very secondary to men. In my experience. Sometimes because they're not valued traits, and other times because I think men can feel inferior if a women excels in any area that a man can compete in.

[Woggle]

Let's be honest the physical is the first thing both men and women notice. It doesn't mean other things don't matter but it catches the attention.

[Tiger Lily]

It seems men (on this thread and elsewhere) argue that they "just want to be nice" and compliment a woman. If that were really the motive, I think just being nice would translate into compliments throughout the day, across a variety of situations.

 

But no, the kinds of "compliments" in the video weren't really there to make a woman feel good. I don't know the exact motives behind those comments, but to me it seems to put the girl in a more vulnerable position, with some sort of hope that one in a hundred girls will respond in some way. Nothing really admirable about that, imo.

 

Myself, I have no problem with a nice smile and a polite hello on the street. The way the men acted in the video was far from a courteous, respectful interaction.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

If so many men have this desire to throw out compliments, why isn't there a video about men excessively complimenting women's intelligence, work skills, driving skills, sports skills, etc?

 

 

 

I already compliment women on all those areas except 1. Ive met women who word harder than me and I praise them for it. I've met women smarter than me and I commend them for it. I even study with them so I can be benefit from their intelligence. There are women soccer players who are at my level and even higher and I make it known that I WANT them on my team, giving them praise for technique, passes, dribbles, etc. But driving....

 

Please forgive me. This will come off as really sexist. Please don't crucify me for this. But I have never seen a good woman driver. Out of all the women in my family, only my aunt can drive decently. Out of all the men in my family, my uncle can drive the best.

 

I'm sure there must be a women's nascar or f1 but in general, real life driving, I've never met a women who drives good. And to me, driving good is parking good and fast, driving at an appropriate speed, reflexes, turning, stopping and going.