Please help! I have ruined my life and possibly someone else's!!!

[Arabella]

Please bear with me.

 

We are old enough to know better, but I think I am losing my mind! I can't believe I am so stupid!

 

I met a really nice French guy (Pierre) on the net in November. We chatted online every day & met for real in Dec, and again just 2 weeks ago. He's an artist, and quite talented with drawing and music.

 

He was planning on moving to a tiny isolated French island with his best friend of 12 years (Marie) when we met online in a matchmaking site. They had fallen in love with the island on vacation. Marie had just gotten out of a bad LTR, and he had just gotten out of a religious sect and they needed a break.

 

He asked me if I would go with him to this island, and I agreed. I thought it would be an adventure, and it sounded so romantic. He is the forst guy I have been interested in in the year since my bad breakup.

 

The only reason they were going is that they had made a promise to each other. They are little prospects for jobs on this island, but when I brought up how were going to find jobs, he told me not to worry because God would provide for us.

 

The only way I would have been able to stay there without getting deported was to marry, so we married in a civil ceremony when he was here in the US. I have felt horrible since that day 2 weeks ago. On my side, only the witnesses know, but he has told everyone, even strangers on the internet in chat rooms.

 

He's been on sabbatical for a year since he left the religious sect, and has spent all the time on the internet, in chat rooms. He seemed addicted to the chat rooms, and I was a bit annoyed at that. I also found out that he doesn't really have a career.

 

He doesn't drink or smoke & he was celibate, but he mentioned to me that Marie was a hard drinker, a smoker, and a stoner. She also sleeps around, and got into a bad love triangle when they were on vacation...They ended up having to leave the island early because of this.

 

She's also very loud, abrasive, liked to curse, belch and fart out loud. She likes shocking people. He said that he accepted her for who she was, and thought it was funny. I didn't think that was funny. I was worried about living with someone like this, in the middle of nowhere, but I kept it to myself.

 

Within a week on the net, he told me he loved me, which I know now is a red alert. He's never had a girlfriend before, and is a bit naive about relationships. I guess I am, too, as it has not been a year since I had gotten out of a LTR and I have never dated much.

 

OK. There are 2 other friends involved in this: X & Y. They were together for 15 years and just broke up. She supported him the whole time because he could not work. From the description, Y has a mental illness and needs medication to function. X fell in love with someone else and moved out.

 

Pierre & Marie thought of bringing Y to the island to recuperate, although he would not be able to work. Marie & Pierre agreed that it would be a bad idea for Y to come along. Then Marie slept with Y, which I thought was really bad idea. Marie claims she is in love with Y, but that she needs someone stronger emotionally. Pierre said she does things like that all the time.

 

The plans have been delayed by Marie, because she was not ready to go. I mentioned that she may have changed her mind, but he refused to believe that because I just learned that Marie is now with Y, but she still wants to leave for the island, just not yet. X knows all about it and is still best friends with Marie.

 

When he told Marie that he loved me, she got all upset and told him I was going be nice at first, then treat him badly, just like her ex did. He told her to back off, and that he didn't need her opinion.

 

My intuition is that Marie is actually in love with Pierre, consciously or unconsciously, and I told him yesterday. I also said that I feel like I am walking into a spider web and did not want to get in the middle of a love triangle.

 

I think she is acting out because she is not being true with how she feels.

 

Things have been going way too fast, and I have finally woken up, taken a look, and realized that I may have lost my mind. My gut feeling is that this is all wrong. He's never had a girlfriend, very sweet, but also too naive for me.

 

I almost quit my job and sold my furniture and car to do this!

 

As I think about it, I don't want my future in the hands of Marie or anyone else but myself. And I realize that I really do not know Pierre. He is thinking of coming to the US (if this island thing falls through), and all I see is a nightmare. He won't be able to find a job, because he doesn't really do anything.

 

I have also realized that he is the exact opposite of my ex (who was abusive to me & workaholic), and if I am thinking like this, I am not healed from my last relationship. I have made an appt with a therapist.

 

I am really depressed, can't sleep, can't eat, feel guilty, and know I need to tell Pierre, but I do not know how to.

 

Thank you in advance.

[Paulie]

remove yourself from Pierre, Marie, X, Y, and for the love of God, this whole Island scene!!!

 

What a mess!!!

 

Just leave, and you don't have to tell anybody. These people are a bunch of FREAKS!!!

 

Go to New York, or someplace where people go, not raging WEIRDOS like these people!

 

But while you're still there, you could probably make some money by selling hidden camera access over the internet. The one redeeming thing about this is that it does sound entertaining....unless you actually are involved in it.

 

Man!!!

[Fishbulb]

Please bear with me.

We are old enough to know better, but I think I am losing my mind! I can't believe I am so stupid!

