Would you date anyone not as educated as you?

[Tayken]

Totally agree! I am getting a Masters in a low paying field that isn't nearly as "important" as engineering or something.

 

The Best And Worst Master's Degrees For Jobs - Forbes

 

Best-Paying and Worst-Paying Master?s Degrees

[Michelle ma Belle]

Not to take anything away from this, but it's not a 6 figure salary job and most of the charity money comes from taxpayers

 

http://www.millierdickinsonblais.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/2009_National_Salary_Survey_Report.pdf

 

Again...Nowhere did I say those with degrees are clever than those that don't have one. What am saying is more to do with the earning potentials should a marriage fail.

 

If your spouse hold no post secondary quals / has been a stay at home, it will come back and bit you in the a$$ period. A spouse that has a degree is inputted a wage by the family court law based on the earning potentials of that degree. A person with no degree is inputted minimum wage.

 

Although you make a soft reference to it in your opening post, the title of your thread as well as the open-ended question speaks to the contrary.

 

If you wanted to make this JUST about how education and wage discrepancies play out in marriages and how it is or can be a contributing factor in why some marriages fail then perhaps you should have named your thread accordingly.

 

Otherwise I think I answered the question appropriately.

Edited November 3, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[Tayken]

That really depends on what a marriage is valued on...earning potential or a future together. If one person only values material things...it won't go far...and that is not merited on education...but is very educational.

 

 

So say it is based on this, and then you bring kids into the equation, which means upbringing, activities, clothing, etc. Add to this only 1 spouse is the higher earner or only earner because one has decided to quit their job and stay at home......see the strain this can have on a relationship?

 

Kids (girls) doing dance, (boys) playing hockey or both sexes playing hockey. Bigger car to get around, bigger home, vacation, etc

 

Oh..sometimes you have a woman with kids who is divorced, and then a guy has to take on all that baggage on top of his own, only because she claims to love him i.e. blended family.

 

How many women that have their kids all the time, will be willing to shack up with a guy not earning much?

[jjtr]

So say it is based on this, and then you bring kids into the equation, which means upbringing, activities, clothing, etc. Add to this only 1 spouse is the higher earner or only earner because one has decided to quit their job and stay at home......see the strain this can have on a relationship?

 

Kids (girls) doing dance, (boys) playing hockey or both sexes playing hockey. Bigger car to get around, bigger home, vacation, etc

 

Oh..sometimes you have a woman with kids who is divorced, and then a guy has to take on all that baggage on top of his own, only because she claims to love him i.e. blended family.

 

How many women that have their kids all the time, will be willing to shack up with a guy not earning much?

 

Honestly, I have never met anyone who is so caught up in earnings potential in relationships as you seem to be.

 

People make it work. It's called sacrifice. Life, in general, including marriage, is not a piece of cake for the vast majority of people. The vast majority of people do not make six figures or anywhere near it. When my brother was born, my mother quit her teaching job and was a stay-at-home mom while my dad managed a retail store (he later got into sales and made much better money, but the point stands). After my brother was beyond infancy, she went back to work as a teacher's aide. Nine years later, they had me. She once again decided to stay-at-home until I was older. Did they go through difficult times where finances were tight? Absolutely. But it not only didn't break their marriage, it didn't impact our upbringing. We lived in a decent house, in a good neighborhood and were provided with more things than a lot of kids get.

 

I'm not really even sure what point you're trying to make other than potential financial difficulties should one person lose/decide to leave their job. As far as a divorce goes, here in the US, everything gets split 50/50 anyway so it really doesn't matter.

[xxoo]

So say it is based on this, and then you bring kids into the equation, which means upbringing, activities, clothing, etc. Add to this only 1 spouse is the higher earner or only earner because one has decided to quit their job and stay at home......see the strain this can have on a relationship?

 

Kids (girls) doing dance, (boys) playing hockey or both sexes playing hockey. Bigger car to get around, bigger home, vacation, etc

 

What does it matter in this equation who earns more?

 

Assuming 4 families each with a 100k household income, it doesn't matter if it is earned by the parents:

 

50-50

30-70

80-20

100-0

 

It's still the same amout of money to budget.

 

Yes, raising a family is financially tougher with a lower household income, but millions of devoted couples manage just fine on a budget. Like my parents, things were very tight when our kids were small, and finances have eased as they got older and I returned to working more. I wouldn't change a thing.

[Emilia]

'Educated' is subjective. I go for smarts and common sense. The British education system in primary and secondary schools is shocking (I think it's good in pre-school and at university level).

