How to be "happy"?

[Inflikted]

To be frank, my life has become a pretty much 24/7 cycle of misery and self-loathing. For my entire life, I've been incapable of connecting with people, so I've never had friends, never dated. Despite pursuing and completing my education, I'm still stuck working a crummy low level job that I hate.

 

I've tried working on my social issues, I've tried meeting people, I've tried involving myself in different groups, but it's always the same; I just can't connect with anyone, and nobody wants anything to do with me. I've tried looking for a better job, I've sent my resume to multiple places over the last several months, I've even looked for non-paying opportunities to gain experience, but no matter what, no one wants me, no one gets back to me.

 

At this point, my life has devolved into either A) being at work, doing a job I hate, often getting mistreated by customers, or B) sitting at home, alone, feeling miserable about myself.

 

I just don't know how I can possibly feel happy about my life, how I can be a "happier" person, so that people will want to be a part of my life. I know my "depression" doesn't help, but I can't afford "professional help", so that's not an option for me. I just want to overcome my problems on my own, but like I said, how can I be a "happy" person with a life like this?

 

These days, everything feels so empty, to me. I don't really derive any kind of pleasure, pride, or joy from anything. Even hobbies I've always indulged in just feel like meaningless distractions to me, now.

 

This cycle has been wearing me down more and more over time, and I just can't figure out how to break out of it, and change my life for the better.

[OwMyEyeball]

I understand your story all too well because I spent my adolescence and much of my 20s and early 30s living it.

 

The good news is you're not condemned to an existence of misery and the cycle can be broken. There's no real bad news other than you and only you can be the source of your own salvation. More important to understand is that once you've broken the cycle, you must remain vigilant and keep in mind that joy is not self-perpetuating and requires your continual attention and input. You've got to work for your happiness. Always. That is the price you pay. Bear in mind that working when contented or joyful is not the same as working when miserable - you may be performing the exact same actions, but the frame of mind colours the perspective.

 

PM me if you'd like some tips and pointers.

[newmoon]

we all go through "the blues" and periods of unhappiness from time to time. but sustained unhappiness is a sign of something, perhaps, greater than just being simply "unhappy." although self-help books and etc. exist to help motivate you and think happy thoughts as a way of improving your life it's likely a deeper issue if it has persisted this long. and coupled with some social isolation, you do need professional help, whether you can afford it or not. this isn't something a book or message board can fix for you, or even something you can fix for yourself. sometimes you need to seek professional options because those assist where you cannot help yourself.

[Inflikted]

we all go through "the blues" and periods of unhappiness from time to time. but sustained unhappiness is a sign of something, perhaps, greater than just being simply "unhappy." although self-help books and etc. exist to help motivate you and think happy thoughts as a way of improving your life it's likely a deeper issue if it has persisted this long. and coupled with some social isolation, you do need professional help, whether you can afford it or not. this isn't something a book or message board can fix for you, or even something you can fix for yourself. sometimes you need to seek professional options because those assist where you cannot help yourself.

 

The way I see it, though, there's really nothing a professional could say to me that I don't already know. It would just be someone telling me things I've already heard before at one time or another. Any advice they might give is already stuff I could surmise on my own; they'd either try to guide me through taking baby steps to change my thinking and meeting people, or they'd try to give me a more extreme shove into the deep end, so to speak. Either way, I've tried both attempts at changing myself, and I've failed.

 

A professional can't change me. I have to do it myself. They might be able to help to some extent (although, that's debatable, depending on the person; personally, I think I'd be much too tough for a common therapist to crack), but at the end of the day, I'm the only one that can change me, and I just... can't.

 

I hear all the time that in order to meet and connect with people and to advance in life, you have to be confident. And in order to be confident, you have to be "happy". But I don't see how I can be happy when I have absolutely nothing to show for my almost 26 years of life. Hell, I might as well not even exist, that's how little I matter to anything right now.

[newmoon]

The way I see it, though, there's really nothing a professional could say to me that I don't already know. It would just be someone telling me things I've already heard before at one time or another. Any advice they might give is already stuff I could surmise on my own; they'd either try to guide me through taking baby steps to change my thinking and meeting people, or they'd try to give me a more extreme shove into the deep end, so to speak. Either way, I've tried both attempts at changing myself, and I've failed.

