Author nightmare01 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 I wonder if they would keep them if they realized that her and BH's children were to find them. Hence finding out what their mom/WW did to their dad/BH? WW introduced OM to our kids. Many years ago he stayed at our house (or should I say he and WW played house) while I was out of country. And somehow that was ok in her mind. I think there is a level of delusion in a WS mind that can't be comprehended by anyone other than another WS. I think they actually believe all the nonsense about soulmates and all that star crossed love s**t. Somehow my WW thought that sleeping with OM in our bed while my kids were home was a ok thing to do. She swears they were careful not to get caught... but damn I don't understand that thinking. They abuse us both mentally and physically, and place our kids at risk.. for really no other reason than it feels good. So leaving mementos like letters and cards around that their kids might one day find is a ok thing to do. Maybe they want their kids to believe that they (WS) once had this true love... like that's somehow romantic? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nightmare01 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 WW and I were touch and go for a long while - years in fact. BUT she did the work she needed to do so I don't think she will cheat again and she treats me a lot better. A LOT better. It took me telling her that if she wants to be with her OM - there's the door. Have a nice life (without me). She begged to stay, and I let it happen conditionally. We are still together. Trust is maybe at 85-90% which is about as high as I think it will get. We enjoy each other's company, share a world view, and have 35+ years of history together. I still have moments of doubt here and there - which was the source of this thread. But so far she has passed all the tests. I have HARD boundaries about what is acceptable behavior from her, and am ready to pull the trigger on a D should she cross those borders. So far she hasn't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Yes WW's refuse to get rid of affair mementos. Wives do but wayward husbands don't? If someone has an affair they should get rid of everything about the affair. Keeping even one thing is just wrong to me. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I ended up either burning or burying everything I had (which wasn't much because he was cheap and let me pay for most things - should have been a clue, right?). After I thought everything was gone, I was cleaning one day and found pictures - I was in shock - they were from a family vacation we had taken together - ugh. I have no idea if he has anything or not. I know in the very recent months, maybe a few months after DDay, he had boxed things up and put them in the ceiling in his basement. Wonder if she ever found those? IDK. I don't care now. It's been close to five years now - hard to believe. Seems like a distant, somehow not even real time in my life. All of the anguish and pain and horrible drama - seems like a blip. I feel sad sometimes, because of the loss - not him really, but the friendships that were destroyed - that saddens me - saddens my husband too. But I know we are stronger - at least it seems that way. We keep moving forward - it's the best we can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Btrade Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 My friend has a memento from her LTA. A cute little 3 year old named Sarah. Does the bg know the girl is not his? Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Many of the WS I know who have had As have kept keepsakes. Those range from jewellery to underwear, but also include less visible mementoes like the cardboard insert from a luxury slab of chocolate, the business card from a restaurant they frequented during their liaisons, and computer equipment. I very much doubt their BSs know the provenance of those items, and I very much doubt they would ever willingly cede them. I would imagine it's fairly obvious why they keep them - they are tangible reminders of the A, the love, the passion, and "what might have been". And, in a couple of cases, serve to offer hope of what might yet be - once the kids are grown... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 after dday,the ex ow was very cruel to me,she was pizzed she kep harassing me and she bought up the fact that she had bought my husband some gifts throughout the affair,and told me every detail about each gift,why I don't know but I asked my husband about these gifts,and he showed them to me,well we had a hug bonfire the clothes she gave him went in the fire,the computer she gave him was ran over by me,and she gave him one more thing that she wanted back,but I sole it and kept the money 4 Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Many of the WS I know who have had As have kept keepsakes. Those range from jewellery to underwear, but also include less visible mementoes like the cardboard insert from a luxury slab of chocolate, the business card from a restaurant they frequented during their liaisons, and computer equipment. I very much doubt their BSs know the provenance of those items, and I very much doubt they would ever willingly cede them. I would imagine it's fairly obvious why they keep them - they are tangible reminders of the A, the love, the passion, and "what might have been". And, in a couple of cases, serve to offer hope of what might yet be - once the kids are grown... and some ws don't ever want to be reminded about the affair,cause it was a dark time in their life,and something they never want to relive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
