Improving Phoe

[lino]

I don't believe you need any improvement from what I've seen you write on here.

 

Good to see you canned that bloke you were with. Shouldve happened months ago.

[somedude81]

Of course not. College was the time when I tried out approaching (bad!)

 

Have you SEEN the the types of girls that attend UCSB?

 

Some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my life. I did not stand a chance with men when there were bloody goddesses walking around everywhere!

 

Hmm. Yeah I know that there were gorgeous girls walking around. I see that all the time at my school.

 

But that doesn't mean that the girls that are mere mortals are ignored.

 

Guys quickly learn that the goddess looking girls only go for the really hot guys. That's why I only pursue women that are demi-goddesses

[Eternal Sunshine]

The looks issue...I am in two minds about it. I also think that you need super good looks to attract men. However around me women that have long term relationships one after the other are average, overweight, below average. So it must be more than looks. Many of those men I would be happy to date but somehow I never meet them when they are single.

 

I think that timing and luck are more important than people realise.

[trippi1432]

I really don't understand the looks thing, TBH. The looks have nothing to do with how someone will treat you and you don't really know how attractive a man or woman can be until you do get to know them. People can just be jerks...no matter how pretty, beautiful or charismatic they are.

 

 

My father and I had this argument recently...why don't I go with men in my league....sigh. Men in what my father's league have never been my "league". I've taken care of me since I was 11, I didn't have a league then.....I just had me.

 

 

You really have to be honest and delve into how you are and why you are....you become what you know. You can try to share a life with someone but until you know you, have come to compassion with yourself, you won't attract the people that would treat you in kind and you won't have enough sense of self to do the same.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Phoe,

 

Something else I'm probably missing for my not having been there every paragraph of the way during your latest relationship... but I perceive (after slight reading-back) that you dated this guy for several months, and then he rolled the dice, and proposed to you, and you (were then forced to admit that he wasn't what you'd hoped for, as a life partner). (It likely hurt him, and there was a break-up {at least in part because you stuck to your standards - which IS the right move!} ).

 

While I understand that such a result wasn't the fairytale, I can't understand what, about that evolution, was in serious ways wrong, (to where you would be left questioning your entire appeal/worth/compatibility to men/society).

 

 

I am more inclined to perceive that you in large part aren't reading/seeing the mere numbers and probabilities accurately... to where, about the worst move you could make, would BE to make significant-bordering-drastic CHANGES.

 

I most sense you to be akin to the person who stands at a bus stop for 45 minutes (while knowing the bus is scheduled to run every 20 minutes) and then, because no bus has showed up for that 45 minutes, he/she walks ten blocks to the next arterial which has regular bus service!!

 

Now of COURSE it might be the case that, on rare occasion, the change, and the 10-block walk, MIGHT get one downtown slightly sooner. But when one is playing the percentages correctly, she stays in the same spot, generally believing that a bus will be along soon.

 

Some of the things which are affecting your perception of your dating equation are parallel to dodging raindrops. Yes, there ARE lots of stunning young creatures at UCSB, BUT you are entirely viable as a perfectly suitable/matching mate for some/most of the males (who were) there!

 

This mindset that has you dodging (what you perceive to be) competition isn't an effective means toward meeting the right person. In fact, in many arenas, if one landed amid a sea of striking blonds, the best thing to be is the brunette in the crowd.

 

Even vast numbers of women with a similar inferiority complex and your looks land life-long partners, especially given the way the mating game is easiest for attractive women. (some of that is merely the result of a numbers game, for the group which gets to go to bat most often)

 

 

Long ago there used to be a TV game show called Lets Make a Deal, and on it were routinely 3 doors, and a contestant, playing alone, would select one door, and then, soon, be shown the contents of another of the 3 doors, before being asked if he/she wished to switch doors while in pursuit of the best of the 3 prizes.

 

Well human nature is such that most often the contestant would steadfastly stick to his/her own previously-chosen door, but the underlying mathematical reality is such that the contestant should always have switched doors (given what the contestant knew at the time).

 

Your pursuit of long-term romance reminds me a little of such an individual looking out at the world, and how it is SO EASY to let your mind believe one thing, even though math tells the same story in the opposite way.

 

 

The person on the game show should always have switched doors... and you should always stay in your place, confident that all you've got will draw the interest of a great life partner around the next bend.

 

Shaving your head isn't gonna do it...

 

Getting a kitten isn't gonna do it...

