Would you date anyone not as educated as you?

[kiss_andmakeup]

My last long-term boyfriend (prior to my current relationship) had nothing more advanced than a high school diploma. My fiancé (husband in less than two weeks now) is a medical doctor, so needless to say, his years of post-high school education have been many. I can honestly say that both are equally intellectually competent, capable men. I'm sure my ex knew more about his trade (cooking), and obviously my fiancé knows significantly more about his chosen field. But when it comes to being able to initiate and participate in stimulating conversation - from intellectual discussions, to casual banter, to friendly debates, and everything in between - they are more or less equals.

 

So - is intelligence an important factor in my choosing of a mate? 100% yes - absolutely. Education, not as much so. I need my partner to have direction and motivation in his life - passion for one's craft is always attractive - but beyond that, I don't much care what their most advanced degree is, or how many letters come after their name.

 

Signed, a lowly and humble cosmetology license-holding hairstylist who loves her work.

Edited November 3, 2014 by kiss_andmakeup

[avintagegirl]

That is good to know, and yes our parents went above and beyond to support the family, but these days things are different i.e. there is more entitlement feeling in the air, the need to have the best at someone else' expense, Facebook posts to boast about a glamorous life, how a BF is so great etc

 

A lot of people might claim that they will date a man with not a glamorous job, but am sure that guy will have to look like Brad Pitt.

 

Not everyone is like that. There are still people who could care less about what people post on Facebook and what someone else has. (As a side note, I am not a fan of Facebook at all - I think it's intrusive.)

 

For me its not about what a man looks like. I could care less if my bf looks like Tom Selleck (much sexier to me than Mr. Pitt). If he has intelligence, kindness, integrity and he loves me and I love him, that is what counts. Id rather have a sincere, balding and portly man than one that looks like Mr. Selleck and does not have those qualities.

[carhill]

So the question is, would you date someone that isn't educated past high school even though they might be damn good looking?

 

Yeah, I did and married one. I also dated a CPA and had a relationship with a doctor along the way, so women who were far more educated than I was. Overall, I found formal education had very little to do with with relationship dynamics, with intrinsic personality and family of origin dynamics having far larger play.

 

FWIW, I was doing that kind of math before entering grade school, luckily having a father who was a CPA and taught me to do math in my head, and a high school diploma is all I have. I did go to engineering school but didn't finish so that doesn't count. The first calculator I used I built from a kit, in 1969, the same year as the moon landing. Man, that sure made doing math easier!

 

Some people weren't exposed to that, hence your experience with the barista. A lot of women of my generation were never indoctrinated into mental math, especially as children. Also, spend enough time with a electronic POS terminal that has pictures and tells one how much change to return and one's mind gets lazy.

 

For myself, a good heart and a gentle and loving nature are far more important than math skills. Reflecting the times, the CPA who had taught me head math married the farm girl with a minimal education who made him a wonderful wife for his life and taught his son to have a good heart. Times have changed. We've gained a lot but IMO we've lost something too.

[jjtr]

I really don't understand why disparity in income should matter if you have a strong, healthy relationship. I understand the education thing, to an extent, but having an issue with your spouse making more or less than you is the root of a deeper issues, not a monetary one.

[Tayken]

I really don't understand why disparity in income should matter if you have a strong, healthy relationship. I understand the education thing, to an extent, but having an issue with your spouse making more or less than you is the root of a deeper issues, not a monetary one.

 

Yes most relationships start off like this, but the shock afterwards when things go south is what really matters. We live in times where a 10-30 yr marriage is not a guarantee that you are going to be together forever.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Some of the most intelligent people out there don't have higher education degrees. Anyone can go to graduate school and get an MA or PhD but that doesn't mean they have a good character, good values and morals.

 

I am attracted to intelligent men who have good character, regardless of whether or not they have academic credentials listed after their last name. Men who are self-taught are really attractive to me. It shows me they seek out knowledge for the sake of learning, rather than just to advance in their career to make more money. Money is gained and lost, but character is permanent. You can change the color of a man's pants, but you can't change his character. Men could have a PhD and be a complete jerk, but that doesn't mean I want to date them because of their PhD.

