curious jane Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Here is the deal, my guy and i have been together for 3 years - lived together for 2. He is messy messy messsy and it makes me Crazy!! i keep saying to myself i do not want to spend my life picking up after a man, and this what i seem to be doing. When i bring it up to him, he says this is all i ever talk about. One morning (note he is not a morning person) I was so mad at waking up and seeing his clothes piled up next to the bed and the floor not vacumed in weeks. I asked him as he was just waking up - can u please vacum. Again note - that he has warned me not to ask him these things in the morning. He gets up starts yelling my name as i am making my breakfast i did not respond to him as i did not like his tone - he ran up to me and whipped a can and it almost hit my head but i moved and it hit my arm. I was so upset i started to cry - then i tried to get away from him - and he tried blocking me and used more force the more i squirmmed - eventually he had me pinned on the floor and was yelling at me - "is this what it takes for you to talk to me." I got away ran to the bedroom - he chased after me and swung the door open on me as i was trying to close it - i got out of the house to go to work, and i was a mess. I tried to talk to him about it - but he said that i drove him to do that - and that i never listen to him. He felt bad about it, but the only he would admitt to is when i asked him - and he kinda said yes and it seems like he thinks i casues him to be that way - if i did - maybe that means there are issues not being delt with - but he won't talk about any of it. All this happend a few weeks ago ever since then i have not felt the same about him. I have never seen this side of him. When i go out he gets jellis of my friends and is always looking for me - i did cheat on him over a year ago - only kissed no sex with other man - he spyed on my msn and email and found out, and did not say anything till he blew up one day. I think he still has resentment from that. Sorry for the long rant just looking for some answers, just wondering if what happen could be considerd abuse or just pent up ****. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 He gets up starts yelling my name as i am making my breakfast i did not respond to him as i did not like his tone - he ran up to me and whipped a can and it almost hit my head but i moved and it hit my arm. I was so upset i started to cry - then i tried to get away from him - and he tried blocking me and used more force the more i squirmmed - eventually he had me pinned on the floor and was yelling at me - "is this what it takes for you to talk to me." I got away ran to the bedroom - he chased after me and swung the door open on me as i was trying to close it - i got out of the house to go to work, and i was a mess. I tried to talk to him about it - but he said that i drove him to do that - and that i never listen to him. He felt bad about it, but the only he would admitt to is when i asked him - and he kinda said yes and it seems like he thinks i casues him to be that way - if i did - maybe that means there are issues not being delt with - but he won't talk about any of it. This is ABSOLUTELY abuse. Anybody who tries to force someone to listen to them thinks he's entitled to make others do his bidding. Drop this jerk now and go find someone who can control himself. The big clue is that he blames you - this is classic of abusers. His mindset is that he's never in the wrong and therefore you're never going to see any changes in him. Get out now before it gets worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Is this abuse or pent up ****? Maybe a bit of both. Since you don't want to live like this and the situation is not going to improve spontaneously you have already made your decision about what you are going to do. Your next step is to make a plan and then do it. The two of you have trust and communication issues that might only be resolved if both parties are willing. I don't see that here. Violence has occured, he is jealous and stalks you when you go out without him. These are warning signs that your relationship has a high potential for increased violence and abuse. If you do leave him please be polite and respectful to him, even hold your tongue to preserve the peace while you are getting out. If there are any further incidents of physical violence or if your life is threatened get out of his presence to a safe place and call 911 immediately. Don't think about it just call. You never know what could happen in a situation like this so you need to have a safety plan in place. Here is a link to one that may give you some ideas: http://www.domesticviolence.org/plan.html Link to post Share on other sites
Author curious jane Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 well so after a few weeks of us not dealign with what he did, and me just going along like everything was fine - and after i posted on this board - i started to snapp. I relised i was not happy, and for him not to apoligize for what he did was me accepting it and that was making me submissive to him. I brought it all up to him - how i have not felt the same since he did what ge did. He still insisted that i drove him to act that way and that i was being verbally abuisve towards him - by asking him to clean all the time, that i use this as a way to distance myself. I told him he had to move out - then he started to apologize - then i renegged caz i know i f***ed up in the past by cheating on him - so why couldent i give him another chance... The next few days he spent at his parents house... I began reflecting thinking my gutt was telling me i am just not happy anymore and maybe it is best to move on - but i love him so damn much all things aside. We talked some more over the weekend and he agreed that we both do not act ourselves around each other - i distant myself and he is angry at me. He also brought up all kinds of issues from our past that he has hardly ever brought up before - and i found him even twisting some of the facts of what happend. He is also still very mad at me for kissing another boy - which happend over a year ago. He still has tons of anger about that. So we have both recoginsed that we have lots of issues - but i am worried that things cant get better - it is good we now know everything that is bugging one another - i wonder if there is still hope, or if it is even worth it. and why it was me who had to bring everything up... in the future will it alwasys have to be me? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 He still insisted that i drove him to act that way and that i was being verbally abuisve towards him I suggest you read the links you were given. This is typical - abuse, blaming the other person, a 'honeymoon' period, and then another explosion. Link to post Share on other sites
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