 

I went to the gym the other day and was asked if I had a preference for a locker as they are all numbered. The guy was just trying to be friendly, I'm not asked this question usually.

 

I asked for any number as long as it was odd (they were the ones that were more comfortable to reach as they are on top, the even numbered ones are down at the bottom).

 

He looked at me, thought about it and gave me an even numbered key. Since I'm not paranoid to assume he wanted to screw me over on purpose, I gather he doesn't know the difference between odd and even numbers Granted, this is just a gym receptionist but this is primary school stuff. He could have gone on to having a degree in English or whatever and still not know the difference.

 

So I'm all for people that are well-read, educate themselves every now and then and taken an interest in the world around them.

[Tayken]

Honestly, I have never met anyone who is so caught up in earnings potential in relationships as you seem to be.

 

People make it work. It's called sacrifice. Life, in general, including marriage, is not a piece of cake for the vast majority of people. The vast majority of people do not make six figures or anywhere near it. When my brother was born, my mother quit her teaching job and was a stay-at-home mom while my dad managed a retail store (he later got into sales and made much better money, but the point stands). After my brother was beyond infancy, she went back to work as a teacher's aide. Nine years later, they had me. She once again decided to stay-at-home until I was older. Did they go through difficult times where finances were tight? Absolutely. But it not only didn't break their marriage, it didn't impact our upbringing. We lived in a decent house, in a good neighborhood and were provided with more things than a lot of kids get.

 

I'm not really even sure what point you're trying to make other than potential financial difficulties should one person lose/decide to leave their job. As far as a divorce goes, here in the US, everything gets split 50/50 anyway so it really doesn't matter.

 

 

But indefinite alimony does right...In most states because the Govt doesn't want to be left looking after someone i.e. it's a game of TAG.

 

I noticed how everyone seems to be talking about their parents, but those times were different compared to now. Additionally, why is it that 1 in every 2 marriages now fail which was something that didn't happen then?

 

The amount of divorces out there today is indicative of a different era and mentality. For those that have not been married, you won't get it until you have done just that, and the ones that have been married before and now have kids to fend for, know exactly why they won't settle for that garbage man or grocery store cashier.

Edited November 3, 2014 by Tayken

[Tik]

I did and by god did she not have her head more screwed on than me even after my 2 degrees and studying at a prestigious high school. Heck, her occupation was as your simple receptionist. I still miss the philosophical conversations we'd deeply get into. Life experience > education.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I think you can tell a lot about someone's intelligence just by sitting and speaking to them, that's more important for me than somebody who has a formal further education.

 

I've only dated one guy who didn't have a college degree, but he was a smart guy who was more than capable of the academic rigours necessary (he'd been and dropped out for personal reasons, although he coped well with the work) and with whom I could have a really intellectual conversation. Everybody else I've dated has had between an undergraduate degree and a professorship, admittedly the professor must hands down be the smartest of all of them, both in the formal stuff but also in the way he spoke, the words he used, the lines of thought he went down, but those things although they gave me cause to admire him didn't make him any better a partner than the guy who hadn't completed a degree.

 

I did date a guy who didn't have any education post high school and it was kinda embarrassing the really, really simple stuff he didn't know (for example he had never heard the word 'anorexia' before and his political beliefs were super... well let's just say he was kinda the target audience for parties like BNP and UKIP here in the UK, didn't think things through too much). We never made it past a few dates, it was a nightmare. I had to dumb myself down so much to just hold a conversation with him and he'd sometimes tell me to 'stop using big words' over just every day regular words like.... I don't know, 'conundrum'. Having said that, the guy had his own business and was making a very decent living for himself, and of all the guys I've dated was earning probably more than any of them barring the professor. So what he lacked in kinda English skills he made up for in business sense and drive and ambition. But unfortunately we were on such different levels intellectually it was impossible to make work.

 

My current boyfriend has an undergradate degree while I have same plus a Masters degree. They're no different to be honest, nobody who is capable of an undergrad is incapable of a Masters, it's just down to who chooses to go further or not and why. I now have a professional qualification/registration rather than just an academic MA, whereas he doesn't, and that's causing a disparity already in earning power, with him only able to get minimum wage jobs and me earning maybe 40% more I guess. But he went back to college once we moved for my new job this year and is now studying himself to get his own professional registration to get better jobs

 

So yes, I have and would date people more and less educated than me. But I wouldn't be able to date somebody who was incapable of using the English language properly, whose spelling was worse than most kids I know or whose vocab was so shocking they didn't know even regular words. It's too much of a barrier and makes them come across as 'stupid' even if they aren't, which is a huge turn off.

[mr_dave]

I don't really think education or qualifications count for too much to be honest, they aren't a very good measure of someone's intelligence or wisdom.

 

You only have to watch quiz shows on television - the lack of general knowledge of people in prestigious professions can be staggering.

I remember a chartered accountant recently thinking that Vienna is in Italy.

 

I have a BSc in Physics, speak three foreign languages quite well (self taught), breezed through school and A Levels, have travelled the world and yet am working as a postman. I'm not particularly ambitious with regard to a career at all. I work to live - my job is stress free, not in the least bit strenuous, and it pays more than the national average.

Some of my peers have graduated with more letters following their names and entered more prestigious professions, yet still haven't grown up or developed a knowledge of the world around us.

 

To answer the question, I would definitely date someone less educated than I am, provided they were intelligent and not ignorant.

[Taramere]

So the question is, would you date someone that isn't educated past high school even though they might be damn good looking? Personally...h3ll NO!

 

Until very recently I've always been of the opinion that I would date anybody I liked, regardless of education. However, there's a problem in that it doesn't necessarily matter how non-judgemental (UK spelling, btw, before anybody jumps in commenting on the irony) you are about other people not being educated. In my personal experience, the people who are most judgemental about this issue have been people who didn't go to university themselves and who seem to feel compelled to pass adverse commentary on those who did.

 

My brother is a bit like that. My sister-in-law is very like that. I often feel a bit ostracised by them, and I think the education thing plays quite a major role in that. My parents (who are both well educated people) have experienced the same thing. Having your accomplishments put down, when you haven't been in any way boasting, or feeling ostracised because you're viewed as a bit nerdy is not pleasant. The last thing I'd want would be to be in a relationship with a guy who did that...or had friends/relatives who were prone to doing it.

 

If I ever have a relationship again, I want to have a sense of belonging within it. I don't want to find myself constantly making self deprecating comments in a misguided attempt to get along with people who are desperate to show me how much better equipped their education at "the University of Life" left them.

 

So, I'd be pretty wary to be honest. Nothing to do with money, but a whole lot to do with past experience of people who haven't received a tertiary education and have a bit of an attitude about others who have. Or who might not even have an attitude about it, but who just think that because you've got whatever qualification, you're not really one of them.

Edited November 3, 2014 by Taramere

[Tayken]

Until very recently I've always been of the opinion that I would date anybody I liked, regardless of education. However, there's a problem in that it doesn't necessarily matter how non-judgemental (UK spelling, btw, before anybody jumps in commenting on the irony) you are about other people not being educated. In my personal experience, the people who are most judgemental about this issue have been people who didn't go to university themselves and who seem to feel compelled to pass adverse commentary on those who did.

 

My brother is a bit like that. My sister-in-law is very like that. I often feel a bit ostracised by them, and I think the education thing plays quite a major role in that. My parents (who are both well educated people) have experienced the same thing. Having your accomplishments put down, when you haven't been in any way boasting, or feeling ostracised because you're viewed as a bit nerdy is not pleasant. The last thing I'd want would be to be in a relationship with a guy who did that...or had friends/relatives who were prone to doing it.

 

If I ever have a relationship again, I want to have a sense of belonging within it. I don't want to find myself constantly making self deprecating comments in a misguided attempt to get along with people who are desperate to show me how much better equipped their education at "the University of Life" left them.

 

So, I'd be pretty wary to be honest. Nothing to do with money, but a whole lot to do with past experience of people who haven't received a tertiary education and have a bit of an attitude about others who have. Or who might not even have an attitude about it, but who just think that because you've got whatever qualification, you're not really one of them.

 

 

Mate...this is right on the money (no pun intended).

[Phoe]

people who didn't go to university themselves and who seem to feel compelled to pass adverse commentary on those who did.

 

I've had this happen. My ex got downright angry at me over it. I was completely confused, I had no idea why he was lashing out at me.

[Michelle ma Belle]

If I ever have a relationship again, I want to have a sense of belonging within it. I don't want to find myself constantly making self deprecating comments in a misguided attempt to get along with people who are desperate to show me how much better equipped their education at "the University of Life" left them.

 

Good point but then again can't you say the same about people who are highly educated as well?

