Jealousy and fear he won't like how I look in person, self-esteem down, don't know...

[KismetGirl]

That is no indication about anything, really. So he says he wants you and he's not seeing the other girl, and you think "I'm yours!" and that's it? That is very very naive. After all the months of wait, this guy could say whatever to get you in bed. Then, when you're home, he can stop talking to you or say he thought hard and long that he can't have a LDR. We've seen a number of similar cases on here. And broken hearted girls left after sleeping with the guy.

 

If you already know you're just going to be putty in his hands, just meet up for a coffee where nothing too graphic can happen.

 

Just think of this: your future also and greatly depends on you.

 

Hey

 

Well, no, I wouldn't just take him at face value on it I guess. Why would he say he can't have an LDR? We won't be far apart-- he and I live in the same city so in 9 weeks we will be in the same city permanently-- maybe you misunderstood on that, but Im overseas and far from him right now just temporarily for a work assignment. He and I do actually live in the same area, even in close neighborhoods.

 

Anyway yes I suppose he could just have sex once and never call me again but I dont think after four months of talking to me every single day he's out just for a booty call specifically....if he is that's a lot of effort to make. We spend hours upon hours talking on a weekly basis. But who knows, crazier things have happened.

 

My plan was to meet him in a public place of course and just have a chat and gauge interaction in person first. I can't say I'd be able to totally say no to even a kiss after all this time, but I could pretty easily say that I can't sleep with him unless I'm positive he's not seeing anyone else anymore. But I mean, really, at a certain point I do have to trust what he says right? Unless I demand those girls numbers so i can confirm with all of them, which seems a bit looney at best.

[KismetGirl]

I think that what I find troubling the most is that he is dating someone and hiding you, going to the toilet to talk to you while they are together. That's a pretty deceitful behaviour and shows what he is capable of. I don't think any quality guy would do that.

 

Yes this is something to consider. To be fair, I just assume that he is with her when I dont hear from him-- i could just be neurotic i dont know. None of my texts were going through to his phone last night and this morning he asked me why i didnt message him last night per usual. He said he was just home with his flatmate watching movies.

 

Either he is a master manipulator making elaborate lies to explain why he didnt answer my texts (and up till now he has had no problem telling me when he is with someone else, despite it upsetting me), or else maybe he is sneaking off to say hi to me when they are together.

 

According to him she said he can be with other girls but she doesnt want to know about it. Im not sure if I believe this. He has said it is one of the things that he finds weird about her. He asked me if I want him to tell her about me. I sort of said maybe he should but I didn't push the idea. Maybe I should insist on it, I dont know.

[KismetGirl]

I want to say that he may seem like a typical guy who wants a skinny girl, but really this is not how a typical guy behaves. The greatest percentage of women are normal, meaning they are not skinny models. Who dates these girls? The typical guys you are referring to. A man when asked will say that he'd like this or that model, but this man will fall in love with a normal girl in the end.

 

I want to ask you another thing though that has nothing to do with this guy: Why don't you try to date guys where you live at the moment? Why are you stuck with this guy? I will bet my head there will be dozens of guys who will be interested in dating you but you are so preoccupied with this jerk who wants his pie and wants to eat it too that you can't see them. I know we always ask for honesty and this guy seems to be honest with you, but I can't not notice that he sees you as another possible chick and not as something special. I mean, what is he losing hanging out with you? You are a smart woman, you adore him as a god, he has a good time on skype with you and then he goes and has sex with the young chick. In the contrary you lose so much, you give him all your free time, you ruin your heart and mind thinking and worrying about him while he has fun with his in real life girlfriend, on whom by the way he emotionally cheats with you but that's another story. Why are you doing this to yourself?

 

I suggest that you cut him out totally and try to meet new people, have fun the two months you are there, try to fix your self esteem and forget about this jerk who wants it all. Do not accept to be second or third choice for a man, cause this is how he will perceive you as well later. Demand to be someone special and choice number one. Please do this for yourself and I am sure you'll come in here in no time to tell us that you are living the love of your life. Trust me. I was there, I know. Long distance relationships where you haven't even met aren't reality. Stop living in a fantasy world, cause the time you are spending on skype your destiny walks out of your window and you just let it go.

 

SOrry i completely missed this post somehow

 

Yes you're right on very many points. Dating someone while Im here is not realistic-- I've tried and I just dont have the time for it in the short time im here while im working, studying for some things, working on some research, and trying to see my family and friends while im here takes whatever little tiny bit of free time i have. I just dont have time to date-- any "dating" would end up being once every week or two and thats just not worth it. It ends up becoming potentially a one night stand here and there or something essentially. Ive talked to several guys while here and just never had time to meet with any of them.

