No idea if I am even attractive?

[Cam7]

So I'm not super experienced with long term relationships...or short term ones for that matter, but I have had one girlfriend. For years I never really had a lot of self worth and dated someone that I did not find physically or emotionally attractive. This is a girl I had been friends with for many years and I did not realise that she was in my friendzone and I ended up giving her what she wanted.

 

Anyway, back to the point. When she first started dating she mentioned that she worried that I was probably a bit too good looking for her. Even with that said, she never once called me handsome or sexy. Although, she was a very insecure person. I thought that she was insane as I don't think I look that good at all.

 

Maybe I just don't think very highly of myself but I just can't gauge where I stand with women. Recently I've dated both quite unattractive and VERY attractive girls and got very much the same interest.

 

So I don't know, probably because I have never flatout asked someone to 'rate' me. I'm also not very sure how important it is to know, and how much feedback is even gonna help me.

Edited November 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JuneJulySeptember]

IMO, it's actually easier to tell how good looking you are if you are a man rather than a female. Because men think more women are attractive in general, an average woman can get just a flood of compliments, catcalls, etc.

 

From what I have experienced, as a guy:

 

-If you are a 10, obviously you know it. You'll be approached to be a model and actor and stuff. Ashton Kutcher and Brad Pitt, etc.

 

-If you are very good looking (8-9), then many, many women will have hit on you and asked you out. 'Attractive' women would have made discreet and indiscreet sexual advances on you. 'Attractive' women will have approached you and made aggressive moves to try and get you. Both attractive and unattractive women and gay dudes will make strong moves on you. You don't really have to try to get women, but you might if you want something better.

 

-Just good looking (6-8), you get much less attention. Some women have hit on you. A decent amount, but only when you add it up over time. You'll probably have had a few below average women and even a couple of average women be totally in love with you. There's the greatest variation in this camp. At the bottom of this range, guys have to start putting in 'some work'.

 

-Average (5-6) - A few women have hit on you. Not many. Some guys here complain that they only get compliments from very unattractive women. They probably fall into this camp. You definitely have to put in work at this point.

 

-Below average (4 or below) - Very few to no women have given you any attention or complimented you, no matter how unattractive. Older women and your relatives may compliment you, but not much outside of that. You're going to have to put in some serious work and for the most part deal with a lot of rejection at this point.

 

Observing my friends, this stays pretty consistent. I would add that it helps to be around late 20s or so to see how you really stack up. Some younger guys have not had enough life experience to be able to tell what range they fall into.

Edited November 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Cam7]

IMO, it's actually easier to tell how good looking you are if you are a man rather than a female. Because men think more women are attractive in general, an average woman can get just a flood of compliments, catcalls, etc.

 

From what I have experienced, as a guy:

 

-If you are a 10, obviously you know it. You'll be approached to be a model and actor and stuff. Ashton Kutcher and Brad Pitt, etc.

 

-If you are very good looking (8-9), then many, many women will have hit on you and asked you out. 'Attractive' women would have made discreet and indiscreet sexual advances on you. 'Attractive' women will have approached you and made aggressive moves to try and get you. Both attractive and unattractive women and gay dudes will make strong moves on you. You don't really have to try to get women, but you might if you want something better.

 

-Just good looking (6-8), you get much less attention. Some women have hit on you. A decent amount, but only when you add it up over time. You'll probably have had a few below average women and even a couple of average women be totally in love with you. There's the greatest variation in this camp. At the bottom of this range, guys have to start putting in 'some work'.

 

-Average (5-6) - A few women have hit on you. Not many. Some guys here complain that they only get compliments from very unattractive women. They probably fall into this camp. You definitely have to put in work at this point.

 

-Below average (4 or below) - Very few to no women have given you any attention or complimented you, no matter how unattractive. Older women and your relatives may compliment you, but not much outside of that. You're going to have to put in some serious work and for the most part deal with a lot of rejection at this point.

 

Observing my friends, this stays pretty consistent. I would add that it helps to be around late 20s or so to see how you really stack up. Some younger guys have not had enough life experience to be able to tell what range they fall into.

 

Well I guess using that scale, kinda maybe in the 6-8 range, but I guess that's me being optimistic. Although, I don't go to bars or clubs either and my work is male dominated. Right now the only indicator I had is on OLD and I can get all sorts emailing me, even got on a date with what I thought was an 8 and she seemed to be more than just friendly with me.

[Teraskas]

You know, it's ironic because I can't gauge myself either with regards to that. :/

I know it's cliche but I look significantly better in real life than in pictures. Just not the photogenic kind, I guess.