 

A professional can't change me. I have to do it myself. They might be able to help to some extent (although, that's debatable, depending on the person; personally, I think I'd be much too tough for a common therapist to crack), but at the end of the day, I'm the only one that can change me, and I just... can't.

 

I hear all the time that in order to meet and connect with people and to advance in life, you have to be confident. And in order to be confident, you have to be "happy". But I don't see how I can be happy when I have absolutely nothing to show for my almost 26 years of life. Hell, I might as well not even exist, that's how little I matter to anything right now.

 

a professional could prescribe medications - you might need something for what you are going through. a professional can put you in touch with support groups and others who have similar issues; you will meet people in like circumstances and maybe even meet friends/a gf. a professional will provide advice for dealing with your issues from a new perspective. i would say that you could solve it alone if it was a minor thing, but you said this has been lifelong. that is a problem you cannot handle alone.

[Inflikted]

a professional can put you in touch with support groups and others who have similar issues; you will meet people in like circumstances and maybe even meet friends/a gf.

 

If I'm being completely honest, that sounds super depressing, to me. I don't mean this in an insensitive kind of way, but I really don't want to spend time with people who are also miserable, sad, unhappy, depressed, etc.

 

a professional will provide advice for dealing with your issues from a new perspective.

 

Would that really be enough, though? Just because they could potentially provide an alternate perspective doesn't mean it would resonate with me in any way.

[newmoon]

If I'm being completely honest, that sounds super depressing, to me. I don't mean this in an insensitive kind of way, but I really don't want to spend time with people who are also miserable, sad, unhappy, depressed, etc.

 

 

 

Would that really be enough, though? Just because they could potentially provide an alternate perspective doesn't mean it would resonate with me in any way.

 

why not start with building some confidence? confidence is a first step towards towards some happiness, because it brings better things into your life. that law of attraction thing; what you put out there is what you'll get back. you mentioned three things that you are miserable about; work, lack of social circle, lack of activities/sitting at home. focus on just one of those initially, instead of all three. pick the easiest and work on that until you feel more confident in that area. how hard is it to go out tomorrow and do an activity you'd enjoy? that one thing will make you feel better. do it again, you feel good again, and so on.

[skydiveaddict]

This cycle has been wearing me down more and more over time, and I just can't figure out how to break out of it, and change my life for the better.

 

Here's what ya do: Go see a shrink. A psychiatrist. NOT a psychologist.

The shrink will prescribe meds that will help you.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Think about quitting your job and moving to another state/country and starting afresh.

 

Everyone will tell you that you can't "run away form yourself" but often we get stuck in ruts and stay there miserable because we don't have the courage to do something drastic.

[skydiveaddict]

Think about quitting your job and moving to another state/country and starting afresh.

 

Everyone will tell you that you can't "run away form yourself" but often we get stuck in ruts and stay there miserable because we don't have the courage to do something drastic.

 

True, but he might be so depressed that he needs help from a doc to get started.

[Thegreatestthing]

I can't speak for other people but I use to falls in deep depressions and I no longer have them at all and am always always happy, I think it's because I've got a spiritual outlook on life it makes everything I do and everything around me meaningful,you need to restore your soul,and do things that give you a sense of vitality,life and meaning,write a list of things you can do that will give you that sense of meaning and vitality.your job is meaningless to you,find something you can do that feels meaningful and feels like your living your life purpose,social anxiety eases with confidence it took me years to become supremely confident,you won't have that confidence till you know yourself and believe in yourself,find out who you are,when you know yourself and your strengths well you will be unaware of your weaknesses.

 

If course if you have no spiritual beliefs you can ignore this.

 

Other option go live in Somalia for a few weeks,you'll have a totally different view of your life,but maybe not the connections you really crave.

 

To be frank, my life has become a pretty much 24/7 cycle of misery and self-loathing. For my entire life, I've been incapable of connecting with people, so I've never had friends, never dated. Despite pursuing and completing my education, I'm still stuck working a crummy low level job that I hate.

 

I've tried working on my social issues, I've tried meeting people, I've tried involving myself in different groups, but it's always the same; I just can't connect with anyone, and nobody wants anything to do with me. I've tried looking for a better job, I've sent my resume to multiple places over the last several months, I've even looked for non-paying opportunities to gain experience, but no matter what, no one wants me, no one gets back to me.

 

At this point, my life has devolved into either A) being at work, doing a job I hate, often getting mistreated by customers, or B) sitting at home, alone, feeling miserable about myself.

