You're right, women have it easier. Now what?

[BluEyeL]

I liked and then unliked a post talking about women and chemistry.

 

Yes, it is true, women are looking for that elusive chemistry. But if we want to find love and stop being disappointed over and over again, get as bitter as these men, and have our self-esteem in the dumps every time we have yet another disappointment from the guy who inspired that chemistry right away, I think we should really stop putting so much emphasis on that, and give more points to other characteristics initially. Give a little more time to chemistry to develop in time. Definitely, attraction is pivotal, but for women it can really grow over a little bit of time.

 

There are great men out there (not the negative ones, who wants to be with someone who hates you because of your gender), who may not inspire chemistry right off the bat, but who can become quite nice surprises once they get out of their shell. I read somewhere that these men are called "the secrets". They are not immediately attractive, but they are quite the gems.

[ThaWholigan]

I liked and then unliked a post talking about women and chemistry.

 

Yes, it is true, women are looking for that elusive chemistry. But if we want to find love and stop being disappointed over and over again, get as bitter as these men, and have our self-esteem in the dumps every time we have yet another disappointment from the guy who inspired that chemistry right away, I think we should really stop putting so much emphasis on that, and give more points to other characteristics initially. Give a little more time to chemistry to develop in time. Definitely, attraction is pivotal, but for women it can really grow over a little bit of time.

 

There are great men out there (not the negative ones, who wants to be with someone who hates you because of your gender), who may not inspire chemistry right off the bat, but who can become quite nice surprises once they get out of their shell. I read somewhere that these men are called "the secrets". They are not immediately attractive, but they are quite the gems.

 

I think what people have to understand is that we all have different attraction styles and trying to paint large sections of a gender can be counterproductive overall. I mean, I'm pretty quick to attraction personally, and it only grows from there to infinity if I allow it to. Not just physical, but generally that is involved. So for me, I would need to date a woman who's cool with that or even better, is similar to how she is attracted, or at least complementary.

 

Obviously, for a lot of others it is a slower burn, and occasionally is more demisexual in nature, rather than an all out lustful experience. I can apply my own experience aswell - I'm not exactly a male model and I've struggled a lot, but I'm decent looking. Of the girls I've attracted, the slower burn girls tended to be more interested after I started talking. They respected my intangible qualities - and even that can be subtle too, as not everybody may find the way I think and process things to be attractive. They didn't care how I look per se - or at least it wasn't important.

 

Looking at it this way, I can see why some people don't have it as easy as others. What is usually in fashion, in terms of relating to each other intimately, tends to leave outliers who have a different mode of attracting.

[xxoo]

Obviously, for a lot of others it is a slower burn, and occasionally is more demisexual in nature, rather than an all out lustful experience.

 

I agree with your post, but want to clarify that a slow burn can develop into full lust. I've seen it characterized as lesser and "settling", but that is not necessarily the case at all.

 

For me, at least, the instant lust based on looks often fades once I get to know a guy. It's like the rest of the package can never compete with that first impression, and it's always a disappointment

 

The men who've triggered my lust through interactions keep my desire.

[ascendotum]

I've just now done the same thing and actually, two men just appeared at my window. Surprise, surprise though, they're both twice my age and unemployed with criminal records. Hang on, I think they're undressing...

 

Ah well, looks like all these men were right. I guess since these two guys want to sleep with me that means I have an easier time in dating... Because as we all know, unsuitable guys wanting to bang you is the exact same thing as suitable guys wanting to date you. Lucky me .

I agree with the last part..its definitely not, but with OLD as IRL its a case of the good, the bad and the ugly that show interest in women. The hookup culture has made it easier, easier for fun & STRs (which suits a lot of women at certain times), but also a bit trickier for LTRs (especially so if the woman wants the same quality as the nsa guys). Can be hard for a woman to tell who has genuine relationship intentions as more guys want to clock up numbers.

 

As for the sarcastic snapping fingers for guys..if I've got it right you are not far off that. Weren't you the girl posting not too long ago being a bit bewildered with guys (and girls and neither being ugly) coming on to you strongly with no provocation from you.

[ThaWholigan]

I agree with your post, but want to clarify that a slow burn can develop into full lust. I've seen it characterized as lesser and "settling", but that is not necessarily the case at all.

 

For me, at least, the instant lust based on looks often fades once I get to know a guy. It's like the rest of the package can never compete with that first impression, and it's always a disappointment

 

The men who've triggered my lust through interactions keep my desire.

