You're right, women have it easier. Now what?

[StanMusial]

I think women have it worse. Imagine going weeks, months at a time not seeing one person you find attractive. It's depressing. And the desperation might drive her to visiting the prison yard just to find a date. Ouch!

[Rejected Rosebud]

Going out with a guy one time is not leading him on. It's giving him a chance. Once you've done that and are sure that there isn't anything between you two, then just tell him if he asks for another date.

 

It IS leading him on if you already know 100% for certain that there is nothing ever going to happen between you. If there is zero attraction that's that.

[xxoo]

What I would love to happen, even though I know it has a zero percent chance of actually occurring; is for women to accept that dating is harder for guys and to just give a guy one date as long as he's decent looking and seems nice.

 

Who has the time? That describes most men.

 

Here's the thing: she's got to be intrigued enough to spend time with you rather than with her friends, or with her family, or alone. The more she enjoys her life, the less likely she'll go on a date with someone just because he's decent looking and seems nice.

 

And the risk of the date is that she now has to reject him directly. Before a date, she can just be casual and never directly tell the guy, "I don't see you that way" (usually the guy gets the hint). After a date, she has to say something, especially if this is someone she can't avoid (someone at school or in the neighborhood).

 

You've got to be able to get her intrigued. The good news is, there are a million ways to do so!

[Anela]

I think women have it worse. Imagine going weeks, months at a time not seeing one person you find attractive. It's depressing. And the desperation might drive her to visiting the prison yard just to find a date. Ouch!

 

Yeah, those felons are lookin' mighty good now.

 

[MissBee]

It IS leading him on if you already know 100% for certain that there is nothing ever going to happen between you. If there is zero attraction that's that.

 

When I realized dating isn't a charity it made my life so much easier!

 

There are lots of ways in which you can volunteer, give back, help, donate and contribute to those less fortunate, but dating is NOT the time and place to take pity on someone and give them a chance. WHY would you as an individual even want to be on the other end of someone's charity? I only want to date men who like me, are attracted to me and want to know more. I only want them to continue seeing me if they like me and want more....NOT because they feel bad or want to do me a favor or give me a "chance."

 

When I was younger I'd go out with men I knew I wasn't all that into off the mentality I was gonna give it a chance. I felt almost obligated to do so. I can tell you it NEVER worked and made for some awkward and uncomfortable times for me.

 

I then wised up to the reality that dating is about MUTUAL interest and where you should be discriminating and being choosy about who is a good match for you. It's not a free for all where you're giving out charity dates. It's about finding someone who will enhance your life and you theirs on MUTUAL terms. If a man isn't it...that's just that. Someone else will like him. But it's not your duty to give out pity dates.

[Shining One]

Then you should live that way. That's good, to live by your beliefs. But it's not a societal issue. You can only see it balanced in your OWN life.

 

As long as some guys want to take girls out and pay for it, there will always be girls who accept and enjoy that.

 

I do believe in equality and I don't think that guys should have to pay because they're a guy, but when one asked me on a date, chose something really special, and treated me to it, it made me feel so good.

My dating pool is already severely diminished because of my race. I'm not going to diminish it further by eliminating women who are potentially interested in me but still expect me to pay. Balance by definition would require equal investment by both parties. As it stands right now, one is investing time while the other is investing time and money. In what world is that balanced?

 

 

$5000????

 

Either you're going on a crazy large amount of dates, or you're spending waaaay too much per date.

 

All my first dates were either free, or about $3 for a coffee.

 

No man has ever spent more than $15 on me for a date. And that was well into an established relationship.

 

You should definitely rethink your dates.

A little bit of Column A and a little bit of Column B. I did go on a lot of dates (somewhere around 40) that year. We did go to a lot of expensive places and admittedly, it was my fault for not pressing for their interest level earlier on. It was an expensive lesson, but I've grown from the experience.

[xxoo]

Why is it okay for a woman to want a masculine man but if a man says he wants a feminine women people call him sexist. BY the way the negative traits given to women in this thread is something neither gender should want to be.

 

Actually, I quite like masculine men who like feminine women. Yin and yang. We are drawn to each other like magnets, and I don't think there is anything sexist about that attraction pattern.

 

I'm the honeysuckle; he's the honeybee

[Snaggletooth]

What I would love to happen, even though I know it has a zero percent chance of actually occurring; is for women to accept that dating is harder for guys and to just give a guy one date as long as he's decent looking and seems nice.

 

Women seem to have such high standards that even getting one date with an average girl is a feat of strength if you aren't a super amazing guy.

 

Of course the current system is working for women, so why would they change anything? They don't care what men have to go through.

 

Why should they date someone they don't want to date? Why would any fella want to date a women who is with him out of pity? Has he no dignity?

 

The standards women set are not outlandishly high. The problem is an increasing lack of quality men (and women). In the thirteen years I've been single I've met maybe three single women who interested me. My standards aren't overly high and no way I am going to date a woman I am not interested in, for both ours sakes. Why should it be any different for women?