 

I just don't know how I can possibly feel happy about my life, how I can be a "happier" person, so that people will want to be a part of my life. I know my "depression" doesn't help, but I can't afford "professional help", so that's not an option for me. I just want to overcome my problems on my own, but like I said, how can I be a "happy" person with a life like this?

 

These days, everything feels so empty, to me. I don't really derive any kind of pleasure, pride, or joy from anything. Even hobbies I've always indulged in just feel like meaningless distractions to me, now.

 

This cycle has been wearing me down more and more over time, and I just can't figure out how to break out of it, and change my life for the better.

Edited November 2, 2014 by Thegreatestthing

[Burp]

Well first, you got to explain the blunt truth of why you aren't happy.

 

I find.. most people who say they are not happy, never really say what it is that would make them happy. Because it's something selfish or embarassing.

 

Instead it becomes this whole ordeal of stars and aliens and illuminatis and societies and race and class and the unfairness of the current political system, or something like that, when they really meant "I want Jennifer!!! But all I get is Susie!!"

 

Even more, I see it as "grass is greener" because we see other kids, other races, other cultures who seem to have something we can't. Be it music, song and dance, attractions, etc. Jealousies.. "I wish we/I had that...".

 

What you're really asking is, "How can I get that. Dammit". Or, I am born "____", and thus, I cannot be happy, because I am born with this. How can I be something I am not, and get others to agree??

[Inflikted]

Well first, you got to explain the blunt truth of why you aren't happy.

 

I find.. most people who say they are not happy, never really say what it is that would make them happy. Because it's something selfish or embarassing.

 

Instead it becomes this whole ordeal of stars and aliens and illuminatis and societies and race and class and the unfairness of the current political system, or something like that, when they really meant "I want Jennifer!!! But all I get is Susie!!"

 

Even more, I see it as "grass is greener" because we see other kids, other races, other cultures who seem to have something we can't. Be it music, song and dance, attractions, etc. Jealousies.. "I wish we/I had that...".

 

What you're really asking is, "How can I get that. Dammit". Or, I am born "____", and thus, I cannot be happy, because I am born with this. How can I be something I am not, and get others to agree??

 

Well, "what I want" is a life with meaningful relationships and a sense of purpose, a sense of belonging. I want friends, I want an intimate relationship, I want a career that makes sense for my abilities, I want a life I can feel satisfied with. Is it selfish to want those things? I guess so. Right now, I feel like my existence is completely pointless. My current job is the definition of expendable. I have nobody in my life that would miss me or even notice if I wasn't around.

 

What's more is, day in and day out, I constantly see other people having the life I want. Most "normal" people have friends, have romance, have a job that makes sense for them. Even if said people go through cycles of different friends, different partners, different jobs, that's still something, that's still a hell of a lot more than I have. I'm fully aware that friendships and relationships come and go, and that jobs fluctuate, but isn't that better than not having any of those things at all? I'd rather be having those life experiences, good and bad, than having nothing at all.

 

how hard is it to go out tomorrow and do an activity you'd enjoy? that one thing will make you feel better. do it again, you feel good again, and so on.

 

Considering I don't enjoy much of anything anymore, I'd say pretty hard, unfortunately. I've gotten to a point where my "unhappiness" over what I can't have in life outweighs anything else. Nothing can distract me enough or get my mind off of it enough, and thus, nothing brings me any real satisfaction. It's all just empty, meaningless activities that can't get my mind off of things.

 

Here's what ya do: Go see a shrink. A psychiatrist. NOT a psychologist.

The shrink will prescribe meds that will help you.

 

Meds sort of "scare" me. I'm afraid I'd become dependent on them, that I'd never be able to ween myself off of them, that if I did stop using them eventually, I'd "relapse" into my current state of unhappiness.

 

Think about quitting your job and moving to another state/country and starting afresh.

 

Everyone will tell you that you can't "run away form yourself" but often we get stuck in ruts and stay there miserable because we don't have the courage to do something drastic.

 

That's a bit too extreme for me. I don't have the means to just up and move somewhere else. Even quitting my job is too much of a risk, because I need a source of income, and I'd either have to go crawling back to my current employer, or I'd have to take another job doing the exact same stuff I am now, just at a slightly different place.

[OwMyEyeball]

Meds sort of "scare" me. I'm afraid I'd become dependent on them, that I'd never be able to ween myself off of them, that if I did stop using them eventually, I'd "relapse" into my current state of unhappiness.

