Wrong to expect a gift occasionally?

[parmaviolets]

Quick question: when my husband goes away on business, he always brings his 11 y/o daughter back a present, but not me. Am I being unreasonable to feel that he should get me something too?

 

I'm not a materialist or a grabber - it is all about the symbolism of the gesture for me, I'd be happy with something like a box of chocolates. He has partially supported me financially for over a year now and has spent a lot of money on me for various other reasons (so I honestly don't want him to spend a lot on me on other occasions, and I have always thanked him for his help and been grateful), so I think he feels he shouldn't have to do gifts when he goes away, or 'just because' gifts, or flowers (except on Valentine's when he brings flowers because he knows I want him to, which I appreciate), but like I said, it isn't about the value of the present at all - it's about knowing he was thinking about me. To me, symbolic gestures like that say 'I think you are special' more powerfully than anything else.

 

Do I have my priorities wrong? Am I being greedy/selfish/a taker? I'd really welcome opinions - many thanks.

 

vi :-)

[Ladyjane14]

Have you read the Five Love Languages by Chapman? In it, he explains his theory that every person has a "love language" that they respond best to. Yours is probably the "Giving of Gifts".

 

Maybe you and your husband could read this book together. (????) You'd be able to impress upon him that your desire for tokens of his affection is NOT in fact materialistic. Also, you'd be able to identify and discuss his "love language".

 

Communication is the key to happy marriage. Anything that gets you talking together in a healthy way is going to improve your relationship. No one book or program is going to solve every problem, but I think you'd definately get a good start with this one.

 

[parmaviolets]

Thanks for the tip - the book definitely sounds interesting, I will try and read it!

 

vi