 

I mean, I've met and dated very intelligent men with loads of credentials but being with them and conversing with them on ANY subject often felt just as desperate. It was as if they felt the need to parade these credentials around like a trophy at every opportunity and "prove" they're smarter than everyone else (even if they're not). These were often the same people who had a terrible habit of talking down AT people rather than engaging with them on a peer-to-peer level.

 

This kind of attitude isn't exclusive to "University of life" people.

[Taramere]

I've had this happen. My ex got downright angry at me over it. I was completely confused, I had no idea why he was lashing out at me.

 

I've reacted a couple of times to commentary like that. It's not worth it. Better just to distance yourself from people who have that toxic attitude.

[Taramere]

Good point but then again can't you say the same about people who are highly educated as well?

 

I mean, I've met and dated very intelligent men with loads of credentials but being with them and conversing with them on ANY subject often felt just as desperate. It was as if they felt the need to parade these credentials around like a trophy at every opportunity and "prove" they're smarter than everyone else (even if they're not). These were often the same people who had a terrible habit of talking down AT people rather than engaging with them on a peer-to-peer level.

 

This kind of attitude isn't exclusive to "University of life" people.

 

Yes, it cuts both ways for sure, and I've met the kind of people you're talking about too. It's boastful and patronising, but usually when I've met people like that, even though no doubt they think they're vastly superior to me, they've been friendly and welcoming enough.

 

I don't want to suggest that every person who hasn't been to university is that type I described. I suppose it's just that there are quite a few times I've had to be in the company of people who are, and those times haven't been happy experiences for me. I guess we all tend to be influenced by our personal experiences as regards how we perceive this.

[acrosstheuniverse]

So, I'd be pretty wary to be honest. Nothing to do with money, but a whole lot to do with past experience of people who haven't received a tertiary education and have a bit of an attitude about others who have. Or who might not even have an attitude about it, but who just think that because you've got whatever qualification, you're not really one of them.

 

I've had this, people putting me down making jokes about how I must be 'oh so smart' for having a Masters degree... a MA, mind you, not a Doctorate. No personal research, contributed nothing to the body of academic work, just an MA. Or people suggest that because I have a postgraduate education I can't possibly have any idea what it's like to be in their difficult position (I mean, I grew up in poverty on a council estate, watched my parents divorced, siblings in jail, self harmed, went through numerous health problems, lost my Mom to alcoholism and have had my share of broken hearts... but none of that apparently is possible if you've attained a postgrad qualification!). Sometimes it's frustrating to try and have to prove yourself to people you're in a position to try and help that you really, truly are just a flawed person with a reality-based grip on the world, when they presume that you must have had the kind of background that most people who study medicine at Oxford or Cambridge have come from.

 

In contrast, in my circle pretty much all adults have undergraduate degrees minimum and then some have additional postgrad MAs or teaching qualifications and I don't know of any that would ever look down on somebody who didn't go to uni. The general consensus is that because pretty much all of us went to uni and got a degree, you wouldn't even notice if somebody hadn't. And because many of us ended up pizza delivering or working minimum wage sales jobs based on a degree, you wonder whether uni was such a smart idea anyway. So even if someone hadn't been to uni it'd be difficult for them to have done much worse for themselves than most of us did at some point after uni, without being actually unemployed.

 

Given that most people go to uni at 18, it generally tends to be seen that it's something we all sleepwalked into because it was the done thing. And whether you went or not kinda was a culmination of your background, what your parents did, and how much support they gave you to pursue further education, what value they played on education in the first place. So not exactly an achievement on many of our parts, just one of those things that you're either lucky enough to have been given the right tools to do before you were old enough to really make the decision to do so independently of everything else, or your background didn't point you that way.

 

I have more respect for people who went later in life, while juggling three jobs and a couple of kids, because it was their dream or because they needed to access a career that required a qualification, than 18 year olds that just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

 

That was a bit of a ramble!

[gaius]

I grew up in a weird mix where most of the women had some form of higher education (mostly RN degrees) and the men were blue collar so I have respect for both. Never felt intimidated by a woman because she had a high degree. Even a doctorate. Their needs and desires aren't that different.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Hi! I have an MA. I have a good job in my field. The man I love has no college degree (he dropped out after 2 years). He makes more than 3X what I earn.

 

Who should dump who?

[MissBee]

I ask the question because of rational thinking, as opposed to anything else. There are a myriad of other reasons why if you are very educated and you spouse isn't, it can come back and bit you in the a$$ should your relationship go south.

