Is Internet Dating a waste of time?

[Hungryhorse]

Hi there, was wondering if anyone had had trouble with internet dating or had experienced something similar. I am slim, attractive, look young for my age and if anyone could be bothered to find out, have a good job and considerable financial resources at my disposal, I have no ties and am a genuinely nice person but alas in my 30s and although have placed a good profile with a pic have had virtually no responses at all. I have had 2 or 3 men send me a note (and that is a good week) to which I have responded with quite a friendly response after which they have disappeared, guess it is kind of disappointing really. I haven't even got to date stage! Was wondering whether internet dating is really worthwhile. I have posted my ad on 4 websites and have lowered my criteria to cover almost anything (bar animals!) Possibly there is a certain type of male on websites who either doesn't want to meet up and likes messing women about or else is incredibly fussy! Have any other women (or men found this with women) found this and/or do they have any tips for increasing responses. Possibly I need to sign on with more websites though am wondering how many it will need to take.

 

Yours rather hacked off with internet dating (or rather not dating)!

 

PS I received a note the other evening from a bloke He said "thanks for adding me to your favourites (? er correction you did add me to yours first!). Please send me the basics and I well send you mine. Take Care?

 

I send him a friendly note telling him about myself, though at the time did think it was the bloke that was supposed to pursue the woman and he looked nothing special though was prepared to look beyond this! so far he hasn't responded despite promising all replies would be answered ... oh well here we go again!

[Topaze]

Yes, I would say that internet dating is a waste of time. I gave it a good shot and tried several sites. The disappearing man is par for the course. Once you get to the meeting stage, it gets worse. Expect to be stood up a few times. I met a lot of guys on line and the quality was very poor indeed, men with all kinds of problems including significant character flaws (e.g. men who had been in jail, charged with fraud, ex spousal abusers), recovering alcholics, depression, bi-polar disorder, panic attacks. It was a disaster.

 

I suspect that the kind of guy who goes on line is someone who has poor social skills and has trouble appealing to women face to face. I have no proof of that but it's what I suspect. God only knows where all the well adjusted men are hiding. When you find out....please tell me. I am looking for them too.

[Impressive1]

I seem to meet really nice, guys from the net and have become good friends with most, just no sparks.

[Topaze]

If that's your photo, it doesn't surprise me. When men on-line describe what they're looking for, you're definitely it. Must be nice.

 

Originally posted by Impressive1

I seem to meet really nice, guys from the net and have become good friends with most, just no sparks.

[moimeme]

I have a friend who has been internet dating for quite a while and has enjoyed it immensely. She's found quite a few fellows who were interested in taking it futher; it's usually her who drops them because they're not exactly what she's after.

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by Topaze

I suspect that the kind of guy who goes on line is someone who has poor social skills and has trouble appealing to women face to face. I have no proof of that but it's what I suspect. God only knows where all the well adjusted men are hiding. When you find out....please tell me. I am looking for them too.

 

I have no experience with internet dating myself. However a good female friend of mine has.

Why did she chose to internet-date? Because she could not meet a single decent man. No she did not suffer from any disorder you mentioned in your post. She suffered from "high intelligence." And most men could not handle her level of intelligence, ambition, her outspokenness (if she has something on her mind, she will tell it).

Her experiences have been good.

 

The men are definitely out there. But don't ask for impossible combinations of attributes and properties. You can't find a highly intelligent and highly creative well adjusted man, especially if you expect him to be strong and muscular.

 

If you are in the extreme ranges of intelligence (say top 1%), internet dating can be an attractive alternative, as you don't have to crawl week in week out through bars, in the hope of finding somewhere a person who can actually hold a meaningful conversation with you.

 

There are a lot of reasons why people chose to internet-date. One can be simply lack of time to do it in other ways. One can indeed be poor social skills. One can be the prettiness thing.

 

But consider the bar scenario. How many men have proven to you they don't have poor social skills? How many men have you ignored because of the prettiness thing? How often do you think you have been ignored because of the prettiness thing? Or solely been approached for the prettiness thing?

 

Women are just as shallow as men, but men are more obvious about it.

[Donut]

I seem to get guys who want to meet up for "no strings" sex or weirdo's that send me pic's of their pee pee!

 

I did meet one nice guy, but that was my ex *sigh*, where are the nice guys who want a loving, commited relationship?

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by Donut

where are the nice guys who want a loving, commited relationship?

 

 

*raises hand*

 

 

[d'Arthez]

As women tend to lie more about their measurements on the internet, men lie more about what they are looking for in a relationship.

 

A lot of men are shallow.

A lot of men go after the beautiful women, and don't bother with the less beautiful (whatever that means!). And don't even bother to read the profile information. They send generic messages and cannot figure out why the women do not respond to them.

 

Most women are just as shallow.

