Decisiontomake Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I sent a short text to the AM one(s) saying I didn't want to continue and wishing them luck. That was it. Then I deleted the app I used along with my profile. My long term AP is much more complicated! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 This would be a good option, but my husband would definitely question this. He gets mad everytime my $12 monthly bill comes in for the health club:mad: You joined in August, it's now November. Start replying and helping others to get your post count up that will help you get PM access, think it's 100 posts in 2 months or something along those lines. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 All this angst for a guy you didn't even like the sex with - twice! I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 You joined in August, it's now November. Start replying and helping others to get your post count up that will help you get PM access, think it's 100 posts in 2 months or something along those lines. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 All this angst for a guy you didn't even like the sex with - twice! I don't get it. I dont get it either. Which is one of the reasons I start therapy tomorrow. I think its the attention I crave that I dont get from my husband. and I'm sure the forbidden excites me too. I know its wrong and I'm hoping I can get help to stop this madness before it blows up in my face! Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 The other thing I kept meaning to say is that IMHO you're giving way too much thought to the NC "approach" with the AM guy. The AP is a different matter. But the AM guy is owed nothing by you. Who cares if he thinks you're horrible or whatever? It truly doesn't matter so just get rid of him. Shut down the app. Get rid of the profile. You will feel way better. Then therapy can help with the aftermath of that and in how you move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 The other thing I kept meaning to say is that IMHO you're giving way too much thought to the NC "approach" with the AM guy. The AP is a different matter. But the AM guy is owed nothing by you. Who cares if he thinks you're horrible or whatever? It truly doesn't matter so just get rid of him. Shut down the app. Get rid of the profile. You will feel way better. Then therapy can help with the aftermath of that and in how you move forward. I know. You are 110% right. I dont know why im having such a hard time letting go of AM guy. I thought his situation was perfect. Lives out of town and comes here once a month forbwork and we would meet up for great sex. Well, we know the great sex aint happening. Lol. I'm just holding on to the what ifs. What if next time I meet up with him, sex is better. Meeting him was such an erotic experience. We met in the hotel bar had a few drinks , kissed at the bar, made out in the elevator and went to his room. I know, sounds so slutty. But it was so erotic at the same time. Something I'll never experience again. I promise you, I will delete him. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Honey you don't need to promise me. I know what it's like and yes I know it's erotic and actually the sluttiness is part of that. I get it! Totally. I met the guy I wasn't attracted to three times in total and then suddenly woke up to how bad it made me feel. How that just outdid the other stuff. So I stopped. I can't say I found that particular part hard. But I'm. It saying I haven't chatted with others since then. I do totally understand. If you're anything like me this is an out of character/body thing you're going through. It doesn't dictate who we are in the normal scheme of things. You don't need this one. You know that. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Honey you don't need to promise me. I know what it's like and yes I know it's erotic and actually the sluttiness is part of that. I get it! Totally. I met the guy I wasn't attracted to three times in total and then suddenly woke up to how bad it made me feel. How that just outdid the other stuff. So I stopped. I can't say I found that particular part hard. But I'm. It saying I haven't chatted with others since then. I do totally understand. If you're anything like me this is an out of character/body thing you're going through. It doesn't dictate who we are in the normal scheme of things. You don't need this one. You know that. xx You totally get me! I read this post over and over. I imagined myself having sex with the AM guy again. I wonder if I would feel as bad as you felt. I'm guessing, I would. And im so grateful that you are so honest with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 So, I just deleted my AP as a contact from my Skype. Strange thing is - we never communicated via that medium - well very rarely BUT over the last few days he's been logging into it - so I see his name pop up and see that he is online. I wonder why he's doing it - whether it's because he knows I'll see his name there etc. Anyway, I've just removed him from my contacts on there - seeing his name there is just too hard and it makes me sit here thinking about him etc. No idea where I'm getting any strength to do this from as I sooooooooooooooo want him to reach out and make it all better BUT I know that's not going to happen and that his married status is not going to change, so I've got to keep him out of sight and out of mind. Just sharing as am a bit :-( right now x Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 So, I just deleted my AP as a contact from my Skype. Strange thing is - we never communicated via that medium - well very rarely BUT over the last few days he's been logging into it - so I see his name pop up and see that he is online. I wonder why he's doing it - whether it's because he knows I'll see his name there etc. Anyway, I've just removed him from my contacts on there - seeing his name there is just too hard and it makes me sit here thinking about him etc. No idea where I'm getting any strength to do this from as I sooooooooooooooo want him to reach out and make it all better BUT I know that's not going to happen and that his married status is not going to change, so I've got to keep him out of sight and out of mind. Just sharing as am a bit :-( right now x Share everything if you need to! Good for you for deleting your Skype. I know how hard it is just to see his name. I'm so proud of you! I'm sure you know this, but it takes 21 days to get over an addiction. You are almost halfway there. If you contact him, remember, you will be back at square one. And square one is not a fun place to be either. Hang in there!! Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Honey you don't need to promise me. I know what it's like and yes I know it's erotic and actually the sluttiness is part of that. I get it! Totally. I met the guy I wasn't attracted to three times in total and then suddenly woke up to how bad it made me feel. How that just outdid the other stuff. So I stopped. I can't say I found that particular part hard. But I'm. It saying I haven't chatted with others since then. I do totally understand. If you're anything like me this is an out of character/body thing you're going through. It doesn't dictate who we are in the normal scheme of things. You don't need this one. You know that. xx Sorry but your actions dictate who you are as a person. If that isn't the person you want to be then you have to change your actions. Saying you aren't what your actions say you are is another poor coping mechanism, that of which lead to affairs. "Oh this is ok, it doesn't mean I'm a bad person" omm no, it does mean your doing bad things in turn continuing those actions makes you a bad person. Sorry to break in here, seems like you two are really helping one another head in a healthier direction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 You're right that we have both done bad or unhealthy things. But I disagree that makes us bad people. Humans are multinfaceted with flaws and strengths and emotions and free will - all of which can lead to good and bad behavior. Recognizing it, seeking help for it and attempting to change it are signs IMHO of the foundational "goodness" or moral compass taking back the control. It can be a justification - yes, I hear you - but it isn't in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Hi Nikki. How's plans going for the 10th?? x Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Hi Nikki. How's plans going for the 10th?? x Theyve been changed and he's supposed to come in the following week. I'm not doing well as that at ALL!!! I had my first therapy appt yesterday and we talked about a ton Stuff. You would think this would straighten my ass out but I dont know why im holding back on going NC. Especially with AM guy. I think mostly, I feel bad for him if I do and I know that ridiculous. We talked about how much my family is suffering. She actually wants to see my kids too, because they are hurting so bad from all this. I meet with her again on Tuesday. Wth is wrong with me ? That I would feel bad for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I'm not sure why you're feeling bad for him. But if that's the only thing stopping you going NC then you need to push through that. He could just have easily have dropped you after your first encounter. He didn't because you're easy sex for him - low risk too re geography. He's using you and you know that. This isn't some love affair with him. It's sex. And bad sex at that! I've been in IC for nearly two years now and have learnt a huge amount but still don't have all the answers. Working on ourselves takes time and constant discipline. You really are adding to your angst for minimal return on the AM guy. Let's say you don't meet him this time - what's the worst that could happen? I guarantee he'd come sniffing around again on his next trip even if you went NC right this very second! Give yourself a time out. Go NC. Take a breather. Reassess after a few more weeks counseling etc. feel bad for yourself and what the continued communication with him is doing to YOU. He can worry about himself!! Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Hey you - you've gone quiet! All OK? Link to post Share on other sites
mr.blond Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Ive been wanting to post for a few weeks, but I know I'm going to be shredded apart. Ive been having an affair with my husbands friend since April. We were intimate 3 times, June being our last time. Other then that, its all been only contact through our private Facebook page. However, we did makeout about a month ago when he was at my house doing some work. Ive tried going no contact and each time, one of us contact the other and broke NC. I dont feel nearly as emotionally attached to him as before. We talk about meeting up, but I dont think thats going to happen. Two months ago, during one of my NC periods, I was feeling sad. So I joined a married dating website. Just looking for someone to text with. I met someone that lives in a different state and visits here once a month. We met a few weeks ago and had sex. It is strictly physical, we dont even know each others last names or much about our personal lives. He is married with kids. The sex wasnt even that good and I'm not really attracted to him. But, I still plan to meet with him in a few weeks. I think about ending it with either one or bith, then i get nervous, because it ads excitement to my life. I know its wrong and the ultimate betrayal. I know I'm being used but I'm also using them. Im on Zoloft for about three months now. I'm wondering if this is making me feel numb to my true feelings about my husband. I was seeing a therapist, but stopped once I started this new affair. Im afraid of what she would think or say. I dont really know why im posting this. I feel like I need to let it out. Be ripped apart. I know its bad, but for some reason, its not sinking in. I'm also married with kids. So is husbands friend. yes. the zoloft causes you to fall out of love with your husband. It actually disables the part of your brain that allows you to love. Check my posts for more information. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 All this angst for a guy you didn't even like the sex with - twice! I don't get it. therapy and SLAA...hopefully your therapist will suggest SLAA to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 Hey you - you've gone quiet! All OK? Hey. No. Ive been to embarrassed to post. I haven't made a move yet. I feel like im not ready yet. I had another therapy session today. I was almost going to blow it off because i was so embarrassed to tell her that I havent ended it. But she was very supportive said I need to do it when I'm ready. Obviously, she told me how bad it is and even emotionally dangerous. She said I need to find something to replace that feeling of having them in my life. I think a huge thing is.....and this is ridiculous. ..my birthday is Friday and I just wamt to see how they are going to act. I know I wont see long term AP....he walks big talks small.keeps saying next week, then...oh I was so busy, next week. Huge red flag, I know. I know youre probably disappointed, I know I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 yes. the zoloft causes you to fall out of love with your husband. It actually disables the part of your brain that allows you to love. Check my posts for more information. I actually stopped taking Zoloft shortly after I started this thread. i will check out your past posts. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Hey. No. Ive been to embarrassed to post. I haven't made a move yet. I feel like im not ready yet. I had another therapy session today. I was almost going to blow it off because i was so embarrassed to tell her that I havent ended it. But she was very supportive said I need to do it when I'm ready. Obviously, she told me how bad it is and even emotionally dangerous. She said I need to find something to replace that feeling of having them in my life. I think a huge thing is.....and this is ridiculous. ..my birthday is Friday and I just wamt to see how they are going to act. I know I wont see long term AP....he walks big talks small.keeps saying next week, then...oh I was so busy, next week. Huge red flag, I know. I know youre probably disappointed, I know I am. A month and 7 pages later - no action. The best time to take action is now. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 You said the therapist said this situation is damaging your kids..how? And that alone should spur you into action...I find it sad that you are willing to risk your kids over sex with 2 guys and the ego boost from attention. The guy gromAM will just find another sex partner and if you can't stop with the AP, then end your marriage so your kids are protected from all this drama. I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I'm not disappointed in you at all - you're human. We're complex. No human being does anything before they are ready to do it and you're no different from that. If that's where you are right now then so be it. Shouldn't stop posting tho and you know you can PM me too now Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts