How do you cope if YOU were the one who left your ex for someone else, and regret it?

[Chi townD]

He's already forgiven me, and initially I thought that that is all I needed to stop feeling what I am feeling. But despite his forgiveness I cannot seem to cope with all these emotions.

 

I'm just trying to figure out how other people who have betrayed their SO dealt with remorse and regret?

 

 

Well, the reason why you see more threads on here about men being cheated on by their wives or girlfriends is because guys don't have a support network like women do. If a girl is having a hard time or is suffering a break up, her girlfriends come running with tubs of ice cream and Netflix movies and they hug it out. Guy don't have anything remotely close. So, they find their way here looking for help.

 

 

It isn't a slight against women, it just is what it is. That's why you find more guy threads than girls. And I'm not saying we don't have any girl threads either. We have plenty of those as well.

 

 

So, you feel guilty about cheating on your Ex and even though he's forgiven you, you still feel guilty and want to know what to do about it.

 

 

Well, the most humane thing you can do for your Ex is to leave him alone. Let him heal and move on with his life. This part is going to be hard for you to read and you won't want to agree with, but you are not his friend. I'm sure he didn't enter into a loving and caring relationship with you for the end result being that he's nothing more than a really good friend to you. Now, in the future, if he reaches out to you in friendship, then that's his choice and not yours to make. So, don't try and force the issue on him, you'll just push him away and make him more angry and regretful of you. You're on his time, he's not on yours.

 

 

And if you feel guilty about cheating on him and leaving him for your affair partner; then here's comes the rub, GOOD! Feel guilty about it! Own it and learn from it. Learn that you can't treat people the way you treated your Ex and expect them to be okay with it. I'm rather shocked that he forgave you. Actually, I admire him for it. Most wouldn't be so forgiving. It shows me that your Ex is a class act and a good guy.

 

 

So, in summary, hold onto your guilt and learn from it. Trust me, it will go away in time. But, until that happens, learn. Leave your Ex alone. Even though he's forgiven you, it still doesn't change the fact that he's working through a betrayal. Who knows! He might find his way on here and we'll be here to help him with that. And remember, you were in the drivers seat when you cheated on him and left. He's in the drivers seat as far as any future relationship is concerned.

[me85]

Not to be cold or cruel towards you but you made your bed now you have to lie in it. Sulk in it. Beat yourself up in it. Etc , etc ...

 

What's done is done. You sincerely apologized to your ex for hurting him. That sure is more than I got. Much more. My ex never said sorry. I'm not sure it would've mattered to me at the time but it would now that I've moved on.

 

Focus on your current RS and never jump ship like that again. Cheating is all the way around wrong. You've lived and learned from the situation, right? So now go make your boyfriend a sandwich! LOL

[dclan]

You know a lot of you , telling her that "she should feel guilty" and that, thats just wrong.

 

The actual purpose of her post was about her guilt eating her up. Its not like she came here without guilt, and just wanted to selfeshly get back her ex. She doesn't needs a constant reminder of her guilt.

 

I suppose its far easier for you guys to gang up on the sad girl on the internet, rather than being men, picking up the phone and telling all that crap you want to say to your exs.

 

She feels guilty, she knows it, she is just trying to sort out her feelings.

 

Stop behaving like children, and treating her like that.

[amaysngrace]

Honey he'll forget all about the broken heart you gave him as soon as he goes our and gets laid.

 

That's a fact.

 

Stop acting like a victim here. You made a choice. Live with it and move on.

 

Because I hate to tell you but karma did catch up with you because you brought a raincloud into your new relationship by focusing on your ex. Your conscience won't allow you to be happy in your new relationship because you're sad about the old one.

 

So there's your karma.

 

You don't "deserve" it either. But you're the only one who can convince yourself of that. You made a choice. Big deal.

 

He will get laid again. I promise.

[Atmosphere77]

I would think that contacting the ex for more apologies without a reconciliation plan would only lead to him feeling more pain and you feeling more guilt. He will get over the pain as you will eventually get over the guilt. Setting him back isn't fair to him

[devilish innocent]

If you really want to get over this, you might want to study some of the basic tenet's of cognitive behavioral psychology. What we feel is often a direct reflection of what we tell ourselves. As long as you keep saying things like you deserve to feel this way and that you're a terrible person, as you've mentioned in this thread, you're going to keep feeling horrible about yourself. If you really do want to feel better about this, then you need to believe that you deserve to feel better. You'll never believe any of that as long as you keep trash talking yourself. You'll start feeling better when you believe you deserve to feel better. You'll believe you deserve to feel better when you start telling yourself you deserve to feel better.

 

And honestly, I really do think you have nothing to feel bad about. This is what dating is about. Everybody takes that risk that things will end and their heart will get broken. The only other option would be to rush into a covenant marriage so nobody has to take that risk, but that would probably be much worse in the long run. Just because you had to be the one to break his heart doesn't make you a bad person in any way, shape, or form. Even if you started dating immediately afterward, that still doesn't mean you have a reason to feel guilty. Once you leave someone, you're free to do what you want. Whether it happened immediately or not, he would have still had to face the pain of you moving on at some point. That's also part of the risk of dating. At least he got the worst of it all over with at once.

 

I would also strongly recommend that you stay away from this section of the forum. A lot of people on here are currently going through a heartache. They're not going to be thinking rationally about dumpers. If you keep listening to those peoples views of things, you will think what you did was much worse than it actually was.

 

You also don't need to keep constantly reading about how miserable every dumpee feels. That's just going to keep reminding you of the pain you caused your ex. If you really don't want to feel guilty, then stop doing that to yourself.

 

Good luck!

[mightycpa]

Wow. Get over yourself. Somehow, someday, he's going to manage to get over you. He's going to forget that broken heart, and he's going to wonder why he felt so bad and acted like such a pussy about it. He will be relieved he's no longer with you and you'll probably be the last person he ever makes relationship mistakes with.

 

What you should feel bad about is that you got to know the worst version of him that he'll ever be from now on. He will do nothing but improve, and one day in the distant future you'll think about him, but you'll be the furthest thing from his mind.

 

Seriously, don't worry about it. It happens to lots of people every day. It was an unfortunate byproduct of you doing what you had to do. It is not your responsibility how he reacts, so put it behind you.