 

Taking up Skiing isn't gonna do it...

 

Getting a tattoo of a UPC Code across your forehead isn't gonna do it...

 

Science might like to study the near-term effects of a tight sweater, but that in general isn't gonna do it for the long haul either...

 

So the best advice you can get is NO advice whatsoever beyond the general, motherly effort that is """Phoe, keep believing in yourself!""".

[Kamille]

No they didn't provide any of that, but none of them lasted very long either. Anywhere from 1 month to 10 months. It's not like I sit around for years in these relationships. I give them a chance, then exit.

 

 

Do you make sure guys know that what you're looking for is companionship, mutual support, sexual compatibility fairly early on? Do you know how to ask for what you want in a relationship?

[most_distant_galaxy]

1) I think you are very cute and well groomed. No need to change something on your appearance, at least that's what I think. I also find minimal way of dressing elegant, this is what I prefer myself.

 

2) Do try to pursue a career related to your studies, even in other countries. The goal is to go away from the small place you live and do a job closer to your interests. Don't give up. Find companies that you like and approach them, even if they are not hiring at the moment. This is how I landed my latest job. I totally understand how it is to live in a small place, I also had dating problems when I lived in a very small town. Guess what, they stopped when I moved.

 

3) You don't need to be perfect to find a man. The fact that you take a man who comes to you without really thinking if he is what you want, makes you sound desperate for something, probably companionship. Unfortunately, men can read into that and manipulate you, especially if you are also a people pleaser. You don't need to change being a tomboy, this is who you are. But you do need to also practice to be firm and have boundaries. Establish your wishes and boundaries before meeting new men (and people in general, you want to improve yourself, so you need to apply them everywhere).

 

4) How often do you meet new people/men? How do you interact with them when you meet them? How would you describe your demeanour? I hink men are intrigued when a woman interacts with them in a unique way. I'm not as pretty as you and at times I'm quite shy or antisocial. But when I have my "teasing" or conversational mood, I can see men who weren't interested in me before, suddenly lighten up and become interested. Men are people, and people are hungry for interesting things, situations, conversations. You sound like a unique girl, so find ways to play this card to your benefit.

[Phoe]

But when you are in a relationship, you aren't available. So even if a good guy had met you and was attracted to you, chances are that when he found out you were in a R, he would move on.

 

That being said 6 years is quite a while. Could be a location issue, again.

 

But I spent most of my life single. It would suck if men were interested only during those brief times, and not when I was single.

 

2 Rs that were about 6 months, 1 that was 1 month, and 1 that was 10 months.

[Phoe]

Do you make sure guys know that what you're looking for is companionship, mutual support, sexual compatibility fairly early on? Do you know how to ask for what you want in a relationship?

 

Yes.

 

This last relationship was the only one serious enough or long enough to have that conversation.

 

The other 3 never even lasted long enough to reach that point. The guy either left after a month, or was already cheating within a few months. Not exactly conversation worthy.

[Phoe]

I suppose the big thing I'm not understanding, is this...

 

If, in another lifetime, I'd rejected the men that I accepted in THIS lifetime, better men would have approached me?

 

In that other lifetime, I would've had men approaching, who didn't approach me in this lifetime? All because I rejected the other men?

 

Men, do you decide not to pursue a woman, based on who she dated in the past? Assuming you're not friends with one of those men, because that's an obvious no go.

 

This particular concept, still isn't making sense to me.

[Phoe]

 

4) How often do you meet new people/men? How do you interact with them when you meet them? How would you describe your demeanour? I hink men are intrigued when a woman interacts with them in a unique way. I'm not as pretty as you and at times I'm quite shy or antisocial. But when I have my "teasing" or conversational mood, I can see men who weren't interested in me before, suddenly lighten up and become interested. Men are people, and people are hungry for interesting things, situations, conversations. You sound like a unique girl, so find ways to play this card to your benefit.

 

Several times a week I'd say.

 

I don't do anything particularly unique, I just act like myself, and make sure to smile a lot so that I project friendliness.

 

I'd say that learning how to pursue men, while meeting them, might be something worth looking into. I suck at being the initiator.

[Kamille]

Yes.

 

This last relationship was the only one serious enough or long enough to have that conversation.

 

The other 3 never even lasted long enough to reach that point. The guy either left after a month, or was already cheating within a few months. Not exactly conversation worthy.