Anti-depressants are anti-depressants. They boost vitality, which can often take mood along for the ride. They do not "turn on the happiness" inside your brain.

 

They start to make a positive difference with the "patient's" active participation in improving their well-being. The meds give a boost to that willingness to participate. The rest is up to you.

 

Consider trying meds in conjunction with all the other efforts you had made been making before.

 

As far as dependency goes ... so what? Would you refuse to take meds for a chronic lifelong condition because you'd be dependent on them to function?

 

Most AD's now have generic versions that add up to about a $1 - $2 / day. A cup of coffee.

[Thegreatestthing]

He can't make friends,and he can't find someone to love, he finds his job pointless shoving down a bunch of pills is not going to fix that,Americans are absolutely drug mad.

 

He hasn't got a Chronic life condition all the gaps in his life are within his grasp to change if he wanted too.

 

 

A long time ago I would have gone on Instagram and wondered why my life is so different from other peoples, I don't have many friends I don't have a job I love,I hardly have any money( but I have a lot of other things), there are thousands and thousands of people like this,like you,thousands - you are not special, if your going to be super negative and spend your whole life comparing yourself to other people instead of building your own life you will be miserable guaranteed. Your super negative about everything and even people who suggest talking to someone thAt might help you,you immediately say it won't resonate with me,how do you know,you don't want help you want to wallow in misery because it's easier and you don't have to do anything but whine.

Edited November 2, 2014 by Thegreatestthing

[Burp]

You already know the answer.. I think you're asking for "What is the short cut".

 

I want a million dollars. I know the answer. 3 years of s***ty grunt labor. 4 years of ego busting trial and error. 7 years of suffering in corporate. 3 years of quitting and trying to experiment with inventions. 1 day of luck, as my invention happens to gain the attention of someone who knows JayZ or Beyonce.

 

But my question of "How to be a millionare" really is, "Does anyone here know JayZ or Beyonce and just like me enough to put an invention in my hand and give me credit and then pass it on to Jay and, oh could you also build my fb page and add 40,000 people already?"

 

Ok so that is exterme. I get it.. I'm not trying to be a smart azz. (But I am). What you really mean is: How can I at least BEGIN that process, even step 1?? And actually feel good doing it???

 

 

I'll give my answer. Same way, you "feel good" about signing up for day 1 of some "idiotic" class you are forcing yourself to take.

 

You make yourself feel good about "each little insinginfactnt part of the process".

 

 

So, for example, I would "feel good" about clicking the button that says "Sign up now".

 

 

filling out the form. What I do, is I first go splurge on myself a bit, and buy something on amazon or whatever. I pay no more than $50. But I buy something, kinda awesome. I had to fill out a form?? Put in credit card.. click "buy now".

 

 

IMMEDIATELY, I registered for a class after. Because I was STILL IN THE GROOVE of filling out those online forms and stuff....

 

 

That class, well... I ended up 2 semesters later with my new girlfriend... AND, I had that $50 item I bought, which was 2 cd's and socks, and I played it, and wore them, while with her.

[Inflikted]

A long time ago I would have gone on Instagram and wondered why my life is so different from other peoples, I don't have many friends I don't have a job I love,I hardly have any money( but I have a lot of other things), there are thousands and thousands of people like this,like you,thousands - you are not special, if your going to be super negative and spend your whole life comparing yourself to other people instead of building your own life you will be miserable guaranteed. Your super negative about everything and even people who suggest talking to someone thAt might help you,you immediately say it won't resonate with me,how do you know,you don't want help you want to wallow in misery because it's easier and you don't have to do anything but whine.

 

I know, and I'm not trying to be negative on purpose, it's just... too hard for me to see anything differently, at this point. Believe it or not, I wasn't always a super negative person. In my younger years, I used to have some optimism, some hope, some level of positivity. But that got beaten out of me more and more over the years. I can't stay positive if I continually fail to make progress, continually fail to see any kind of positive results. Most people can stay positive even through hard times because they know if they endure, that there's something good waiting for them on the other side of it, and most of the time, they're right. Me, on the other hand, I endure for nothing, because there's never something good or something better for me at the end of it all. All that's ever waiting for me at the end is just more failure, more disappointment.