 

Oh of course, I should have clarified that aswell . It's a slow burn for a reason! It does get to full pelt - eventually . Perhaps for those with a naturally lower libido it doesn't but that doesn't =/= slow/fast burn.

 

I'm definitely a fast burner!

[Phoe]

How come when a woman has an opinion that is different, or a version of what's attractive that's different, we are just not telling the truth?

 

What the heck do I have to gain by lying?

 

Heck, the easy route would be to just agree and say all women are the same and want the same thing. Easy.

 

But I say my version, get called a liar over and over, but am still continuing to hold to my opinion. And for what? There's no benefit to it... So why would it be a lie?

[Frank2thepoint]

Heck, the easy route would be to just agree and say all women are the same and want the same thing. Easy.

 

I agree. All women are the same and want the same thing. They have soft skin and sexiness. And they all want me.

[Woggle]

I am not a woman so I won't say whether they have it easier or not. I am sure they have a bunch of struggles that men don't understand because we don't live it and it goes the other way around as well. There are things women don't understand as well.

 

I think that what frustrates a lot of men are the mixed messages we get from society. Here are a few.

 

Women complain that men don't approach anymore and that we should do the asking out but according to some women even saying hello amounts to harassment

 

Men are told that we need to be more sensitive and get in touch with our feminine side but we see all the time traditionally alpha men doing the best with women.

 

We hear all the time how women don't need men but then men get a bad rap for not committing

 

It goes on. I am not saying all women say these things but the media and pop culture ram these messages down our throat.

 

I am not blaming women in general for this because they are all individuals and many are just as confused as we are but a common reaction to confusion is anger and men don't know whether we are coming anymore and what women want from us.

[OwMyEyeball]

I am not a woman so I won't say whether they have it easier or not. I am sure they have a bunch of struggles that men don't understand because we don't live it and it goes the other way around as well. There are things women don't understand as well.

 

I think that what frustrates a lot of men are the mixed messages we get from society. Here are a few.

 

Women complain that men don't approach anymore and that we should do the asking out but according to some women even saying hello amounts to harassment

 

Men are told that we need to be more sensitive and get in touch with our feminine side but we see all the time traditionally alpha men doing the best with women.

 

We hear all the time how women don't need men but then men get a bad rap for not committing

 

It goes on. I am not saying all women say these things but the media and pop culture ram these messages down our throat.

 

I am not blaming women in general for this because they are all individuals and many are just as confused as we are but a common reaction to confusion is anger and men don't know whether we are coming anymore and what women want from us.

So this boils down to choosing to accept what you see on TV and around the Internet as fact?

 

If you don't like the message, ignore it. Most of it is there to confuse and frustrate you anyhow. Calm, happy people are terrible, terrible consumers. Terrible!

[Mister Zen]

I am not a woman so I won't say whether they have it easier or not. I am sure they have a bunch of struggles that men don't understand because we don't live it and it goes the other way around as well. There are things women don't understand as well.

 

I think that what frustrates a lot of men are the mixed messages we get from society. Here are a few.

 

Women complain that men don't approach anymore and that we should do the asking out but according to some women even saying hello amounts to harassment

 

Men are told that we need to be more sensitive and get in touch with our feminine side but we see all the time traditionally alpha men doing the best with women.

 

We hear all the time how women don't need men but then men get a bad rap for not committing

 

It goes on. I am not saying all women say these things but the media and pop culture ram these messages down our throat.

 

I am not blaming women in general for this because they are all individuals and many are just as confused as we are but a common reaction to confusion is anger and men don't know whether we are coming anymore and what women want from us.

 

I think the main issue in society today is there is an expectation for men to conform to gender roles in order to be attractive. However, women can act however they want and its accepted by society no questions asked.

 

Woman hits men. Fine

Woman plays sports. Fine

Woman wants to be a construction worker. Fine

Woman can't cook. Fine

Woman doesn't wear make up. Fine

Woman is overweight. Fine

Woman is aggressive. Fine.

Woman likes gangster rap. Fine

 

On the flip side:

 

Man cries. He is a homo.

Man not into sports? Weirdo

Man doesn't pay on first date. Selfish/cheap/stingy

Man hits woman. He is scum

Man likes Britney Spears songs. Gay/weird

 

So any time a man doesn't follow traditional gender roles society balks. When women do it.. society shrugs.

[Woggle]

When I was single I had my sexuality questioned because I have a cat. How dumb is that?

[Phoe]

When I was single I had my sexuality questioned because I have a cat. How dumb is that?