 

I met a really nice French guy (Pierre) on the net in November. We chatted online every day & met for real in Dec, and again just 2 weeks ago. He's an artist, and quite talented with drawing and music. He was planning on moving to a tiny isolated French island with his best friend of 12 years (Marie) when we met online in a matchmaking site. They had fallen in love with the island on vacation. Marie had just gotten out of a bad LTR, and he had just gotten out of a religious sect and they needed a break. He asked me if I would go with him to this island, and I agreed. I thought it would be an adventure, and it sounded so romantic. He is the forst guy I have been interested in in the year since my bad breakup. The only reason they were going is that they had made a promise to each other. They are little prospects for jobs on this island, but when I brought up how were going to find jobs, he told me not to worry because God would provide for us. The only way I would have been able to stay there without getting deported was to marry, so we married in a civil ceremony when he was here in the US. I have felt horrible since that day 2 weeks ago. On my side, only the witnesses know, but he has told everyone, even strangers on the internet in chat rooms. He's been on sabbatical for a year since he left the religious sect, and has spent all the time on the internet, in chat rooms. He seemed addicted to the chat rooms, and I was a bit annoyed at that. I also found out that he doesn't really have a career. He doesn't drink or smoke & he was celibate, but he mentioned to me that Marie was a hard drinker, a smoker, and a stoner. She also sleeps around, and got into a bad love triangle when they were on vacation...They ended up having to leave the island early because of this. She's also very loud, abrasive, liked to curse, belch and fart out loud. She likes shocking people. He said that he accepted her for who she was, and thought it was funny. I didn't think that was funny. I was worried about living with someone like this, in the middle of nowhere, but I kept it to myself. Within a week on the net, he told me he loved me, which I know now is a red alert. He's never had a girlfriend before, and is a bit naive about relationships. I guess I am, too, as it has not been a year since I had gotten out of a LTR and I have never dated much. OK. There are 2 other friends involved in this: X & Y. They were together for 15 years and just broke up. She supported him the whole time because he could not work. From the description, Y has a mental illness and needs medication to function. X fell in love with someone else and moved out. Pierre & Marie thought of bringing Y to the island to recuperate, although he would not be able to work. Marie & Pierre agreed that it would be a bad idea for Y to come along. Then Marie slept with Y, which I thought was really bad idea. Marie claims she is in love with Y, but that she needs someone stronger emotionally. Pierre said she does things like that all the time. The plans have been delayed by Marie, because she was not ready to go. I mentioned that she may have changed her mind, but he refused to believe that because I just learned that Marie is now with Y, but she still wants to leave for the island, just not yet. X knows all about it and is still best friends with Marie. When he told Marie that he loved me, she got all upset and told him I was going be nice at first, then treat him badly, just like her ex did. He told her to back off, and that he didn't need her opinion. My intuition is that Marie is actually in love with Pierre, consciously or unconsciously, and I told him yesterday. I also said that I feel like I am walking into a spider web and did not want to get in the middle of a love triangle.

 

I think she is acting out because she is not being true with how she feels. Things have been going way too fast, and I have finally woken up, taken a look, and realized that I may have lost my mind. My gut feeling is that this is all wrong. He's never had a girlfriend, very sweet, but also too naive for me. I almost quit my job and sold my furniture and car to do this! As I think about it, I don't want my future in the hands of Marie or anyone else but myself. And I realize that I really do not know Pierre. He is thinking of coming to the US (if this island thing falls through), and all I see is a nightmare. He won't be able to find a job, because he doesn't really do anything. I have also realized that he is the exact opposite of my ex (who was abusive to me & workaholic), and if I am thinking like this, I am not healed from my last relationship. I have made an appt with a therapist. I am really depressed, can't sleep, can't eat, feel guilty, and know I need to tell Pierre, but I do not know how to. Thank you in advance.

Fishbulb here. Allllllright. At first, I admit that I was skeptical, but I don't doubt your sincerity OR your pain. I don't think you've ruined anyones' life, I think you saved your own just in time, though. The situation is far from resolved, I realize, but at least you're in relative emotional safety. A therapist is an excellent idea, as you have a LOT to sort out at the moment. Thank God you didn't sell all your stuff, indeed. It appears this person really has no boundaries, and Marie even less. And you need X and Y like a hole in the head, unless, of course, you're a writer, then there's a book in this, at least...not making light, just a possibility. I think it would be a mistake to encourage Pierre to come to the States, especially if you're going to put him up...this will just lead to more emotional confusion, considering he's never had a girlfriend before (the fact that you got married is something else. You may want to see a lawyer...), yeah, and he has no prospects, oh, he's definitely gonna sponge...let me think about this for a bit longer - this is alot to absorb. Fishbulb

[Laurynn]

So you met a guy on the Net, you've met him in person twice and the second time you met him you married him?...so that you could go to some island with him?

 

How could you marry someone you don't even know?....just so you could go to an island for an adventure (and not be deported?) You gotta admit, this whole things sounds like something out of the National Enquirer.

 

What kind of religious sect was this guy in, was it a cult or something? How old is he?

 

You realllllllly need to talk to an attorney and find out what you can do about getting this marriage annulled. Quickly, before the guy rushes off to the Island and you can't track him down.

 

I'm sorry, I just can't understand any of this. It sounds like the gong show.

 

Laurynn

[sparkle]

Dear Anabella,

 

FORGET PIERRE!!!!!!!!

 

Forget him. Forget Marie. Forget this crappy island situation. Get out of it as fast as you can! Cut off ALL contact with him whatsoever. Come back to Planet Earth...come back to a normal life. You are putting yourself in a crazy and pathetic situation. Talk to an attorney and find out about ending this marriage...then do it. And stop talking to him. Pierre can take care of himself. And so can you. You don't need him for anything!

 

This is wayyy too psycho for me to understand!