 

So, yes, I've become a bit of a pessimist. Am I happy about that? No. But it's a response to the various experiences and patterns I've seen in my life. Maybe someone who's stronger, better than I am, could've remained optimistic and positive through all of this, but unfortunately, that's just not me. I feel like "life" gave up on me a long time ago, and thus, I'm giving up on "life" in return.

 

Ok so that is exterme. I get it.. I'm not trying to be a smart azz. (But I am). What you really mean is: How can I at least BEGIN that process, even step 1?? And actually feel good doing it???

 

 

I'll give my answer. Same way, you "feel good" about signing up for day 1 of some "idiotic" class you are forcing yourself to take.

 

You make yourself feel good about "each little insinginfactnt part of the process".

 

 

So, for example, I would "feel good" about clicking the button that says "Sign up now".

 

 

filling out the form. What I do, is I first go splurge on myself a bit, and buy something on amazon or whatever. I pay no more than $50. But I buy something, kinda awesome. I had to fill out a form?? Put in credit card.. click "buy now".

 

 

IMMEDIATELY, I registered for a class after. Because I was STILL IN THE GROOVE of filling out those online forms and stuff....

 

 

That class, well... I ended up 2 semesters later with my new girlfriend... AND, I had that $50 item I bought, which was 2 cd's and socks, and I played it, and wore them, while with her.

 

I'm not completely sure I follow what you're saying. If I'm understanding correctly, you're saying to do something that makes you feel good before doing something else?

 

That's a bit of a two-fold problem for me. For one, I don't really have any kind of process or anything that makes me "feel good". And secondly, even if I could give myself that kind of "buzz", I never really know what kinds of actions I should be doing to better my life.

 

Unfortunately, that aspect of life is extremely open-ended; there's no real linear process to doing any of that. It's all often a random sequence of events with no real rhyme or reason.

 

There are no activities, or anything like that, that I have an interest level in looking into and pursuing. There are no groups or clubs, or what-have-you, that I have any interest in looking into and pursuing. I don't know how to force myself to be more interested in things.

 

If I actually do go somewhere where people are gathered, I generally keep to myself and stay off everyone's radar, because I don't have the social know-how to just "meet" people. I'm not the type that can just dive into a group of strangers, strike up a conversation, and connect with people.

 

Part of me just feels so far out of touch with people, that I'm essentially "too far gone". I feel like, at my age, my peers have already settled in a group of friends and don't care much about adding new people to their social circle, most women already seem like they have a "Mr. Right" in their lives, etc. I feel like my peers have already advanced so far in life, that I'm much too far "behind" to be relevant to any of them.

[skydiveaddict]

Meds sort of "scare" me. I'm afraid I'd become dependent on them, that I'd never be able to ween myself off of them, that if I did stop using them eventually, I'd "relapse" into my current state of unhappiness.

 

Not true. these drugs are used to help lift you out of your depression. A few counseling sessions and you;re hooked up.

 

anyway the doc will ween you off of them as you improve.

 

Here's hoping for a full recovery. It can happen for you. Then the scales will drop from your eyes and you will see a wonderful life ahead of you .

 

But ya gotta get started on your new bright future. Ya gotta take the first step. No one else can do it for you.

Edited November 4, 2014 by skydiveaddict

[Inflikted]

Fair enough. From my perspective, though, I'm desperate to be as self-reliant and independent as I can, apparently to a stubborn degree. The way I see it, most people don't need therapy or meds, or anything like that, to have normal, functioning lives that they can be happy with. In that regard, I don't want to be "different". I want to be "normal", I want to be a normal person that can have a normal, happy life without needing to rely on external factors to get me there.

[Thegreatestthing]

Things will lift inflickted,I speak from experience I spent maybe four years just depressed and hating my life, feeling nothing good ever happened,I use to think that I didn't even know what happiness felt like.

 

for the past three years I've become one of the happiest people I know,I have a great life and I honestly don't think anyone is as happy as me even though I have probably 15% of what most people have.It will lift,I couldn't tell you the recipe for this,it's likely you'll come to it all in your own way,a huge part of it is not focusing so much on yourself and your problems,or having too much other **** to deal with,I know you don't feel you have the resources to care about others cause your life feels so ****,but do try it.

 

You're not depressed. You're selfish. ? TomaHaiku

[Inflikted]

I wish I could believe that things could get better. I just can't see how I can believe it, though. And without belief comes a lack of motivation, no real will to even live at all. I don't know... I just wish I could get through this, but I feel like I just keep sinking further and further down.