Then again, being rejected time and again makes it much harder to judge my appearance.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well I guess using that scale, kinda maybe in the 6-8 range, but I guess that's me being optimistic. Although, I don't go to bars or clubs either and my work is male dominated. Right now the only indicator I had is on OLD and I can get all sorts emailing me, even got on a date with what I thought was an 8 and she seemed to be more than just friendly with me.

 

That's a good range. I know friends in that range. Since you say women proactively message you online, I'd say you are solidly a 7 or above.

[newmoon]

IMO, it's actually easier to tell how good looking you are if you are a man rather than a female. Because men think more women are attractive in general, an average woman can get just a flood of compliments, catcalls, etc.

 

From what I have experienced, as a guy:

 

-If you are a 10, obviously you know it. You'll be approached to be a model and actor and stuff. Ashton Kutcher and Brad Pitt, etc.

 

-If you are very good looking (8-9), then many, many women will have hit on you and asked you out. 'Attractive' women would have made discreet and indiscreet sexual advances on you. 'Attractive' women will have approached you and made aggressive moves to try and get you. Both attractive and unattractive women and gay dudes will make strong moves on you. You don't really have to try to get women, but you might if you want something better.

 

-Just good looking (6-8), you get much less attention. Some women have hit on you. A decent amount, but only when you add it up over time. You'll probably have had a few below average women and even a couple of average women be totally in love with you. There's the greatest variation in this camp. At the bottom of this range, guys have to start putting in 'some work'.

 

-Average (5-6) - A few women have hit on you. Not many. Some guys here complain that they only get compliments from very unattractive women. They probably fall into this camp. You definitely have to put in work at this point.

 

-Below average (4 or below) - Very few to no women have given you any attention or complimented you, no matter how unattractive. Older women and your relatives may compliment you, but not much outside of that. You're going to have to put in some serious work and for the most part deal with a lot of rejection at this point.

 

Observing my friends, this stays pretty consistent. I would add that it helps to be around late 20s or so to see how you really stack up. Some younger guys have not had enough life experience to be able to tell what range they fall into.

 

you did a good job here. quite agree with this scale for men.

[William]

For general consumption, there will be no posting of pictures or requests thereof. The thread starter does not have PM privileges. The thread has been edited. Please continue discussion about attractiveness. Thanks!

[preraph]

I imagine you fall in the average to above average range. It really doesn't matter what level. You are doing the right thing and dating a wider range of women, which is why you find yourself with getting dates. As long as a woman is appealing to you and willing to go out with you, don't worry about the rest. As with most people, your type will be someone else's type but not everyone else's type. Since you're not being overly picky about the type of women, then just mathematically, you are in a better position. Those men who restrict who they like to the small percentage of hot girls then have to find a hot girl whose type happens to be them, even though they aren't really on their level. That takes the percentage of the likely success down to very very low. You like a wider range, so all you have to do is find a girl who likes your type. Much better odds.

 

It does sound like you may need to work on your confidence and try not to ask things that let your insecurity show. Because as you get more experience, your confidence will grow and you'll know you're fine and stop worrying about all this. Good luck. Pick a girl who seems to gravitate toward you and comes around you because that girl is intrigued.

[GemmaUK]

I would love to post pics of me and ask why I'm single.

 

 

I know why though.

I don't want the hassle just now.

 

 

I have too much going on to cope with a man who wants me right there, right now always.

 

 

Those who say they are easy going are just not IME.

[newmoon]

So I'm not super experienced with long term relationships...or short term ones for that matter, but I have had one girlfriend. For years I never really had a lot of self worth and dated someone that I did not find physically or emotionally attractive. This is a girl I had been friends with for many years and I did not realise that she was in my friendzone and I ended up giving her what she wanted.

 

Anyway, back to the point. When she first started dating she mentioned that she worried that I was probably a bit too good looking for her. Even with that said, she never once called me handsome or sexy. Although, she was a very insecure person. I thought that she was insane as I don't think I look that good at all.

 

Maybe I just don't think very highly of myself but I just can't gauge where I stand with women. Recently I've dated both quite unattractive and VERY attractive girls and got very much the same interest.

 

So I don't know, probably because I have never flatout asked someone to 'rate' me. I'm also not very sure how important it is to know, and how much feedback is even gonna help me.

 

you could always just post a pic on a free dating site and see what type of responses you get. what type you are attracting, and who responds. and if you do ask people to 'rate' you, make sure it's NOT people you know, work with, etc. i once told a guy he was a 0 - he is/was - and then he asked around and other women said he was a 4 or 5. the problem was he was asking friends and co-workers, people who didn't want to hurt his feelings. a genuine, honest response will come from people who don't know you and aren't afraid to hurt your feelings. if you're really after knowing you number, that is.