 

Excellent response and I completely concur!

 

It's no secret I love intelligent men but I'm not one to get stuck on my partners having a certain degree or academic and/or professional credentials before I deem them worthy to date. That kind of in-the-box dating feels ridiculous to me not to mention b.o.r.i.n.g. It doesn't feel any different than saying I ONLY date blondes or men with European accents

 

I consider myself to be an intelligent woman who wears her business suit to work everyday, commands attention when I speak and enjoys fine dining, live theatre and small talk with her Pinot Noir at cocktail parties BUT I'm also a complete and utter goofball who can swear like a truck driver, loves a good practical joke, enjoys a heated pillow and/or snowball fight and occasionally indulges in raunchy reality television

 

I want a man who can run the gamut with me.

 

My father is a very high level executive who has traveled the world extensively with his consulting firm. Whenever my father had to hire people, he would receive literally hundreds of resumes from men and women with spectacular academic credentials as well as some without. He said that he always preferred to hire the person WITHOUT the fancy degree because they were the ones that not only worked the hardest but were the hungriest to learn and prove themselves time and time again.

 

Intelligence by way of justeducation can be just as limiting as without if one walks around with a sense of entitlement, not to mention a very unattractive quality in my humble opinion.

 

Bottom line is that I'm much more concerned with a man's overall character than how big his bank account is or how many letters follow his name on his business card. It isn't so black and white with me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Hope Shimmers]

I have over 12 years of post-high school education. I went to med school and pharmd school (so two doctorates) and then residencies/fellowships. And then later, a master's degree in public health.

 

Probably the only person I can say I was ever in love with has a high-school education only.

 

It has nothing to do with education. He is and may always will be the most intelligent person I have ever met.

 

As for money... doesn't matter to me. I have enough of my own. I don't need a provider, just a partner.

Edited November 3, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[jjtr]

Yes most relationships start off like this, but the shock afterwards when things go south is what really matters. We live in times where a 10-30 yr marriage is not a guarantee that you are going to be together forever.

 

So what's an appropriate disparity, in your opinion? I know teachers who have married bank executives, as well as other, similar examples. I guess I'm just having a hard time seeing how someone not making around what you make is a big deal.

 

It seems very pessimistic to approach relationships and life with the assumption that things will go south. Anyone could lose their job at any minute. Heck, anyone could die at any minute.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Funny that women say that it doesn't matter.

 

Education is pretty much the only area where I can meet the requirements.

[Tayken]

Excellent response and I completely concur!

 

It's no secret I love intelligent men but I'm not one to get stuck on my partners having a certain degree or academic and/or professional credentials before I deem them worthy to date. That kind of in-the-box dating feels ridiculous to me not to mention b.o.r.i.n.g. It doesn't feel any different than saying I ONLY date blondes or men with European accents

 

I consider myself to be an intelligent woman who wears her business suit to work everyday, commands attention when I speak and enjoys fine dining, live theatre and small talk with her Pinot Noir at cocktail parties BUT I'm also a complete and utter goofball who can swear like a truck driver, loves a good practical joke, enjoys a heated pillow and/or snowball fight and occasionally indulges in raunchy reality television

 

I want a man who can run the gamut with me.

 

My father is a very high level executive who has traveled the world extensively with his consulting firm. Whenever my father had to hire people, he would receive literally hundreds of resumes from men and women with spectacular academic credentials as well as some without. He said that he always preferred to hire the person WITHOUT the fancy degree because they were the ones that not only worked the hardest but were the hungriest to learn and prove themselves time and time again.

 

Intelligence by way of justeducation can be just as limiting as without if one walks around with a sense of entitlement, not to mention a very unattractive quality in my humble opinion.

 

Bottom line is that I'm much more concerned with a man's overall character than how big his bank account is or how many letters follow his name on his business card. It isn't so black and white with me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

 

I don't see how your dad fits into the discussion here, and you somehow left out what it is that you do. As I mentioned before, it will be hypocritical for someone that doesn't have credentials after their names, to be asking for the same.