inpeices Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) Well I'm a BS, my ex ww was in a lesbian affair and was lavished with underwear, sex related oils/scented bedroom stuff etc.. The OW when all was discovered, took great pleasure in telling me how all this stuff was held in a works locker..(didn't know my ex ww had a locker at the workplace but it was possible as it had a factory attached, despite her being in the directors office as a sales manager.. Exww denied this and said OW was being maliciously hurtful..who knows what the truth was) My Exww and I decided to reconcile 8 months later and I moved back 'home'..she had promised all trace of the OW had gone, cards, gifts etc..(I had found xmas cards including one to my cats! Urgh please! A vibrator, love letters etc I had asked for these to be removed from our house before my return (and I tore the place apart checking this had been done when I moved back believe me) It was only two days after I moved back in, when I borrowed her car to go to the local shop for some milk, and gut instinct was so strong I just had to check her car boot.. Bingo! A bag of things, including the OW pyjamas! About 20 CDs, many of which were mine! That we had listened to when we first got together 12yrs earlier..(yes bedroom type music) there was sexy underwear the ow had bought for my Exww, weird stuff like a hotel menu or a bill for a meal.. stuff like nipple excitement cream, edible chocolate body paste..the whole lot.. I was in total shock, triggered off the scale and almost threw up..again... I'd just quit my lease on a lovely flat to reconcile and here was this welcome home gift... I saw complete red, grabbed some alcohol from the shop, downed it, drove to a friends and sat in the car wondering whether to knock on the door or not..I didn't, I just sat numb for about an hour.. I put all of the bag, excluding my cd's (which incidently 3yrs later I still cannot listen to) I put the whole lot, sexy boob cushion and all, into a public bin. I then called my ww and told her what I had discovered and was told I was being ridiculous, that I shouldn't have gone in her boot in the first place, that she had 'forgotten' it was in there, and the best of it was her sheer panic at where was it and what had I done with it.. Oh my, looking back that really should have said it all.. We lasted two weeks, the affair was still full blown and well, the rest is history.. I know another woman who is married (4yrs) has three beautiful children aged 4, 2.8 yrs and 1yr just over.. She met a lad aged 15yrs.. (She is now 33) she met up for sex with him in a hotel last October as he was in this country..she loves him to the depth of her core but they cannot ever be together. She met her now husband after a disasterous fairytale fling with this OM abroad 6yrs ago.. She brought home his jumper as a momento last October, and she keeps it in the bedroom wardrobe amongst her husbands things.. Stating he is so oblivious he wouldn't notice anyway..so she can sniff it when she want to be close to OM. This is the same person who was crying when she had her period because she had hoped she was pregnant from the one night stand last year.. I mean WHAT??? And to add totally craziness to the mix, said her husband would accept the baby as his own because he knows how much she loves this other guy and would do anything to keep her.!!!!! I was so upset and astonished and disgusted I stopped contact with her for a long time, first text was last week from her to me thanking me for her eldests' birthday card. I also told her father as he has an avid hatred for this OM. It took guts to tell him but I would not see this beautiful family, honest caring husband take the fallout from some fairytale bullcrap, needless to say it got sorted, for how long? That's another question.. Incidently her mother had an affair and only recently was it discovered the adult female sibling has a different father.. That rocked the children to know their grandad wasn't their 'blood grandad' Anyway, I've rambled.. If your gut tells you there's a problem..there probably is.. Edited November 12, 2014 by inpeices Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) Many of the WS I know who have had As have kept keepsakes.[/Quote] yes, my husband momento- self loathing and an extreme loss of his integrity-he tries to shed it, tries to hide it, tries everything but it keep popping up- Edited November 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Cleaned up. Link to post Share on other sites
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