[Inflikted]

*sigh* My job is such a perfect example of how worthless I am. I've only had one job my whole life, for over six years now. I work at a fairly small retail store, with only a total of about 12 employees total. When I first started, I anticipated I'd be there until I finished my education, then I'd move on. Unfortunately, I finished my education, but have been unable to find something to move onto thus far.

 

Anyway, when I started at my current job, another guy my age, who also never had a job, and had the same plans as me, was hired at the same time as me. We both got opportunities to learn the different departments for a while. Eventually, they settled on both of us being cashiers primarily. I figured if I "paid my dues" for a while, I'd move away from just being a cashier.

 

The other guy was apparently a lot more "likable" than me. Everyone loved him. He eventually convinced management to stop making him a cashier. I expressed similar sentiments, multiple times, and I was either brushed off, or I'd get 2-3 weeks of shifts off the register, only to get stuck being a cashier again.

 

That other guy moved away and left a couple years ago. But, there's another guy who, again, was my peer in all the same ways, who got hired about four years ago. He was able to convince management to pretty much bypass cashiering altogether. Ever since then, many employees have come and gone, and have always skipped right past me, while I've continued being mainly just a cashier.

 

We hired another guy, again, a total peer to me, last year, and despite being a bit of a flake, he's already been moved off of cashiering. A few months ago, our entire management team changed. I thought I'd finally get a new start, and I voiced my desires to all of them, and after a couple of weeks, I... was dropped right back into being just a cashier.

 

Now, those other two guys I work with have been given a minor "promotion", one that I was never even made aware of. And after six years, I'm... still just a cashier. I know how to do everything just as well as they do, and yet, I'm forever stuck doing the grunt work that nobody else wants to do.

 

I don't know. I guess I'm just not good enough to be anything more than a lowly cashier. And I guess that same notion is why I'm not good enough to be anyone's friend or boyfriend. I'm just a worthless "cog" in the "machine" that's not good enough for anything worthwhile.

[endlessabyss]

You need to change your mindset.

 

 

Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/What-Buddha-Taught-Expanded-Dhammapada/dp/0802130313/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415584727&sr=8-1&keywords=what+the+buddha+taught

 

 

All your desires are the root of your suffering. Life isn't easy, and there are tons of people in your situation.

 

 

All you can do is to keep trying to improve to the best of your capability. Things could change; things may never change, but you should try to stay as positive as possible, and keep hope.

Edited November 10, 2014 by endlessabyss

[Tik]

You are searching for happiness in others and not in yourself. What you want is essentially the love of other's yet do you love yourself?

 

If I was in your situation, I'd look deeply at myself first; things I don't like - change it. People say things are too hard but people whinge a lot.

 

One other big thing is find a passion. Find something you stand for i.e. a hobby or a belief or something you love doing. Focus on it. Build yourself into a person who succeeds at it.

 

Finding that passion can allow you to connect to people interested in that kind of things and that is how friends are born.

[Inflikted]

See, but everything I try, I fail at. Or, at the very least, I never find success with it. I considered what I pursued in education in to be my "passion", because it was a type of "work" that I genuinely enjoyed doing. But, I can't even get my foot in the door anywhere doing that kind of thing as a real job, and there doesn't appear to be any opportunity on the horizon any time soon.

 

Then there's my current job, where I can't "get ahead" no matter what and am stuck all the way at the bottom of the totem pole.

 

The way I see it, it doesn't really matter whether you're "passionate" about something or knowledgeable/ skilled at something; the only thing that matters in getting ahead is being a bit "aggressive" about it. You have to be a bit of a "shark", and, well, I'm no "shark". In a perfect world, yes, I'd like to think that if I just work hard, I'll get ahead, but in reality, that's never enough.

 

I suppose it's fair, yes, to say that I crave "love" and "affection" from others. The thing is, I'm not basing my feelings on those external forces, rather, I'm sad, angry, disappointing, etc. with myself for being unable to have those things.

 

Do I "love" myself? I don't know. I think I used to, maybe. When I was younger, I mean. But over the years, I feel like people, and the world in general, has shown me that I'm simply not worth being "loved", whether it be for friendship, romance, or simply a more fulfilling position. The way I see it, my existence is borderline meaningless. The only thing I seem to be good for is doing easily replaceable grunt work for a retail store, and that's the extent of worth my life has, which is pretty sad, to me.