 

I've been dating someone for a month. I already have a pretty clear idea of how he responds when I ask for support, of how he responds when I communicate difficult information, etc. I guess my advice would be this: don't wait until you're a few months it to rely on your partner or approach difficult subjects. The earlier you do so, the easier it is to navigate later on. It's also much easier to communicate about things that are important to you when you are less invested.

[Phoe]

I've been dating someone for a month. I already have a pretty clear idea of how he responds when I ask for support, of how he responds when I communicate difficult information, etc. I guess my advice would be this: don't wait until you're a few months it to rely on your partner or approach difficult subjects. The earlier you do so, the easier it is to navigate later on. It's also much easier to communicate about things that are important to you when you are less invested.

 

Well, the first 2 relationships were when I was 16/17 so, I personally don't see much reason for why I would've had a serious conversation.

 

Was single from 17 until 23, where I had a 1 month relationship that was pointless. No conversations needed there.

 

When I was 24 I got into my last relationship, felt serious, and we had the appropriate serious conversations.

[OwMyEyeball]

I'll take a stab:

 

I suppose the big thing I'm not understanding, is this...

 

If, in another lifetime, I'd rejected the men that I accepted in THIS lifetime, better men would have approached me?

 

Irrelevant speculation. You could just as easily conclude that your experiences have led you to better understand yourself, your desires and your ambitions. You could go on with this kind of "what if"ing for eternity and only ever find that you're just giving voice to your sub-conscious

 

In that other lifetime, I would've had men approaching, who didn't approach me in this lifetime? All because I rejected the other men?

 

Again, irrelevant speculation

 

Men, do you decide not to pursue a woman, based on who she dated in the past? Assuming you're not friends with one of those men, because that's an obvious no go.

 

Nitpicking detail. Insecurity fodder. Irrelevant to decision-making, especially considering that most pursuers would have no idea of your previous dating history, nor would they make inquiries in the early goings.

 

My harsh criticism:

 

You're the female equivalent of the "down and out" male crowd here who have become obsessed with the opposite sex and how to garner their affections. By becoming so self-absorbed in this perplexing "issue" you're sacrificing the opportunities, qualities and character development of a person that the kind of guys you're after would be attracted to in the first place.

 

From where I'm sitting and from what you've described, your higher priorities should be pursuing your passions through career, education and spirituality - aspects of yourself no one can take from you and that can be cultivated throughout your life. Past your 20s you'll have another 40-60+ years to go. Having good friends, a good career or profession and a solid grounding in who you are will carry you much, much further in life than romance ever will.

 

It's a very big world out there filled with opportunities, ideas and people you haven't even yet had the experience in life to imagine exist.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Several times a week I'd say.

 

I don't do anything particularly unique, I just act like myself, and make sure to smile a lot so that I project friendliness.

 

I'd say that learning how to pursue men, while meeting them, might be something worth looking into. I suck at being the initiator.

 

Not exactly pursuing, just interacting, like you would with any person. But in a more feminine way. Just be aware and concentrate on the impression you want to leave. With some practice I think you will be amazed how people will respond differently.

 

Some people may think my advice is manipulative or encouraging you to be fake, but I prefer to call it "people skills" and behaving according to circumstances. I've been working on it as well, for a long time, and I believe it works. You can somehow manipulate the way others perceive you. Not by lying about yourself, but by presenting your true self differently. It's easier than it sounds, it just needs concentration and practice, until it comes naturally.

[Phoe]

I'll take a stab:

 

 

 

My harsh criticism:

 

You're the female equivalent of the "down and out" male crowd here who have become obsessed with the opposite sex and how to garner their affections. By becoming so self-absorbed in this perplexing "issue" you're sacrificing the opportunities, qualities and character development of a person that the kind of guys you're after would be attracted to in the first place.

 

From where I'm sitting and from what you've described, your higher priorities should be pursuing your passions through career, education and spirituality - aspects of yourself no one can take from you and that can be cultivated throughout your life. Past your 20s you'll have another 40-60+ years to go. Having good friends, a good career or profession and a solid grounding in who you are will carry you much, much further in life than romance ever will.

 

It's a very big world out there filled with opportunities, ideas and people you haven't even yet had the experience in life to imagine exist.

 

The reason I posted the question you quoted in your post, is because that's what I perceived that people were telling me, and I wasn't sure if I'd perceived it correctly or not. I'd been told that the reason I'm having issues, is because I'm not picky enough, and need to reject, which made me think that people were suggesting other men would've pursued me if I'd rejected the first ones. Which confuses me.