 

You're a fully grown adult man Somedude, that means your on your own. The world can be a cold, hard, cruel, unfair place but it's up to you to deal with it. Nobody is going to do it for you, nobody is going to change it for you. It will kick you, punch you, sh*t on you and forever try to knock you down. It's up to you to stay on your feet. Not saying this to be nasty, it's just these are the facts of life. Whatever you want in life it is your responsibility to provide for yourself, that's not anyone else's job, it's yours and only yours. It's not always easy but its the way it is, the way it always had been and the way it always will be.

 

It doesn't matter what anyone else has got. It doesn't matter if anyone has it easier. It doesn't matter is anyone accepts or admits they have it easier. None of it matters. None of it's important. It's kid stuff.

 

If a woman doesn't want to date you that is her right. No ifs, buts or maybes. She doesn't have to like you, she doesn't have to talk to you, she doesn't have to give you any explanation. On top of that, what she likes and who she dates is nobody's business but hers.

 

Sooner you learn all that the sooner you are going to get along in life.

[Got it]

My dating pool is already severely diminished because of my race. I'm not going to diminish it further by eliminating women who are potentially interested in me but still expect me to pay. Balance by definition would require equal investment by both parties. As it stands right now, one is investing time while the other is investing time and money. In what world is that balanced?

 

 

A little bit of Column A and a little bit of Column B. I did go on a lot of dates (somewhere around 40) that year. We did go to a lot of expensive places and admittedly, it was my fault for not pressing for their interest level earlier on. It was an expensive lesson, but I've grown from the experience.

 

Then stop. Only do dates that are "free" or minimal monies, go dutch, etc.

 

I have made sure to keep things equal in dating and will trade off if he pays for one date I will pay for the next. And if I "next" him, I ALWAYS pay. That way there are no strings attached to come back on and nothing owed.

 

Some of my best dates have been to a winery, just sitting there drinking a bottle of wine, to taking him to see my horses, to meeting at a park. They can then grow organically or not.

[BlueIris]

All I can explain is how I see it, and my friends and family do. I completely agree that it is easier for women to get attention, dates and sex from the opposite sex than it is for men- overall, on average.

 

The twist is this: Since the value of human beings keeps being measured by looks- it’s packed into the posts all over this thread and board- plenty of women know that we’re not highly valued even by the men who approach or date us. We know we’re viewed as good enough, the kind of defeated or sad consolation prize.

 

Just look at the terminology of here: aim higher, aim lower, I’m willing to, I don’t ask for much, All I’m asking for… etc. etc. and it’s all about looks, this sad perspective that we aren't what men want, or some men want. Given how pervasive it is, it seems like A LOT of men see us this way.

 

It’s okay, the ways things are, but plenty of us are smart enough to know that this is not a route to joy and happiness and should not be a primary focus or drive in life. So yes, we (the women I know) are low effort on the romance front.

 

Sure, I can find some guy somewhere who will have sex with me if I want sex. (I guess some men envy this. I don’t consider it a positive.) But I’d be a fool to invest emotionally in, or build my life around, any man who values physical appearance first. He’s not going to love me. I’m just his “good enough.” My other traits might compensate for my mediocre looks, but I’m not staking my life on it!

 

So, work away and find happiness or challenge or success in some arena where your looks do not determine your success, happiness and relationships with people. This isn’t jaded, it’s smart and pragmatic. We have fun and have successes- just not in dating and romance. It IS ok.

[Maleficent]

Going out with a guy one time is not leading him on. It's giving him a chance. Once you've done that and are sure that there isn't anything between you two, then just tell him if he asks for another date.

 

 

 

Date, hang-out same thing.

 

You don't have to spend the whole day hanging out with a guy. Just do something you would enjoy regardless and have him come along for an hour or whatever.

 

Fair enough. But what some men have to understand is that sometimes, we know right away we aren't attracted to someone.

 

No one is expected to 'give a shot' to anyone. If the attraction is not there - whatever the reason - then we (men and women) have the right to refuse the invitation.

[Revolver]

As for the 80/20 rule/theory I think there is a bit of a misunderstanding because It's primarily referring to young males(think 18-30) who are single. So old married guys and younger dudes in relationships aren't really counted. When you consider the fact that just 16 percent of males in their 20's are having regular sex it's much more plausible

 

"Institute found that, for single men and those in relationships, 22 percent in their thirties had sex two to five times a week, as did 20 percent of men in their forties – versus just 16 percent of men in their twenties."

 

Read more: 6. Don't Envy the Millennials: Sex Drive - MensJournal.com

 

So either comparable amounts of women aren't having regular sex, or they are but its just with a small(relatively speaking of course) pool of males

[Got it]

As for the 80/20 rule/theory I think there is a bit of a misunderstanding because It's primarily referring to young males(think 18-30) who are single. So old married guys and younger dudes in relationships aren't really counted. When you consider the fact that just 16 percent of males in their 20's are having regular sex it's much more plausible

 

"Institute found that, for single men and those in relationships, 22 percent in their thirties had sex two to five times a week, as did 20 percent of men in their forties – versus just 16 percent of men in their twenties."

