regret143 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Some of you had read my previous posts, my marriage is falling apart. I have tried to save it, but it's gone. Now, all I want is to move on. She also has no desire to continue married to me. BUT: She can't support herself or our 2 kids. So she wants me to be separated from her, but living together, for another YEAR! I had agreed on doing it until Jan. I have no reason to agree on that, but she blackmailed me, saying If I didnt agree, she will take the kids an I will never find her again. I live in texas, we dont have legal separation, only divorce. I thought, if I serve her divorce papers, it would make her freak out and bad things can happen. If I dont, I have no legal way to keep the kids in texas. I want to make this happen without any fights, but I can't keep being her doormat. summarizing my options: - serve her, piss her off, have huge fights - support her for another year, and be depressed and miserable - let her go back to florida with the kids and see them once or twice a month. I am ****ed... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 summarizing my options: - serve her, piss her off, have huge fights - support her for another year, and be depressed and miserable - let her go back to florida with the kids and see them once or twice a month. Why can't you support her and the kids but from separate residences? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'd say you have to take option one - you can't control her reactions, in any set of circumstances, but you can let the law be on your side and ensure that you get appropriate treatment as far as your kids are concerned. You cannot be held ransom in that way. I don't see that options 2 and 3 are even ones to consider. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You're in luck. Texas is very dad friendly. Get an attorney asap! She can't just take the kids. You need to get the ball rolling so that the court will make the kids stay in the state while the divorce proceedings are ongoing. You want Texas to have the jurisdiction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Why can't you support her and the kids but from separate residences? Mr. Lucky Don't make enough money for mortgage and rent. Have to choose one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 You're in luck. Texas is very dad friendly. Get an attorney asap! She can't just take the kids. You need to get the ball rolling so that the court will make the kids stay in the state while the divorce proceedings are ongoing. You want Texas to have the jurisdiction. I am very inclined to take that direction. But,she will fight. At home and in court. Its gonna be expensive in court, and ugly at home. My kids suffer when it gets ugly at home. She can get violent and I can't fight back, or I am in domestic violence. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Don't make enough money for mortgage and rent. Have to choose one. Then I think I'd impose on a friend, couch surf or get a room at the Y. Were I you, I'd want to be close by to establish custody and help your kids transition BUT not under the same roof, too combustible. Think of long-term solutions to short-term problems... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Today she informed me that I am taking care of the kids next thursday so she can play darts on the same team as her "ex" affair. I cant take it anymore. I have to serve her. But it will ruin her life, I can't make myself do it. I am a very angry person, so I am always afraid that I am not thinking right and I will regret ruining her life. But she is asking for it!! If I stand up for myself, I will have to eventually hurt her too much in court. I dont want to get to that point. I am sure tonight We will fight again. And she is going to snap again. and be violent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 We didnt fight. I went to our counseling session alone (it was already planned to be 1 on 1, first me then her). When I explained how I feel, and how bad things are, she just told me "you have to discuss this with your lawyer". I guess this is it... lost of the last hope. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 If anyone needs an attorney, it's you. Domestic violence, threats to take the kids, big financial implications... Get the ball rolling. Oh, and stop fighting with her. Read up on 'the 180' and call the cops if she gets violent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 If anyone needs an attorney, it's you. Domestic violence, threats to take the kids, big financial implications... Get the ball rolling. Oh, and stop fighting with her. Read up on 'the 180' and call the cops if she gets violent. Where can I find "the 180"? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Where can I find "the 180"? Not sure if this is the whole list... 1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore. 2. No frequent phone calls. 3. Do not point out good points in marriage. 4. Do not follow her around the house. 5. Do not encourage talk about the future. 6. Do not ask for help from family members. 7. Do not ask for reassurances. 8. Do not buy gifts. 9. Do not schedule dates together. 10. Do not spy on spouse. 11. Do not say "I Love You". 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while). 21. Never lose your cool. 22. Don't be overly enthusiastic. 23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger). 24. Be patient 25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out. 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). 28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. 29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy. 31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. 32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared. 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 that is interesting. Bu i think I will have to skip the "Do not encourage talk about the future". I do want divorce now. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 that is interesting. Bu i think I will have to skip the "Do not encourage talk about the future". I do want divorce now. Then file. No need to discuss with her, get her permission, or give her a heads up about your intentions. She's not your partner anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 My problem is: I still dont want to do anything bad to her. Divorcing her, will ruin her life. Will ruin her career dreams and maybe will lead to a ugly custody battle and my weapons on that will also make her look very very ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Divorcing her, will ruin her life. No, it will not. She has made her bed and she now has to lie in her own excrement. People survive divorce and she will as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 She has no money, she will have to dropout college. Also, because of our fights, we are dealing with CPS. If I put evidence on the table, the will problably support my custody claims. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 I am so so upset to realize there is no turning back. It is so sad to have to pull the plug of our family. But I just cant be played around anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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