 

I wouldn't call myself obsessed with men in the slightest. Most women I know are far more obsessed with men. If I were obsessed I'd likely be throwing myself at men, and that's not at all what's happening.

 

I just have always struggled to get dates, and want to figure out why, and fix that. That's all.

 

My education and career has always been #1. I was an excellent student, work hard at my job in hopes of a promotion or raise, and am always looking for better opportunities. Everything I do right now is aimed towards finishing my masters. I'm confused why you think I'm making men a priority, especially considering that my very first post stated that I wasn't going to date again until 2016.

 

Character development is always a good thing, and I strive to always be a mature and well developed person. But you're speaking to me as if I have no development, have done nothing but obsess over trying to get dates, and accordingly am nothing but some blank, empty human with nothing of real worth.

 

To suggest that I haven't had the life experience to even imagine that something might exist, is a bit insulting. As if you're speaking to me like I'm some daft, feeble minded little girl.

 

I'm always open to bettering my character, so what concrete suggestion would you give me, other than "you're self absorbed and need life experience" - what ACTUAL physical suggestion of something I can go and start doing, would you give me? That's what I need. Concrete suggestions.

 

Not exactly pursuing, just interacting, like you would with any person. But in a more feminine way. Just be aware and concentrate on the impression you want to leave. With some practice I think you will be amazed how people will respond differently.

 

Some people may think my advice is manipulative or encouraging you to be fake, but I prefer to call it "people skills" and behaving according to circumstances. I've been working on it as well, for a long time, and I believe it works. You can somehow manipulate the way others perceive you. Not by lying about yourself, but by presenting your true self differently. It's easier than it sounds, it just needs concentration and practice, until it comes naturally.

 

Can you elaborate on what I should do to behave more femininely? It's not like I walk around acting like a dude, so it's a bit vague to just "be feminine". Can you give some detailed examples of how I should act?

[most_distant_galaxy]

Can you elaborate on what I should do to behave more femininely? It's not like I walk around acting like a dude, so it's a bit vague to just "be feminine". Can you give some detailed examples of how I should act?

 

No, I didn't say you walk around acting like a dude. I meant that when you want a man to see you as more than a friend you can't just be friendly as you would with anyone.

 

For instance, let's say you are conversing with someone and he asks you about your interests. You can either say casually "yeah, you know, Im a bit of a tomboy. I like to fix my car, etc etc", or you can say in a more mysterious way "I find tinkering rather enjoyable.. it's one of my guilty pleasures" while you are batting your eyelashes, twirling your hair and gazing in his eyes, or something like that The first phrase makes you sound sweet but does not have enough sex appeal. The second phrase has practically the same meaning, but is sexier. Tiny details like that make a difference I think.

[Phoe]

For instance, let's say you are conversing with someone and he asks you about your interests. You can either say casually "yeah, you know, Im a bit of a tomboy. I like to fix my car, etc etc", or you can say in a more mysterious way "I find tinkering rather enjoyable.. it's one of my guilty pleasures" while you are batting your eyelashes, twirling your hair and gazing in his eyes, or something like that The first phrase makes you sound sweet but does not have enough sex appeal. The second phrase has practically the same meaning, but is sexier. Tiny details like that make a difference I think.

 

Thank you for the response.

 

it's funny, I almost wanted to say in my last post, jokingly, "please don't tell me to twirl my hair and bat my lashes", because it seems so cheesy and obvious. So I chuckled a little bit when I read that

 

I'm concerned about actively being "sexy". While I don't like the way things are right now, the one upside to my current way of behaving, is that I never get men trying to use me for sex, or being overtly sexually forward with me. The men who do pursue me, do so for a relationship rather than sex. I just fear that by being brazenly and sexually flirtatious, men might take it as an invitation to have sex.

 

I'd like to somehow craft a way of flirting, that's innocent. I often am naive about the things coming out of my mouth, and say ridiculous things and not have a clue I've said something that could be taken wrong until someone's pointed it out to me.

 

For example, at work I might be moving and lifting heavy things, or building and fixing things, with a man or 2. During that time I'll give commands or directions that have to do with the work, but sound wrong. "Harder, do it harder" or "slide it in, quick, put it in now!" Or something similarly embarassing

 

I'll notice them giving me a look and struggling not to laugh, and I'll immediately blush profusely and we all burst into laughter.

 

They know I'm not blatantly sexual, so for them, hearing me innocently say things that could turn pervy, amuses them.

 

I think taking your advice, and tweaking it to be innocent in nature could be useful

[Els]

 

For instance, let's say you are conversing with someone and he asks you about your interests. You can either say casually "yeah, you know, Im a bit of a tomboy. I like to fix my car, etc etc", or you can say in a more mysterious way "I find tinkering rather enjoyable.. it's one of my guilty pleasures" while you are batting your eyelashes, twirling your hair and gazing in his eyes, or something like that The first phrase makes you sound sweet but does not have enough sex appeal. The second phrase has practically the same meaning, but is sexier. Tiny details like that make a difference I think.

 

Sorry, but I disagree with this. If I'd done the bolded I'm pretty sure my SO wouldn't have been interested - it really doesn't appeal to as many men as it might seem, IMO. The twirling hair and batting eyelashes part is just... I'm sure there is a time and place for it, but talking about hobbies is really not it!

[thefooloftheyear]

Sorry, but I disagree with this. If I'd done the bolded I'm pretty sure my SO wouldn't have been interested - it really doesn't appeal to as many men as it might seem, IMO. The twirling hair and batting eyelashes part is just... I'm sure there is a time and place for it, but talking about hobbies is really not it!

 

Agreed....

 

Most of the women i know that engage in that type of stuff are insecure, attention whore types...They'll even step it up by puffing their tits out...Its lame, IMO...

 

TFY

[OwMyEyeball]

The reason I posted the question you quoted in your post, is because that's what I perceived that people were telling me, and I wasn't sure if I'd perceived it correctly or not. I'd been told that the reason I'm having issues, is because I'm not picky enough, and need to reject, which made me think that people were suggesting other men would've pursued me if I'd rejected the first ones. Which confuses me.

 

I wouldn't call myself obsessed with men in the slightest. Most women I know are far more obsessed with men. If I were obsessed I'd likely be throwing myself at men, and that's not at all what's happening.

 

I just have always struggled to get dates, and want to figure out why, and fix that. That's all.

 

My education and career has always been #1. I was an excellent student, work hard at my job in hopes of a promotion or raise, and am always looking for better opportunities. Everything I do right now is aimed towards finishing my masters. I'm confused why you think I'm making men a priority, especially considering that my very first post stated that I wasn't going to date again until 2016.

 

Character development is always a good thing, and I strive to always be a mature and well developed person. But you're speaking to me as if I have no development, have done nothing but obsess over trying to get dates, and accordingly am nothing but some blank, empty human with nothing of real worth.

 

To suggest that I haven't had the life experience to even imagine that something might exist, is a bit insulting. As if you're speaking to me like I'm some daft, feeble minded little girl.

 

I'm always open to bettering my character, so what concrete suggestion would you give me, other than "you're self absorbed and need life experience" - what ACTUAL physical suggestion of something I can go and start doing, would you give me? That's what I need. Concrete suggestions.

 

I need help. Brutal point blank honesty. I need to become a better person, and I need to stop stubbornly believing that by being myself I'll find the right guy.

 

Yes, I need harsh criticism.

That's a shame. I'm the only one who gives what you actually ask for and don't even get a thank you or a measly 'Like' to throw into the pile? Pity

 

I need to improve everything. From looks, to demeanor, to mentality, to profession. None of what I'm currently doing is conducive to finding the right person.

Not obsessed? Really?

 

Getting the "right guy" is your primary driver in life. You're willing to change everything about yourself to achieve that one goal. How is that not obsessive?

 

Heck, I didn't even draw that conclusion from the OP of this thread - there's a steady pattern in your post history that paints a clear enough picture for how desperate you are for Mr. Right.

 

You're looking to make drastic changes to who you are, what you do and how you think for a person you haven't even met yet and who very well may not exist.

 

Your intentions are good, but your priorities are all screwed up. "Damsel in distress looking for her prince" screwed up.

 

Advice is wasted until you begin to realize that.

 

That's the harsh criticism. That's the point blank, brutal honesty.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I must timidly/fearfully raise a hand to (admit that I understand where that last post is coming from).

 

And, y'know, the word desperation has such a terrible stigma to it, that I wish I could use a different word to say the same thing. The (major concentration) in your/Phoe's post history on (how to land a long-term guy) does suggest that it matters too much, in your/Phoe's near-term priorities.

