Coldplay Posted February 21, 2001 Share Posted February 21, 2001 I've been reading quite a few of the posts about how guys should handle the initial stages of asking a woman on a date, and I think all of the posts that Sparkle has put up have been really helpful....except, I'm a little further along. I managed to have a first date with a nice girl and things went far better than expected. She kept telling me what a nice time she was having...held my hand at one point, and gave me a big hug at the end. Well I had a great time too...so you'd think it'd be an easy matter to have a second date. We'd planned to go out for coffee today but she broke the date because she's not feeling well, and the last few days when we were attempting to set things up, she's seemed much much more reserved than she was on our last date. I'm not sure if she's playing hard to get or what's going on...I Know she was genuinely sick today but I'm not sure how to approach her for asking another date, or if I need to wait for her to bring up the idea or what. The change in attitude really baffles me...to go from so effusive and touchy and forward to completely reserved. Any ideas here? (ps- the best piece of advice in those articles was...to have 3 or 5 "targets" at once, unfortunately I don't have the luxury of that...she's the only one at the moment, so perhaps I am coming across as desperate although I try and be as nonchalant as I can. My style is actually to be really forward and mushy etc so it's killing me to hold back.) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 21, 2001 Share Posted February 21, 2001 Your style of being forward and mushy may be killing you to hold back but it is also killing you to execute as well. With this particular lady you are interested in now, if you get a sense at all that she is playing hard to get...then play even harder. Stop calling her. Stop seeing her around. Just shut down. Now, she may be reserved because she likes you a great deal and may be afraid of her feelings. Or she may be playing games. Perhaps there's a morsel of a chance she's not interested or has met someone else. Don't despair. No problem. Don't call her for a couple of weeks. Then give her a call and ask her how she's doing. Have about a five or ten minute talk with her but DO NOT ask her out. Then wait a week, call her again, be really nice and again find out what life's been like for her...but make no mention of going out unless she brings up the subject. If she brings it up, don't be so eager and give her an alternate day to whatever she suggests. Let her know she's not the only thing you have going. If she didn't bring it up on the second call, then call her four or five days later, talk to her for five or ten minutes about whatever...and then ask her out. If she beats around the bush then, write her off. My bet is she'll have an orgasm, become speachless, then shout a big YES!!! You're going to have to learn to stop being so forward. A few women like this but most prefer aloofness in men. Being mushy right off the bat is the kiss of death with ALL women, unless they haven't had a date for ten years. Being mushy real soon nauseates them, makes them puke. Everything that sparkle wrote is 100 percent true. Read it over and over. It's the best information you will ever get about women. Again, if you keep being pushy, forward and mushy, you can pretty much kiss romance goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted February 22, 2001 Share Posted February 22, 2001 Coldplay sings "Yellow". That is one of my favorite songs!!! I am always amazed by Tony's posts regarding this subject, and his reply about being a "challenge". His advice is absolutely, positively, unquestionably, beyond a doubt CORRECT...Oh so true! It has been tested and proven to be true. Follow it..it's great. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Don Posted February 22, 2001 Share Posted February 22, 2001 I've been reading quite a few of the posts about how guys should handle the initial stages of asking a woman on a date, and I think all of the posts that Sparkle has put up have been really helpful....except, I'm a little further along. I managed to have a first date with a nice girl and things went far better than expected. She kept telling me what a nice time she was having...held my hand at one point, and gave me a big hug at the end. Well I had a great time too...so you'd think it'd be an easy matter to have a second date. We'd planned to go out for coffee today but she broke the date because she's not feeling well, and the last few days when we were attempting to set things up, she's seemed much much more reserved than she was on our last date. I'm not sure if she's playing hard to get or what's going on...I Know she was genuinely sick today but I'm not sure how to approach her for asking another date, or if I need to wait for her to bring up the idea or what. The change in attitude really baffles me...to go from so effusive and touchy and forward to completely reserved. Any ideas here? (ps- the best piece of advice in those articles was...to have 3 or 5 "targets" at once, unfortunately I don't have the luxury of that...she's the only one at the moment, so perhaps I am coming across as desperate although I try and be as nonchalant as I can. My style is actually to be really forward and mushy etc so it's killing me to hold back.) Link to post Share on other sites
Don Posted February 22, 2001 Share Posted February 22, 2001 Could millions of reasons to blow hot and cold, but ONE very common reason is fear. A lot of people have deep fears of intimacy, love, commitment, and even FEELING. It is extremely common, therefore, for people to freak out as an immediate reaction against something beautiful happening. So it is NOT necessarily the case that she has problems with YOU. She may have problems with love, etc. Blowing hot and cold can sometimes be a reaction that is equal and opposite to the attraction that was felt. It's not pleasant no matter what, but there is a good chance that 1. You need not take it personally 2. She may flip flop again, and be interested again. In any case, if this proves relevant in her case, it is possible that you have met one of the huge percentage of people who really ad not ready to get deeply involved. In that case, no matter what you do or don't do, there may not be much there there. But let's hope that's NOT the case. Don Link to post Share on other sites
Don Posted February 22, 2001 Share Posted February 22, 2001 Could be millions of reasons to blow hot and cold, but ONE very common reason is fear. A lot of people have deep fears of intimacy, love, commitment, and even FEELING. It is extremely common, therefore, for people to freak out as an immediate reaction against something beautiful happening. So it is NOT necessarily the case that she has problems with YOU. She may have problems with love, etc. Blowing hot and cold can sometimes be a reaction that is equal and opposite to the attraction that was felt. It's not pleasant no matter what, but there is a good chance that 1. You need not take it personally 2. She may flip flop again, and be interested again. In any case, if this proves relevant in her case, it is possible that you have met one of the huge percentage of people who really ad not ready to get deeply involved. In that case, no matter what you do or don't do, there may not be much there there. But let's hope that's NOT the case. Don Link to post Share on other sites
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