 

My ex got a cat while we were together. He did it all of his own volition, but did state how he felt he'd given up his last man card by adopting her.

 

He is now single wih a cat.

 

I personally am thrilled when I meet a man with a cat. Shows he's not afraid to get whatever animal he likes, despite the strange stigma.

[OwMyEyeball]

I think the main issue in society today is there is an expectation for men to conform to gender roles in order to be attractive. However, women can act however they want and its accepted by society no questions asked.

 

Woman hits men. Fine

Woman plays sports. Fine

Woman wants to be a construction worker. Fine

Woman can't cook. Fine

Woman doesn't wear make up. Fine

Woman is overweight. Fine

Woman is aggressive. Fine.

Woman likes gangster rap. Fine

 

On the flip side:

 

Man cries. He is a homo.

Man not into sports? Weirdo

Man doesn't pay on first date. Selfish/cheap/stingy

Man hits woman. He is scum

Man likes Britney Spears songs. Gay/weird

 

So any time a man doesn't follow traditional gender roles society balks. When women do it.. society shrugs.

Chances are you're more tender on the "flip side" of men because the messages "society" is sending you are intended to screw with your head. You're the target audience.

 

For every example you gave for women, I'm sure you'll hear many say that they get very conflicting messages that DO NOT say "fine" (unless the industry that wants them to think it's fine has a bigger advertising budget and some pull in DC). They're big juicy targets all the same with all sorts of insecurities to toy around with.

[OwMyEyeball]

When I was single I had my sexuality questioned because I have a cat. How dumb is that?

It's retarded. So why give the person who makes such silly presumptions the time of day?

[Phoe]

Chances are you're more tender on the "flip side" of men because the messages "society" is sending you are intended to screw with your head. You're the target audience.

 

For every example you gave for women, I'm sure you'll hear many say that they get very conflicting messages that DO NOT say "fine" (unless the industry that wants them to think it's fine has a bigger advertising budget and some pull in DC). They're big juicy targets all the same with all sorts of insecurities to toy around with.

 

Indeed. I don't follow traditional female roles and I get called all kinds of things for it. By not being super feminine, I'm called butch, man in drag, tranny, carpet muncher, etc.

[xxoo]

Eh, I've had my sexuality questioned (and gender ) for having short hair and wearing a snap back.

 

Who cares? Why focus on the lowest common denominator?

[preraph]

^ The right comeback to an insult about your gender like that is "I'm more of a woman than you could handle and more of a man than you'll ever be."

[Tik]

Some food for thought...

 

I am not a woman so I won't say whether they have it easier or not. I am sure they have a bunch of struggles that men don't understand because we don't live it and it goes the other way around as well. There are things women don't understand as well.

 

I think that what frustrates a lot of men are the mixed messages we get from society. Here are a few.

 

Women complain that men don't approach anymore and that we should do the asking out but according to some women even saying hello amounts to harassment. Woman complain; does not mean we're suppose to listen. Even girls sometimes do not know what they want. Harassment is only when you don't know how to play the game

 

Men are told that we need to be more sensitive and get in touch with our feminine side but we see all the time traditionally alpha men doing the best with women. Because woman don't want to date another 'girlfriend'. By feminine side they just want to see more than a guy who sees them as a quick ONS

 

We hear all the time how women don't need men but then men get a bad rap for not committing. They don't need men until they meet a guy they are interested and by the ends of the earth they will go for a guy that has captured their heart

 

It goes on. I am not saying all women say these things but the media and pop culture ram these messages down our throat. Yet who are the media mainly targetting who watch these kinds of things? And whom normally writes these things? Guess the gender. Not to mention how can a guy get advice from a woman when he is the one making the moves? It's like playing a game of poker and showing the dealer your cards and asking the dealer which cards are next even though they don't even know

 

I am not blaming women in general for this because they are all individuals and many are just as confused as we are but a common reaction to confusion is anger and men don't know whether we are coming anymore and what women want from us. Good view point here. Put simply, you have to develop the mindset of a professional athlete; ignore what the press has to say, focus on yourself and most importantly believe in yourself

[Mister Zen]

When I was single I had my sexuality questioned because I have a cat. How dumb is that?

 

That's the kind of crap I'm talking about. Any man who doesn't fit the stereotype 100% is a homo.

 

My sexuality was questioned because I refused to sleep with this slutty girl who was smashing every guy on campus. She was hot, but I wasn't interested.

[Tik]

When I was single I had my sexuality questioned because I have a cat. How dumb is that?