 

 

The truth is, Phoe, YOU are a hottie, but even so, for best romantic results, you need to figure out just what position you are in (randomly) on the baseball diamond of life and then make plans to stay your ass IN that position and WAIT until the romantic ball is hit down the right field line, before it caroms off of an odd 'porch' wall and, almost-unpredictably, right AT you.

 

Do NOT race all the way across the field after seeing two dribblers down the 3rd base line, each hit right AT the same girl who has been playing there for several games, and who now seems to have her hands full.

 

Do NOT turn to show your (fine, feminine derriere) to the slow roller that is sure to be fielded by someone randomly positioned in a spot more shallow than wherever YOUR random spot is on the field.

 

JUST STAY THERE, in your spot, EYES open, mind ALERT, (wearing clean undies - in case there is an accident, like your mom once said), and thoughts generally filled with work/school-related realities which MATTER to you (for conversation (about what's important), when the ball is hit to you).

 

Does this make clear sense??

[Phoe]

That's a shame. I'm the only one who gives what you actually ask for and don't even get a thank you or a measly 'Like' to throw into the pile? Pity

 

 

Not obsessed? Really?

 

Getting the "right guy" is your primary driver in life. You're willing to change everything about yourself to achieve that one goal. How is that not obsessive?

 

Heck, I didn't even draw that conclusion from the OP of this thread - there's a steady pattern in your post history that paints a clear enough picture for how desperate you are for Mr. Right.

 

You're looking to make drastic changes to who you are, what you do and how you think for a person you haven't even met yet and who very well may not exist.

 

Your intentions are good, but your priorities are all screwed up. "Damsel in distress looking for her prince" screwed up.

 

Advice is wasted until you begin to realize that.

 

That's the harsh criticism. That's the point blank, brutal honesty.

 

Yes you gave me what I asked for, and I agreed with certain parts of it. The parts I disagreed with, however, I voiced to you, because those points show me that you are completely misunderstanding me.

 

Wanting to fix the issues that have made dating hard for me, is not obsessing over men. Wanting to wait until 2016 to date, is not obsessing over men.

 

I want to make myself a more attractive prospect for a future long term partner. I want to better myself for the long haul. I want to spend the next year focusing on ME. and in time, I hope that effort does me some good when i try to date again.

 

I'm no damsel in distress. You using that phrase shows you have a totally warped perception of me. I'm far from a damsel in distress, and have been frequently told I might actually benefit from being the damsel in distress. That I'm too Damned independent for my own good.

 

Nor am I looking for a prince. I want a normal guy, and a normal life someday.

 

Your advice is not "wasted", you've simply got the wrong idea about me is all.

[OwMyEyeball]

Fair enough

 

You've convinced yourself that you're not obsessed, but I don't buy that. Maybe "obsessed" isn't the right word. "Extraordinarily motivated by"?

 

Picking a soft date of 2016 to start dating again isn't proof against the motivation, it's proof for. But that really pales compared to a willingness to change "looks, demeanor, profession and mentality" for the sole purpose of attaining what you are apparently not obsessed by.

 

And "too independent"? As in too much of that? You're not willing to sacrifice any of that, I hope.

 

Advice is the same as it was before:

 

Travel and/or move

 

You're already working minimum wage jobs, so it's not as if you'd be sacrificing much in moving. The biggest challenge will be leaving family, friends and community. Fortunately there are now a hundred different ways to keep in touch, so you won't feel as isolated. Besides, the point of moving is to find a place that best suits your existing personality; a place where you don't have to change your looks, demeanor or mentality. A place with like-minded people.

 

Why not find a place where you can embrace your traits rather than look for ways to warp them?

 

Other than where you live now and where you attended college, what other areas of the country and world have you been exposed to? Were there any places that felt genuinely more comfortable than others?

 

For travel options on the very cheap or that even offer some pay:

 

- Teaching English abroad

- Peace Corps

- WOOFing (working on organic farms)

- Survival / Outdoor adventure guide (requires training)

[anna121]

Just a quick note re how to let a man know you're interested.

 

I find light touch the most effective. If I'm flirting with someone, I will start to find excuses to make contact. Mostly stuff like touching their arm for emphasis. Subtle, but no man in my experience fails to notice and take as an invitation to further explore any interest.

 

I also stand a little closer, look directly into his eyes, and ask a lot of questions. I know the guy is interested when he starts asking questions too.