 

I was just at a place this evening getting a hot drink that cost $1.60. I gave the woman $2.10 expecting to get 2 quarters back. She looked at me and said "you gave me too much". I told her the reason why, and you should have seen her all confused and won't even open the till to give me change

 

It took her a minute to figure it out, and I was shocked. Previously this sort of thing has only happened with teenagers at grocery stores, but I was shocked to see this happen with an adult.

 

So the question is, would you date someone that isn't educated past high school even though they might be damn good looking? Personally...h3ll NO!

 

Being intelligent and educated aren't the same.

 

I think of educated as formal schooling, proven by degrees, whereas being intelligent and having common sense are completely separate.

 

Therefore, I'd date someone less educated but not significantly less intelligent though. I'm currently a PhD student, not that many people get PhDs, so in general most men I date are technically less educated in that I usually have had a lot more formal education than they have had. However, that didn't prevent them from being intelligent, being able to have intelligent, critical and challenging discussions or having common sense.

 

I'm horrible at math though...most men I've been with have been better at it than I've been.

 

I've seriously dated one person with only a high school diploma, but he was very intelligent and ambitious and had his own business and in speaking to him you'd never assume he was anything other than college educated as he was very well-read and well-traveled so knew a lot about different things and spoke well.

 

However, generally I'd say that I prefer to date a man who has at least been college educated as in my own experience that usually helps with us having more common life experience and reference points. He doesn't need to have a graduate degree or have the same level of education as I do, but college educated at minimum tends to work better for me for the reasons I've mentioned. IF I met a man who could have similar reference points, similar understandings of the world, similar levels of ambition as I do without that, then I wouldn't rule him out but in my experience though I find I tend to have way less common references and experiences with men who've only been high school educated.

Edited November 3, 2014 by MissBee

[Rejected Rosebud]

Being intelligent and educated aren't the same.

 

I think of educated as formal schooling, proven by degrees, whereas being intelligent and having common sense are completely separate.

 

I agree. And the OP gave an example of a girl he thought was stupid, but that example really does not relate at all to the topic here which is about education.

 

Some people I know live in academia and are most compatible with others who do that too. But that is not about who earns more $$.

 

If the OP wants to go out with women who earn the same amount of income as he does that is fine for him but it doesn't necessarily have the same value to others.

[xxoo]

The issues of education and money are getting mixed up in this thread. It seems that the OP is worried about an income disparity borne out of education disparity, and the potential alimony requirements should a divorce occur.

 

Living around real couples with children, I meet few who have matching earnings, even if they have similar education. One spouse typically takes on more of the parenting than the other. I know a physician mom who worked pt until her kids were school age, a lot of stay-home moms with masters degrees in sciences, and a few dads who work in less demanding industries while the wife is in a high powered career.

 

When you have a real family, it is very different from a hypothetical situation. I can understand wanting a partner with a similar intellect, respect for education, and goals for the family. But once a family is established, trust is a necessary ingredient. If your focus is on the bottom line and equality of earning, rather than how to best meet the needs of the family and the individuals in it, you will likely fulfill your own prophecy of divorce.

[Got it]

I ask the question because of rational thinking, as opposed to anything else. There are a myriad of other reasons why if you are very educated and you spouse isn't, it can come back and bit you in the a$$ should your relationship go south.

 

I was just at a place this evening getting a hot drink that cost $1.60. I gave the woman $2.10 expecting to get 2 quarters back. She looked at me and said "you gave me too much". I told her the reason why, and you should have seen her all confused and won't even open the till to give me change

 

It took her a minute to figure it out, and I was shocked. Previously this sort of thing has only happened with teenagers at grocery stores, but I was shocked to see this happen with an adult.

 

So the question is, would you date someone that isn't educated past high school even though they might be damn good looking? Personally...h3ll NO!

 

It depends. Maybe but would need a great deal of life experience instead. And stupid is not an excuse at any level. I can't do stupid. Or narrow minded.

[Davey L]

It's not the education but the intelligence that matters. My wife did not have much formal education but is intelligent enough for me.

 

I've met over-educated women who seem to lack intelligence and for me they seem unattractive.

 

I admit when I was very young I pursued physically attractive but stupid girls, but with increasing maturity I preferred interesting and intelligent women.

[Snaggletooth]

Eduction bothers me not jot, it's not exactly a reflection of intelligence. I'll take the honest, decent down to earth lass with sensibility, integrity and good heart, regardless of her education/job/income.