 

Additionally, a woman that has kids in her care and is dating, is more likely not to care if a guy has credentials as long as he is able to provide for her and her kids.

 

Funny that women say that it doesn't matter.

 

It's called convenience talk online, but in reality the opposite is adopted.

[WomenWubber]

I tend to relate more to people who are as "educated" as me. All the women I've dated were working towards a degree, just like I was.

 

At the end of the day, it all comes down to having things in common such as beliefs, values and life philosophies.

 

Like attracts like.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I don't see how your dad fits into the discussion here, and you somehow left out what it is that you do. As I mentioned before, it will be hypocritical for someone that doesn't have credentials after their names, to be asking for the same.

 

Additionally, a woman that has kids in her care and is dating, is more likely not to care if a guy has credentials as long as he is able to provide for her and her kids.

 

 

 

It's called convenience talk online, but in reality the opposite is adopted.

 

My comment about my father was simply to show that those without fancy degrees and credentials are just as intelligent and in many cases even more ambitious than those that do. Perhaps not directly related to dating but another layer to look at.

 

As for what I do, I'm a fund development officer with a national charity who is responsible for securing millions of dollars every year. I have credentials.

[Phoe]

I'm college educated, but have never been with someone who is also college educated, so I can't really compare, but I never minded.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Yes I would, I am getting a Masters I can't expect the person I date to also have one.. that's asking too much as far as i'm concerned.

[BluEyeL]

I have a Ph.D. and I'm a woman. I've dated people who had a Ph.D. but were losers anyway and didn't have character. If I think back, the Ph.D.s had the most ****ty characters of all of the men I've dated (and I've been a serial dater). On the flip side, I've given a chance to someone working in a factory and he was horribly insecure and negative. Worst experience! I left skidmarks in the parking lot! I've also dated a medical doctor, tall and handsome to boot, and he was straight up weird. So yeah, I do agree that the degrees don't make the man.

 

I prefer to date someone that, whether or not has formal education, has done something in their life, who is ambitious, intelligent and hardworking. I wouldn't date someone with no career at all because that wouldn't work, it would be a clash of values.

 

In general, I don't approach men, and men who have approached me had formal education, in general a graduate degree of sorts. My current BF has a Masters degree. Despite that, he's not really a sophisticated person. But very intelligent, ambitious and kind. I really don't care whether he has that Master's degree, doesn't keep me warm at night. But i love that he's made something of himself and I'm proud of him.

[Tayken]

My comment about my father was simply to show that those without fancy degrees and credentials are just as intelligent and in many cases even more ambitious than those that do. Perhaps not directly related to dating but another layer to look at.

 

As for what I do, I'm a fund development officer with a national charity who is responsible for securing millions of dollars every year. I have credentials.

 

Not to take anything away from this, but it's not a 6 figure salary job and most of the charity money comes from taxpayers

 

http://www.millierdickinsonblais.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/2009_National_Salary_Survey_Report.pdf

 

Again...Nowhere did I say those with degrees are clever than those that don't have one. What am saying is more to do with the earning potentials should a marriage fail.

 

If your spouse hold no post secondary quals / has been a stay at home, it will come back and bit you in the a$$ period. A spouse that has a degree is inputted a wage by the family court law based on the earning potentials of that degree. A person with no degree is inputted minimum wage.

[writergal]

Michelle ma Belle said it best,

 

I want a man who can run the gamut with me.

 

That is the perfect guy for me, whomever he is, because I still haven't met *him* yet. Just a lotta "um maybe, definitely NOT" types. He needs to be self-made in some way, driven by something internal, who thinks outside the box, lives a life less ordinary. I want the guy that Sandra Bullock's character Angela Bennett from the 1995 movie

describes to Cyberbob during an internet chat:

 

Butch, beautiful, brilliant, Captain America meets Albert Schweitzer. Spends all day dashing into fray while making world safe for democracy; at night playing Bach cantatas while curing cancer.

 

And bonus if he remembers to put the seat down.

