j.carsey Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 One of my female friends has long been more than just a friend. For a long time (2 years) we have been attracted to each other and flirting, even though she was dating some other guy. We have a lot of fun together, I'm frequently thinking about her and we make each other very happy. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and told me that I was on her mind during the breakup. She also has told me that she is more attracted to me than her previous boyfriends, and that I treat her much better than they have. (We haven't had sex or anything by the way). When I asked her a couple days ago, "can't we be a couple?" she really hesitated. She said, her previous long term relationships have really left her upset and she doesn't want to expose me to her unpleasant/bitchy side that she is certain would come out if she thought of me as her boyfriend. She is a bit older than me and worries that she is going to spoil my innocense with her problems. It really looks like her past relationships have been unhappy and it sounds like she would much rather continue being as good friends as we are, rather than calling me her boyfriend. Also, we know that we will (within a few months) be moving away from each other, so a long term relationship is definitely not possible. After we had that talk, she later phoned me up and said that she has been thinking about this and maybe there's no harm in having a sexual relationship. She knows that I would like this very much, but I have never pressured her into it. (We are both sexually very energetic, and she misses sex after her breakup). She has said she is very attracted to me, but her worry is the huge emotional involvement and stress that goes into a serious relationship. I suggested she take some time to think about what she wants and we can discuss it again. I would absolutely love to sleep with her but I don't know if something like this can really stay casual. I worry about hurting her emotionally. She is obviously conflicted about what she wants to do. What do you think I should be doing here? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 She's not conflicted because of herself and her fears of being hurt, she's conflicted because she doesn't want to come right out and say "I'll sleep with you, but I really don't want a relationship with you." She isn't afraid of being hurt, she's afraid of hurting you. She has said she is very attracted to me, but her worry is the huge emotional involvement and stress that goes into a serious relationship. If you want to sleep with her, go ahead - but be aware that she only wants it to be on a sexual level and does not want a relationship to come from it. If you can handle that, then by all means enjoy it. But, don't bring up any sort of 'future relationship' talk. I expect she'll ice you out if you do. She is making it clear that while sex with you would be fun, a committed, romantic relationship with you would be nothing but unnecessary and unwanted stress. Keep it casual, fun and primarily sexual. That's what she wants. It may not be what you want, but if you want it to happen it will have to be on her terms. Link to post Share on other sites
Author j.carsey Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia She is making it clear that while sex with you would be fun, a committed, romantic relationship with you would be nothing but unnecessary and unwanted stress. Keep it casual, fun and primarily sexual. That's what she wants. Wow, well if this is what she really intended then I'd have to say that we're pretty well aligned in what we want. I really like the way this sounds!! Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hey man be very very very very careful. Sometimes women use an excuse to have sex only relationship (fwb) just to try to get you into a relationship. Or, she may not know what she wants at the time and feels that you just want sex, so she plays along--just wanting sex too. Eventually, someone will start to develop feelings. Maybe you will....maybe it will be her. In my situation, similar to yours, I started to develop feelings but I didn't realize that she had developed stronger feelings because she never admit it. However, her actions showed otherwise. We ended up dating but at times things still seem a little confusing as we go back from fwb to friends to dating and around again. Just be careful....feelings WILL develop!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author j.carsey Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 Originally posted by fundamental Just be careful....feelings WILL develop!!!! I think you're right about this. Contrary to what I thought she was implying earlier, she is now saying that this could not stay purely physical. Already we both know we're hooked, since we're thinking about each other all the time. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author j.carsey Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 Well, an update on this, we went for it and I'm definitely happy with the outcome, I think she is too. This will not be a purely physical/sexual thing. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 YAaaaaaaaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Congrats. They will make a tv movie about this soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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