[Cristo]

you could always just post a pic on a free dating site and see what type of responses you get. what type you are attracting, and who responds. and if you do ask people to 'rate' you, make sure it's NOT people you know, work with, etc. i once told a guy he was a 0 - he is/was - and then he asked around and other women said he was a 4 or 5. the problem was he was asking friends and co-workers, people who didn't want to hurt his feelings. a genuine, honest response will come from people who don't know you and aren't afraid to hurt your feelings. if you're really after knowing you number, that is.

 

So you're saying that if you are unattractive, you will not get responses online...

[carhill]

Try googling "rate my appearance sites" and participate in a few polls and see where it goes. Be aware though, that attractiveness IRL turns on more than mere appearance.

 

Generally, what's attractive is individual; however, there are some relative 'norms' of attractiveness which I term the 'head-turn effect'. If a man walks into a social gathering and the attentions of women in the room, married and single, turn to him and the feeling is palpable, I call him a 'head-turner' and the response is indicative of him being widely attractive amongst a random group of individuals. I have a couple male friends like that and it is quite enjoyable to watch.

 

Regarding a particular date calling you handsome or sexy, yeah that's how it goes sometimes; it's individual. I think the only women who've called me handsome have been the wives of a few male friends. I'd probably put more stock into how a woman acts versus what she says, so the other side of the coin would be to take the written opinions on those attractiveness ratings sites with a grain of salt.

 

IMO, simply ask out women you find attractive and let the chips fall where they may. If one is hanging around at the end of your life, then you can presume you found one who found you sufficiently attractive to hang around with. If you were deceived, ignorance is bliss carried into the nether.

[Cristo]

Try googling "rate my appearance sites" and participate in a few polls and see where it goes. Be aware though, that attractiveness IRL turns on more than mere appearance.

 

Generally, what's attractive is individual; however, there are some relative 'norms' of attractiveness which I term the 'head-turn effect'. If a man walks into a social gathering and the attentions of women in the room, married and single, turn to him and the feeling is palpable, I call him a 'head-turner' and the response is indicative of him being widely attractive amongst a random group of individuals. I have a couple male friends like that and it is quite enjoyable to watch.

 

Regarding a particular date calling you handsome or sexy, yeah that's how it goes sometimes; it's individual. I think the only women who've called me handsome have been the wives of a few male friends. I'd probably put more stock into how a woman acts versus what she says, so the other side of the coin would be to take the written opinions on those attractiveness ratings sites with a grain of salt.

 

IMO, simply ask out women you find attractive and let the chips fall where they may. If one is hanging around at the end of your life, then you can presume you found one who found you sufficiently attractive to hang around with. If you were deceived, ignorance is bliss carried into the nether.

 

I don't think the "rate my appearance" is accurate. I posted my pics on a site called Hot or Not and had a score of I think 87 out of 100. That would mean that I'm an 8.7 looks-wise (which makes me literally LOL), but I get very few to no responses when online dating.

 

If I'm an 87, the scale must be out of 1,000.

[carhill]

That would underscore the dynamics being individual and extending to the demographics who frequent 'rate my appearance' sites versus those who frequent 'online dating' sites. One could extrapolate the same for those who frequent 'LoveShack'. We're all individuals and we each gravitate to individual tastes and preferences. Groups often reflect that.

 

That said, since mating occurs in the flesh in real life, versus virtual life on the internet, attractiveness in real life is, or should be IMO, the relevant factor to poll and work.

 

Another factor to consider, regarding appearance, is that some people are more photogenic than others, hence their virtual appearance and real appearance to any one individual may differ based on the camera 'loving them' or not. I've seen this go both ways but, again, mating happens in real life, not in photos, for most of us anyway.

[thefooloftheyear]

As long as you are tall, the world is your oyster...Nothing else matters...They will throw themselves at you on a silver platter...

 

Us short guys all just get kicked in the teeth..Oh well.....

 

 

TFY;)

[Cristo]

As long as you are tall, the world is your oyster...Nothing else matters...They will throw themselves at you on a silver platter...

 

Us short guys all just get kicked in the teeth..Oh well.....

 

 

TFY;)

 

This is true, albeit off-topic.

[Cam7]

Yeah, I can't imagine what that must be like. It's not like there is any way to fix that either. People are getting freakishly tall nowadays, some even consider my height of 6'0" to be barely average. When the heck did that happen?

 

My mate is sorta short, he found success with Asian girls.

[bbell89]

IMO, it's actually easier to tell how good looking you are if you are a man rather than a female. Because men think more women are attractive in general, an average woman can get just a flood of compliments, catcalls, etc.