I discussed internet dating with a friend of mine last Saturday. He once created 2 ads online.

One was the nice guy, with all interests, good intelligence, et cetera. With the photograph of a good (not great) looking guy. A real regular nice guy.

The other was a director of his own company. No aditional information, and no photograph.

 

The result?

 

0-34; with the women responding sending pictures, and even repeated messages for responses et cetera. My friend who had used fake accounts never responded to any of them.

 

And considering the commited and loving relationship they are there.

[Debster]

Yes, internet dating works. That's how I met my husband.

BTW, I think I sensed some negativity in your post.

If that is coming across in your ad or your reponses that might be why people aren't responding.

 

Dating on the internet is a numbers game. I met about 30 people before my husband and dated about 3-5 people. My husband dated about 100 people before me and none of them had a second date - except for me.

 

Don't drop your standards. That's what helps you to find the right one.

[Topaze]

No, I started out really positive and enthusiastic. I really thought that internet dating was going to work for me. I was very disappointed when it didn't. To tell you the truth the rejection on-line, really shook my confidence. One site didn't show pictures at first and I was hurt that, after exchanging several e-mails and having good exchanges, men would cut off communication with me as soon as I told them I was Black. They couldn't be bothered to wait to see a picture. The quality of men that I did meet was extremely poor in fact I would say worse than any other source I have used.

 

There is no point in being dishonest and telling people that it's great and set THEM up for disappointment. It is also not without it's perils. We have had some women in this area raped by men they have met on-line.

 

Internet dating works for some people but it certainly doesn't work for most and it is not without it's risks.

[debs]

Yes I used the Internet dating sites, a few better than most....

 

Since I am almost 50 I looked for a site that is specific to my age range.

 

I can say yes I have had allot of dead beats who 2 I actually went to lunch with but as I have found most are not truthful about their sizes and their mutual interests.

 

One I dated was so opinionated I wanted to chew off my own arm to get out of my place and hall ass to work to get away from the guy! He was so opinionated it sickened me to death! Negativity and calling his exW a bitch this and that was a real turn off!

 

Lets not forget the ones who just *poof* disappear, my theory on those are they are in committed relationships.

 

Now I have found one I really am interested in...sure it is LDR but I have survived one 4400 miles ( he took off with a then 20yr old and I wish him the best!) So this should be a walk in the park!

 

Will I relocate? oh you betcha! Will we meet yup April the day after my birthday! No red flags thus far and I am having a ball with all the things connected with LDR!

 

Stay tuned for the what happened after we meet!

[alphamale]

internet dating favors women vs. men. women just post an ad with one of their best pics and watch the responses come in. 100+ per day for some of them.

 

so they pick and choose whomever strikes their fancy. the stockbroker who drives a Jaguar or the regular joe with a 10" schlong.

 

if you're a man trying to meet women on the internet you are at a big disadvantage from the outset.

 

and yes, there are many socially challenged wierdos on these dating site but some are fairly normal average people.

[debs]

Why Alpha do I sense a hint of agreement in the above post? *snickering*

[alphamale]

Originally posted by debs

Why Alpha do I sense a hint of agreement in the above post? *snickering*

maybe...

[debs]

ROFL um hmmm

[Impressive1]

Originally posted by Topaze

If that's your photo, it doesn't surprise me. When men on-line describe what they're looking for, you're definitely it. Must be nice.

 

 

Aww Topaze,

So sweet, but if that's the case I wonder why I haven't found anyone. I use the net, as a different way to meet people, to me it's better than meeting in a bar or something. It gets a bit old hearing the line about my biological clock ticking from family members. I'm 30, never married and no children. I graduate next semester in Broadcast Journalism. I am finacially secure, no baggage, jealous ex's or the such and most importantly I am happy with myself. So I tend to wonder, what gives lol

[Mary3]

Internet Dating : After numerous dating scenarios I came up with the following conclusion.

 

A vast majority of the males were : socially retarded

 

3 dates had ADD ( Attention Deficit Disorder )

 

One male said he weighed 220 lbs but really weighed over 300 lbs.

 

3 were married ( never met them though ) with their wives calling and threatening me...

 

Numerous *Enterprenuers* were unemployed living in rough parts of town. Most wanted ( if not all ) sex and not much more.

 

Flakes galore : people you have not met and set a date with and they never arrive or never call to confirm a date.

 

Now the good news : I have met some amazing men with great chemistry and romance. The ratio is 3 to 10 on that. Finding a perfect partner who treats you as priority # 1 ? Not yet...

 

Is he out there ? I think so, otherwise there would not be 30 million people subscribed on the internet sites believing what I do... lol. Will I give up ? No , sometimes I take a break.

 

Why do I go there ? Its easy. No bars, no hassles. Take all the time I want to meet.