 

Read more: 6. Don't Envy the Millennials: Sex Drive - MensJournal.com

 

So either comparable amounts of women aren't having regular sex, or they are but its just with a small(relatively speaking of course) pool of males

 

Or most are just married and not having sex! Badoom! Enjoy the chicken, I will be here all week! Tip your waitress! :laugh:

[clia]

This article seems pertinent to the discussion. Women have it easy?

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jobarrow/this-women-set-up-an-instagram-to-show-the-shocking-truth-of?bftw=main

[Maleficent]

I literally write that sometimes.

 

Only, when I post on the forum, tone and inflection is lost, and it appears rather bland.

 

Alrighty then.

 

See?

 

From now on, every time you post 'alrighty then' I will visualise it exactly like in the video.

there.

lol

[Maleficent]

And for every person who says this is another person crying, "why did you go out with me if you were never interested in me! Why lead me on!?!"

 

Sometimes, the person who says 'just give me a chance' is also the one complaining he was led on...

 

We can't win this game.

[Maleficent]

My dating pool is already severely diminished because of my race. I'm not going to diminish it further by eliminating women who are potentially interested in me but still expect me to pay. Balance by definition would require equal investment by both parties. As it stands right now, one is investing time while the other is investing time and money. In what world is that balanced?

 

 

A little bit of Column A and a little bit of Column B. I did go on a lot of dates (somewhere around 40) that year. We did go to a lot of expensive places and admittedly, it was my fault for not pressing for their interest level earlier on. It was an expensive lesson, but I've grown from the experience.

 

Exactly how is 40 dates in a year considered 'unsuccessful dating'?

[Keenly]

This article seems pertinent to the discussion. Women have it easy?

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jobarrow/this-women-set-up-an-instagram-to-show-the-shocking-truth-of?bftw=main

 

 

 

My internet veteran senses are going off. I feel like these are fake. Especially since there is no real way to prove / disprove it.

 

 

The reason I feel that its fake is that pictures were posted.

[MissBee]

This article seems pertinent to the discussion. Women have it easy?

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jobarrow/this-women-set-up-an-instagram-to-show-the-shocking-truth-of?bftw=main

 

Just....wow....

 

Thank God for that page though.

[clia]

My internet veteran senses are going off. I feel like these are fake. Especially since there is no real way to prove / disprove it.

 

The reason I feel that its fake is that pictures were posted.

 

Why would it be fake because pictures were posted?

 

I got messages like this when I did OLD.

[Keenly]

Why would it be fake because pictures were posted?

 

I got messages like this when I did OLD.

 

It's hard to explain how it makes me feel. I feel like the screenshots with the faces are left in the image, rather than scribbled out, are fake. Staged. Set up.

 

I feel this way about pretty much every screenshot of every chat log or facebook / tinder chat or OKcupid interaction.

 

 

 

I really... REALLY don't buy that some guy would call a chick a stuck up bitch 4 minutes after sending the message. It seems staged. Anything that stirs up controversy and has a open comments section is good at one thing : generating traffic.

[MissBee]

My internet veteran senses are going off. I feel like these are fake. Especially since there is no real way to prove / disprove it.

 

 

The reason I feel that its fake is that pictures were posted.

 

Unfortunately, I can post right now some outlandish messages I've received from online dating. The latest one I got this morning was:

 

"Let me get you pregnant."

 

I of course didn't respond but also blocked him immediately...but I can imagine the slew of insults he might have sent later had I not. The sad part is that it's true and many women, if not most who OLD can share at least one such experience. I CONSTANTLY screenshot and send to my friends the latest in insanity. This site is just a public version of what many women would screenshot and send to their friends.

[Maleficent]

Why would it be fake because pictures were posted?

 

I got messages like this when I did OLD.

 

Because when women complain they are getting harassed, they are lying. All.the.time.

[Keenly]

Unfortunately, I can post right now some outlandish messages I've received from online dating. The latest one I got this morning was:

 

"Let me get you pregnant."

 

I of course didn't respond but also blocked him immediately...but I can imagine the slew of insults he might have sent later had I not. The sad part is that it's true and many women, if not most who OLD can share at least one such experience. I CONSTANTLY screenshot and send to my friends the latest in insanity. This site is just a public version of what many women would screenshot and send to their friends.

 

 

 

Wait..... That's not a good opener to use?

 

Damn... that might explain it.

 

Seriously though, is that really the competition I'm losing to?

[MissBee]

Wait..... That's not a good opener to use?

 

Damn... that might explain it.

 

Seriously though, is that really the competition I'm losing to?

 

Clearly not, as it's not like his response ended in me thanking him and going on a date. He got ignored and blocked. I imagine lots of women probably do the same to him....so I'm not sure if he's really winning anything.