 

I've had friends bad mouth guys who rocked up to clubs all dressed sharp, maybe walk past a mirror and quickly fix their hair to some slight banter from their friends. Yet guess who ended up taking girls home?

 

'Sticks and stones will break my bones but if I look good I'm going to feel good and I'm going to be confident and I'm going to attract woman.

[lollipopspot]

I think the main issue in society today is there is an expectation for men to conform to gender roles in order to be attractive. However, women can act however they want and its accepted by society no questions asked.

 

Woman hits men. Fine

 

Fine? Really?

 

Woman plays sports. Fine

 

And get praise and pay for it like a man? Generally no. Compare the salaries of NBA and WNBA players.

 

Woman wants to be a construction worker. Fine

 

And get harassed on the job and told that she isn't pulling her weight, sure.

 

Woman can't cook. Fine

 

A little less fine than if a man can't cook.

 

Woman doesn't wear make up. Fine

 

Depends on the job.

 

Woman is overweight. Fine

 

Don't know where you're living. If you've seen on this site, it's pretty much the cardinal sin women can commit in terms of appearance, even though a lot of people are fat. It's certainly not fine and most fat women don't feel good about themselves.

 

Woman is aggressive. Fine.

 

Fine if you like being called an aggressive b*tch or c*nt.

 

Woman likes gangster rap. Fine

 

The role for women in gangster rap is as sexualized "b*tches." It's a very misogynistic medium and you're not taken seriously as a performer or listener.

 

You seem to think everything is roses for women. That's cool. Now there is much more acceptance for trans folks, so you might consider changing over.

 

Remember, most women get to live their lives around avoiding rape and sexualized assault. Try not going out at night or being very careful being out somewhere where you find yourself alone in the day (like a parking garage or building) or at night. Watch where you live, where you work (and how you get to and from home safely), how men look at you, if you see a male too often, be careful if you leave a window unlocked, or look to sexy, etc. Average women experience a much higher level of corporal fear/caution on a day to day basis, and work their lives around it, than average men. I realize this seems like nothing at all to men, it's completely discounted (and to some women too, especially those who are much bigger boned or have grown up very protected and don't realize their vulnerability). But I personally would trade the physical freedom of a man for every single perceived (mostly not real) benefit you think women have.

Edited November 4, 2014 by lollipopspot

[Maleficent]

That's the kind of crap I'm talking about. Any man who doesn't fit the stereotype 100% is a homo.

 

My sexuality was questioned because I refused to sleep with this slutty girl who was smashing every guy on campus. She was hot, but I wasn't interested.

 

 

When a man's sexuality is questioned, he is pretty much told he is 'a woman'. How would you feel if your gender was used as an insult?

Edited November 4, 2014 by Maleficent

[Quiet Storm]

Lollipopspot, I grew up in a very high crime city and didn't feel this inherant fear of men you speak of. You really live your day to day life avoiding assault and rape? I agree these guys on here are wrong to think women have it easy, but I don't think the average woman is walking around fearing rape. I could be wrong, though.

[Maleficent]

Lollipopspot, I grew up in a very high crime city and didn't feel this inherant fear of men you speak of. You really live your day to day life avoiding assault and rape? I agree these guys on here are wrong to think women have it easy, but I don't think the average woman is walking around fearing rape. I could be wrong, though.

 

Walking around in public in broad day light?

No. We don't

 

Walking around at night by yourself?

A little.

 

Having to cross a dark alley or a park by yourself?

Totally.

[lollipopspot]

You act like men cannot be victims of violence. Most guys I know will avoid going out at certain places at night, especially if they're alone... Men understand that bad things can happen to us, but instead of acting like our freedoms are being infringed, we just do our best to avoid dangerous situations.

 

Look, I drive around at night. I see single guys walking around downtown and all over my city, I very rarely see women. I'm not talking about the few "certain places" that everyone knows is dangerous, I'm talking about my neighborhood, the downtown in my city, the gym parking lot, the parking lot of my work and back field of my old college, etc. etc. Women aren't putting themselves in situations that men don't think twice about. I'm not sure why many people (even some women) won't get this. In my old college, women were told to get an escort to walk them to their cars at night or from the library, etc. It was often a single man who would walk back to wherever he came from by himself. My ex used to walk me to my car - it wasn't because he was so chivalrous, he was concerned about my safety. It just doesn't happen in the reverse, where a woman walks a man to his car for his safety, then walks back somewhere by herself. My city sponsors self defense classes specifically and only for women. I wonder why that is, since apparently it's equally dangerous for men and women.