Young newlyweds in Navy; our marriage is in jeopardy!

[SFox]

I can't even begin to tell you how stressed out I am and I cry almost everyday because I'm at my breaking point.

 

My hubby and I have been together 5 years, married since Valentine's Day '14, and are both 21 (I know, we are both young). We worked so hard to get me to the military base a 1000 miles away and spent a couple months in the barracks so we can buy our own home. The bank was hesitant at first because he's been in the Navy for less than two years, but approved us as long as I had a full time job. At the time I had one, but a week after we moved in I was let go. Since then, I've applied to dozens of jobs with few interviews and can't provide anything financially now. My car payment is always late and his paycheck is all gone within a few days because he pays for all the bills at once. If I don't find one by Dec. 1, the bank will take over the house.

 

I'm a full time student so a lot of my time goes towards my education. This week was very important because it's midterms. But, it was VERY difficult to focus. I found disgusting sexting on my husband's phone. I don't snoop on his stuff because I trusted him. After working an 18 hour shift, he was sleeping and someone kept texting him. I thought it was his boss so I checked to make sure in case it was important, but I was greeted with messages from four other girls (nude/semi nude pictures, explicit messages). I was in shock, because they were sexting things that I have been trying to do with him for months (Our sex life became non existent after we married because I gained 30 pounds last year and he said my weight just turns him off). Plus, the fact I transferred colleges, left my family, and basically changed my life to be here near the Navy base.

 

When I confronted him, he promised that he never met with any of these girls and just 'wanted to talk to other people' on fling.com. Plus, he said I'm putting him under a lot of stress with my attitude (ok?). We did a lot of arguing and I was this close to packing my suitcase and flying back to Indiana with my family. When he saw I was serious, he immediately begged me to stay and to work it out.

 

So, it's been 5 days later and things aren't so awkward like they were that night, but I lost my trust in him. I'd like to schedule a counselor next week but I don't know if he will agree. On top of all of this, my car window stopped working yesterday and got soaked over night (4000$ just went into my car from an accident and every last penny from my account went towards fixing). After struggling with my midterms today, I just broke down from the stress from everything that's been going on since I flew here to be with him since May. My debt, the sexting, lies, my car, school, trying to lose weight, no intimacy, bills, being a 1000 miles away from family/friends, and being home alone for 18 hours a day.

 

I'm so confused right now. I do love him and I know he loves me, but I just don't think he's in love anymore.

[BetrayedH]

I don't have a lot of advice for you but I'll say a few things.

 

(1) You've got a lot of separate issues listed here. Finances are certainly contributing to your stress level but they don't appear to have anything to do with your husband's infidelity. I would try to separate the issues; staying with or leaving your husband shouldn't have much to do with your financials. As I read it, he's not to blame for those.

 

(2) I can't believe that four women are sexting with your husband and he's not meeting with any of them. That sounds like wishful thinking on your part and damage control on his part. I'd suggest some quiet investigating on your part. Cheaters follow the same handbook: lie, deny, minimize, blameshift, gaslight, and lie some more. I'd bet you've barely scratched the surface here. It also doesn't help that infidelity is rampant in the military, which is ironic since it can carry such stiff penalties.

[d0nnivain]

Financial stress puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

 

Since he is in the military avail yourselves of the various family support services: especially marriage & financial counseling. Also find out if a JAG can help with the foreclosure.

 

Sell your car ASAP & buy a used one you can actually afford. Work with the bank to do a short sale on your house & make cheaper living arrangements. Switch to F/T employment & P/T school.

 

Good luck.

[Chi townD]

The Navy has a lot of resources and you two haven't even took advantage of them. If you took advantage of what they have to offer, you two would lose a lot of stress in your life.

 

 

Why did you buy a house considering that he may have to pull up stakes in three or four years and go to a new duty station? I say lose the house and apply for base housing. That's free! If they don't have base housing, then get an apartment. Rent can be a lot cheaper than a mortgage payment. Plus, his BAH should cover the cost of rent. Go to the Family Service Center. You and your husband can get FREE counseling there! Also, in the family service center, they have other programs that can help you out. Shop at the exchange and shop at the commissary. The exchange is just like Walmart and it's all TAX FREE. Some Family Service Centers have a Coupon program that you can go in there and get a envelope full of coupons that you can use in the commissary on top of everything you purchase being tax free as well! So, see if they have a coupon program.

 

 

Then, go to Base Education. There are a lot of scholarships and grants exclusively for military spouses to use. You can get your education and have the military pay the majority of your tuition!

 

 

Most bases have employment offices, go there! Maybe you can get a job on the base working the commissary or even as a front desk administration at the hospital. And here's the good part to that. If your husband transfers, so does your job in most cases as a GS worker. You walk right into employment at the new duty station.

 

 

I mean, hell! Even gym memberships can be expensive. You got several gyms to use, FOR FREE!!!! No membership costs whatsoever! Every year, they have the tax center on base that does your taxes for free! No going to H&R Block or buying TurboTax.

 

 

Then go to MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) and see what fun stuff you and your husband can do together. Like, renting camping gear dirt cheap and go camping for the weekend. Sometimes they have free tickets for sporting events. Or cheap tickets to Broadway shows that are visiting the area. They even have cheap vacation packages that you can't get in the civilian sector. Like, going to Disney world on the stars and stripes package. Staying at the Shades of Green resort (which is considered a Deluxe resort by Disney) and exclusive only to military and retired veterans for like, 95 bucks a night.

 

 

There's a lot for you to look into.

[tobrieornottobrie]

That's so tough, I'm sorry that you are dealing with the stress of all of this. I definitely think that counseling would be a good first step for you and your husband, as a previous poster has mentioned. I hope that you guys are able to find a solution, blessings.

 

~ the brie's cheese knees ~