Wings Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I'm moving to another country. My bf wants to stay. Should we maintain a LDR? Can anyone share the factors to help decide what path to take? Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 IMO, LDR's do not work unless there is an end in site - a specific point in time where the two parties will eventually be together. If your partner adamantly refuses to move, then, again IMO, he doesn't love you enough, or perhaps your unwillingness to stay indicates that you don't love him enough. In my experience, both parties should be willing to make the sacrifice and move to be with the other person. If one outright refuses, then to me this indicates that there is something wrong in the relationship in general, that has little to do with the LDR. The only time that I can conceive of where moving would not be an option for one party would be when there are children involved. If that is the case, it is unreasonable to expect the parent to move away from his or her children. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 in the vast majority of situations an LDR is a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale in the vast majority of situations an LDR is a waste of time. Actually - they're a COLOSSOL waste of time. (and I'm speaking from experience here) Find someone in your own area code. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean Actually - they're a COLOSSOL waste of time. (and I'm speaking from experience here) Find someone in your own area code. yes, ask TANBARK, he knows about how LDRs work out. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I disagree.....I've been in one for a year and yeah it sucks..but i don't think its a waste of time at all. But I will agree that it will absolutely will not work out in the long run if you do nat have a specific point in time where the two parties will eventually be together. Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Sorry I just don't agree with it never works out...... if 2 people are open and honest and definatley realistic about the different area codes and have a set date in the near future along with the fun of traveling, It can and does work for many. I do not advocate this LDR for the weary or the jealous types! I have many I do know from online and off line who are together years after they met through date sites and the chat room scenes! But sorry Alpha and Jellybean it can and does work with the ending of 2 people happily after! Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by EC I disagree.....I've been in one for a year and yeah it sucks..but i don't think its a waste of time at all. But I will agree that it will absolutely will not work out in the long run if you do nat have a specific point in time where the two parties will eventually be together. Yeah - those were my thoughts as well, during my year & 1/2 LDR. BUT - there's no guarantees in life, hun......and never forget that are some good (even great) guys right in your same city. Good luck to you, though Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Yeah - those were my thoughts as well, during my year & 1/2 LDR. BUT - there's no guarantees in life, hun......and never forget that are some good (even great) guys right in your same city. Good luck to you, though I'm sorry it didn't work out for you..I agree that 'SOME' LDRs are pointless and are a huge disappointment right from the beginning. Some do work out though. And yeah there are great guys in your are code but 'for me' that would be settling and I would hate to live with 'what if' by not doing the LDR and settling with a guy in my area code. Luckily my BF is moving down in a couple months, so I'm going to be ok, but as for the original poster if you love the guy, and you will eventually be together in the same town, and you are willing to sacrifice a lot for him...then do it. If not end it and say "Maybe in the future sometime!" Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean BUT - there's no guarantees in life, hun......and never forget that are some good (even great) guys right in your same city. people who get into LDRs are either hiding something or many times they are commitment phobes. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 The question you need to ask yourself is... Is he worth it? Are we ever going to be together again?? How strong is your love for each other??? Do YOU think you can handle the distance??? Once you answer these question and speak to your man...than you have your answer...no one can tell you whether or not it's going to work...no one ever knows until they go through it...if you are person that needs affection and comfort 24/7 thats something to think about to...I know personally I wouldn't have the strength but if it came down to it ...if I had to with my bf I would and the reason I would even though I'm against it..it's because I love him with all my heart!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yes, ask TANBARK, he knows about how LDRs work out. lol.. Yeah.. The success rate of LDR's seems to be severely lacking. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 lol.. Yeah.. The success rate of LDR's seems to be severely lacking. sorry dude but I had to get that jab in there Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale sorry dude but I had to get that jab in there It's cool man, I deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I've had three LDRs. 1. Lasted about eight months LD until I moved to live with him. That lasted about another eight months. 2. Lasted about three months LD until I moved to his area. That lasted about three weeks. 3. Lasted about eight months LD until he moved to my area. I married him. LDRs are difficult. Some can handle them, some can't. I think LDRs work if the relationship is serious enough to warrant the possibility of a drastic life change in order to maintain the relationship (i.e., an eventual move by either party to same location). Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Yes I fully agree there are so many horror stories but it is the people who are still in committed relationships and very much married and they boohoo they are misunderstood! Never fall for the sob stories or feel sorry for the person, you will be yet another statistic! But I hold firm it can and does work out! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 the main problem in LDRs is lack of face time. this is how you really get to know one another and grow together as a couple. A 6 month LDR is about equal to a 1 month relationship that is non-LDR. So a couple that has been in a 6 year LDR is about equivalent to a 1 yr non-LDR. My marriage started as a LDR, her in Toronto and me in Detroit. Man that was a disaster that exploded in my face. We dated LDR for one yr before marrying and I thought I knew her but I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT HER. Our marriage lasted 2 yrs together and 1 yr seperated so 3 yrs total on paper. I wish i could have those years back. what a waste! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I don't think this Wings who posted the question ever cared about the answer as it was too short and she never came back on the site...But it gave us a subject to explore: LDR -yes or no? :-) Alphamale, you sure are an expert in statistics; you base your opinion on a population of two. LOL! Your LDR didn't work out, it means they don't work out. I know a marriage that didn't work out and was not a LDR. That means non-LDR's don't work either? I was friends with my ex-husband for 6.5 years. He was the sweetest person I ever met. Same when we started dating. We spent 4 wonderful months. Then we started living together and after 2 weeks I was already unhappy with him. Three years later we divorced. There are no rules when it comes to LDR's, because the distance makes the love stronger if it's real love. There is a saying: "Distance is for lovers like a wind for a flame; strong winds make the fire burn stronger, but extinguish the little flames." Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer There is a saying: "Distance is for lovers like a wind for a flame; strong winds make the fire burn stronger, but extinguish the little flames." there is also another saying that goes "out of sight, out of mind" Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 You have a LDR with god too, don't you? LOL...I don't think Wings - the girl who posted the question - ever cared about the answer as it was too short and she never came back on the site...But it gave us a subject to explore: LDR -yes or no? :-) Alphamale, you sure are an expert in statistics; you base your opinion on a population of two. LOL! Your LDR didn't work out, it means they don't work out. I know a marriage that didn't work out and was not a LDR. That means non-LDR's don't work either? I was friends with my ex-husband for 6.5 years. He was the sweetest person I ever met. Same when we started dating. We spent 4 wonderful months. Then we started living together and after 2 weeks I was already unhappy with him. Three years later we divorced. There are no rules when it comes to LDR's, because the distance makes the love stronger if it's real love. There is a saying: "Distance is for lovers like a wind for a flame; strong winds make the fire burn stronger, but extinguish the little flames." Pocky, you have moved three times just to be with your boyfriends?! How far? To the next city area or to another state? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer You have a LDR with god too, don't you? I broke up with God when he stopped putting out. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Alphamale, you married the woman because you missed her! In your case it was: IN MY HOUSE - OUT OF MY HEART. lol oops...I posted the same thing twice...sorry, guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Pocky, you have moved three times just to be with your boyfriends?! How far? To the next city area or to another state? I've moved two times. I would have moved the third time as well to be with my husband, but where he lived was boring as hell and there were more opportunities for him at my current location that where he lived at the time. 1: Another country. 2: Four states away. 3: Husband moved two states to be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I broke up with God when he stopped putting out. TB, I luv ya. You are too funny! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by Israfil TB, I luv ya. You are too funny! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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