[Tayken]

I have a Ph.D. and I'm a woman. I've dated people who had a Ph.D. but were losers anyway and didn't have character. If I think back, the Ph.D.s had the most ****ty characters of all of the men I've dated (and I've been a serial dater). On the flip side, I've given a chance to someone working in a factory and he was horribly insecure and negative. Worst experience! I left skidmarks in the parking lot! I've also dated a medical doctor, tall and handsome to boot, and he was straight up weird. So yeah, I do agree that the degrees don't make the man.

 

I prefer to date someone that, whether or not has formal education, has done something in their life, who is ambitious, intelligent and hardworking. I wouldn't date someone with no career at all because that wouldn't work, it would be a clash of values.

 

In general, I don't approach men, and men who have approached me had formal education, in general a graduate degree of sorts. My current BF has a Masters degree. Despite that, he's not really a sophisticated person. But very intelligent, ambitious and kind. I really don't care whether he has that Master's degree, doesn't keep me warm at night. But i love that he's made something of himself and I'm proud of him.

 

The two items in bold are similar.....and we are both on the same page. Why should a man or woman date someone that hasn't be bothered to do something with their life, and instead feels entitled?

[Tayken]

Yes I would, I am getting a Masters I can't expect the person I date to also have one.. that's asking too much as far as i'm concerned.

 

I hear ya, but where does it say they have to have the same? Not all university degrees are equal. The earning potentials of my engineering degree is not the same as that of someone with a BA or BSc in maths or nursing for example.

[Michelle ma Belle]

My partner has a BA in English and a Masters in Accounting and was working towards his CRA when I first met him. He comes from a long line of very well educated men and women most of whom have Ph.D's.

 

I was absolutely smitten and well on my way to falling in love with him before I ever knew what kind of education he had. It was irrelevant.

[NJ123]

Not to take anything away from this, but it's not a 6 figure salary job and most of the charity money comes from taxpayers

 

http://www.millierdickinsonblais.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/2009_National_Salary_Survey_Report.pdf

 

Again...Nowhere did I say those with degrees are clever than those that don't have one. What am saying is more to do with the earning potentials should a marriage fail.

 

If your spouse hold no post secondary quals / has been a stay at home, it will come back and bit you in the a$$ period. A spouse that has a degree is inputted a wage by the family court law based on the earning potentials of that degree. A person with no degree is inputted minimum wage.

 

Why are you trying to bring others down by how much they make? Just seems really cold to me. At least keep it to yourself.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I hear ya, but where does it say they have to have the same? Not all university degrees are equal. The earning potentials of my engineering degree is not the same as that of someone with a BA or BSc in maths or nursing for example.

 

Totally agree! I am getting a Masters in a low paying field that isn't nearly as "important" as engineering or something.

[Tayken]

My partner has a BA in English and a Masters in Accounting and was working towards his CRA when I first met him. He comes from a long line of very well educated men and women most of whom have Ph.D's.

 

I was absolutely smitten and well on my way to falling in love with him before I ever knew what kind of education he had. It was irrelevant.

 

He didn't have it in his profile then? Again, nobody is saying education alone is the yardstick as to which attraction should be measured. Again, not all degrees are equal especially as it relates to Ph.D's. A Ph.D is music can't be compared to the same in Engineering, the applied sciences or medical field.

[trippi1432]

Not to take anything away from this, but it's not a 6 figure salary job and most of the charity money comes from taxpayers

 

http://www.millierdickinsonblais.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/2009_National_Salary_Survey_Report.pdf

 

Again...Nowhere did I say those with degrees are clever than those that don't have one. What am saying is more to do with the earning potentials should a marriage fail.

 

If your spouse hold no post secondary quals / has been a stay at home, it will come back and bit you in the a$$ period. A spouse that has a degree is inputted a wage by the family court law based on the earning potentials of that degree. A person with no degree is inputted minimum wage.

 

 

That really depends on what a marriage is valued on...earning potential or a future together. If one person only values material things...it won't go far...and that is not merited on education...but is very educational.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think that a lot of women posters were trying to say education doesn't matter.

 

But they ended up making it sound like it's even harder. They need a guy to be this smart, and have this esoteric of a personality, and meet them at this/that/there on an intellectual level.

 

Maybe I'll just go for the woman who requires a pHd. 4 more years.