 

From what I have experienced, as a guy:

 

-If you are a 10, obviously you know it. You'll be approached to be a model and actor and stuff. Ashton Kutcher and Brad Pitt, etc.

 

-If you are very good looking (8-9), then many, many women will have hit on you and asked you out. 'Attractive' women would have made discreet and indiscreet sexual advances on you. 'Attractive' women will have approached you and made aggressive moves to try and get you. Both attractive and unattractive women and gay dudes will make strong moves on you. You don't really have to try to get women, but you might if you want something better.

 

-Just good looking (6-8), you get much less attention. Some women have hit on you. A decent amount, but only when you add it up over time. You'll probably have had a few below average women and even a couple of average women be totally in love with you. There's the greatest variation in this camp. At the bottom of this range, guys have to start putting in 'some work'.

 

-Average (5-6) - A few women have hit on you. Not many. Some guys here complain that they only get compliments from very unattractive women. They probably fall into this camp. You definitely have to put in work at this point.

 

-Below average (4 or below) - Very few to no women have given you any attention or complimented you, no matter how unattractive. Older women and your relatives may compliment you, but not much outside of that. You're going to have to put in some serious work and for the most part deal with a lot of rejection at this point.

 

Observing my friends, this stays pretty consistent. I would add that it helps to be around late 20s or so to see how you really stack up. Some younger guys have not had enough life experience to be able to tell what range they fall into.

 

I think this is me

[NJ123]

As long as you are tall, the world is your oyster...Nothing else matters...They will throw themselves at you on a silver platter...

 

Us short guys all just get kicked in the teeth..Oh well.....

 

 

TFY;)

 

There's definitely truth to this. I always see a lot of women saying "oh, I want a tall, handsome guy". I'm only 5'7", so automatically a big % of women won't want anything to do with me based on that. I'd like to think I got good looking facial aesthetics though & am in pretty decent shape. But I'm still automatically disqualified by tons of women due to my height.

[thefooloftheyear]

This is true, albeit off-topic.

 

Not true...

 

I guess the sarcasm went right over your heads, guys.......oh well..

 

TFY

[NJ123]

Not true...

 

I guess the sarcasm went right over your heads, guys.......oh well..

 

TFY

 

but it is true that a huge % of women prefer tall guys. Even on here I seen tons of female posters state "I want someone tall & good looking". You can have an amazing personality & be good looking, but if she prefers someone tall than your disqualifed from dating them. Of course some women don't give a **** how tall you are, but a lot do.

[thefooloftheyear]

but it is true that a huge % of women say they prefer tall guys. Even on here I seen tons of female posters state "I want someone tall & good looking". You can have an amazing personality & be good looking, but if she prefers someone tall than your disqualifed from dating them. Of course some women don't give a **** how tall you are, but a lot do.

 

 

I fixed your post....

 

In my experience, of the ones that say they prefer a taller guy, only the real tall ones will make it an absolute deal breaker...Im shorter than you and have been with women that were 5'9" + and one that was close to 6'...The shorter women might say that they prefer a taller guy, but its kinda like a guy saying he prefers a tight body and a set of DD's on his woman....Doesnt mean all others are off limits...

 

Again, my height has never been an issue so I cant concur with you guys.

 

I dont want to derail the original post, though....I was just being sarcastic...

 

TFY

[Frank2thepoint]

Maybe I just don't think very highly of myself but I just can't gauge where I stand with women.

 

I'm also not very sure how important it is to know, and how much feedback is even gonna help me.

 

If you have dated women, then you are attractive enough. The problem with you is your self-confidence. It is very low. You are placing too much emphasis on dating chicks, then realizing your self worth. I can do the same thing as you, and personally say on a scale of 1 to 10, my physical looks are like a 6. But the reality is I'm actually a 20, probably 44 would more precise. My self-respect allows me to break these stupid scales. You should do the same.

[NJ123]

I fixed your post....

 

In my experience, of the ones that say they prefer a taller guy, only the real tall ones will make it an absolute deal breaker...Im shorter than you and have been with women that were 5'9" + and one that was close to 6'...The shorter women might say that they prefer a taller guy, but its kinda like a guy saying he prefers a tight body and a set of DD's on his woman....Doesnt mean all others are off limits...

 

Again, my height has never been an issue so I cant concur with you guys.

 

I dont want to derail the original post, though....I was just being sarcastic...

 

TFY

 

Maybe so. But I'm betting 9 times out of 10 it won't last with anyone who prefers tall guys. It'll always be on the back of their mind. Let me ask you, with those women did you have anything long-term with them? Or was it just some short term thing?