 

Might I add he does NOT have to be rich. He just needs to have a steady job and well adjusted mind. He does not need a cool car, expensive clothes, or the like...He just needs to be a good person who wants a loving relationship

 

The beginning part of my letter was a bit mean but I am telling the truth and you wanted ALL experiences.

 

Me, happy and funny. They say I am a hottie ( lol ) but I just wish someone could see beyond that....and now THATS hard to find ...

 

Yes I can get opinionated on here but on dates I dont hehe

[Topaze]

Originally posted by Impressive1

Aww Topaze,

So sweet, but if that's the case I wonder why I haven't found anyone. I use the net, as a different way to meet people, to me it's better than meeting in a bar or something. It gets a bit old hearing the line about my biological clock ticking from family members. I'm 30, never married and no children. I graduate next semester in Broadcast Journalism. I am finacially secure, no baggage, jealous ex's or the such and most importantly I am happy with myself. So I tend to wonder, what gives lol

 

Well move to Canada. The men here love your type. If you PM me, I will send you the URL for a professsional associate up here. You are EXACTLY his type. Also try the Christian site....you will be SWAMPED with requests. I once put up a fake profile using a photo of a woman who looked very much like you and my mailbox was full in 48 houts. Couldn't keep up with the instant messgaes.

 

Anyway, good luck...you will find someone soon.

[Topaze]

so discrimination is okay as long as it's not your race? what a two-faced bucket of shyt. ( not you, the idea.)

 

 

let's not forget that the word "racial" doesn't in itself mean something bad, you just take it that way. it's a description for a certain type of circumstantial situation. you hear "racial" and automatically think "discrimination."

 

if it is a racial issue, it's only because characteristics of certain races are unattractive to certain people. that's all that makes the situation racial. so what? it's not rude, it's fine and acceptable for people to like what they like, and not like what they don't. some people don't say it nicely. maybe you're discriminating againts someone's personality because they don't sugarcoat something that hurts your feelings.

 

 

so basically, it only becomes an issue because it's deemed "racial" ? please.

 

i'm so tired of the banality of this dichotomy.

 

Racial discrimination (which is being discussed in another thread) is just the tip of the iceberg. In North America we place WAY too much emphasis on the supeficial. Way too much emphasis is being placed on hair colour and breast size, for example. Now you tell me, what bearing do hair colour and breast size have on the likelihood of compatiblity or success in a relationship.

 

Also, men put a lot of emphasis on a woman being slim. How many women are going to be slim after they have had a couple of kids? In North America, the average dress size is 14. So what are these men going to do, trade their wife in for a younger, slimmer model after she has had a couple of kids.

 

There are about 29 factors that have a bearing on the success of a long term relationship. I don't think that we are allowed to post links here but visit the site of one of the sponsors here and you will find them listed. It's based on 35 years of research into what makes relationships work. Not one item on the list has to do with superficial factors like height, weight and hair colour. Yet, all too often, we use factors such as these to screen out and rule out people before we even get a chance to know them.

 

I think we would be much further ahead if we placed an emphasis on factors that are going to matter in the long run instead of external factors (when some of these will change). A woman certainly is not going to look the same at 75 as she does at 25. It will be the internal personality traits and characteristics that will have a bearing on the success of a relationship over the long haul.

[Topaze]

Sorry, the previous post was intended for another thread. I posted it here in error.

 

Mary3 I found similar results with internet dating. Never had I encountered so many men with such serioius psychological problems. I haven't bothered with internet dating in over a year. There is no point.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Topaze

I once put up a fake profile using a photo of a woman who looked very much like you and my mailbox was full in 48 houts. Couldn't keep up with the instant messgaes.

and we wonder why the internet is such a bad place to meet people!

[CurvyGurl]

Waste of time? Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

 

 

If you think you've found 'the One' everytime someone responds to you, then yes it will be a waste of your time, because you just can't know a person off of a picture and a paragraph. Dating should be a fun, social activity and not an all out hunt for HIM. When I learned to treat it as entertainment and not homework, I started meeting very nice men and having some fun. And when it was time to end it, eventually I did. Sometimes I was wrong for them, sometimes they were wrong for me.

 

It's what you make it and if you make it a harrowing experience, that is what it will be.

[CurvyGurl]

Originally posted by alphamale

and we wonder why the internet is such a bad place to meet people!

 

And also the kind of CRAP that makes it hard for us women who are telling the truth and posting real pictures. WE'RE paying for your playtime! Thanks alot!

[Topaze]

I wasn't playing. I conducted an experiment as I wanted to write an article about how superficial the men on these sites were. I know a couple of other women (white) who have done similar things for the same reason. They posted photos with wigs or photos of models. I got LOTS of great material and so did they. There is no way that my experiment hurt anybody. My curiosity was satisfied and now we know the truth. Keep your eyes on the media. You'll see some articles coming out by me and the other women who tried these experiments.