 

So in some ways this trip has been great but it has put my dating abilities on hold like six months. In reality I won't have time for that until I go back to where Im living currently which is the city this guy is in too. I guess thats why its different-- i know that even if i meet someone here it doesnt matter cause im leaving in 9 weeks. He is in his permanent location and so he can feasibly date someone he meets in this time period.

 

Look-- if he was talking to me for a week i'd say maybe he's just out to get laid, but he's spent an inordinate amount of time talking to me the last two months. Hours and hours on skype on weekends, texting all day and night, etc etc. If he's out for a one nighter when im home he's putting a four month effort into it, so hell, maybe he deserves it (joking). Seriously though I think his sincerest efforts right now are basically that he likes me a lot, that if i were there he'd be dating me, but since I'm not and since I'm still a bit of an "unknown" he continues to date others in the meantime but talk to me and hopefully when im there we'll get on in person too.

 

Only one way to find out i suppose. Yes i wish i could forget about him the next two months but i just dont know how to do it. It's hard but maybe its best. I tried ignoring him a couple days and it didnt work too well. Im a bit worried that ignoring him will be a bit passive agressive and will drive him into someone else's arms even more. At least now he still makes effort to spend a good part of each day talking to me so we keep that "interest" alive. Im afraid if we dont speak at all I will become "out of sight and out of mind".

[justwhoiam]

Hey

 

Well, no, I wouldn't just take him at face value on it I guess. Why would he say he can't have an LDR? We won't be far apart-- he and I live in the same city so in 9 weeks we will be in the same city permanently-- maybe you misunderstood on that, but Im overseas and far from him right now just temporarily for a work assignment. He and I do actually live in the same area, even in close neighborhoods.

 

Anyway yes I suppose he could just have sex once and never call me again but I dont think after four months of talking to me every single day he's out just for a booty call specifically....if he is that's a lot of effort to make. We spend hours upon hours talking on a weekly basis. But who knows, crazier things have happened.

 

My plan was to meet him in a public place of course and just have a chat and gauge interaction in person first. I can't say I'd be able to totally say no to even a kiss after all this time, but I could pretty easily say that I can't sleep with him unless I'm positive he's not seeing anyone else anymore. But I mean, really, at a certain point I do have to trust what he says right? Unless I demand those girls numbers so i can confirm with all of them, which seems a bit looney at best.

I tried to warn you. What you do is up to you. There have been girls cut off after the first visit, after one year of LD talking........ Think well, before making decisions that can turn against you. Have some self respect. This guy seems to get what he wants easily. That's my perception.

 

(Regarding the I can't do the LDR comment, that was just an example of excuse, I understand it wouldn't fit in your situation, so think any other lousy excuse like: "I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship right now", or anything else that can let him drop you).

[KismetGirl]

I tried to warn you. What you do is up to you. There have been girls cut off after the first visit, after one year of LD talking........ Think well, before making decisions that can turn against you. Have some self respect. This guy seems to get what he wants easily. That's my perception.

 

(Regarding the I can't do the LDR comment, that was just an example of excuse, I understand it wouldn't fit in your situation, so think any other lousy excuse like: "I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship right now", or anything else that can let him drop you).

 

Ah, gotcha.

 

I guess that's true but I suppose I've been ditched before after one date, two dates, five dates, a month-- what's the difference?

 

Anyway as tempted as I was I was sort of expecting a kiss on the first date if all goes well...beyond that Id kind of want some assurance he's not seeing others anymore. I understand your concept of "self respect" and whatnot but at what point is it ok to give in? I mean really I hate this playing games stuff, it seems so annoying. Is it somehow better if he dumps me after i sleep with him after three dates? five? Lets be honest im not going to talk to him for four months, then want to do another two months in person of hand holding dates and quick kisses good bye before I hook up with him physically. It just seems that aside from not doing it on the first date, everything else is not going to make a difference-- if he's motivated enough to talk to me this long just to sleep with me once, then he'll be motivated enough to hang out with me 2, 3 or 4 times to do it also. Just seems like if someone dumps you when you like them you'll be hurt no matter what. I've dated someone for one date and slept with them and ended up with them for a year, and I've dated someone else for 2 weeks before I finally hooked up with them (after knowing them a year) and they broke up with me after one more week after that. I suppose if a guy really likes you he'll stay no matter which date you slept with him.

 

I suppose your point is how badly I'll feel if I give in right away and he dumps me, or if I wait a while and then give in and then he dumps me.

 

I suppose I'll feel pretty sh**ty either way at this point because I like him a lot. I could say I'll do so and so now but really it's more touch and go I guess....hard to make any decision when I haven't gauged how he is in person yet. As I said...maybe he won't even like me in person. Or maybe I won't like him. Who knows.

[justwhoiam]

See my post #20 in this thread for answers to your questions.

Edited November 4, 2014 by justwhoiam